IL's have offered to help us out on down payment - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 12:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
soccermama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,506
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
H told me this last night and I was really surprised. Mainly, because we already have two loans out from them - one was for credit card help but that will be paid off when we get our tax refund and the other loan was for H's car that he bought 3 years ago - that loan will be paid off in 2 years. And also, because they have lost 1/2 of their retirement savings in the crappy market.

Sooooo..with all of that said. How would you feel about this? WWYD? If we do take them up on their offer, it will give us the opportunity to put our house on the market sooner than we had anticipated, which is a huge plus in my book as we need a bigger house sooner rather than later.
soccermama is offline  
#2 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 01:09 PM
 
velochic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dreaming of the Bavarian Alps
Posts: 8,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
For me, personally, my rule of thumb for myself is that if I cannot save the money for a down payment (on anything), then it is not something I can afford to own. (In truth, other than a home, we don't buy anything we can't save and buy outright, but that's just us.) I would not do it unless you can save the money yourself.
velochic is offline  
#3 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 01:14 PM
 
PajamaMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: KC metro area
Posts: 3,519
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Did they offer you a gift, or another loan?
PajamaMama is offline  
#4 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 01:26 PM
 
Ola_'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 3,161
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Honestly, if they lost a lot of their retirement savings I wouldn't feel comfortable taking the money.
Ola_ is offline  
#5 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 01:27 PM
 
ani'smommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: co-housing
Posts: 3,285
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think I would do it either, unless I was really really desperate.
ani'smommy is offline  
#6 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 01:33 PM
 
choli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 4,433
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wouldn't take it. They've lost half of their retirement savings. You already owe them money that won't be paid back for two years. What will happen if you can't pay them back?

I'd stick with the smaller house for a few years until you can afford to buy a bigger one without needing help.
choli is offline  
#7 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 01:35 PM
 
Delicateflower's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,319
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If I were living in a place where rent was hugely more than mortgage and the down payment was the only problem, I would do it.

If I could easily afford to pay them back within a couple of years, but time of getting into our own house was the only issue then I would also do it.

If my parents were absolutely rolling in money I would do it.
Delicateflower is offline  
#8 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 01:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
soccermama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,506
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I understand what everyone is saying, but I don't think they would offer it if they didn't feel comfortable doing so - financially, that is. They both make really, really good money and are pretty frugal themselves - most of what they buy is resale and they decorate from things purchased at garage sales, etc., Therefore, they have the money to re-do their kitchen, or put in a nice ceramic floor in their entry way or go to Tahoe for vacation.

H and I were originally going to use our tax refund to put towards a down payment - put in to savings. But we both feel it would save us a bit more money if we paid off one of our loans with them.
soccermama is offline  
#9 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 01:39 PM
 
Think of Winter's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: By the Shore
Posts: 2,391
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wouldn't unless I knew it would present no hardship or risk to my parents.
Think of Winter is offline  
#10 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 01:48 PM
mtm
 
mtm's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 1,481
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm in the if you can't afford the down payment, needed a loan to cover your cc and car loan from them already then you really should not be buying a bigger house until you can afford it.
mtm is offline  
#11 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 01:49 PM
 
philomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,429
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
No, it seems like they have helped you enough.
philomom is offline  
#12 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 01:49 PM
 
Maluhia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: in Paradise with my Papaya!
Posts: 5,157
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtm View Post
I'm in the if you can't afford the down payment, needed a loan to cover your cc and car loan from them already then you really should not be buying a bigger house until you can afford it.
this.

Your User Agreement here at MDC, read it and make it your friend and read the FAQ to answer all the questions of the (MDC) world.
Maluhia is offline  
#13 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 01:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
soccermama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,506
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtm View Post
I'm in the if you can't afford the down payment, needed a loan to cover your cc and car loan from them already then you really should not be buying a bigger house until you can afford it.
CC loan will be paid off in two months and the car loan was cheaper interest to do it this way than going thru a dealership or another bank. And THEY offered the down payment, we didn't ask.
soccermama is offline  
#14 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 02:15 PM
 
velochic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dreaming of the Bavarian Alps
Posts: 8,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I want to reply, but I can't seem to figure out what to say that will be helpful while really expressing my feelings.

