My husband kinda doesn't share financial info. Any others out there? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 65 Old 10-12-2010, 01:33 PM
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i've been reading this thread and learning a lot. my husband and i have only been married for a couple of years, and i was (still am) quite young and very inexperienced job-wise. he made pretty big bucks since before we got married, and was very hesitant to put my name on everything. i'm still not listed on a savings account he had from before we got married. i don't like it, but i do understand it. especially once you said you'd only been married for a couple of years like us, i think it's sometimes hard for people to give up what they see as financial independence. and it's especially hard in this society... on the one hand there are lots of messages out there about women and men remaining financially indepedent, but on the other hand, if you have a more traditional set-up of one partner staying home, and the other working, the modern style of indepedence and seperate bank accounts etc, doesn't always work too well.

i had to really work on my dh for a while before we got joint accounts. and like i said, we're not all the way there. i think he always envisioned a partnership where the two spouses have totally seperate accounts and split all the bills down the middle or something, but he married someone who wants a very different set-up... so it has been an extended and somewhat complicated conversation to get where we are right now.

i'm glad you're getting somewhere. just keep clarifying in your head what you want your financial partnership to look like and keep the conversation going. our husbands may not fully understand just HOW exposed and scary it can feel to be a young SAHM with no real job experience and no real control or information about the state of your long-term finances.

i have a lot of work to do in the finance department myself. i want to be a better partner when it comes to our long-term goals and savings... i honestly don't know how we're really doing in that department.
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#62 of 65 Old 10-13-2010, 02:37 AM
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I am so thrilled to see that this conversation with your husband turned into a open exchange about money.

I have been afraid since my divorce (ex who didn't trust anyone with money, including me) that no man would be willing to have financial oneness and transparency with me, because of my ex's behaviour and his lack of trust in sharing with me his savings (something I never got any of during the divorce, and is still somewhat of a sore spot). Yes, it hurt the children. They have gone well as I. But most importantly, I am so happy to read your message and see that there is going to be some transparency in your life with money and your husband. That is truely wonderful to read!

Money can bring you together, or tear your marriage apart. It is the #1 factor in divorce.

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#63 of 65 Old 10-13-2010, 02:12 PM
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Your updates are awesome! Keep up the communication and you both will find your way.

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless." - Mother Teresa

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#64 of 65 Old 10-13-2010, 02:44 PM
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Originally Posted by sunnysandiegan View Post
Your updates are awesome! Keep up the communication and you both will find your way.
ITA! You can tell that you two are a really great couple . It seems that there are some issues with trust regarding money, but I'm sure in time you'll be able to move past that as well.

Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdadsuperhero.gif and mom to DS babyf.gif24 months, and DD boc.gif 8 months! .

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#65 of 65 Old 10-14-2011, 10:37 PM
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I would say your situation is not even half worse as mine. My husband never share anything about money to me which is really depressing. I thought when we got married, it's all about being one..sharing about everything we have as one. But it's not like that in our marriage. We don't have a joint account, he doesn't give me his credit card (I am not working by the way), I can't buy anything without his permission, I couldn't even buy myself a sanitary napkin without asking him... In short, I don't get the same monthly allowance that you are receiving from your husband. :-(

I love my husband but this issue about money is really bothering me, and I would say, I am starting to hate him because of that. I just tell myself that as soon as I would be able to work, then I could have my own money and won't be depending on him anymore. So, I would situation is a lot worse I think...

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