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claddaghmom 12-22-2008 02:25 AM

I'll try to keep this clear and short:

DH's job currently covers all our expenses. We have enough leftover at the end of the month to put 10% in savings, tithe to our church and make more than the min. payments on our debt.

Recently, DH got a second p/t job b/c it is in the industry he wants to be in when he's finished w/ his master's. (Not for another 1.5yrs barring any "moments of life")

The money from that is enough to put extra payments against our debt, but not a great amount. (The position is closer to an hourly/intern job).

Anyways, DH and I are both enthusiastic about me being a SAHM. But recently, my mom mentioned I could go back to work and she would babysit for free. She pointed out that my work is less than a mile away from her house and she could time my breaks to breastfeed.

The money I would make from going back to work full time would cut our debt-payment-time in half. I would also get $3000 tuition reimbursement.

But I don't want to! I want to stay with my baby all day long. Then I think of the economy, the way people are losing jobs...and I calculate our costs for school and our debt and I feel guilty not going back to work. My position is a salaried supervisor; I cannot work fewer than 40hrs and the typical work week is 60hrs, w/ 11hr shifts being common. It's retail, so I could be called to open (5am) or asked to stay late (11PM+) With DH working two jobs, we would never see each other or our baby!


leximom 12-22-2008 02:39 AM

In your situation I would definitely stay home. I'm not one that thinks that being a sahm is the be-all end-all of parenting, but I feel if you have the opportunity and not be in a financially hard spot to not let it pass by. You won't be able to get these years back. Good luck in your decision!

3_opihi 12-22-2008 03:03 AM

I would probably choose to stay home, in that position. (and I work full time). I think it sounds like a great deal, with your mom, though - so maybe you could find a more flexible job, or step down from your position temporarily to work a more flexible position. We just had a new mama at work do something like this.

grniys 12-22-2008 03:12 AM

I would stay at home in your situation.

Especially because you say a typical week is 60 hours and 11 hour shifts aren't uncommon. Since your dh is so supportive and you can afford it, I would stay at home.

alegna 12-22-2008 03:12 AM

I could not leave an infant all day.


talk de jour 12-22-2008 03:17 AM

If I had to work 40hrs, period, I would stay home.

I could not deal with "all or nothing" with an infant.

*green*faery* 12-22-2008 04:20 AM

I would sah. Would you really feel ok being away from your baby 60+ hrs a week?

The offer from your mom is great. Maybe at some point you could find a job a couple days a week and just use that money torward debt? I would do that if I had family around who would baby sit, but still, probably not until my youngest was a year old or so.

eclipse 12-22-2008 04:35 AM

I would stay home. When my oldest two were younger, Dh and both owrked fulltime, in retail. He was in retail management and worked long hours (still does!) and I was an office manager/bookkeeper. I had to be in early to prepare the previous days receipts and set the store up to open and he was usually closing - my mom did free daycare for us when our shifts overlapped. It really was hell on our relationship - we were able to spend very, very little time as a family, pumping was freaking hard (and I do it again, but man it sucked - and I had a private office. Most retail people don't, even the managers), I felt like I was always running a 5 steps behind where UI needed to be, etc. We did it because we had to to pay the rent and put food on the table. I was devestated when I got laid off when DS was 3.5 and dd was 1, but we were in a better financial position than when ds was born and we were able to scrape by until dh got a higher paying job. Anyhow, is there anything you could do part time? if not for your old company, maybe something else? You wouldn't earn as much, but you'd probably be less stressed out.

ctdoula 12-22-2008 05:16 AM

I would stay home as long as I could, and if it became necessary to have more income, I would try to find something with less hours.

Lil'M 12-22-2008 08:46 AM

With the situation you've described, I would stay home. You want to SAH and with a young baby and no immediate financial need to be gone 40-60 hours/week, I think the emotional cost would be higher than the financial gain. Part time might make sense if it is something you really want to do.

mama_ani 12-22-2008 09:05 AM

I would stay home too. I couldn't be away from my baby that long unless I absolutely had to in order for us to survive!

elephantmargaret 12-22-2008 12:07 PM

SAH!!!!!!!!!! You will never get those early days back

anjelika 12-22-2008 01:46 PM

Definitely SAH!

Crunchy*VT*Mom 12-22-2008 02:59 PM

the typical work week is 60hrs, w/ 11hr shifts being common
That is too much work.

Your mother would be raising your baby.

She got her chance when she had you, now its your turn.

You should stay home and enjoy every minute of it.

You can go back to work and finish paying on that debt when your child is older.

ETA: We had a lot of debt when I decided to stay home and I found that we saved MORE money after I quit my job than we did when I was working. There are a lot of costs associated with working that disappear when you have more commute costs, no wardrobe to keep up, no lunches out, bringing home takeout when you are late from work, gifts for co-workers, snacks at your desk, child care costs (even if your mother cares for your child, you are going to find that you have to buy things since your baby basically now lives in two places. Double packs of wipes, toys, diapers, etc.) adds up.

