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#1 of 128 Old 06-17-2008, 01:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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When you go to visit someone, what level of mess are you comfortable seeing? What would cause you to think, "Okay, that's too dirty." What bothers you? What doesn't at all?

I'm assuming that no one goes to visit anyone with the intent to judge, it's not about that... but when you see a home, what causes you to feel that it's past "Comfortably Untidy?" Dishes in the sink? Dirty bathroom? Weird smell? Mantelpiece doesn't pass the white-glove dust test?

I'm asking because my house is chronically messy!!

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#2 of 128 Old 06-17-2008, 02:56 PM
 
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The things that bother me most are strong smells (litterbox, urine, cover-up sprays), unidentifiable globs (old foodstuff), piles of hair and dust behind bathroom doors, and dirty toilets.

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#3 of 128 Old 06-17-2008, 02:58 PM
 
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i think the only time i've ever been grossed out at someone else's house was when the bathroom reeked of urine. i guess it takes a lot to gross me out!! lol.
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#4 of 128 Old 06-17-2008, 02:58 PM
 
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ps. my house is chronically messy too!
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#5 of 128 Old 06-17-2008, 03:50 PM
 
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I don't like dirty:

strong, unpleasant odors (urine, cigarettes, pets, garbage)
visible catbox
stained carpet
filthy blinds
dirty toilets
floors that need vacuuming and mopping
dirty dishes
messy kitchen, period.
messy bathroom, period.

I don't mind a mess:

a pile of clean clothes that need to be folded
toys spread out because they're being used
unmade beds

Will I judge? Nope. Will I be uncomfortable? Most definitely.

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#6 of 128 Old 06-17-2008, 04:06 PM
 
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Smell is what does it for me. I've been in houses that look neat and have a godawful funk, and I've been in messy houses that don't smell bad at all. I can tolerate anything but funk.

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#7 of 128 Old 06-17-2008, 04:28 PM
 
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Stink is bad.
Mysterious goop is bad.
Not being able to sit down is bad.
Not being able to move to the places I need to use, place to sit down, bathroom, is bad.
Save the "if it's yellow" policy on flushing toilets for your immediate family. (As I save it for mine.)
If there are fruit flies in the kitchen, I expect there to also be little bowls of soapy apple juice. If you seem resigned to the bugs, that's a sign that I'm lucky I'm not seeing worse.
Darkness is bad. If I can't see the clutter, I'm going to be scared of the clutter. Doesn't need to be full of sunshine, but things should be easily visible.
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#8 of 128 Old 06-17-2008, 04:32 PM
 
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Unvacuumed bothers me. Not just a few crumbs, but gross stuff everywhere.

Dirty plates and bowls in the living room.

Cat smell.

Old sippies.

That's about it.

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#9 of 128 Old 06-17-2008, 04:34 PM
 
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This is a really good question-- I just realized last week when cleaning up for my guests, I'm uncomfortable when things are too clean! It makes me feel anxious. I don't have that internal barometer to know what's normal.

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#10 of 128 Old 06-17-2008, 04:42 PM
 
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For me, it's got to be the smells and animal hair. I have cats so I know about how quickly cat hair gets on things.

Smells I think are just the worst though. Urine or poo smells, animals smells, etc.
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#11 of 128 Old 06-17-2008, 04:54 PM
 
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Smells, animal hair, visibly dirty toilet. Dishes/clutter make me feel right at home though
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#12 of 128 Old 06-17-2008, 07:48 PM
 
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Definitely smells.

Dirty bathrooms. I'm grossed out when I can see a visible ring in the toilet bowl. Also, I hate dirty bathroom sinks. Some water splatters are fine, but when the faucet is no longer shiny because it's covered with hard water stains and dried on soap and gunk, then I'm grossed out.

Large amounts of dirt (hair, dust in lots of big clumps) bothers me.

I don't mind a few not-too-dirty dishes in the sink, but I don't want to see the remains of last night's dinner stuck to a pile of dishes that's overflowing the sink.

I guess I grew up with the idea that you do a little cleaning up for company, and to me the bare minimum is to clean the bathroom (toilet, sink, and get the majority of the hair off the floor), make the kitchen presentable, and make the living room comfortable (maybe a quick vacuum if needed, clearing out some of the clutter). If a person can't be bothered to give their toilet a quick scrub when it's visibly dirty, then I feel uncomfortable - like either I'm not really wanted or just eww, the house is dirty.
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#13 of 128 Old 06-17-2008, 09:46 PM
 
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#14 of 128 Old 06-17-2008, 10:54 PM
 
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It depends on if the visit is planned out ahead of time. If you know I'm coming and have known for more than a day, I'd expect no smells, and no visible old fast food stuff, or filthy dishes, or filthy toilets. I have no problem at all with clutter, like paper, clothes, toys, books etc. if I can still sit somewhere. If I drop by unexpected or you had short notice, I wouldn't mind dishes etc. in the sink. Dust doesn't bother me, and neither do un-vacuumed floors.

