Tired of hearing about our debt!! - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 02:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
busymama77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,109
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I get to the point some days where I have an overwhelming feeling of anger when DH starts talking about our debt - what we can't buy right now - how we were 'almost there', but his car needed a brand new, $1,200 clutch!!
I hardly ever do anything for myself and when I do, I keep it as cheap as I possibly can and even then, I feel guilty spending the money even when we have it at the time!

How can I get past this and realize that I'm not the only one and that we'll 'get there' again?!

One happy mama to 1/06 , 3/10 , and married to my best friend
busymama77 is offline  
#2 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 02:46 PM
 
Denvergirlie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Foothills west of Denver
Posts: 2,070
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would recommend flipping that anger, and attacking the debt. You hate hearing about the debt, so get mad at it, attack it, make it go away so it will never darken your door again.

I've been there myself. I hated the fact that I was broke, beyond broke, but I also accepted responsibility that I was the person that had lived beyond my means and now had to sacrafice to pay it off and change my behavior to make sure I am not in that poistion again.

I do understand and hope that you don't take my comments as an attack on you, but if you really hate that debt, then get mad! Get angry, get focused so you never have to go thru this again and that you can get out of it as fast as possible.

However, If you can, I would leave some "mad money" in your budget. $20 a week can make a big difference if it allows you a take out pizza or trip to the thrift store or whatever.

best of luck!
Denvergirlie is offline  
#3 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 02:49 PM
 
beebalmmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,678
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Just wanted to say that I know how you feel. It is frustrating when things are financially so tight. Dh and I probably have most of our stress unleashed on eachother when money is tight. Which is currently is right now and considering I'm going back to school next year, will be tight for the forseeable future.

He sometimes gets annoyed at my budget, "because a man at my age with a professional job should be able to go buy a latte!" Well maybe, but we can't afford those little luxuries right now.

You're not alone!
beebalmmama is offline  
#4 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 02:52 PM
 
2lilsweetfoxes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: My own little world...
Posts: 1,359
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I understand. We are desperately trying to whittle down our debt. Last month 1) DH's grandma dies, so he flies out to her funeral and so everyone can meet the baby (around $600, which we have, but we don't, if you know what I mean. I encouraged the trip, but if we'd bought the tickets 2 days earlier, they'd have been half the price. Yep, hemming and hawing over whether or not to go cost us.) Then, a few days ago, his (only) pair of glasses--the frame breaks. So, he needs new glasses. I was able to do an emergency repair with superglue, but that isn't going to last. We go to the optical shop and they are having a bogo sale. Great! He can get a couple pairs of glasses. He picks out some sunglasses (which are $185 total, but he needed some for sports) and gets another pair of glasses, free. (You can get a pair of glasses there for $40, basic, no frills). If I'd needed the glasses, I'd have gotten 2 of the $40 pairs. I feel guilty anytime I spend money on myself--my jeans have holes in the knees, I haven't bought any in the last 5 years, my shirts are practically rags, I haven't bought a new dress since who knows when (I wear a uniform to work). Speaking of work, I have to put together my dress uniform because I have an inspection coming up, which will cost $$, but I feel guilty about spending the money. Oh, and my computer needs to be fixed, but I can't justify spending the money on it.
2lilsweetfoxes is offline  
#5 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 03:04 PM
 
HollyBearsMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: nomans land
Posts: 6,197
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It is hard when your scrimp and save to stay on top of the debt and then feel like its 2 steps forward and 3 steps back.

Do you and your husband have a budget, I mean a real budget that breaks down on your fixed expenses (rent/mortgage, utilities, etc) and non fixed (groceries, etc) so you know truly what is available to spend each week/month/quarter?

If not doing so might make you feel more in control and clearly illustrate to your husband what a huge hurtle an unexpected expense (like a new clutch) can do to it.

