Mother's Day. Sigh. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 05-11-2009, 12:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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DH went over the top this year for Mother's Day. We have a tradition of doing a lot of planting Mother's Day weekend, and he let me go to the nursery and pick out a couple of perennials and has promised me a new planting bed and a mulch delivery: In addition, he got me a Pandora starter bracelet, which I feel completely guilty about...he got me one charm from ea. girl (3 total) that they helped pick out...but he also got a couple of spacers. I feel a little nauseous about this, because I know he spent too much. This was supposed to be a gift after the birth of our last dd in Sept, but we kept putting it off bcs our finances have been tight. But he's been working for two months now, we've paid off two of our ccs, and he really wanted to "spoil" me. I can't help but feel like it's too much. I appreciate the gesture, I do. But the gardening extravaganza was already a lot. And then the bracelet?? Am I taking it too far, feeling like this? That's money that could have gone to the next cc...

And a friend is visiting from CA. She visits quite often and I told her, "Please, NO GIFTS this time!!" She's made comments about how she's broke in the past, and she already spent a couple hundred bucks to fly out here. She brought me a lipgloss, which I love, but feel bad she's spending money on me. And then today she gave me a pair of Lulu Lemon exercise pants! Do you know how much those run?? I didn't want to accept them, I feel uncomfortable accepting them...but what could I have done?

And then the topping on the cake...Mother's Day means brunch. We spent the weekend with my mom and my brother that lives close by. For some reason, my dh had to make the reservations. The place that my brother told him to call was $40/head and $30/head for kids. : When dh hung up, I said, "I want to opt out of brunch. I'm not going. We can't afford it, especially after everything else..." So I called my brother and told him I was going to make mom breakfast at home, that DH had already given me a wonderful Mother's Day, and that we really couldn't afford to participate in brunch. Well, my brother made OTHER reservations at his private dinner club and insisted we join them. (believe me, we tried to get out of it)He ended up paying for 6 of us. It makes me feel BAD
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#2 of 18 Old 05-11-2009, 02:41 AM
 
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Sounds like you don't have a lot of experience enjoying money, really. It'll come. Just don't enjoy it too much, but don't feel guilty. You basic bills are paid right? The cc's can get paid soon right? Have fun once in a while!

Amy ~ Web Designing Single Mom to 4: DD14, DS12, DS5, DS3
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#3 of 18 Old 05-11-2009, 03:00 AM
 
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As someone experiencing the opposite today, I say enjoy it. With DH being out of work for three months and disability MAYBE kicking in next week (maybe maybe.. sigh), he couldn't even spring for a card this year (nope, we don't even have $2, lol - and he prefers to do a simple paper card over an e-card for Mother's Day, which I appreciate). But he said "Happy Mother's Day" to me today and I loved that.

Anyway, enjoy it. Be appreciative to those that showed you such love and live it up. You deserve it, I am sure. Try and not feel guilty, that's never what anyone intends usually.
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#4 of 18 Old 05-11-2009, 07:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you. I guess things have just been so tight that spending money feels irresponsible. And I've been proud of how responsible we've been these last several months. I think the brunch is what makes me feel the worst. My brother is always paying for us. I hate it. I couldn't even show off my bracelet bcs I felt guilty to have said we couldn't afford brunch
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#5 of 18 Old 05-11-2009, 08:13 AM
 
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Sorry it happened to you.

My mother's day was similar: my mother brought a gift for my grandma in my name and in my sister's name (without telling me). She didn't want me to pay, but I felt like I had to, so I did.

Then I call my sister and she asks me if I bought my mom a gift. I didn't. I ended up paying half the gift she bought my mom. (And I'm glad I did, because my mom gave me a gift ...)

I don't know, but I feel like mother's day shouldn't be about giving gifts. A nice card is enough, IMO.

Then we went to the restaurant with my 2 dd to meet the whole extended family (a sunday evening, too late, too long, before a day of school) and it was another expense I would have liked to avoid.