Mom2Adam 12-22-2008 03:33 PM

Not sure if you frequent this forum frequently - but I wanted to add that I bet you will "find" more money than you think if you implement ideas from the posters on the Frugality forum! You might be able to put more towards the debt than you are anticipating now! So you could stay home, feel somewhat comfortable and put money towards debt. :

Best wishes to you in making a decison that works for your family!

kirstenb 12-22-2008 03:35 PM

With those hours I would SAH (and I WOH now) unless we absolutely could not afford for me to stay home. There is a big difference between 40 and 60 hours a week, and it sounds like you are doing okay staying at home. Since your mom is offering to watch your LO for free, is there some PT work you could do? Maybe a few hours a day or one day a week?

claddaghmom 12-22-2008 03:37 PM

Thanks guys. I guess I just needed to hear it, lol. I asked DH WWYD and he said he couldn't believe I would entertain the idea of working haha.

I think part of me feels a bit guilty that I will get to stay home w/ the baby, when we could technically start saving for a home and get out of debt faster, KWIM?

But, yes, the thought of leaving my baby for even an 1hr makes me very sad.

LisainCalifornia 12-22-2008 03:41 PM

Stay at home! Your mom is not you. It is your touch and care that your child needs, not grandma. My mom offered the same thing when my son was a baby (and we lived 2 hours from them!)---and it was what made me decide to commit to stay at home. I did not have my kids for my mom or anyone else to take care of. This was my chance to do something so important--and I wasn't going to pass it off to anyone one else. That was 14 years ago, and I am still going strong.

EFmom 12-22-2008 04:07 PM

I'd WOHM, but that's me. I'd go insane being a SAHM within two weeks.

Drummer's Wife 12-22-2008 04:12 PM

here's another vote to sah. I mean, that's amazing that your mom is offering free childcare and if you guys were struggling to make ends meet, I'd say take her up on it and work....

babies grow up so quickly, it's definitely time you cannot get back. AND, I've never heard of anyone say they regretted being a sahm. We had some hard times but it was always worth it for me to be the one taking care of the kids.

Lit Chick 12-22-2008 04:14 PM

I'd go back to work, but not at your old job. The hours you describe would make you miserable - you need to see both your DH and your child.
One day you might HAVE to go back to FT, but now is not that time.

Still, I am also a person who would go bonkers if I SAT (I live far away from everone/everything, and my maternity leave was quite enough of that). If you want to help out by bringing in a little money, then see if you can get a little PT job. But if you adore being a SAHM, then by all means do that.

zinemama 12-22-2008 04:22 PM

If your family were hurting for cash and unable to pay off debt, I'd say that with your mother's generous offer you should definitely go back to work. Free childcare is rare and I'm not one to say a mother should sah no matter what.

However, that's not the case. You are able covering your expenses plus being able to save. Your dh is getting experience in his field, which will give him a leg up on a better job when he graduates. You can afford to sah if you want to - and you do want to.

In your shoes, I would say "That's a really generous offer, Mom and I appreciate it so much. For now we've decided it's best for our family for me to sah. But if I ever re-visit working outside the home, it's so good to know that you'd be willing to help make it possible. If that day comes, I'll let you know."

Ola_ 12-22-2008 04:24 PM

Definitely not at those hours, I wouldn't go back. But I would look around for a similar job with part time hours.

BarefootScientist 12-22-2008 04:30 PM

Your financial situation sounds just fine with only your DH would have to work insane hours if you went back...and you WANT to stay home...

so definitely, 100%, STAY HOME! Lol.

But it does sound like you have an awesome babysitter situation if you ever do decide to go back (or get a less demanding job).

A&A 12-22-2008 04:31 PM

Have you seen this economy? I'd hold onto a job as long as possible.

(But I agree that those hours are insane. Perhaps work that job until you can find another one? Or, with you still working, perhaps your dh could quit his second job.)

Purple Sage 12-22-2008 04:41 PM

Another vote for stay home.

lolar2 12-22-2008 04:50 PM

I prefer WOH to SAH myself, but not with those hours. If you want to or feel you should WOH, I would look for a different job since you aren't desperate for one right away.

claddaghmom 12-22-2008 05:49 PM

Originally Posted by EFmom View Post
I'd WOHM, but that's me. I'd go insane being a SAHM within two weeks.
Oh I forgot to mention that I do WOH on eBay. The Christmas season was good. I did have a little blip when DD was born in November. . As I was in labor, I was cancelling 200 auctions that would have ended a day after she was born lol.

Anyways, I am expecting the next ebay season to be small beans in our family income. January to June is typically a slow season for me on eBay. (aka at my volume, less than $100-200 a week, gross).

I will also be in school F/T starting Jan 12th.

dearmama22 12-22-2008 06:07 PM

yep, I agree with everyone else- stay at home if you can!

SeekingJoy 12-22-2008 06:21 PM


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