But it might also show you that you do have a some wiggle room for yourself (and some for your husband too) that would not dramatically impact your ability to pay down debt and save money. Remember the adage about paying yourself first.

And if you already do a budget can you take another look and adjust priorities?

What is important to you for you? Takeout pizza? A movie rental? High end coffee beans? a manicure? Ok so how much does it cost? Maybe you'll find you can do it once a week, maybe you'll find you can do it once a month, maybe once a quarter.

But the key is to build it into your budget so that you don’t feel guilty! Even when you have money its hard to spend it if you are nervous but if you have allowed for it and planned for it I find its easier to "treat" myself (to new underwear, LOL)

Pardon me while I puke.gif

HollyBearsMom is offline  
#6 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 03:24 PM
 
heatherdeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Everywhere... thanks, technology!
Posts: 4,888
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Denvergirlie View Post
However, If you can, I would leave some "mad money" in your budget. $20 a week can make a big difference if it allows you a take out pizza or trip to the thrift store or whatever.
Heck, $20 a MONTH would even be worth a pedi or a coffee and pastry at Borders while browsing through magazines--ya know?

You might also have a chat with your dh and the two of you together start using different "language" to frame your situation so that you feel more positive about the sacrifices and struggles you're facing. Instead of focusing on what's wrong, focus on what you're reaching for and talk about THAT. Really FEEL it. Make a small vision board (even just a few pics on a sheet of copy paper on the fridge--or even a single picture) that you guys can look at and know that THIS is why you're doing the things you do.

Focus on the benefit--not the struggle. It's really hard and it's so easy to be discouraged and down about it because it can be really overwhelming.

Hugs to you...

Heather - Wife , Mommy  & Health & Wellness Educator, Speaker & Consultant 
 
Dairy, soy & corn free with limited gluten... yes, really. And journeying towards peace.  Blogging about both.
 
Let me guide you to find the food and lifestyle choices...
heatherdeg is offline  
#7 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 04:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
busymama77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,109
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by HollyBearsMom View Post
It is hard when your scrimp and save to stay on top of the debt and then feel like its 2 steps forward and 3 steps back.

Do you and your husband have a budget, I mean a real budget that breaks down on your fixed expenses (rent/mortgage, utilities, etc) and non fixed (groceries, etc) so you know truly what is available to spend each week/month/quarter?

If not doing so might make you feel more in control and clearly illustrate to your husband what a huge hurtle an unexpected expense (like a new clutch) can do to it.

But it might also show you that you do have a some wiggle room for yourself (and some for your husband too) that would not dramatically impact your ability to pay down debt and save money. Remember the adage about paying yourself first.

And if you already do a budget can you take another look and adjust priorities?

What is important to you for you? Takeout pizza? A movie rental? High end coffee beans? a manicure? Ok so how much does it cost? Maybe you'll find you can do it once a week, maybe you'll find you can do it once a month, maybe once a quarter.

But the key is to build it into your budget so that you don’t feel guilty! Even when you have money its hard to spend it if you are nervous but if you have allowed for it and planned for it I find its easier to "treat" myself (to new underwear, LOL)
We have NEVER had a budget and have NEVER sat down to actually make one out. We pay all of our bills online and whenever I get frustrated like this, he thinks I'm taking it out on him and says 'you can take a look at the bills any time you want!' No, I want to know how a family of 4 goes through over $7k a month in income (there's daycare for 2 kids, groceries, credit cards (2), a few Target trips, utilities - all of the MAIN stuff) and still lives paycheck to paycheck!?!
I've requested several times to sit down and make a budget. A set NUMBER of what I can spend this week and so on.... it's never happened. I think it's time for me to really put my foot down on this so that I know what's going on!
$20 a week?! Yes, I could see having a couple of lattes with that and a nice lunch out by myself!!

