DBF's dad is headbutting with me on how to do dishes. So, how do you do them? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 32 Old 08-29-2012, 03:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I grew up doing dishes by running the hot water on low pressure, putting soap on sponge, scrub dishes, rinse, and put them on a holding area to dry. Now, I am being told by DBF's dad that that is not how to do them and the way to do it is to run the hot water until the sink fills up, put soap in water, scrub, rinse, and then dry. headscratch.gif Uhm... wouldn't that be wasting water? And that's gross. That's much like taking a bath... and washing in your own filth. I don't know... I asked DBF's sister about it and she does it the way I do it. She also thinks it's pretty gross and thinks DBF's dad is just being lazy. He is also a hoarder so taking cleaning tips from him goes through one ear and out the other, and I am OCD about my cleaning habits. Oh btw, I live with DBF's dad.  


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#2 of 32 Old 08-29-2012, 03:36 PM
 
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Depending how many dishes you had I'd think you'd use more water running it continuously than filling the sink.

This is how I do it, which is also how my parents do it.

Start filling sink, add detergent while water is still v shallow to get a good froth ( I know the froth is purely cosmetic but, what can I say, I've been suckered by the marketing hype). Start washing while the water is still running. Start wit the cleanest things first, usually glasses and cups, then crockery, cutlery, cooking utensils and saucepans, in that order. Change the water if it gets too dirty but most of the time you don't need to if you've scraped and rinsed everything properly first. Rinse in hot water in second sink if desired ( I often dont bother) and leave in rack to air dry.

So I guess I'm with your FIL on this one. Sorry.

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#3 of 32 Old 08-29-2012, 03:36 PM
 
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I grew up doing them like your DBF's dad (my mom still does them like this). I do them like you do though. Yeah gross water...
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#4 of 32 Old 08-29-2012, 06:39 PM
 
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i fill the sink, soak the dishes, then as i'm washing i kinda drain half of it and let it fill up by me rinsing the ones i washes already, then kinda do the next handful

 

yeah glasses first, greasy things last, and the filling and rinsing keeps the water from getting too nasty

 

but my thinking is soaking makes for less work and if i rinse them off why would it matter that they are in the water with food soaking? that is food you ate right? so how gross is it really? i dont throw sneakers in winky.gif


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#5 of 32 Old 08-29-2012, 09:19 PM
 
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I do a bit of both, but if there are a lot of dishes to wash by hand, I would much rather soak them in a dish pan. I get a bunch of them scrubbed and then turn the water on and rinse. Then turn it off, scrub some more and then water on for more rinsing. If I have just a couple of dishes, I use soap on the dishcloth and skip the soaking.

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#6 of 32 Old 08-29-2012, 09:40 PM
 
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Here's how you do the dishes:

 

Remove dirt and guck in some process, possibly involving water, soap, and some kind of scrubby thing. All variations on the above formula must be left to the discretion of the dishes-doer.

 

Honestly, I never get why people argue about methods for washing the dishes! It's the most pointless argument ever. My mother had a rule in her house: whoever's doing the dishes gets to decide how they do them. It's a great rule and I suggest you tell your father-in-law that.

 

Anyone who talks to me about how I do the dishes is met with this response: "Wow! That sounds like a great way to do the dishes! Why didn't I think of that? Can you show me your method in more detail? I'm just going to grab a drink real quick and come back and watch you..."

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#7 of 32 Old 08-29-2012, 09:41 PM
 
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honestly, the operative part of the question is how do YOU do dishes. in other words, YOU do the dishes, do them YOUR way. 

he does the dishes, let him do them HIS way.

there is no right or wrong, only a monotonous chore.

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#8 of 32 Old 08-29-2012, 11:01 PM
 
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i have a soapy side and a clean side.  wash dishes, put in clean water then put in dish drainer
 


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#9 of 32 Old 08-30-2012, 05:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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LOL! Okay, I was only wondering if there was actually a "Right" way to do them. I know...it is a pointless argument. But he kept yelling at me that I was doing it completely wrong and I got flustered. irked.gif Weird thing is I sometimes do the dishes right in front of him (and I lived here for almost 3 years) and my method never bothered him. So, why pick this argument now? lol. Maybe he just had a bad day or something...

 

But yes, if there are things that are particularly crusty or super greasy, I do leave them in a bath of soapy, hot water. I give it a little bit of time and then start scrubbing. Other than that, it's wash, rinse, place in holding area, and repeat.


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#10 of 32 Old 08-30-2012, 05:55 AM
 
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I wash dishes like you. I dont want gross food and grease all over dishes that are barely dirty- it just makes them harder to clean. If I have something that needs to be soaked, Ill plug the drain and while Im running the water and doing the dishes I let the sink fill up over the stuff that needs soaking.


