helping my mom get a home - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 39 Old 02-03-2010, 01:48 PM
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Honestly, I wouldn't recommend that someone with two car loans, credit card debt, and no down payment buy a house. Certainly not when that person is nearing retirement age and has no retirement savings. I know that she wants to have a house, but I think it would be a lot more stressful for her to be stressing about the mortgage debt/payments/taxes/maintenance when she can't really afford it.
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#32 of 39 Old 02-03-2010, 03:18 PM
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Honestly I would love a house for DS (9) and myself but I CANT AFFORD IT. I dont have CC debt, I dont have a car loan, etc but I still cant afford a mtg, or all the upkeep that goes with home ownership.

What I do have is savings for DS college.

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#33 of 39 Old 02-07-2010, 04:45 AM
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I don't think anyone mentioned this...

If she was in an apartment that was based on her income and something comes up in the future where her income is cut (injury, illness, whatever) she should be able to have her rent lowered to be based on her new smaller income. So in the event of an emergency situation there would be a lot less stress when her home isn't at risk... and you'd still have your savings to help her a month or two if needed till she got the rent lowered.

Mom to DD 14 and DS 12
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#34 of 39 Old 02-07-2010, 10:37 AM
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I'd absolutely go for option #3.

It sounds like your mom has little grasp of administrating her money wisely and barely scrapes by. It's expensive to own a house.

Ideally, she should get rid of her debt, rent an apartment and be looking into paying towards retirement funds. However, the fact that you reckon she won't go for cutting unnecessary expenses, won't hear of getting rid of her big furniture to be able to fit into an apartment, etc. makes me think that she won't go for the rented apartment.

Maybe she could find herself a new rich husband?
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#35 of 39 Old 02-07-2010, 10:47 AM
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If I were in your mother's position, I would rent.
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#36 of 39 Old 02-07-2010, 12:04 PM
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I'd lean towards 3... especially in our current economy.

you can "gift" her some money, too.. this seems the best choice for your family & you can invest/save or cut your own bills to ensure that you are never in a situation like your mom.

good luck

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#37 of 39 Old 02-07-2010, 02:05 PM
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I go with #3 all the way. I've done the ol' helping the folks out thing. I started working at 14 and was helping them pay their bills at 16 and for a VERY long time after that. It got me nowhere doing that. I remember being in my 20s and still helping them financially, but it didn't do anything for me. You can love your family, but sometimes people burden you too much. Or they get used to it as my folks did.

I think she should rent. She's older now. And it's not your job to save her. She's a grown woman. My father died in July 08, and the last year and a half, I have been there so much to help my mom out. It is draining me beyond belief. I have myself and 2 kids that are suppose to be my mom is grown. I am starting to tell my mom no now, and it feels real good. If I get overwhelmed and stressed about bailing my mom out, it's not good for the kids or me. Sometimes we have to let people make their own mistakes and decisions. That's how they learn. No one ever saved me.

I hope I didn't offend you. Maybe your story hit a nerve or something. I do think #3 is the best choice for everyone. Please listen to what your spouse has to say. His opinion matters too. Please do what's best for the family you helped to create. Best of luck!

I'm a single, self-employed, homeschooling mom of 2 great kids. Girl 9/95 and Boy 3/99.
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#38 of 39 Old 02-10-2010, 05:50 PM
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I hope this post isn't too harsh or offensive, either. Frankly, before making the commitment to a mortgage, I think you and your mom might benefit from increasing your financial education. I'm not necessarily a Dave Ramsey groupie, but his advice does seem to be very straightforward for people dealing with general money mismanagement/debt. I think before you start diverting resources from your family, it might be worth the investment in education. Maybe you could start by requesting "My Total Money Makeover" from the library or even jumping into Ramsey's course, Financial Peace University. I have no idea what that experience is like, but most people find it radically improves their relationship with money.

Personally, I wouldn't provide this kind of assistance to either my parents or my children. I'm a "teach to learn how to fish" kind of gal, frankly. There is not a thing wrong with renting and, for people with debt, it's the best option.

~ Lemur , mum to Mr. Fishy (5, ASD) and Froggy (3) ~
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#39 of 39 Old 02-10-2010, 10:54 PM
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I agree with the advice of a money management course. I think in the long term it'd be more useful than a gift of down payment. I really don't think you should have much financial involvement with anybody if you value the relationship. I heard so many stories of how people lend money to friends or relatives and then the relationship went bad.

*And are you really sure she can get a mortgage with her current income and debt load? Banks are pretty tight with their lending rules now.

My dad bought a house in his 60s. DH and I were very against it but he wouldn't listen. He was making 200k a year and the house wasn't much burden at all. Then he got cancer two years later. Luckily he survived chemo and recovered, but he really couldn't work his old (stressful) job any more, so he retired. Now he's desperately trying to sell this house. It's draining his retirement savings and there's really no need for him to live in a 6 bedroom house. What I'm saying is when people get old you really can't count on their health and income level as much as say, someone who's 30. And selling a house is such pain. I'd nix the idea of owning a house at her age and focus on something she can comfortably manage with her income and energy level.

Mom to 2 beautiful autistic boys (13 & 12)
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