One happy mama to 1/06 , 3/10 , and married to my best friend
busymama77 is offline  
#8 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 04:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
busymama77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,109
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
And when he pays bills, he pays what has come in with the money that we have on hand and 'budgets out' the daycare expense for the next two weeks until I get paid and then pays the other bills. It's a budget that is done in his head, and not on paper.

One happy mama to 1/06 , 3/10 , and married to my best friend
busymama77 is offline  
#9 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 05:01 PM
 
heatherdeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Everywhere... thanks, technology!
Posts: 4,888
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by busymama77 View Post
We have NEVER had a budget and have NEVER sat down to actually make one out. We pay all of our bills online and whenever I get frustrated like this, he thinks I'm taking it out on him and says 'you can take a look at the bills any time you want!' No, I want to know how a family of 4 goes through over $7k a month in income (there's daycare for 2 kids, groceries, credit cards (2), a few Target trips, utilities - all of the MAIN stuff) and still lives paycheck to paycheck!?!
I've requested several times to sit down and make a budget. A set NUMBER of what I can spend this week and so on.... it's never happened. I think it's time for me to really put my foot down on this so that I know what's going on!
$20 a week?! Yes, I could see having a couple of lattes with that and a nice lunch out by myself!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by busymama77 View Post
And when he pays bills, he pays what has come in with the money that we have on hand and 'budgets out' the daycare expense for the next two weeks until I get paid and then pays the other bills. It's a budget that is done in his head, and not on paper.

Okay... all of this is a little scary. What would happen if something (heaven forbid) happened to him...?

Do you think he's trying to hide something? Or do you think he just seriously doesn't "get" that this is an issue? I'm thinking that if you two argue about it, he MUST get that it's an issue...? What exactly is his objection to writing out the budget so that you can understand your family's finances? Has he given you a reason when you bring it up?

And really, can't you just look at the last few months of bank statements and cancelled check images and see where the money is going?

Heather - Wife , Mommy  & Health & Wellness Educator, Speaker & Consultant 
 
Dairy, soy & corn free with limited gluten... yes, really. And journeying towards peace.  Blogging about both.
 
Let me guide you to find the food and lifestyle choices...
heatherdeg is offline  
#10 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 05:25 PM
 
2lilsweetfoxes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: My own little world...
Posts: 1,359
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by heatherdeg View Post
Okay... all of this is a little scary. What would happen if something (heaven forbid) happened to him...?

Do you think he's trying to hide something? Or do you think he just seriously doesn't "get" that this is an issue? I'm thinking that if you two argue about it, he MUST get that it's an issue...? What exactly is his objection to writing out the budget so that you can understand your family's finances? Has he given you a reason when you bring it up?And really, can't you just look at the last few months of bank statements and cancelled check images and see where the money is going?
I remember several months ago I lived in fear that my DH would find out about our real financial situation. Which was: we were 1 step away from bankruptcy. I was robbing Peter to pay Paul. Using credit cards he didn't know we had, or if he knew about them, he didn't know they were in use. If he wanted something, he'd get it. I'd "find" the money somehow to pay for it so he wouldn't realize and then charge the gas and groceries or slowly drain the savings accounts, which meant I couldn't pay down the credit cards, which were like within $100 of being maxed at all times. It got to the point I'd switched the passwords on all the accounts and stopped paper statements. (Finally, something occurred and I laid it all out on the table and we are working together to solve the issue. Maybe not as 'gazelle' as Dave Ramsey, but we are loosely following it--have an emergency fund in place, and are attacking the debts one at a time and snowballing it. The glasses I mentioned upthread were cash-flowed from the October snowball, bought them instead of paying on the CC and the plane tickets were paid with a credit card that will be paid off shortly so that we could use our airline miles.)

Why did I hide it for so long? (it took me nearly 2 years to come clean--and then only when I was forced to) Honestly, I don't know. I could say that he has a temper and when things don't go his way, or as he thinks they should, he literally blows his top. Maybe it was to keep some semblance of peace.
2lilsweetfoxes is offline  
#11 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 05:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
busymama77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,109
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by heatherdeg View Post
Okay... all of this is a little scary. What would happen if something (heaven forbid) happened to him...?