I hate that everyone feels like they have to spend to prove their love
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#6 of 18 Old 05-11-2009, 11:35 AM
 
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I hear ya. DP wanted me to meet him after work on Friday to pick out my mom's day gift. I had no idea what it was going to be, but was game for a surprise. But he took me to the local bike shop and wanted me to pick out a brand new bike! For like $400! I felt bad and I knew he would be upset if I said no, but it was still not justification to say yes. For one, the new baby can't be towed in the bike trailer yet, so I won't really be doing any riding till next year. Plus, do I really need one of those cutesy, old-fashioned looking bikes? I told him that I wasn't ready to pick one out and make that purchase and he was super bummed. I told him it was the thought that counts and how much I appreciated that he wanted to do this for me. What a sweetie!

So yes, it is great that people think of you, but the money part is kind of depressing! I would rather DP did stuff for me all day or had the kids make me a card or something like that.

                                       DS 7 ~ DS 3

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#7 of 18 Old 05-11-2009, 12:00 PM
 
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I asked for Mother's day to have my watch repaired. I also requested no flowers this year. We just buried my DH's niece a few weeks ago and the flowers sadly remind me of just that.

I also wanted to eat sushi on Saturday night since the place we love is closed on Sundays. So originally we were going to get take out sushi but then the preschool board I am president of (outgoing now) presented me with a gift certificate to the place. So we used the money for the take out on a baby sitter and went to have sushi as a date! Dh treated me like a queen the whole day, even shopped for the mother's day plants we got my mother and MIL. Then cooked for us and my ILs who I insisited come over because they need to get out of the house since my niece's funeral.

OTH,
my brother and SIL insisited we come to their house for Mother's Day. They have an inflated mcmansion and were having my SILs politically opposite parents over as well as our whole family into their huge huge house that is just getting huger and echoes driving me and my mother batty. Plus my kids just disapear when we get there into on of the many places to do things in that house and I wanted to see MY kids!
Not the way I wanted to spend my special day. So we politely declined and thanked them for thinking of us! My parents stopped by earlier in the day before going there and my Dad was less than enthused by going over there LOL.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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#8 of 18 Old 05-11-2009, 02:38 PM
 
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Im sorry so many didnt enjoy Mothers day. I know times are tight and spending $ is hard...

But DH and I just had a normal day... but DH made breakfast... French toast all around.... then the kids played outside for awhile.... everyone got dressed and we went to fudruckers for lunch (quirky burger joint)... we went cuz the kids love it.... It was so sweet, I went to sit down with Gracie and Jennifer and DH stood in line with the other 6 kids, DH orders 6 kids meals and 2 adult plates and gets it RIGHT....WTG DH... He remebers who wants hotdogs, grilled cheese, burgers etc... I LOVE DH...

Then we come home and DH sets up the kids inflateable waterslide and we spend the afternoon taking naps and swimming... Oh I love my DH....
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#9 of 18 Old 05-11-2009, 02:49 PM
 
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Relax, mama. Enjoy your gifts!
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#10 of 18 Old 05-11-2009, 04:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by cristina47454 View Post
DH went over the top this year for Mother's Day. We have a tradition of doing a lot of planting Mother's Day weekend, and he let me go to the nursery and pick out a couple of perennials and has promised me a new planting bed and a mulch delivery: In addition, he got me a Pandora starter bracelet, which I feel completely guilty about...he got me one charm from ea. girl (3 total) that they helped pick out...but he also got a couple of spacers. I feel a little nauseous about this, because I know he spent too much. This was supposed to be a gift after the birth of our last dd in Sept, but we kept putting it off bcs our finances have been tight. But he's been working for two months now, we've paid off two of our ccs, and he really wanted to "spoil" me. I can't help but feel like it's too much. I appreciate the gesture, I do. But the gardening extravaganza was already a lot. And then the bracelet?? Am I taking it too far, feeling like this? That's money that could have gone to the next cc...

And a friend is visiting from CA. She visits quite often and I told her, "Please, NO GIFTS this time!!" She's made comments about how she's broke in the past, and she already spent a couple hundred bucks to fly out here. She brought me a lipgloss, which I love, but feel bad she's spending money on me. And then today she gave me a pair of Lulu Lemon exercise pants! Do you know how much those run?? I didn't want to accept them, I feel uncomfortable accepting them...but what could I have done?

