I don't know what to do - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 02:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
amberskyfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 2,248
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So here's the short version. We are EXTREMELY low-income. We live in an efficiency. We have a lot of debt. We used to be middle-class, but things went all wrong when DH lost his job and we lost our home.

We didn't have any way to pay the debt that we had and we were homeless for a while. I spent years learning how to live with nothing at all. Now we've moved up in the world to this efficiency. My husband has found another job, but things got bad again.

As soon as he got the job, someone who we did NOT have any debt with lied to the government and said we did. Please don't make me tell the story, it's long and makes me angry. Anyway, we went to court and got legal help and the whole shebang. No dice. The court ruled that the debt WAS ours and now 50% of my husband's wages are being garnished for the next six years in order to pay it. They take everything, even our tax returns and our stimulus checks.

We were getting by. Things were just barely working out. I got on WIC and Medicaid - the only services we qualified for.

AAAaaanyway, my husband got a very small raise a few months ago. It was only $11 extra a month, but it put us over the limit for getting any social services, so they put us on a transitional program for one year.

Last week, my husband begged his boss for a bigger raise because we were just not getting by. His boss gave him a $100 a month raise which was awesome and I was so happy. Then, we found out that his insurance raised their prices at the same time and now he's going to be making $14 LESS a month, even with the raise, AND they are taking away my WIC and my Medicaid. This is still the cheapest insurance he can get and he has to have it because he has to provide insurance for my stepdaughter who lives with her mother.

I'm not sure what to do. He got a raise, but all it did was disqualify us for any social help. I talked to them, even begged them, but they told me they only go by gross income, not net income, so they don't care that we are really only getting 50% of what they say we are. I'm so mad! We also found out that my husband can't refuse the raise or he will get into serious trouble with social services.

Currently, he's trying to get a government job so we can at least have medical, but other than that, we don't know what to do.

Who can we petition for help?

And I know everyone is going to want to give me advice on how to live cheaply, but believe that I am serious when I say "I wrote the book." There is no advice you can give me that I don't already know. I just need to know what to do about getting outside help.

Thank you SO MUCH if you know anything that might assist us.

Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
amberskyfire is offline  
#2 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 02:35 AM
 
Krystal323's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In a world of dreams
Posts: 3,394
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i have no idea, mama--but I wanted to send you a big {{{{{}}}}}

Freethinking Earth-mama of five. uc.jpg

Krystal323 is offline  
#3 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 07:47 AM
Banned
 
Noelle C.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,110
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
File bankruptcy, chapter 13. http://www.uscourts.gov/bankruptcyco...chapter13.html Your living expenses will be taken into account. The problem you face right now is that this judgment against you and your husband takes into account only getting the money for the judgment, who cares about whether or not you eat. Chapter 13 will take your basic living expenses first.

You may also qualify for chapter 7, http://www.uscourts.gov/bankruptcyco.../chapter7.html for which, if you received a discharge, would mean you owe nothing at all anymore!! Your non-exempt assets would be sold and the money divided among those who you owe, but I'm doubting you have much worth anything at this point, so you may lose nothing.

If I were in your shoes and wages were already being garnished, I'd go right for chapter 7.

Go to your local courthouse and ask to speak with legal aid. Legal aid is free, and they can help you decide how to proceed. If you can get together $40 or so, you can also buy the bankruptcy guide from Nolo Press for your state. These books are revised very, VERY often, so you'll need to buy it brand new from a bookstore to make sure you have the most up-to-date edition. Attorneys recommend the Nolo books. Do not waste your time with any other guides. Nolo or nothing.

It is not a crime to have more debt than can be afforded, whether the debt is legit debt or, like you claim here, the result of fraudulent people who manage to get a judge to believe them (and I know it happens). The only time it's a crime is when the debt was racked up without intention of paying it back to begin with. You are in over your heads with half his income going to this judgment, and you are right - no one takes into account net pay. Everyone treat it as if 100% of gross pay is available.