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#11 of 32 Old 08-30-2012, 06:24 AM
 
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Sorry he was a jerk about it. That's just mean. You're doing the chores, for pete's sake—he should just let you do them! For what it's worth, I do them like you. But I am OCD about it, too (literally--I actually have OCD) and sometimes I do wonder if it wastes water. But I don't like the idea of them all soaking together, although I do see the above poster's point that it's not the dirtiest dirt on the planet, lol! If anything has stuck-on food, I leave it to soak before hand. Haha, I guess this is kind of a silly debate, but I spend a lot of my life thinking about washing dishes, so I thought I'd throw in my two cents!


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#12 of 32 Old 08-30-2012, 07:15 AM
 
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If there are only a few dishes to wash by hand I would use your method.

 

If there are a bunch of dishes to wash by hand then I would fill the sink or a dish pan with hot soapy water and wash glasses first and cooking pans last. I would change the water if it looked dirty or got colder. Then the dishes would get rinsed in a sink full of clean hot water. I always felt that the dishes sitting in really hot water for several minutes might be better than a quick rinse under the faucet.

 

If someone else washes dishes in my house but they don't do it my way I may wince internally but I don't say anything. I don't think one method is lazier or grosser than the other and I wouldn't care that much as long as they get done and look clean. People who complain should do the job themselves.


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#13 of 32 Old 08-30-2012, 07:49 AM
 
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I agree that the washer gets to decide how to do the washing and if the dishes are clean at the end, that's what counts. I guess the only "right"/"wrong" part of it is whether one method uses less water than the other. 

 

 

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Start filling sink, add detergent while water is still v shallow to get a good froth ( I know the froth is purely cosmetic but, what can I say, I've been suckered by the marketing hype). Start washing while the water is still running. Start wit the cleanest things first, usually glasses and cups, then crockery, cutlery, cooking utensils and saucepans, in that order. Change the water if it gets too dirty but most of the time you don't need to if you've scraped and rinsed everything properly first. Rinse in hot water in second sink if desired ( I often dont bother) and leave in rack to air dry.

 

This is pretty much what I do, EXCEPT I don't rinse in a second sink. I think it's cleaner to rinse under the running tap as the first sink fills up. I can usually wash dishes from a dinner for 4 by starting with just soap and bit of water in the sink and letting the tap run as it fills up. Each item is rinsed under the running water and then placed on the counter to dry. If the sink gets too full, I'll drain it a little, but that only happens if we use plates/bowls and pans for multiple courses. 

 

We have a small sink and I feel pretty good about the amount of water we use for dishes. 

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#14 of 32 Old 08-30-2012, 08:09 AM
 
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I've seen dishes that really were washed the wrong way.  They were gross.

 

As long as the dirt is coming off, the dishes are getting rinsed, and they're drying in a way that doesn't put dirt back on (NOT with the comunal handtowel), I'd say they're being done right, even if one way is a little more wasteful than another. 

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#15 of 32 Old 08-30-2012, 08:29 AM
 
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I've seen dishes that really were washed the wrong way.  They were gross.

 

As long as the dirt is coming off, the dishes are getting rinsed, and they're drying in a way that doesn't put dirt back on (NOT with the comunal handtowel), I'd say they're being done right, even if one way is a little more wasteful than another. 

 

I'd say this is regional. If you live with water restrictions and high-priced water usage fees, wasting water starts to matter a lot more. 

 

I agree about the communal hand towel! I change my dishtowels out every day or so....

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#16 of 32 Old 08-30-2012, 08:37 AM
 
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I've seen dishes that really were washed the wrong way.  They were gross.

 

My dad fills the sink, lets the dishes soak, and then just takes them out and puts them in the dishrack. No scrubbing, wiping, or rinsing. They are still visibly dirty and usually have food still stuck on them. Ew. My mom sneaks in after he's done and puts them in the dishwasher. They have a really good dishwasher and don't even need to wash much by hand! Lol. 


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#17 of 32 Old 08-30-2012, 08:45 AM
 
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I'd say this is regional. If you live with water restrictions and high-priced water usage fees, wasting water starts to matter a lot more. 

 

I agree about the communal hand towel! I change my dishtowels out every day or so....