And then the topping on the cake...Mother's Day means brunch. We spent the weekend with my mom and my brother that lives close by. For some reason, my dh had to make the reservations. The place that my brother told him to call was $40/head and $30/head for kids. : When dh hung up, I said, "I want to opt out of brunch. I'm not going. We can't afford it, especially after everything else..." So I called my brother and told him I was going to make mom breakfast at home, that DH had already given me a wonderful Mother's Day, and that we really couldn't afford to participate in brunch. Well, my brother made OTHER reservations at his private dinner club and insisted we join them. (believe me, we tried to get out of it)He ended up paying for 6 of us. It makes me feel BAD
I think you had a great day! Dont feel bad, it sounds like you needed to be treated like a queen and deserve it too! Happy Mother's Day!

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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#11 of 18 Old 05-11-2009, 04:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lemongrass View Post
Relax, mama. Enjoy your gifts!
I agree. FWIW, my H did a combo gift this year. Our anniversary was a little over a week ago, so he tied those two gifts together (new coffee table and end table for the living room) - which was fine by me 'cause I know how much he spent but he also got me a really nice hibiscus plant for outside! My little guy made me a flower at school and got me a really cute card.

It's nice to be spoiled every once in a while even when you feel like you don't deserve or really can afford it.
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#12 of 18 Old 05-11-2009, 06:00 PM
 
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ITA w/ others. Be happy you have a great family and friends who want to celebrate with you. Relax, enjoy your gifts, and send out REALLY nice thank-you notes to show your appreciation. I always find that sending a note takes away some of the guilt when I feel people have spent or done too much for me. At least it makes me feel like I've made sure they know that I know and appreciate what they've done.
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#13 of 18 Old 05-11-2009, 06:17 PM
 
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Enjoy your gifts mama. You have nothing to be guilty about. You were given beautiful things without asking for them, so just be thankful and grateful.
I hope you had a wonderful day...

Summer: crafty mama to 2 little girls and wife to Bob
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#14 of 18 Old 05-11-2009, 08:52 PM
 
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Enjoy your gifts!

My Mother's Day weekend started out great - we had the ceiling installed in our bedroom so no more sleeping in the living room! Sadly, after five months of sleeping on a sofa bed, when I slept on a good, firm mattress my back went out. So, I've been in excruciating pain for three days. Sunday morning my dh, 18yodd, and 17yods had to work a homeschool fundraiser that they'd already committed to. My 12 yos took care of me and the two littles ALL day. Thank God for him!

Thanks for letting me whine ...
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#15 of 18 Old 05-13-2009, 03:19 AM
 
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I went out for breakfast. It was nice,but my dh didn't have to make reservations somewhere. It was a nice thought. Then I watched movies in my room all day long and all by myself. It was the perfect mother's day.
Bliss......
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#16 of 18 Old 05-13-2009, 08:30 PM
 
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I'm so there with you. DH bought me flowers once when we were engaged-- I spied the bill months later, and I told him to never do anything like that again.

I'm mostly upfront about what I want for gifts, ect with my close family. With the rest, there is nothing you can do.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#17 of 18 Old 05-13-2009, 10:18 PM
 
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I did that to my mother this year I made her happy but feel uneasy. I never ever buy her anything expensive and this year I did. I bought her pearl earrings (NO FLAMES PLEASE!!) she has wanted real pearl earrings forever she would buy cheap fake ones that looked fake and I said I will use all my money and get them for her she loves them wears them everyday proudly says my daughter bought them for me. But the first thing she said is why did you buy me something so expensive?? I just said because i love you and never been able to buy you something nice!

It took her about a day to really not feel bad. I think once you go frugal it is hard to look back

enjoy your bracelet mama you deserve it just like my mama does

Glenn bouncy.gif 11*09 Joe 4*04 peace.gif Me praying.gif & Hubby geek.gif

 

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#18 of 18 Old 05-14-2009, 11:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I did that to my mother this year I made her happy but feel uneasy. I never ever buy her anything expensive and this year I did. I bought her pearl earrings (NO FLAMES PLEASE!!) she has wanted real pearl earrings forever she would buy cheap fake ones that looked fake and I said I will use all my money and get them for her she loves them wears them everyday proudly says my daughter bought them for me. But the first thing she said is why did you buy me something so expensive?? I just said because i love you and never been able to buy you something nice!

It took her about a day to really not feel bad. I think once you go frugal it is hard to look back

enjoy your bracelet mama you deserve it just like my mama does
That is such a nice thing you did for your mother!!!! My mother has everything, but I wish I were in a position to do something like that for her!
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