Do you think he's trying to hide something? Or do you think he just seriously doesn't "get" that this is an issue? I'm thinking that if you two argue about it, he MUST get that it's an issue...? What exactly is his objection to writing out the budget so that you can understand your family's finances? Has he given you a reason when you bring it up?

And really, can't you just look at the last few months of bank statements and cancelled check images and see where the money is going?
Um, yeah, I know. I don't even know the sign on or password for our online banking. He's 'told' it to me before, but I have no clue what it is. I'm not trying to bash him, it's just that it blows my mind that he's constantly worried about money, but yet he's never actually budgeted what we can spend and what we can't. He sees it all going towards bills and that's it. He doesn't set aside 'fun money'. He thinks that going to Target is a big deal when it's always things that we need and I always buy on sale and use coupons!!!
I don't think he's hiding anything. He's not the type. Unless it's a surprise or something...but still, how could we afford the damn surprise when I can't buy a latte at Starbuck's right now?! KWIM?

One happy mama to 1/06 , 3/10 , and married to my best friend
busymama77 is offline  
#12 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 05:46 PM
 
cristina47454's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 703
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
My husband feels the same way you do He's SO TIRED of hearing about it. But he works such long hours, that the last thing he wants to do is sit down and look at our finances, so I feel like TALKING about our finances at the breakfast table is the only way he'll understand where we are. And also, I talk about it so much because I'm always thinking about it and I'm trying to download information and get buy-in. I don't work outside of the home and I feel like taking on the budget is my way of "contributing" - esp since I'm the one doing all the grocery shopping, running around with the kids, etc. I NEED to know where things stand so I know what I can and can't afford (can't afford much of anything these days). And since he doesn't know where things stand from week to week (although he knows how much we need to pay out every month) - my talking about it lets him know that this is NOT the week for an oil change and a haircut. KWIM?

I think you need to take a proactive stance and force yourself to get more involved. If you knew where the money was going, you'd feel more comfortable spending/saving/whatever the case may be. When I first started this (we had a decent income back then) I couldn't understand how we were living paycheck to paycheck either...but then I realized "Holy Crap! All that eating out adds up!" Or "Holy Crap! I didn't know I filling up so often!" I found that although I "knew" how much I was swiping the debit card, I wasn't really "getting" how fast it all adds up by the end of the month. Imagine that! Thank goodness I had the tools in place when hard times actually hit!
cristina47454 is offline  
#13 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 05:53 PM
 
heatherdeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Everywhere... thanks, technology!
Posts: 4,888
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Well, Target can totally be a big deal if the money is tight even if you ARE buying on sale. I grocery shopped clearance and loss-leader items only and was blowing out my grocery budget doing it.

And if you're raking in $7k/month net (heck, even if it's gross and you have a ton of deductions leaving you with about $4,500/mo), unless you have an outrageous mortgage and taxes--I'm with you... wth?

If you think he has nothing to actually hide, this is a battle I would choose to fight. It's a pretty big deal. Something's not right--either the financial picture or his perspective on the financial picture; but something's gotta give here because that is seriously no way to live. And if you're NETTING $7k/month... all the worse.

And with all due respect, plenty of "not the types" have dumbfounded their friends and families on multiple topics. Wonder if 2lilsweetfoxes spouse thought the same of her (no offense 2lilsweetfoxes!! Just trying to point out the potential here).

Get the password from him, print your last year of statements, and start picking through them. Maybe it would be best to get a handle on reality before trying to argue with him to do something that you truly CAN do yourself (build a budget based on the last year of spending).

Heather - Wife , Mommy  & Health & Wellness Educator, Speaker & Consultant 
 
Dairy, soy & corn free with limited gluten... yes, really. And journeying towards peace.  Blogging about both.
 