IMHO, it sounds like your parents have helped you enough. Time to cut the apron strings and stand on your own feet. Reevaluate needs and wants. My dh's best friend (they both left Turkey in 1975 to go to grad school) went to Germany and after finishing school, got married and started a family (5 kids)... they lived in an 800 square foot (75 square metre) flat, all 7 of them, for a decade. In the US, we often mistake our wants for needs. That's why we're in the situation that we are right now. People felt entitled and that entitlement led to our demise.

Life is different now. If your parents can enjoy a tiny bit of retirement, let them. They earned it. It won't last long with the way things are going. Save your money and if you can afford a down payment, go for it.
velochic is offline  
#15 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 02:30 PM
 
Denvergirlie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Foothills west of Denver
Posts: 2,070
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I understand they offered it but personally, my answer would be thank you, but no thank you.

You already owe them money, those are debts regardless if they are held by a corporation or the parents.

Do you have 3-6 month emergency fund? If that answer is also no, then my stance holds the same, but just became even more firm.
Denvergirlie is offline  
#16 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 02:43 PM
 
choli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Posts: 4,433
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Denvergirlie View Post
I understand they offered it but personally, my answer would be thank you, but no thank you.

You already owe them money, those are debts regardless if they are held by a corporation or the parents.

Do you have 3-6 month emergency fund? If that answer is also no, then my stance holds the same, but just became even more firm.
This. There are a lot of people who are in deep trouble because they took loans they could not afford to pay back because "the bank offered it". Same thing here. If you can't afford to save a downpayment, you can't afford the house. Yet. It doesn't mean you will never be able to afford the bigger house, just that you should wait until you can.

I think you agree deep down, otherwise you wouldn't have bothered to post about it.
choli is offline  
#17 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 03:11 PM
 
kirstenb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: San Diego County
Posts: 5,295
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would also say no, for all the reasons everyone already stated. I would also be afraid of a gift or loan like that coming with strings attached. Not saying your ILs would do that, but if I were in that situation the thought would cross my mind.

Kirsten, mama to Monkey since May 2007 and Bean born 11/7/09
kirstenb is offline  
#18 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 03:29 PM
 
notneb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 746
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mtm View Post
I'm in the if you can't afford the down payment, needed a loan to cover your cc and car loan from them already then you really should not be buying a bigger house until you can afford it.
This.

Check out the small house thread for ideas to make your house work well for you until you are in a good financial position to buy a larger home.
notneb is offline  
#19 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 03:30 PM
 
p1gg1e's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Ohio
Posts: 2,303
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Nope! Sounds like your vary close to being out of debt on your own.

How big is your house now? Maybe working on the house your in now would help you feel you could stay longer?
p1gg1e is offline  
#20 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 03:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
soccermama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,506
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by p1gg1e View Post
Nope! Sounds like your vary close to being out of debt on your own.

How big is your house now? Maybe working on the house your in now would help you feel you could stay longer?

I really wish that were the case. We cannot add on to our house. We live in the city and the distance between our house and the next is about two to three feet.

The reasons to move not only fall under needing a larger sized house, but also the fact that DS will be in kindergarten before we know and would like to move to the burbs, to be a better school district (city public schools where we live are awful), and establish ourselves in a neighborhood/community.

We're at our limit on things that we can do to the house. We would build up, but that would mean saving money to do that and then we circle back to the whole school district issue. It's a 2 bed/1 bath - around 1,100 square feet with a basement and tucked in garage.
soccermama is offline  
#21 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 04:09 PM
 
velochic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dreaming of the Bavarian Alps
Posts: 8,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by soccermama View Post
I really wish that were the case. We cannot add on to our house. We live in the city and the distance between our house and the next is about two to three feet.

The reasons to move not only fall under needing a larger sized house, but also the fact that DS will be in kindergarten before we know and would like to move to the burbs, to be a better school district (city public schools where we live are awful), and establish ourselves in a neighborhood/community.

We're at our limit on things that we can do to the house. We would build up, but that would mean saving money to do that and then we circle back to the whole school district issue. It's a 2 bed/1 bath - around 1,100 square feet with a basement and tucked in garage.
So you have an 1100 sq. ft. house and you have one child?
velochic is offline  
#22 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 04:12 PM
 
claddaghmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 4,074
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Is there an implication that they will be living in this house later down the road? In other words, perhaps securing another form of retirement? (And this question is not asked in a bad way)

I could see my parents doing this. Especially if they lost a lot of retirement money. It's a community/family effort.