First thing Monday head to the legal aid department. It's not fun, but it'll give you and your husband the chance at having your life back.
Noelle C. is offline  
#4 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 08:50 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: the Circle K
Posts: 6,062
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree with PP who says to file for bankruptcy.
lalaland42 is offline  
#5 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 10:46 AM
 
Jenn_M's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Iowa
Posts: 549
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's not fun, but I agree, bankruptcy may be your option. Of course then you also have to come up with that money, I think around here lawyers charge a flat fee of around $1200.

I'm sorry, mama. I wish I had more advice. Lots of positive thoughts for you and your family

Jenn: WOHM to a big girl (7/03), a medium girl (8/07), and a little girl (12/10)
Jenn_M is offline  
#6 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 11:07 AM
 
kay4's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,085
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so sorry, that really stinks. I am usually pretty anti-bankruptcy but I am leaning towards agreeing with the PP.

Kelly,newly single mom of four wonderful children.

kay4 is offline  
#7 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 11:09 AM
 
becoming's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 11,886
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree with the bankruptcy. My sister & her husband have just filed chapter 13 and are in sooo much better shape now. And this will probably be frowned upon, but my sister was also able to quit her job (which was only paying for their massive debt, which they no longer have anymore) & stay home with their daughters, and now they qualify for food stamps, Medicaid, etc. without her income.
becoming is offline  
#8 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 11:30 AM
 
SleeplessMommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 5,431
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
He could ask nicely at work for a pay cut . Though bankruptcy might be a better option if it would get rid of the pay garnishment.
SleeplessMommy is offline  
#9 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 12:13 PM
 
shayinme's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: land of lobster and lighthouses
Posts: 5,272
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In that case you really only have 2 options, you get a higher paying job (I see you are a WAHM) or increase your income or you file BK. There really are no other options or places you can go to as far as relief. Of course depending on who you owe money to (taxes or child support) BK may not provide as much relief.

I know you don't want to explain the debt and that's cool but there really are only a few debts that I know of that even BK might not help a great deal and that is taxes (though it depends on years, etc) and child support.

My first step would be a free conversation with a BK attorney. They provide all initial consultations free and can see what works best for you in your situation. Once you have that talk you can get a true idea of what you need to do.

Shay

Mothering since 1992...its one of the many hats I wear.
shayinme is offline  
#10 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 01:00 PM
 
enkmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Illinois
Posts: 1,388
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Student loans are not dischargable in bankruptcy either, but otherwise I lean toward bankruptcy too. I think it can only help in your situation. I'm sorry this happened to you, and I know many people in pretty much your same situation - doing fine until job loss and then having everything seemingly stacked against you. I hope it works out for you.
enkmom is offline  
#11 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 03:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
amberskyfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 2,248
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks, everyone!

No, there is no possibility of filing for bankruptcy. We've already considered that many times over the years. For one thing, the debt is for supposed child support, so they will not take it into account with the bankruptcy. Also, we do not have any money to pay a lawyer. None. Nada. Not one dollar. I know it's easy even for poor people to come up with that kind of money, but for us, $1000 may as well be a billion dollars. I barely make that much a year.

Thanks, though

Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
amberskyfire is offline  
#12 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 04:14 PM
 
fruitfulmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Between the Rockies and a Flat Place
Posts: 4,214
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 10 Post(s)
What a tough situation... Have you tried calling around to churches in your area? If you need food, you might find some that operate food closets for these types of situations.

fruitfulmomma is offline  
#13 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
amberskyfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 2,248
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Yeah, we know where all the food pantries are. Thanks We had to use them when we were homeless and unable to find jobs a few years ago.

I do NOT like the church ones, though. You have to sit through a service first to get the food or if you don't, they make you hold hands and pray with them that you will "find God." I'm Pagan, so it was just really insulting. After a few times, we swore we'd never do it again.

Charity is one thing, but making people "buy" the food by trying to convert them? Really uncomfortable.

Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
amberskyfire is offline  
#14 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 04:35 PM
 
Knittin' in the Shade's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: near Philly, PA
Posts: 4,637
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
"supposed" child support? What does that even mean? Is it for money he didn't pay to support one of his kids? If so, then you're right, bankruptcy won't help. Is there any chance of you getting a job working opposite shifts from your DH (to avoid child care expenses)? I know it'll suck to never see your DH, but sometimes you've gotta do the sucky things to get by for a while. Or, is it possible to move somewhere where either/both of you can get higher paying jobs? I know Hawaii has insanely high cost of living, so is moving to the mainland a possibility at all?

I'm sorry you're in this situation
Knittin' in the Shade is offline  
#15 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 04:37 PM
 
JollyGG's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 1,647
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wouldn't be so sure that bankruptcy wouldn't help you. As the problem is child support a chapter 7 is obviously out of the question. But a chapter 13 could help you significantly. It would spread you (past due) obligation out over 5 years, it would ensure that certain rules are followed, and would cap the amount of interest that can be charged on this debt. As for the lawyer fees - those can often be rolled into a chapter 13 payment plan.

Most bankruptcy lawyers offer free initial consultations. It is certainly worth your time to make 4-5 appointments and see what various lawyers have to say about your situation and your options.

Mom to DS 4/24/03 and DD 4/17/06
JollyGG is offline  
#16 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 04:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
amberskyfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 2,248
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Knittin' in the Shade View Post
"supposed" child support? What does that even mean? Is it for money he didn't pay to support one of his kids? If so, then you're right, bankruptcy won't help. Is there any chance of you getting a job working opposite shifts from your DH (to avoid child care expenses)? I know it'll suck to never see your DH, but sometimes you've gotta do the sucky things to get by for a while. Or, is it possible to move somewhere where either/both of you can get higher paying jobs? I know Hawaii has insanely high cost of living, so is moving to the mainland a possibility at all?

I'm sorry you're in this situation
Nope. I can't get a job or work opposite shifts. Also, the high cost of living thing is a myth. It's what the tourists see, so they think that's all there is. It's actually a LOT cheaper to live where we are than live on the mainland. That was why we moved here, but shhh! Don't tell We would NEVER be able to survive on the mainland again.

Good ideas, though!

Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
amberskyfire is offline  
#17 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 04:50 PM
 
bobandjess99's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Northern IN
Posts: 5,912
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
we were in a similar up-the-creek situation a few years ago where dh was ordered to pay more than 100% of his income as child support. It was insane, and an awful 2 years of our lives.

Since the 50% garnishment is on him, i think the only way for you guys to get ahead, is for YOU to become the breadwinner in the family. It's what i had to do. They couldn't legally touch my money.

At least there is a light, right? It's only for 6 years? Then this supposed debt is over and you guys can go about living your lives again?

CPST
bobandjess99 is offline  
#18 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 04:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
amberskyfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 2,248
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by JollyGG View Post
I wouldn't be so sure that bankruptcy wouldn't help you. As the problem is child support a chapter 7 is obviously out of the question. But a chapter 13 could help you significantly. It would spread you (past due) obligation out over 5 years, it would ensure that certain rules are followed, and would cap the amount of interest that can be charged on this debt. As for the lawyer fees - those can often be rolled into a chapter 13 payment plan.

Most bankruptcy lawyers offer free initial consultations. It is certainly worth your time to make 4-5 appointments and see what various lawyers have to say about your situation and your options.
Thanks. The "past due" support is already spread over eight years. That's why we have to pay for several more. It sucks, I know. I already had a talk with a bankruptcy lawyer which is how we know. They told us essentially we are "too poor" to file for bankruptcy and that it was in our best interest to just not pay our debts back except the one that we are being garnished for. They said that was our only possibility.

Which is why I'm searching for ANY kind of outside assistance we can get. I can't wait until this is all over with in six years.

Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
amberskyfire is offline  
#19 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 04:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
amberskyfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 2,248
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by bobandjess99 View Post
we were in a similar up-the-creek situation a few years ago where dh was ordered to pay more than 100% of his income as child support. It was insane, and an awful 2 years of our lives.

Since the 50% garnishment is on him, i think the only way for you guys to get ahead, is for YOU to become the breadwinner in the family. It's what i had to do. They couldn't legally touch my money.

