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#31 of 43 Old 07-08-2010, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Shakti77-I would be interested in finding out more about tutoring online, if you wouldn't mind asking your friend for the info. There are a few coffee shops around that I'm going to check into to see if they're hiring. As much as I think I'm a good mother and as much as I enjoy my son, I know that I don't have the patience or energy to take on more children in my home. I think it would add a stress that would make life a lot, lot worse than if I could just find something I can either do from home while my son's sleeping or outside the home, part-time.
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#32 of 43 Old 07-08-2010, 04:46 PM
 
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I posted a few weeks ago in the low income thread about a company I do content writing for on the side. I'll PM you their information. That may be something you can do to help.

As for your husband's job, I can't say it's not something I've never heard from ministers' wives, unfortunately. I think many people become so caught up in the idea that you're a minister because you *want* to help others that congregation members can become too demanding.

I wonder, though, if you two together could work on a website. You seem to have nice, complementary skills that could work if one or both of you want to learn about internet marketing. It's a longer-term project, but if you're serious about wanting to be home, unschool, stay in ministry, and live in a HCOL area, then maybe looking at longer-term options is something you could consider.

It's us: DH , DS ; DD ; and me . Also there's the . And the 3 . I . Oh, and .
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#33 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 10:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just heard back from a local cafe owner after sending him my resume last night. I have an interview on Monday. The pay will probably only be about minimum wage, but the hours should be flexible, and the cafe is about 3 blocks away from my house. Score!
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#34 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 11:17 AM
 
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Yay! I hope it works out for you!

It's us: DH , DS ; DD ; and me . Also there's the . And the 3 . I . Oh, and .
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#35 of 43 Old 07-09-2010, 11:47 AM
 
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Just heard back from a local cafe owner after sending him my resume last night. I have an interview on Monday. The pay will probably only be about minimum wage, but the hours should be flexible, and the cafe is about 3 blocks away from my house. Score!
Congrats! I'll be holding good thoughts for you!

Mama to add 10/05; ds 3/09, and two angels
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#36 of 43 Old 07-10-2010, 01:40 AM
 
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If you're in a HCOL area, how about finding some wealthy SAHMs who need some daycare here and there? You could go to their homes or they could drop their kids off at yours. You could probably advertise at your church and get something going. My sister lives in a wealthy area and there's a single mom there that does that. She just charges $/hour per kid, and she's with her child all the time.

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#37 of 43 Old 07-10-2010, 11:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, everyone. It's crazy how nervous I am about interviewing at a coffee shop. I'm a good 5-6 years older than the people who work there already. I'm a wife and a mother, I've worked in a professional setting before, and yet I'm still nervous. Crazy.

Fuamami-I'm in a HCOL area, but the neighborhood I live in is the poor-ish? least well off? neighborhood on this side of the city. Most of my friends are in the same type of position we're in. And again, while I love my child and love being with him every minute of the day, my patience for and ability to take care of others' children for any real lenght of time is close to nil. I think I would be doing a real disservice to my son and my husband and our homelife by babysitting/nannying.

VisionaryMom-I'm working on a writing sample for that company you PM'd me about. Thanks for that info. I think it could work for me as well.
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#38 of 43 Old 07-12-2010, 10:08 AM
 
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Leav97-I'm with you. He *should* be able to set aside certain days/nights to not work. Sadly, that's not how ministry works (as I've been reminded weekend after weekend, evening after evening, and holiday after holiday). He has a set schedule right now, but that's only for his "normal hours." If he has to take a meeting with a parent or parishoner, well, he has to take it when the person can meet with him. He's able to work an almost regular 9-5 type schedule to take care of the planning and administrative things he needs to do, but the relationships he has to work on forging, and the special events he has to hold, and the classes he needs to teach all need to occur when other people can make them. And since most people work day jobs, they're only available after hours and on the weekends. Does that make sense?

Plus, there's this unspoken (but kind of spoken) expectation that he, well... I don't know, bend to the every whim of every memeber of the church? That might be overstating it, but I hope you all get my meaning. He's working at a place where he's supposed to *serve* the population. Most days it's all give and no take. It's frustrating, especially because he's paid so poorly.
I'm not familiar with ministry but I just read this and think that this is your husband's anxiety or something. So, someone calls and he has to be available at all times? He can't say "sure, let me check my schedule, yes, I can see you at ___"?

What if he had a doctor's appointment? Would he have to cancel it to jump to the parishoner? Driving to the airport to pick up your parents flying in from out of town? Too bad, they'll have to get a cab? Seeing your son (when he's older) perform at a sports meet or in a play or something? Sorry son, maybe next time?