Let me guide you to find the food and lifestyle choices...
heatherdeg is offline  
#14 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 06:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
busymama77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,109
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by heatherdeg View Post
Well, Target can totally be a big deal if the money is tight even if you ARE buying on sale. I grocery shopped clearance and loss-leader items only and was blowing out my grocery budget doing it.

And if you're raking in $7k/month net (heck, even if it's gross and you have a ton of deductions leaving you with about $4,500/mo), unless you have an outrageous mortgage and taxes--I'm with you... wth?
If you think he has nothing to actually hide, this is a battle I would choose to fight. It's a pretty big deal. Something's not right--either the financial picture or his perspective on the financial picture; but something's gotta give here because that is seriously no way to live. And if you're NETTING $7k/month... all the worse.

And with all due respect, plenty of "not the types" have dumbfounded their friends and families on multiple topics. Wonder if 2lilsweetfoxes spouse thought the same of her (no offense 2lilsweetfoxes!! Just trying to point out the potential here).

Get the password from him, print your last year of statements, and start picking through them. Maybe it would be best to get a handle on reality before trying to argue with him to do something that you truly CAN do yourself (build a budget based on the last year of spending).
I agree. Our biggest expense each month is a family loan (from his parents that includes some money that we borrowed at one time and his car payment), the mortgage (taxes are already figured in to it), my car payment, daycare, and credit cards.
Family loan - $750
Car Payment - $310 (will be paid off in January)
Mortgage - $1,500
Daycare (monthly) - $1,600
Credit cards - he usually pays around $500 or so on each so, $1,000

$5,160 give or take a couple of hundred each month. Factor in gas, electric, car insurance, student loan, groceries - our other needs - and that total could get up to $5,500. So, we have $1,500 left over each month. Where's that going???

His car is paid for by his company with a car allowance and so is my gas card. We hardly EVER go out to eat - I mean, take out once or twice a month. Buying clothes for the kids - consignment or garage sales or really, really good sales with coupons. Clothes for me - $40 a month tops.

Sooooo much left over still even after all of that. I just need to see it all with my own two eyes. All of this mentioned is just from what I see coming in as far as bills go and I'm usually the one going to Target and buying the kids clothes. It's all so mind boggling.

One happy mama to 1/06 , 3/10 , and married to my best friend
busymama77 is offline  
#15 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 07:22 PM
 
cristina47454's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: New England
Posts: 703
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
So you're saying his paycheck is $7k/month? Health insurance, taxes, social security, 401k...all that fun stuff...are already taken out when he gets that income? My utilities easily run $400 month and I live in a smallish house ($85 for electric, $85 for phone/internet, $100 for cell phone, $125 for oil heat). Maybe look at all the smaller things and see how they ACTUALLY add up.

It wouldn't be a reach that you are spending $400/mo on groceries, eating out twice a month $100, student loans (?), copays/pharmacy (?), life insurance (?), clothing $50, haircuts (?), gifts (?)...does he buy lunch at work? How do you spend weekends (seems like "fun" has a way of costing money. Parking, admissions, snacks...)?...Maybe he is putting a certain amount in savings every month?

It just always shock me how even when I think Phew! A good month! Extra expenses pop up to eat it all up.

I'm just saying, that money does have a way of getting eaten up. Target used to be a KILLER for me. If you add up all the little categories that you are lumping together as "other needs" you might be surprised.
cristina47454 is offline  
#16 of 26 Old 11-04-2010, 08:22 PM
 
Storm Bride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 27,300
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by busymama77 View Post
$5,160 give or take a couple of hundred each month. Factor in gas, electric, car insurance, student loan, groceries - our other needs - and that total could get up to $5,500.
You seem to be saying that gas, electric, student loans, car insurance and groceries for a family of four would only be $340/month. That can't be right. Just our electricity and car insurance come to almost that much.