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#15 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 02:09 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rainyday View Post
Definitely smells.

Dirty bathrooms. I'm grossed out when I can see a visible ring in the toilet bowl. Also, I hate dirty bathroom sinks. Some water splatters are fine, but when the faucet is no longer shiny because it's covered with hard water stains and dried on soap and gunk, then I'm grossed out.

Large amounts of dirt (hair, dust in lots of big clumps) bothers me.

I don't mind a few not-too-dirty dishes in the sink, but I don't want to see the remains of last night's dinner stuck to a pile of dishes that's overflowing the sink.

I guess I grew up with the idea that you do a little cleaning up for company, and to me the bare minimum is to clean the bathroom (toilet, sink, and get the majority of the hair off the floor), make the kitchen presentable, and make the living room comfortable (maybe a quick vacuum if needed, clearing out some of the clutter). If a person can't be bothered to give their toilet a quick scrub when it's visibly dirty, then I feel uncomfortable - like either I'm not really wanted or just eww, the house is dirty.
Just have to say that my toilet is visibly dirty after I scrub it twice.

In other people's houses I notice bad smells and dirty dishes that aren't in the kitchen.
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#16 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 02:39 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Liliana View Post
Just have to say that my toilet is visibly dirty after I scrub it twice.
Try a pumice stone, they work great for hard water.

Oh, and I forgot pet hair - blech.

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#17 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 10:29 AM
 
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The three things that get me are smell,sink crud, and way past their prime sponges. If I see sink crud at your house I will clean it up. If you only have an icky sponge to clean it up with I will be back with a fresh one and some cleaning supplies.

General mess, laundry, dust bunnies, project clutter, heck even mud in the foyer don't bother me but sink crud.
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#18 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 11:39 AM
 
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I agree with all these except the stained carpet. You can't go and rip out your carpet the moment the kids spills grape juice on it. You can clean it the best you can and keep it vaccumed, but it's not reasonable to consider a house "too messy" because the carpet is stained--especially when there are young children running about.

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#19 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 12:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by DanelleB View Post
I agree with all these except the stained carpet. You can't go and rip out your carpet the moment the kids spills grape juice on it. You can clean it the best you can and keep it vaccumed, but it's not reasonable to consider a house "too messy" because the carpet is stained--especially when there are young children running about.
:
Although I suspect what was meant was carpet that's obviously stained from not picking up pet accidents quickly enough. For those, I'd want reassurance that they're very very old and from when the pet was younger. If they're truly gruesome, like you see them every day and they bother *you*, area rug.
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#20 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 12:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Liliana View Post
Just have to say that my toilet is visibly dirty after I scrub it twice.
We have some old stained toilets. That doesn't phase me. It's things like urine drops, dust, and hairs.

Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
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#21 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 12:51 PM
 
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Messy/cluttered/clean laundry in baskets is fine by me. Seeing mold, mildew, and yuck in bathrooms, fecal matter on the toilet, black stuff growing on kitchen sinks, carpets obviously not vacuumed in a month, black sticky stuff and grunge on floors, stinky dirty cat boxes that have obviously not been cleaned in a week, dirty dishes left out (dirty or clean in the sink is fine, I mean day old dirty dishes on the coffee table/end table) overflowing garbage, copious amounts of animal hair (I dont mean the normal amount seen in having dogs/cats, I mean when its obvious no vacuuming has taken place in weeks) dust you can write your name in with your finger, etc. crosses the line imo. Books/magazines or junk scattered around is fine by me. That just makes a place look lived in, not neglected.
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#22 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 12:52 PM
 
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OK, none of you are allowed to come to my house, EVER!!!

Not serious. But we do have pet hair on every conceivable surface, it would seem, and the dishes are almost never ALL done.

What bugs me at other places: garbage and ashtrays. I hate seeing bags of garbage left about. And people that smoke in the house.... just yuck.

Mara, mama to two boys born 05/2009 and 04/2011, after four miscarriages. 

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#23 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 01:04 PM
 
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I agree with bad smells, mold and goop on things.

I was going to say that I don't think I have been to a house that was messy enough for me to be uncomfortable but that's a lie. I remembered my MILs (who I adore BTW), her house was absolutely vile. The carpet was greasy and matted down from 10 years of never being vacuumed. Also everything was covered in a layer of greasy dust, there were decade old piles of junk everywhere and the bathroom had black mold all over it. Her landlord was going to paint and replace the carpets since it had been so long but it would've meant tidying so she didn't get it done.

