Deciding on number of children - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-04-2010, 11:20 AM
 
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I would vote for the van. I know how much it ate at me when I was offered foster placements that sounded fantastic, but I couldn't fit in my vehicle. We had a minivan at the time, but bought our 15 passenger van a few weeks later actually. My experience was that going from 0-1, and 1-2 was challenging, but when we had 3 and went up to 5 it actually got easier, with the different ages we had (had a 1yo, 3yo and a 4yo who was developmentally 2yo, added a 6 and 8 year old.)

Anyways, I've had anywhere from 1-7 kids at a time at various points, and it really doesn't get much harder after 3. Just more laundry to do. Assuming that foster care per diem covers their expenses, and one of you is able to be a stay at home parent, anything is quite doable. We have a 4 bedroom house, but one bedroom we use as a playroom. We took the little bedroom for ourselves, and 3 boys in one, and 4 girls in the other, obviously utilizing bunkbeds. The 11 yo whines about wanting her own room, but she whines about pretty much everything. The rest do quite well with sharing rooms.

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Old 06-05-2010, 12:43 PM
 
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How about starting with one? Awesome to see your looking into all the different ways to bring children into your life! Adoption is amazing!!! You never do know how many children are going to come into your life and it isn't always ours to decide!

Loving my four beautiful children in all their various stages (17,14,3 &2), aspiring to be a graceful wife to one hardworking man
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Old 06-06-2010, 06:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MissinNYC View Post
this always strikes me as an odd reason not to foster. How can we say that we won't help a child who needs help, right in your own community, because it would hurt you too much? Wouldn't it hurt you less than it will hurt the child not to be loved and cared for?
I'm not one who would be a good candidate for fostering, I would be too emotional(not hurt, I mean pissed) in a situation to watch a child go back into a dangerous situation, the system is highly flawed. I think it's great that people want to do it, I just know that I'm *probably* not that person, the politics that my SIL is dealing with are just too sad. I want a child to be loved and cared for all the time.

I just said it CAN be heartbreaking, I didn't say it would be.

Me Wife to T (14 years)Mama to Princess(4) and Monster Boy(my 1 year old ):
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Old 06-07-2010, 02:21 AM
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Start with 1. You need time to adjust and learn
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Old 06-07-2010, 10:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Norasmomma View Post
I'm not one who would be a good candidate for fostering, I would be too emotional(not hurt, I mean pissed) in a situation to watch a child go back into a dangerous situation, the system is highly flawed. I think it's great that people want to do it, I just know that I'm *probably* not that person, the politics that my SIL is dealing with are just too sad. I want a child to be loved and cared for all the time.

I just said it CAN be heartbreaking, I didn't say it would be.
Sometimes kids need someone who cares enough to get angry on their behalf. You should look into becoming a GAL or CASA.

DTMama, thanks for the tips! Nice to hear from someone who's been there.

As for number of kids/activities/lifestyle etc, I can see now the "silliness" of asking this type of question to such a wide range of people. Everyone parents differently, everyone has different priorities, everyone has a different lifestyle. It was great to hear everyone's suggestions and to have all these bits of info thrown out there. Now I can go forward knowing what is important to me and what might affect this decision. Thanks!

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Old 06-07-2010, 12:04 PM
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Start with 1. You need time to adjust and learn

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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Old 06-07-2010, 01:36 PM
 
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I always said I'd have 3 kids. DH and I stoppd using birth control 8 months after we married. We tried and tried and tried for that first child...it didn't happen until 5 yrs into our marriage. About 6 months after DS was born, we started trying for #2. Again, it didn't happen. I lost a lot of weight last year and BAM got pregnant last fall but sadly that pregnancy ended in miscarriage a week later. I'd be about 34 weeks right now DH has decided that he is too old to have another baby--he's 46, I'm 37(almost 38). SO, I guess our family is complete with just one child. That's not what I wanted or had planned but that is what God wanted for me. Nothing else I can do about it. What we want and what God gives us are oftentimes two different things.

~~Kelly, WAHM to one son(4/26/04) and one
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Old 06-07-2010, 07:38 PM
 
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DH and I started the parenting journey with the idea that we'd have 2, spaced about 5 years. 10 years later, we have a 10, 7, 5 and 9mos I really believe that parenting is different for everyone, like tastes in food, etc. You won't truly know what you want, enjoy and can deal with until you have some experience as a parent. I would have NEVER thought I could handle 4 kids. Heck, I didn't WANT 4 kids before our first was born. Now I can't imagine having less. And I swore that none of our kids would ever share a room. With 4 kids in a 4br house, yep, 2 are sharing. And it's okay. We do have one competitive gymnast who costs us a small fortune, but it's important for her (she has some needs that gym fulfills that we've never found a sub for) and we make it happen. Our kids wear good shoes, good clothes, and have really good car seats. We can't afford to travel like I wish we could, but sometimes priorities shift as you journey through parenthood, too. I can't imagine having more than 2 kids and NOT having a minivan or 3rd row SUV, but we like a vehicle with a lot of room (and we have a 175+lb dog so we purchased a minivan and a Yukon XL (gas guzzling thing that it is), because we tend to tote our 4 kids, their friends, groceries and stuff.

And yeah, I agree w/all the PP who have said that while babies and even toddlers can be fairly inexpensive, kids definately get more $$$ as they get older. Heck, even if you're buying used clothes and shoes- there's much less available in larger sizes because kids go through them more rapidly. And my personal belief is that kids deserve to have opportunities available to them if they have specific desires or talents (like our DD who is crazy talented at gymnastics and our other DD who is showing uncanny artistic abilities) that require supplies, lessons, etc. Free classes at the Y just don't cut it for some kids. And then there are medically fragile kids, whom you never plan for, but you can't ignore the expenses that ensue, either.

Half-marathon running Mommy to 3 spunky girls and 1 sweet boy. Spending my days and nights where my kids need me most- at home with them!!

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