Quote:
So, we have $1,500 left over each month. Where's that going???
What about phones, cable, internet service, etc?

Your overall situation sounds similar to ours...our costs are higher in a couple places, and lower in others. We have a lower net income...but we don't have daycare, which roughly offsets the difference.

Money gets eaten. Groceries, phones, misc. kid expenses (ds1's extracurriculars, a new hat/jacket for dd2, Halloween costumes, gifts for birthday parties they attend, markers, crayons, paper, etc.), cable fees, internet fees, dental fees, eyeglasses, my choir fees...it adds up. I've done a budget a few times, but I find myself surprised by school fees, which always screw me up...and our $1700 body shop bill didn't help.

Life is expensive and it can be a lot of work to stay on top of the money...especially when communication is poor.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

Storm Bride is offline  
#17 of 26 Old 11-05-2010, 12:10 AM
 
heatherdeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Everywhere... thanks, technology!
Posts: 4,888
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Okay... so let's say $7k net. You said:

Family loan - $750
Car Payment - $310 (will be paid off in January)
Mortgage - $1,500
Daycare (monthly) - $1,600
Credit cards - he usually pays around $500 or so on each so, $1,000

Assuming you're paying insurance & taxes in your mortgage payment, right here you're shelling out $5,160/month.

That leaves $1,840/month.

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say your groceries are running easily $500/month with paper products included and that assumes you never pay more than $3/lb for meat and are not buying entirely organic. Add two REALLY cheap take-outs for the month and you're at $560.

And let's ballpark gas, electric, water, (garbage? sewer?) and cable at another $340/mo (which is way less than I would be paying for all of that).

Those two alone are $900. So $1840-900 = $940 left.

Okay... now maybe cell phones? $100? $840 left.

Target, Walmart and clothing alone could easily eat up $200 of that. $640 left.

Gifts? License renewal? Library fees? Renting a movie? A printer cartridge? Supplies for a school project? Or do you give kids lunch or spending money? That could be $100/month. $540

Of course, ALL HYPOTHETICAL, but you see where this is headed...

You need to know where the money is going since you're helping to spend it and he needs for you to be "in the know" about wth your money sitch is. There's no reason for you not to understand what's going on and there's no reason for him to avoid you knowing.

It's only going to get better when you're both aware of what's going on.

Heather - Wife , Mommy  & Health & Wellness Educator, Speaker & Consultant 
 
Dairy, soy & corn free with limited gluten... yes, really. And journeying towards peace.  Blogging about both.
 
Let me guide you to find the food and lifestyle choices...
heatherdeg is offline  
#18 of 26 Old 11-05-2010, 12:19 AM
 
GuildJenn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,776
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You guys do need to do a budget but it sounds to me like you're suffering from "it sounds rich" syndrome.

$7k can be a lot - and as a PP posted, it can also be not very much. I didn't see (in the PP's math) gas for the cars, car insurance, health insurance (if not deducted already), life insurance, savings, gym, student loan...

You need to know before you can judge. You say he told you the password but you forgot - so you need to ask him for more specifics. You can do this.

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
GuildJenn is offline  
#19 of 26 Old 11-05-2010, 12:46 AM
 
Emmeline II's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 8,817
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by busymama77 View Post
I've requested several times to sit down and make a budget. A set NUMBER of what I can spend this week and so on.... it's never happened. I think it's time for me to really put my foot down on this so that I know what's going on!
Dh was like this when we were first married...now I pay the bills. Take all the bills, get put on the accounts and get the passwords, then you make a paper budget and pay bills with his input. $7000 a month would be rich in south Texas, but our life lived in NY would probably cost that much.

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
Emmeline II is offline  
#20 of 26 Old 11-05-2010, 12:50 AM
 
MrsTittlemouse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 279
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Knowledge is Power.