She's moved now which means that it's OK for now but we are slowly building up to 10 years from now when it will be the same as the last place.

I wonder do your standards change depending on length and value of friendship?

I do find my standards slipping depending on how good a friend is. I'd have made sure that I spent a fair amount of time running around tidying if it was someone I didn't know that well. However once I feel confident in our friendship, I tend to clean less as I know they aren't concerned and are there to see us vs the state of my house. I've noticed they are the same and their houses seems to get messier the more I visit! LOL
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#24 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 01:28 PM
 
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I'll admit, I've been to a couple houses that skeeve me out. One in particular-the bathroom rugs are filthy, there is way too much clutter, and there's a layer of white on everything in the bathroom! Soap grime, hair (pet & human) a gazillion bottles of shampoo, etc. And always a sopping wet hand towel. *shudder* I am super picky though, and clean all the time. I realize this isn't the norm.

My inlaws house is organized & not cluttered, but the shelves/furniture is dusty. This doesn't bother me nearly as much, if at all. There are always clean towels!
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#25 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 01:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by SAHDS View Post
I don't like dirty:

strong, unpleasant odors (urine, cigarettes, pets, garbage)
visible catbox
stained carpet
filthy blinds
dirty toilets
floors that need vacuuming and mopping
dirty dishes
messy kitchen, period.
messy bathroom, period.

I don't mind a mess:

a pile of clean clothes that need to be folded
toys spread out because they're being used
unmade beds

Will I judge? Nope. Will I be uncomfortable? Most definitely.
:

I have friends whose home is very neat and organized but it is beyond filthy. I used to be their nanny so I know they NEVER clean. I ised to do most things and when they went away or when the kids were in school I would clean like crazy. I quit 4 years ago. The house has not been cleaned since then. They do not own a vacum and they have plebty of carpets. Alll of their whote socks are black on the bottom. It is quite gross and the kicker is she is a Nurse in the OR!!!

:CLC,Doula :Mama to 2
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#26 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 01:53 PM
 
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I totally don't mind things like general clutter, and pet hair doesn't bother me either unless it's been piling up for weeks or months and is taking over the house. But I get wierded out by unpleasant smells, and filthy bathrooms, kitchens and floors. I clean a lot anyway (bit of a neat freak, with a dash of OCD thrown in for good measure) but I always at least vacuum/sweep, and clean the bathroom and kitchen before I have anyone over. Dh and I used to be friends with a couple who rarely cleaned and when they did it wasn't much, everytime we'd go over the floors would be so dirty it would turn your socks/feet black (they had a no shoes in the house rule-BUT they went outside barefoot, so they tracked everything all over the house anyway!) and I was always a little scared to sit on the toilet it was so dirty. That was awful, but that's really the only house I've been in that was too dirty.

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#27 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 01:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Tilia View Post
Unvacuumed bothers me. Not just a few crumbs, but gross stuff everywhere.

Dirty plates and bowls in the living room.

Cat smell.

Old sippies.

That's about it.
This is basically my list too - except add dirty bathroom and dirty kitchen counters.

Clutter doesn't bother me. A few unwashed dishes (in the sink) don't bother me. A pile of unfolded laundry doesn't bother me. Filth, dirt, and smells bother me.
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#28 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 02:07 PM
 
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Re: toilets. The seats should be clean--new seats can be put in for $5 and 10 minutes work if you've got a really persistent stain, especially something like mildew discoloration. The insides? As long as things aren't floating or chunky (ewww) discoloration is fine. And I do totally get kids not flushing everytime, or missing. In a house with children, I actually anticipate needing to do a bit of wiping or flushing before going.
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#29 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 02:10 PM
 
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Also, the longer I'm going to visit, the higher my standards. A lot of stuff that I won't care about during an chatty little visit will upset me during an overnight stay. Like, obviously, the state of the guest room.

And once I have a crawling LO, I'll probably be fussier about carpets too.
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#30 of 128 Old 06-18-2008, 03:29 PM
 
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Having a large family myself in a small home, I don't mind typical clutter (papers, some dishes, kids toys & socks laying around) but what grosses me out is:

-dirty bathroom (don't care if there's permanent stains... as long as it's clean & isn't sticky or smelly!)
-dirty kitchen (some dirty dishes soaking are fine, we have them, but dirty counters & gunk is gross)
-severely unvacuumed rugs
-sticky unmopped floors

Basically if the kitchen is not a health threat & the bathroom doesn't look like a public restroom, & I feel safe taking off my shoes, them I'm ok I can handle messy, just not gross!
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