At least there is a light, right? It's only for 6 years? Then this supposed debt is over and you guys can go about living your lives again?
The way it works is that we pay until it's paid off. The number of years doesn't matter. Legally, they can only take up to 50% max, so that was how they determined how many years it would take to pay off.

Also, because we are married, they take MY money, too. They don't garnish my wages, they take all my tax returns and my stimulus checks. I do already work. I just can't make enough to support us alone. We are doing all that is possible in the world job-wise. Him not paying it would just mean it would take longer. We want this over with as soon as possible.

Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
amberskyfire is offline  
#20 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 05:16 PM
 
Thystle's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't know how you can be too "poor" to file BK.


Some file on a few thousand because they are so low income that can't pay even that... and some file with 6 figure jobs and 6 figure debt.




I would get a 2nd or even 3rd opinion to be safe.



How much other debt do you have (not counting the cs judgement)?










There really is nothing else you can do unless you all make alot less or alot more.

Or live apart and seperate/divorce.


As for the tax returns and stimulus... I am not sure if you would qualify but there was something about a form you could file as a spouse when the other spouse was having their money taken. I can't remember the name of it or if you would even be able to do it. A friend of mine had to fil when her hubby was in jail and another did it when the seperated, but I don't know what it was that they did. Maybe someone else will know? Maybe you could call the IRS directly and ask if they know if you can do something about that?



Good luck!!!

Resistance is futile Matey
Thystle is offline  
#21 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 05:17 PM
 
fruitfulmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Between the Rockies and a Flat Place
Posts: 4,214
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 10 Post(s)
Quote:
I do NOT like the church ones, though. You have to sit through a service first to get the food or if you don't, they make you hold hands and pray with them that you will "find God." I'm Pagan, so it was just really insulting. After a few times, we swore we'd never do it again.
Ugh... I am Christian and that just makes me mad.

I don't really know of any other charities but we are also really low-income and these are some of the things we've done to make a bit of cash...
- Selling stuff on Ebay
- Selling stuff at my mil's flea market
- DH "donated" plasma and got paid for his "time"
- Selling aluminum cans to the junk yard
- I work 2-3 hours a week out of the home running errands and doing house cleaning for an elderly lady
- Adding affiliate ads to my website

Maybe you can find something like this that would work for ya'll and in the meantime if you do have a medical emergency, if your ER takes any federal money they can NOT turn you away for inability to pay.

fruitfulmomma is offline  
#22 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 05:28 PM
 
AngelBee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: New Brighton, MN
Posts: 20,762
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
:

Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013.   If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!

AngelBee is offline  
#23 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 05:36 PM
 
RoadWorkAhead's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,053
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by amberskyfire View Post
The way it works is that we pay until it's paid off. The number of years doesn't matter. Legally, they can only take up to 50% max, so that was how they determined how many years it would take to pay off.

Also, because we are married, they take MY money, too. They don't garnish my wages, they take all my tax returns and my stimulus checks. I do already work. I just can't make enough to support us alone. We are doing all that is possible in the world job-wise. Him not paying it would just mean it would take longer. We want this over with as soon as possible.
Actually, you can either file separately, or file as an injured spouse. IOW, any $$ due you based on YOUR income taxes, etc. goes to you. I'm on the (not) receiving end of an order for supprot that grabs returns, etc. but if he marries, his wife can file for her portion and/or file including any children on her own married filing separately return.
RoadWorkAhead is offline  
#24 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 05:42 PM
 
StormySar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Melvindale, MI
Posts: 1,277
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have heard you can go bankrupt for free, by doing all the legwork and filing yourself. I'm not exactly sure how - but I know that on my states bankruptcy court website all the forms are there to download and supposdly you don't need to pay a lawyer. Might be worth it for the lawyer though, no idea what kind of stuff they'll do to you if you file yourself.

Otherwise if you dont qualify for state assistance and neither one of you can work more, I don't really know what to do other than pray and play the game. I'm sorry you're in this situation, it must be soooo frustrating.
StormySar is offline  
#25 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 06:00 PM
 
bonbon mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: America's Northern Shore
Posts: 545
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm Catholic and our St Vincent de Paul Society will provide food, clothing, blankets and sometimes furniture if they have it without requiring any sort of conversion experience or promise. I'm pretty sure that there is a similar Jewish organization.

