Buyer's remorse... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 05-31-2009, 10:35 AM - Thread Starter
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Not sure if this belongs here or not...

I am wondering how/if you deal with buyer's remorse. It is very common for me, but with recent baby purchases it has gotten much worse. For instance, yesterday we bought a dresser off craigslist. There was someone else there looking at it so we ended up paying their full price. Since I have to paint it too, I am wondering if I should have just bought new or waited till a better deal came along (we have plenty of time).

I can't seem to let things go, and the stress is starting to take it's toll. Any advice?

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#2 of 12 Old 05-31-2009, 11:11 AM
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I don't have any advice.

But I can comiserate! I am the QUEEN (at least of anyone I know) of Buyer's Remorse. I will waffle and waffle and waffle until I make myself sick.

For instance, I have found a few things that I WANT (and have the $$$) for ON SALE on the internet. The items are sitting in my shopping cart waiting and waiting. KNowing me, I'll wait until the sale is over, be mad at myself.

It just keeps going on.

Hugs to you!

Mrs B
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#3 of 12 Old 05-31-2009, 11:11 AM
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  • Buy things you can return (no Baby Depot).
  • Shove it in a closet for a bit.
  • Keep the receipts.
  • If you open the item,keep the packaging.
You can also ask for advice here before purchase. A lot of people here don't have nurseries and adapt what they had to their babe. You could get one of those boxy storage cube thingys (they sell at Target) and later use it to store toys; they also sell cloth drawers to go in those cubes. (Can you tell I totally regret my first child's nursery furniture purchases ).

You could get the cloth "shelves" that hang from a bar in your closet (also at Target) to keep baby things and sell the dresser on Craig's list yourself.

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
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#4 of 12 Old 05-31-2009, 11:46 AM
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What I do to avoid buyer's remorse, is wait. There will always be another dresser, cute top, whatever.

As far as nursery furniture...I never bought any. We did buy a king sized bed during my first pregnancy and single mattresses to add on and then move to kids' rooms as they transitioned from a family bed. My mom bought me a rocking chair and friends gave us a back pack, sling and jogging stroller as gifts. They lasted through all 3 kids and have been sold or handed down. Babies need so little in the way of material things and furniture. The hanging fabric things for diapers and baby clothing is a great idea. keep the "baby's room" for an office, guest room or love nest.
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#5 of 12 Old 05-31-2009, 12:05 PM
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I am really bad when it comes to having buyer's remorse. I have actually been at the mall and bought an outfit then stressed so much about the purchase that i have gone back and returned it before leaving the mall. If I hadnt done that I would have ben thinking about it forever.
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#6 of 12 Old 05-31-2009, 01:24 PM
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I have the opposite - "not-buyers remorse." I have gotten so good at not buying stuff, that I sometimes walk away from things that I regret not buying and later obsess about it. Usually it's something at the thrift shop or a clearance item that is gone when I go back for it. Makes me crazy. So much that I actually bought a pair of spendy hoes last month because I'd been wanting them for three years and found the perfect pair for 60% off. It wasn't in the budget and they were still WAY more than I ever spend on shoes. But I didn't want to spend weeks and months feeling like I had lost my chance. LOL.

Not helpful, I know. I do the buyer's remorse thing also, but usually I regret the color/size/style of something I do really want and intend to keep. It's a perfectionist's curse.

Maybe you could try giving yourself a waiting period before buying things. We just bought a car and I didn't get remorse this time because we researched it for over a month and I really felt confident that we got exactly what we needed and wanted. There will be another Craigslist dresser, you know? Just a thought.

Amanda, mom to Everest (12), Alden (10-1/2), Ellery (7-1/2), & Avery (6)
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#7 of 12 Old 05-31-2009, 01:30 PM
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If I have to think about it, I don't buy it.
If I do buy, I only buy things I can return and keep the reciepts.

I'm one of those people who will give cart contents to the cashier and say "Ya know, I just decided I don't want this that badly" lol

Mom to Joscelyne 14, Andrew 12, and Mackenzie 10 and wife to Nate.
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#8 of 12 Old 05-31-2009, 01:32 PM
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When I am in the store I jot down the items on my phone instead of just buying them. I tell myself that if I still want it in x-amount of time, I can look online and compare prices. Chances are a week later I won't even be thinking about it .