 

True about the regional water availability issue.  I used to work in labs where the glassware had to be clean enough for culture work, so after they were cleaned, they had to be rinsed enough times to get ALL the detergent resudue off.  Talk about using a lot of water!  On the other end of the spectrum, I have relatives who do a huge pile of dishes in one sink of water, without scraping the dishes first, then they don't rinse, then the dish towel used for drying rarely ever gets washed, and doubles as the communal hand towel.  After dealing with both ends of the spectrum, all the methods described by PP's seem pretty moderate. (eta: except the description of annaknitsspock's father's method)

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#18 of 32 Old 08-30-2012, 08:53 AM
 
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I agree that your boyfriend's dad should not be harrassing you about how you are doing the dishes!  Sorry you have to deal with that.  :(

 

As for how I do them -

I have three dish tubs.  One is the "bussing pan" - so we bus the table into the pan and scrape dishes into the garbage.  Then it goes over by the sink where I have two smaller dish tubs, one filled to the necessary height (a little for a little, a lot for a lot) with hot water and soap for washing and one with vinegar water for rinsing.  They don't both fit in my sink at the same time, so one can sit on the counter next to the dish rack.  I use a cup brush and a dish brush to scrub everything in the hot soapy water, then put it in the vinegar rinse water to rest.  Then I take it out and put them in the dish racks.  When the vinegar water starts to look soapy near the end of a big load, I will change it (edit) into the soap water by adding soap and dump out the other water and refill it with clean rinse water.    I do try to do a load after every meal, because my sink is small and my kitchen is small.   It's the only way to keep up!  Anyhow, the dishes always come out nice and sparkly clean... I think it is the vinegar in the rinse water.   And there is something about doing the wash in still water that is very peaceful.

 

The only time I use hot running water is on dishes that have held raw meat or raw eggs.  I hold those separate and do them last.

 

My boyfriend does the dishes like you do, only he runs the water on full blast.  He has commented that I can do about twice the volume of dishes in half the time it takes him, but he likes doing it his way, and I'm not gonna complain about it.  I usually just leave the kitchen when he is doing it because I can't watch, lol.  (It's the full blast of water... if it was a slow trickle, I wouldn't wince about it at all.)

 

*ETA- Regarding water usage....my mom taught me to do dishes this way.  She grew up without running water for a good portion of her childhood (like, "I used to take my brothers to the village pump to give them a bath").  I'm pretty sure this does use less water as long as you are judicious about changing the water and scraping the dishes.  And it definitely uses way less soap.  My mom was really adamant about this being the "right way" to do it and it used to drive me crazy when I was a kid.  I wanted to use running water because I thought it seemed cleaner.  Now that I am in charge of getting most of the dishes done most of the time, I find that I think her way really is the most efficient.

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#19 of 32 Old 08-30-2012, 12:53 PM
 
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 But he kept yelling at me that I was doing it completely wrong and I got flustered. irked.gif 

OMG that's so mean! I can't believe he yelled at you.

 

But I'm super excited for him to do it again, so you can act super interested in what he has to say. Act like his way of doing dishes is a complete revelation. Tell him he's brilliant, and that you'd love for him to show you how he does them. Then dry your hands and walk away from the dishes, pour yourself a glass of wine, and come back and make comments while he does the dishes.

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#20 of 32 Old 08-30-2012, 02:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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OMG that's so mean! I can't believe he yelled at you.

 

But I'm super excited for him to do it again, so you can act super interested in what he has to say. Act like his way of doing dishes is a complete revelation. Tell him he's brilliant, and that you'd love for him to show you how he does them. Then dry your hands and walk away from the dishes, pour yourself a glass of wine, and come back and make comments while he does the dishes.

LOL! I should so do that! I would laugh a little on the inside too. haha. tea6.gif But, yeah, he yells a lot so it is not an exaggeration, and he yells at the little things. DBF, DBF's niece (the 16y/o that lives with us), and I all think it is because he is a grumpy, old man.

 

Actually, when I first visited DBF's house and met his dad, I was scared of him. I never lived with anyone who yells as much as he does. BUT he does have a kind heart, sometimes, and loves his grandson a lot. 


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#21 of 32 Old 08-30-2012, 06:17 PM
 
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Our new neighbor was over for dinner one night, and after we ate I washed the dishes (we have a dish washer, but we wash them by hand by choice).  I do them like you do...she must do them like your DBFs dad b/c she told me I was wasting water by letting it run like that, I should just fill up the sink.  I just said "Uh huh..." and kept on doing what I was doing.  LOL  I also think it's gross to wash the dishes with the dirty water, but what do I know.  I also think that washing dishes with a sponge is nasty (we use a clean wash cloth every time we do a new load of dishes), but I'm not going to tell someone else not to use them.  When we go back to our home town, we stay with my MIL.  She uses a sponge to wash dishes, and while I do think it's gross, that's how she wants it done so I do it that way and I'm not about to tell her otherwise.  To each their own. 


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#22 of 32 Old 08-31-2012, 12:45 PM
 
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While I wouldn't say that there is a right or wrong way, I would say that it's up to whoever is paying for the hot water and dishsoap.  