He really needs to manage his time. If he feels that he is not good enough unless he's jumping at every whim, he's never going to feel satisfied, he will always feel guilty or that he wasn't good enough. If he can assert himself a bit and say "I am here to help, I am available for you - I will make sure I can see you/help you at a mutually agreeable time" he can feel more confident in himself.

Yes, sometimes he will just have to drop everything, if someone is in real trouble RIGHT NOW. But that's a minority of the time.

Country doctors and sheriffs had to do the same thing. Someone called or came for them and they were eating dinner? They'd decide how urgent it was and maybe finish dinner first. Otherwise they'd go crazy.

Your church needs to help out here. It's in their interest. If they expect everything and give nothing, they are going to have constant turnover and that's not good for them - to always be scrambling to find a new minister and make sure he's a good fit. Not to mention, with that turnover, there will be no trust built up with the community. Which is a big deal because it means the difference between "I need help, I'll call Minister Dave because he's always been there for me and I trust him" versus "I need help and I can't even think of who to call (because I don't even KNOW who the minister is these days)."

You're not asking for much.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

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#39 of 43 Old 07-12-2010, 10:48 AM
 
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My dh is in ministry and let me say one word, BOUNDARIES. He needs to set boundaries, just as laohaire said.

Now, let me also say that my dh and I have agreed that his job is important to keep and he works to be the linch pin in his department. That may mean more hours or more availability. Whatever it takes. But this is a 'bad economy' issue not a 'ministry' issue. Can you see the difference?

Also, if your budget is indeed bare bones and you still cannot make it while living in the area that he serves your dh may need to speak to the board or whoever sets his salary. He should be paid a living wage.
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#40 of 43 Old 07-12-2010, 06:13 PM
 
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I just want to encourage you to keep job hunting, even if you get the coffee shop job. Your English degree CAN open doors for you.

I have an English degree, and getting a job as an administrative assistant at a university was the best thing for my career. People look down on administrative assistant work, because it doesn't necessary need a degree, but it is a great entry-level job and can pay really well, plus you learn all about the field you are working in. Working at a university is awesome for English majors. You may be able to pick up some college-level teaching experience. I taught a study skills class without a masters degree. You have access to a world-class library, and there are promotional opportunities.

For two years I worked at a community college part-time as an academic advisor. My college had an onsite child care center that was terrific. It was a "lab school" with the best teachers. It was right near my campus office, and I was able to eat lunch with my daughter, etc. Colleges have a number of positions that don't require masters degrees, like tutoring center administrators and project managers, and many of these jobs are part time. These positions can be competitive to get however, so you definately want to work on your resume and interview skills. If you live in Chicago, you have a number of world-class close by. I would definately recommend thinking of your English degree as an asset, and I would put it to work paying off those loans.
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#41 of 43 Old 07-12-2010, 08:07 PM
 
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I just want to encourage you to keep job hunting, even if you get the coffee shop job. Your English degree CAN open doors for you.

I have an English degree, and getting a job as an administrative assistant at a university was the best thing for my career. People look down on administrative assistant work, because it doesn't necessary need a degree, but it is a great entry-level job and can pay really well, plus you learn all about the field you are working in. Working at a university is awesome for English majors. You may be able to pick up some college-level teaching experience. I taught a study skills class without a masters degree. You have access to a world-class library, and there are promotional opportunities.
Plus at some places there's special tuition for your kids if they go there. I've thought about switching over to that when we get closer to my son being university aged (if they would take me!)

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
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#42 of 43 Old 07-12-2010, 11:06 PM
 
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hugs sounds like you're going through a lot. my husband was a youth pastor for a while & it is a really tough job. it is so demanding & our experience was similar to yours, that boundaries and nights/days off were hard to define or enforce. my husband is now a full-time worship pastor, and although we don't struggle with time-off and healthy boundaries, we do still struggle financially. like you, we really want to make my being at home a priority. i just read another thread here that discussed a legitimate work-at-home job. i applied tonight. can't hurt, right? here's the link:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1177481

aside from that, i'd recommend budgeting every.little.thing. meal plan. make your own detergent, dish soap, use the AC less, get rid of cable, etc. every little penny can add up to big savings. good luck. hugs

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#43 of 43 Old 07-13-2010, 10:48 AM
 
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Being a the wife of a man in ministry gives real meaning to 'die to self,' doesn't it?
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