I was in the dark for years and I took the entire month of October to figure out where we are at. You can do it. I am still taking baby steps around our finances, but I am really really happy to be aware of our situation!
MrsTittlemouse is offline  
#21 of 26 Old 11-05-2010, 12:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
busymama77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,109
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
So, we sat down last night and I looked through the bills that DH is going to be paying with his paycheck today and whatever else we had left in our checking account.

Insurance - is free for us. I don't get anything taken out of my paycheck and I'm the primary holder. Life Insurance - we have about $100 each month taken out for DH. I also didn't factor in the college funds (590) that we have set up for DS1 and DS2 equalling $200 a month.

Gas for my car - that was around $160, but we factor that in with the car allowance that DH gets which is $600 a month - his car payment plus my gas and that's the $600 so there isn't any extra coming out of our income. If that makes sense.

Water - was $250 for us. It was very hot here and we used our irrigation system quite a bit. But that's quarterly and will be cut back considerably now that it's getting colder. Oh and then there's a $95 irrigation bill to have ours serviced before we shut it off for the winter.

Trash - $84 a month - OUCH. Really? Ridonkulous.

Student Loan - $90 a month

Home Depot card - balance is $400 - will be paid off soon.

Direct TV - $130 a month. Again, OUCH. But we use it all. And we have 4 boxes in our house.

There's nothing to really cut out. There are things to pay off and they will be like the HD card, my car in two months... that's an extra $700 right there.

It was all definitely looked at it and certainly sucks. It's amazing how quickly it gets eaten up. But to set a limit for Target or the grocery store, he doesn't see the need in doing that. That, I still don't understand. But I guess I'll do that myself since I'm the one that goes so often anyhow. Make a list, stick to it, by only stuff that has coupons, etc., etc.,

One happy mama to 1/06 , 3/10 , and married to my best friend
busymama77 is offline  
#22 of 26 Old 11-05-2010, 12:35 PM
 
GuildJenn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,776
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Do you feel more on the same page about why he was concerned now?

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
GuildJenn is offline  
#23 of 26 Old 11-05-2010, 03:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
busymama77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 2,109
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by GuildJenn View Post
Do you feel more on the same page about why he was concerned now?
Yes, but the potential to have money left over is there - he just doesn't see that, I do, and will work hard to make that happen!!

One happy mama to 1/06 , 3/10 , and married to my best friend
busymama77 is offline  
#24 of 26 Old 11-05-2010, 03:35 PM
 
vannienicole's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,075
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Whether you use it or not, $130 for cable is expensive. Couldn't you do with for 6 months?


(almost 2 years TV free due to income and still not looking to get it)
vannienicole is offline  
#25 of 26 Old 11-05-2010, 03:50 PM
 
3timesamom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: no where ville USA
Posts: 340
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I must say, taking your head out of the proverbial sand is a very wise idea!!

A friend of mine allowed me to go over her bills and what she discovered was how her husband was meeting expenses. He was ALWAYS robbing peter to pay paul. Now he isn't letting go of the reins but she is looking over his shoulder and helping create budgets. He always use to tell her there was no money but in the end he would "find it". Now she doesn't have to hear that there is no money, they both know how much there is.

I agree with a PP however. Attack that debt. Get yourself where you need to be so you can get a starbucks coffee

We attacked ours and this was our first month contributing to our savings like crazy people!!

Living a life like no one else, with my husband, and all our children
3timesamom is offline  
#26 of 26 Old 11-05-2010, 07:14 PM
 
heatherdeg's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Everywhere... thanks, technology!
Posts: 4,888
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 5 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by busymama77 View Post
yes, but the potential to have money left over is there - he just doesn't see that, i do, and will work hard to make that happen!!
go, girl!

Heather - Wife , Mommy  & Health & Wellness Educator, Speaker & Consultant 
 
Dairy, soy & corn free with limited gluten... yes, really. And journeying towards peace.  Blogging about both.
 
Let me guide you to find the food and lifestyle choices...
heatherdeg is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off