I wanted to add: to the PP who said they shouldn't buy the house b/c they can't afford the down payment...seeing as how they are selling to buy another house...it seems the issue is simply not having a chunk of cash on hand.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
claddaghmom is offline  
#23 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 04:14 PM
 
claddaghmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 4,074
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by soccermama View Post
It's a 2 bed/1 bath - around 1,100 square feet with a basement and tucked in garage.



That is what we are hoping to move into when we start our house buying next month.



And here I was thinking it would be a huge amount of house to care for lol.

Mama to expecting Babe 2
claddaghmom is offline  
#24 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 04:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
soccermama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,506
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
So you have an 1100 sq. ft. house and you have one child?
Yes, but we're wanting to add on to our family soon.

I'm confused, velochic. Why is the relevant? Would it make a difference if I were pg with our 2nd?
soccermama is offline  
#25 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 04:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
soccermama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,506
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by claddaghmom View Post
Is there an implication that they will be living in this house later down the road? In other words, perhaps securing another form of retirement? (And this question is not asked in a bad way)

I could see my parents doing this. Especially if they lost a lot of retirement money. It's a community/family effort.


I wanted to add: to the PP who said they shouldn't buy the house b/c they can't afford the down payment...seeing as how they are selling to buy another house...it seems the issue is simply not having a chunk of cash on hand.
Nope, none at all. They aren't that way, I guess. When we bought the house that we live in now, they loaned us $4K to have in the bank for loan purposes. Once that was over, we gave them the $4K back. These are my IL's, mind you, not MY parents. But even if it were my parents, and they had the disposable income, then they would do the same for us. They don't plan to hoard all of their money. They want their children, grandchildren and themselves to enjoy it while they are still alive. That's just how they are!!
soccermama is offline  
#26 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 04:20 PM
 
D_McG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 3,122
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So you already own a home? Why can't you use the sale of that as a downpayment? Or are you upside down on the loan?

1100 sq feet is plenty of room. Just sounds like you can't afford to move.

DS (6.06), DD (10.08), DD (05.11).

D_McG is offline  
#27 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 04:25 PM
 
velochic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dreaming of the Bavarian Alps
Posts: 8,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by soccermama View Post
Yes, but we're wanting to add on to our family soon.

I'm confused, velochic. Why is the relevant? Would it make a difference if I were pg with our 2nd?
It's relevant because 1100 sq. ft. is quite spacious for a small family. I would understand if you were in a 400 sq. ft. house. My point is that you see a bigger house as a "need" and not a "want". And you are okay with your parents to do without so that you can fulfill that want. We are not that far from retirement. Well, dh is 53, but the point is that if your parents (in-laws) have spent all this time to get where they are and they've helped before... is this something that is more important than them enjoying what they have worked so many years for? What would you do without them? I would plan as if they didn't have anything to give.
velochic is offline  
#28 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 04:28 PM
 
shakashoe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 36
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Soccermama I'm sure you didn't come here to be piled on and that you were looking for support in this matter. We don't know you personally but still wish the best for all mamas. That is why most everyone is telling you this is a bad idea. What if the economy gets worse and your IL's lose even more money and then need the money that they gave you for a down payment back? What if you can't give it back and they begin to resent you? Heck I know how tempting it would be to be offered a way to get something I really, really want. Any way this is your decision.
shakashoe is offline  
#29 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 04:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
soccermama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,506
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by D_McG View Post
So you already own a home? Why can't you use the sale of that as a downpayment? Or are you upside down on the loan?

1100 sq feet is plenty of room. Just sounds like you can't afford to move.

With the market the way it is, we're not sure that we're going to get what we want for the house. It's a toss up.
soccermama is offline  
#30 of 157 Old 02-27-2009, 04:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
soccermama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,506
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by shakashoe View Post
Soccermama I'm sure you didn't come here to be piled on and that you were looking for support in this matter. We don't know you personally but still wish the best for all mamas. That is why most everyone is telling you this is a bad idea. What if the economy gets worse and your IL's lose even more money and then need the money that they gave you for a down payment back? What if you can't give it back and they begin to resent you? Heck I know how tempting it would be to be offered a way to get something I really, really want. Any way this is your decision.
Your right, I wasn't expecting this at all!! I understand where everyone is coming from, though, on taking this money as a loan from my IL's after the hurt that they've endured in the market, but who's to say that they don't have a reserve that we know NOTHING about??? I honestly, 100%, don't think they would offer this to us if they knew it was going to potentially, in the very, very slighest put them in danger in the long run. I really, really don't. And it's not about what I "want", it's what my family "needs" to grow in the future!
soccermama is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off