 

I grew up with a well so water conservation is a pretty big deal for me.  My method varies slightly on whether I'm at a double sink or single sink.  Currently we have a single sink.  Anyway, I fill the sink about 1/4 full with hot soapy water.  I wash dishes in the order of glasses, cutlery, plates/bowls, serving dishes, cooking dishes.  Dishes are scraped into the garbage before washing.  Liquids are poured into the sink before filling with wash water, if I already have wash water in then I'll either dump the liquid in the bathroom sink or leave it till last.  After wiping each dish with a soapy cloth, I rinse it under hot water from the tap.  Sometimes I'll wash several items and rinse them in immediate succession so I don't have to keep turning the water on and off.  They then air dry in the drainer.  Last night I did a heaping drainer-full of them and the sink was about 1/3 full of water when I was finished.


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#23 of 32 Old 08-31-2012, 04:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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After wiping each dish with a soapy cloth, I rinse it under hot water from the tap.  

 

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 I also think that washing dishes with a sponge is nasty (we use a clean wash cloth every time we do a new load of dishes)

 

Hmm... That got me thinking of getting a dish cloth of some sort. DBF's dad bought me some "natural, environmentally green" sponges to support my "crunchiness". lol.  But I do think the dish clothes would be cleaner. 


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#24 of 32 Old 09-01-2012, 12:27 PM
 
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I think you can zap a sponge in the microwave once in a while to kill lingering mildew and germs. I don't use sponges so I've never done it. I prefer cloths. I find them easier to wipe, scrub, spread out over a larger surface, compress into a smaller surface, whatever I need to do for cleaning.... 

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#25 of 32 Old 09-01-2012, 01:56 PM
 
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Wow, I'm going to try using a washcloth! OP, I wash like you. The water runs the whole time. I conserve and am 'green' in every other area but it's worth it to me in the dishwashing case. Our water bill is under $100 a year and I'm okay with that. Soap is cheap and lasts a long time. btw, we don't have a dishwasher.


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#26 of 32 Old 09-02-2012, 06:36 PM
 
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we scrape off food and rinse dishes first. fill up sink with hot soapy water. (i can't stand wasting water!!) let silverware soak while i wash the dishes, then the dishes get rinsed off in the clean side of the sink. (the thought of soaking and not rinsing dishes after grosses me out!) we use a washcloth and i have a zillion of them and a new one is used daily.

the dish towels are to be used for drying CLEAN hands and dishes ONLY. not to wipe food on, or greasy hands.


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#27 of 32 Old 09-02-2012, 07:39 PM
 
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The " fill the sink" method was just passed down from before running water is all. It's not right or wrong. It's like an inherited habit. =D My grandparents did that. My mom taught me that was the "right" way but just ran the water when she did them. lol I actually stack them a specific way first to allow them to soak without actually wasting so much water as to fill the sink. I run the hot water while I stack large plates then small plates then large bowls then small bowls then silverware inside then fill glasses and place them in the sink to soak. I come back later and everything has soaked and loosened up just like if I left it in a sink full of water (but using like 1/10th the water). Then I run the water while I rinse each item off and place it in the dish dryer (ok, dishwasher. I use it like a giant drying rack). Sometimes something needs a little scrubbing, but the entire process from dirty to clean uses far less water than it takes to fill the sink even once. It also takes almost no effort on my part, which is my favorite kind of conservation. =D Pots and pans I try to wipe out and rinse off immediately after cooking so I don't have to wash crusty stuff. Sometimes, I'll need to leave a little soapy water in the bottom of a pot if I overcook something, but a quarter of an inch will soak it as well as a full pot. 


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#28 of 32 Old 09-03-2012, 06:33 PM
 
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I rinse in running water. My husband and his family does it the rinse in standing water method. Now that my food allergies are so severe, I *must* use the running watwr method to get off *all* foreign matter.
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#29 of 32 Old 09-03-2012, 06:41 PM
 
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Because we do not have a double sink, and our sink is very shallow I have had to modify the way I do dishes :/

 

I first rinse off anything with visible food residue then turn off the sink. I wash only the top of the first dish, then fully wash the rest of the dishes (top and bottom), then the bowls, cups and lastly silverware. As I'm washing these I stack them on the counter until I'm finished and then rinse everything piece-by-piece and put them on the drying rack (washing the bottom of the first dish before I rinse it of course!). Our water bill is already so high (I don't know why!!) I don't want to leave the water running while I'm washing everything.


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#30 of 32 Old 09-04-2012, 06:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AmandaT View Post

Because we do not have a double sink, and our sink is very shallow I have had to modify the way I do dishes :/

 

 

My dream kitchen has a single big farmhouse-style sink and possibly a separate small sink for rinsing veggies etc. on the work island. Shallow doesn't sound good, but I'd give up my double sink, with the 2 ridiculously small sinks that won't accommodate a roast pan, in an instant. 

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