I'm sorry that things are so rough right now.
bonbon mama is offline  
#26 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 06:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
amberskyfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 2,248
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Thystle View Post

As for the tax returns and stimulus... I am not sure if you would qualify but there was something about a form you could file as a spouse when the other spouse was having their money taken. I can't remember the name of it or if you would even be able to do it. A friend of mine had to fil when her hubby was in jail and another did it when the seperated, but I don't know what it was that they did. Maybe someone else will know? Maybe you could call the IRS directly and ask if they know if you can do something about that?



Good luck!!!
It's called an Injured Spouse Form and it allowed me to have about $100 dollars back from the $3000 that was taken from us. It was pretty insulting, but at least it helped.

Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
amberskyfire is offline  
#27 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 06:55 PM
 
AbigailGrace's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: La La Land
Posts: 583
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm SO sorry! I wish I had some answers for you! The only thing I can think of is for you to do as one pp said about filing seperate returns. Also, maybe DH needs to look for another job making about $150 less a month so you can qualify again for financial aid. Not a win/win situation, I know.

Quote:
Originally Posted by amberskyfire View Post
Yeah, we know where all the food pantries are. Thanks We had to use them when we were homeless and unable to find jobs a few years ago.

I do NOT like the church ones, though. You have to sit through a service first to get the food or if you don't, they make you hold hands and pray with them that you will "find God." I'm Pagan, so it was just really insulting. After a few times, we swore we'd never do it again.

Charity is one thing, but making people "buy" the food by trying to convert them? Really uncomfortable.
And yes, I am a Christian and it infuriates me. We got in a bind this last year and I refused to go to certain churches because of this. But, FYI, the Catholic churches have been awesome here in town! But they are the only ones.

Abigail Grace (40ish), Wife to 1 Knight in Shining Armor
Homeschooling Mom to 6 and a surprise bundle due in March
AbigailGrace is offline  
#28 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 06:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
amberskyfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 2,248
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by AbigailGrace View Post
I'm SO sorry! I wish I had some answers for you! The only thing I can think of is for you to do as one pp said about filing seperate returns. Also, maybe DH needs to look for another job making about $150 less a month so you can qualify again for financial aid. Not a win/win situation, I know.



And yes, I am a Christian and it infuriates me. We got in a bind this last year and I refused to go to certain churches because of this. But, FYI, the Catholic churches have been awesome here in town! But they are the only ones.
Yeah, he's been looking for another job for years now. There just isn't anything. Trying to find a job in Hawaii is like trying to win the lottery. Still, this area is the cheapest place in the country to live, so we'll stick it out and see what we can do. I hope he can get a government job.

Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
amberskyfire is offline  
#29 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 07:06 PM
 
EarthyMamaofDaisy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: in the woods of NH
Posts: 615
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am so sorry (hugs). It really seems like there is no way out. The only thing I could think of was for you to divorce and then file for benefits as a single mom. Although it costs money to file a divorce. I am so sorry you are going through this.

treehugger.gif mama to flower.gif and stillheart.gif and baby.gif

femalesling.GIF  bfinfant.gif  familybed1.gif

EarthyMamaofDaisy is offline  
#30 of 93 Old 10-24-2009, 07:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
amberskyfire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Hawaii
Posts: 2,248
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by EarthyMamaofDaisy View Post
I am so sorry (hugs). It really seems like there is no way out. The only thing I could think of was for you to divorce and then file for benefits as a single mom. Although it costs money to file a divorce. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Thanks

Yeah, my husband suggested we divorce so that he could pay me child support and I could get financial help, but I just can't do it. I'd rather be jobless and homeless. I love my hubs. Besides, yeah, there'd be no way we could pay for the divorce.

It just seems like the answer should be right there, you know? The government aid office should just change it so that they look at your true income and your living situation. It only seems fair.

Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
amberskyfire is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off