Would this be rude? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 11-28-2009, 11:23 PM - Thread Starter
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So I guess this belongs here.

At the beginning of the year I responded to an email on my homeschool list from a mama who needed baby stuff. So since I wasn't having anymore I gave away all of my baby stuff. Well of course 2 or 3 months later I found out I was pregnant again. Of course it wasn't a borrow or sell situation. I just gave her everything.

So my husband thinks I should email her and just politely say we are expecting and if she has anything left that she doesn't plan to use, could we have some of it back?

I left work on disability and we are in a major financial crunch so getting some back would be helpful, but I don't want to be rude by asking.

Would you email her??
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#2 of 12 Old 11-28-2009, 11:26 PM
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It wouldn't hurt to try.

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#3 of 12 Old 11-28-2009, 11:31 PM
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Yes, I would do it.

I don't think it would be rude as long as you phrase it, "I realize you may have passed these things along by now and it's fine if you have, but..."

Make it really clear that you never expected her to keep these things for you and you can't go wrong. Also, I wouldn't mention your financial troubles or disability, which might make her feel badly if she doesn't still have the things.
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#4 of 12 Old 11-28-2009, 11:50 PM
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I would for sure ask. I'd be horrified to think that someone who'd given me things felt badly about asking for them back. You could even phrase it as an email to the group as she did, and then she could give back whatever she has, and others might too, and you might wind up with more as well. And everyone is sympathetic to the plight of someone who has generously given things away as you did, and now finds themself in need of them again!

Katherine mother to DS 8/03 and DD1 9/06 and DD2 6/10
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#5 of 12 Old 11-29-2009, 12:46 AM
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I would start by emailing her and telling her that though you did not expect to need baby things ever again, you have now found out you are pregnant and figured it couldn't hurt to see if she is able to give you any of it back when she is done with it. I do think the trick is to make it clear that you will not be angry if she already passed it on.

I agree that you can also post to your group, and other places (freecycle, craigslist, etc.) that you had given away all of your baby stuff and now could use more and see what happens!
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#6 of 12 Old 11-29-2009, 01:53 AM
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I'd just post to the group and simply say that you are unexpectedly expecting again (and thought you were done so passed your stuff along already) and if anyone has baby stuff they'd like to pass along... Then if she has it still she can chose to pass it back to you or you may get some hand-me-downs from other mamas. win-win and you don;t have to worry about feeling like you are being rude. (Which BTW, I don't think its rude if its worded right)

Mom to Joscelyne 14, Andrew 12, and Mackenzie 10 and wife to Nate.
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#7 of 12 Old 11-29-2009, 03:38 PM
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I don't think it's rude, I'd do it.
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#8 of 12 Old 11-29-2009, 03:58 PM
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I eigth the above.

No harm in asking if you ask tactfully and acknowlege that she may not have the items and that you didn't expect to need them again, but surprise!

I hope you can recover what you need and it be a win-win situation!

Laurie, wife to DH (Aug/04), mom to DS1 (Nov/05), DS2 (June/12), DD (May/15). 
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#9 of 12 Old 11-29-2009, 05:29 PM
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Definitely not rude. As a person who was/is given the majority of my boy's clothes etc. if one of the ladies who were generous enough to give me stuff called or emailed me and told me "oops, we are pregnant!!! If you have anything left, could you please send it on this way?" I would be happy to oblige, as I think the baby clothes/stuff thing is a pay it forward system. I always donate what the boys grow out of to another mama in need.

I am not crunchy enough for this forum. Everyday I get a little crunchier though! :
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#10 of 12 Old 11-30-2009, 02:07 AM
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or do what i did.. post your "i'm pregnant" status on facebook and see what comes back.. all my friends who i had given ds's clothes and things away to responded back "oh- do you want those clothes back?"

i think that your generosity will come back to you- don't be afraid to ask. even if this mama doesn't have anything left, or needs it for herself, i'm sure you'll get what you need.
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#11 of 12 Old 11-30-2009, 08:07 AM
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Nope, not rude at all (worded the way pp's advised). Also, do you have freecycle where you are? I always see people giving away their baby stuff. Go to freecycle.org. Good luck mama!
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#12 of 12 Old 12-02-2009, 07:40 AM
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I agree with the previous posts. Not rude at all.

However, instead of specifically asking for my stuff BACK, I'd probably present it as "Hey, since you just had a baby, would you happen to have any spare baby stuff around? I thought we were done, I gave all my stuff away....." etc.

I'd also post to the entire group...

---Jessica---Livin' my life from A Peace.gif(1/05 ) to Z  jammin.gif(4/08 ).....and z babyf.gif(3/11)


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