That helps me stick to buying only what I came to buy. As for online items I use wishlists. I don't browse ebay, or craigslist, or anything else that would give me that immediate "I gotta buy it!" feeling unless there is a specific item I need.
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#9 of 12 Old 05-31-2009, 02:01 PM
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Make a written list of what you need for the house, baby, etc. And what it will cost new if it is not on sale. Stick to that list. Put things that you want on that list and think about if they are wants or needs. For example, I have had a dress form on my "list" for years. I found it at the thrift store last month ($20) and grabbed it immediately. We want a new TV (after 11 years with the old one) but it is not a need and there is really no hurry or urgency or need. Before the economy tanked, I also wanted a Prius. It has totally dropped from the list and I am so so glad we do not own one right now.
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#10 of 12 Old 05-31-2009, 06:33 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks so much for the responses everyone!

I much prefer buying things that can be returned (since I end up doing it a lot), the problem I have found lately is that when things are on sale - like a couple maternity tops I bought yesterday - they have a NO REFUND policy! It drives me crazy, but I don't want to pay full price either.

I really like the idea of a WRITTEN "wish" list for house and baby (with costs). I have all the things in my head, but it just isn't as easy to priortize and make quick/fact based decisions.

Amyamanda - I have buyers remorse and not-buyers remorse! It is basically a lose lose situation, no matter which decision I make, I will always re-think and over analyze...

Kristin233 - your post made me laugh. I always mentally go through my stuff as I am getting rung up thinking about if I *really* need each item!

Mrs B - You sound just like me! I have had things "on hold" in online shopping carts and I end up waiting and everything disappears. Then I have to go track it all back down again - with the intention of probably NOT purchasing!

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#11 of 12 Old 06-01-2009, 02:07 AM
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If you bought things on sale and can't return them, it's very likely you can sell them again easily. Or save them as gifts for friends or relatives. I feel OK as long as things are not wasted and sitting there unused.

Mom to 2 beautiful autistic boys (13 & 12)
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#12 of 12 Old 06-01-2009, 04:17 PM
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Yes, I have both buyer's and not buyer's remorse! I drive myself crazy... down to the tiniest every day choices, ack!

As others have mentioned, making a list, really, really helps. If I ever see anything online or in the store I just write it down, that I really wanted it, I don't buy it, unless it was already on the list, ever... even if it's on super, duper super sale, because it doesn't matter, I can regret buying things just as well as not buying them so I don't let the stress of regreting not buying it force me into buying it, I just can't buy anything on a whim, ever. It's worth spending more to have no remorse... I've decided that, I've decided my mental/emotional state is worth paying more for, yes it is! As far as craigslist or thrift stores go, I have a list of things I want and unless I find something that fits that list I don't buy it... again, doesn't matter how great a deal it is, or if it's almost exactly right... I've found in every case I can make do *without* just as easily as I can make do with something that is almost not quite exactly what I need.

Beyond that, you just have to let go. Yep, oops, should've bought that, shouldn't have bought this... oh well! I know, it's so much easier said than done, but it is really easy to say to yourself... 'oh well, moving on! just letting that one go!'... and eventually it does sink in... I think...

Also, I think it's important to focus on the positive of what's already done... sure, you have more time to shop for a 'better' dresser, but now you don't have to, no more worrying about that and having to be on the lookout!... sure, you may need to paint it, but it will have that 'personal' touch that will mean something to you for your new baby, and you can pick whatever color you want and add any personal touches... or you can resell it on craigslist if you really decide it was a bad choice or donate it and use it as a tax write off and consider it a life lesson that it's okay to pass on something the next time even if it means missing out possibly. Either way, it's a win/win situation... you just have to focus on the positives, not the negatives... I know it's easy to think this is something that just comes naturally, but you really can teach yourself to do this, even when you aren't 'feeling' it, I'm finding. It takes work and a lot of practice, but you can change your thinking here, you just have to keep at it.
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