I go with #3 all the way. I've done the ol' helping the folks out thing. I started working at 14 and was helping them pay their bills at 16 and for a VERY long time after that. It got me nowhere doing that. I remember being in my 20s and still helping them financially, but it didn't do anything for me. You can love your family, but sometimes people burden you too much. Or they get used to it as my folks did.
I think she should rent. She's older now. And it's not your job to save her. She's a grown woman. My father died in July 08, and the last year and a half, I have been there so much to help my mom out. It is draining me beyond belief. I have myself and 2 kids that are suppose to be my priority.....my mom is grown. I am starting to tell my mom no now, and it feels real good. If I get overwhelmed and stressed about bailing my mom out, it's not good for the kids or me. Sometimes we have to let people make their own mistakes and decisions. That's how they learn. No one ever saved me.
I hope I didn't offend you. Maybe your story hit a nerve or something. I do think #3 is the best choice for everyone. Please listen to what your spouse has to say. His opinion matters too. Please do what's best for the family you helped to create. Best of luck!
I'm a single, self-employed, homeschooling mom of 2 great kids. Girl 9/95 and Boy 3/99.