Am I being unrealistic in terms of not wanting to go to college? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 97 Old 12-31-2010, 04:06 PM
 
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If you don't want to go to college - now is not the time!  I agree with a pp who said you can do one course at a time, and I agree... if you want to.  I don't think it is valuable or a good use of resources though, unless you want to be doing it, or you are pretty sure it will benefit you in the future.

 

If your dh is on board with you staying at home, and has a plan to increase his income in the near future, I think that you should stay home.  If you get creative you might find some good opportunities, like cheap rent, a job you or dh hadn't considered...   

 

We were in a really similar place to you 5 years ago... and it got better and it will keep getting better. 


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#62 of 97 Old 12-31-2010, 05:43 PM
 
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Sure - here is just one among many articles.  This particular article gives many other references at the end (some with links to the original research) you can read for yourself.

 

http://www.act4jj.org/media/factsheets/factsheet_12.pdf

 

And I did not say she was not able to make" that" decision.  I said she may not be thinking about it rationally.  Please don't put words in my mouth.



I did not mean to put words in your mouth-but that's pretty much what you mean IMO when you say she is not thinking rationally because of her age. Let's also take into personal differences, genetics, and environment. The article seems to be mostly about juvenile offenders whom they are trying to prove are not fit to be tried as adults for crimes, not married responsible parents. No doubt people who commit offenses enough to be tried as adults in court (like murder, etc.) probably had different environments and cognitive abilities than someone who leads a functional life in society. I am having trouble finding a direct link to the scientific studies that you are trying to use here and they seem to be linked directly to criminal studies. They state in one juvenile offense factbook that brain development concludes at age 25 but nowhere does it state that it makes one inable to think rationally. The only place I could find one of the conferences where they discussed the adolescent brain in relation to crime and other "implications" such as substance abuse requires payment, so I won't be checking that one out. All of this is ultimately irrelevant, anyway, as this is not the purpose of this discussion to have someone try to scientifically prove that she is irrational because she hasn't magically hit age 25. wink1.gif


You ARE putting words in my mouth.  "Pretty much what you mean" is putting words in someone's mouth.  I said she MAY not be able to think about this rationally because of her age and that later, she might regret a decision she made at such a young age.  We have ALL regretted decisions made when we were young.  I don't know how old you are, but your post suggests that you haven't gotten past that stage yet to understand... but it does happen.  The article I referenced happened to be one that used this WELL PROVEN fact to explain young kids committing crimes. 

 

What I referenced was ONE article with a particular slant to it.  There are thousands of medical research results that explain:

 

"Areas involved in planning and decision-making, including the prefrontal cortex -- the cognitive or reasoning area of the brain important for controlling impulses and emotions -- appear not to have yet reached adult dimension during the early twenties."

 

That's from this Neuroscience article.  That's just another example. It doesn't necessarily have to do with crime.  It applies to all decision making in the early 20's.  Do your own research and quit putting words in my mouth.  It's very relevant to the discussion because at 20, she could be making some decisions that affect the rest of her life without taking the time to rationally think through them.  At 20, being a SAHM for the rest of her life might sound wonderful, but life will most likely not follow her expectations.  If nothing else, there is the empty nest days ahead as well as old age.  (Yeah, I'm sure at 20, nobody thinks they'll ever get old and need things like disability insurance or retirement money or extended care.)


No need to get pissy about it. I wasn't attacking you, but the research. treehugger.gif I take great offense to people making assumptions that people under (usually their 30's) are not good parents and do not make good decisions. I became a parent young and have had nothing but really rude and demeaning comments to me about it. And by any standards, if someone claims that a 20 year old parent is not thinking rationally about going back to college, then where does it end? Is she making correct parenting choices? Should she be allowed to make those choices? Should she be competent enough to go to school? What about healthcare careers? Tons of people her age work in healthcare as CNAs and RNs and EMTs. Are they thinking rationally? Should they not be allowed to hold those jobs? Because if you can't think rationally enough to decide for yourself whether or not you should go back to school "just in case" then what makes you rational enough to perform CPR on somebody or run an IV?

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#63 of 97 Old 12-31-2010, 06:12 PM
 
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Personally, I think if you and your husband are happy with where you are at, then it's all good. Don't worry about what others think, kay? Just make a plan together so that you can make it happen.

 

I will say that I went to LPN school straight out of high school, became an LPN when I was 19, before meeting my ex. I've been a SAHM quite a bit through our marriage, raising our kids. But, my ex had trouble keeping a job in this economy and so many times, I was thankful to be able to go to work, and make quite a bit more than minimum wage to help support us when the times got tough. I have wished several times I had kept going and gotten my BSN way back then, before kids, lol, but I didn't and while I don't make as much as an RN, I do make enough to have supported my family on my income alone when needed.

 

So, if you're thinking of doing something simply as a backup, something like that is possible. My school was 12 months. And as long as I kept up the requirements for continuing education, my license stayed active. I would encourage you to be a SAHM as long as you can. My mother hasn't had to work a day since she married my stepdad, and I think that's wonderful. But things do happen and sometimes life is unfair. It doesn't hurt to have a backup plan.

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#64 of 97 Old 01-01-2011, 09:32 AM
 
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Personally, I think if you and your husband are happy with where you are at, then it's all good. Don't worry about what others think, kay? Just make a plan together so that you can make it happen.

Well, to be fair, the OP did ask the question in the Frugality & Finances forum. It's not unsolicited advice.

 

There are plenty of us here who would be happy to help with a plan, but the OP seemed more to be looking for validation that not going to college is okay or good than making a plan, but the thread is now far afield from that question. 


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#65 of 97 Old 01-01-2011, 10:11 AM
 
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Personally, I think if you and your husband are happy with where you are at, then it's all good. Don't worry about what others think, kay? Just make a plan together so that you can make it happen.

Well, to be fair, the OP did ask the question in the Frugality & Finances forum. It's not unsolicited advice.

 

There are plenty of us here who would be happy to help with a plan, but the OP seemed more to be looking for validation that not going to college is okay or good than making a plan, but the thread is now far afield from that question. 


Guess I should have clarified. It sounded like she was feeling pressured to attend college by family and came here to ask if it would be possible for them to live without going. I say it is possible, and if her and her husband are able to implement a plan and it makes them happy, to not worry about what family thinks. I also made a suggestion for some education that would be a good backup.
 

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#66 of 97 Old 01-01-2011, 08:40 PM
 
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OP, there are many ways to make money. If you don't have some sort of credentials on paper, finding a well-paying job will be difficult, but there's nothing stopping you from earning income in other ways. I learned a lot from The Richest Man in Babylon and Rich Dad, Poor Dad. I am of the opinion that retirement is unhealthy for me and my dp; we do not have any desire to retire. What we do have, is a desire to do work that benefits us, and that we retain the flexibility necessary to evolve our work to match our abilities and goals. Having savings is important, too, but being productive is moreso. I disagree that we should work at jobs during our most viable years and retire when we're spent. It's fine with me that others want to do this, but it's not for me.

 

My grandfather is in his eighties and has for the past 20 years since stopping his trade-based work due to physical inability to continue (and with no retirement savings), been making a very long list of odd and useful/beautiful objects for sale, chosen based mostly on serendipitous findings. For an example, albeit a bit of an unusual one, he found a shop that makes custom blinds and discards ends of fabric rolls and cut-offs of tracking. He asked them if he could have these rolls, and because it reduced their dumpster load and meant less cost to them, they said yes. He filled the back of his van and made blinds for his neighbours and surrounding community for a year with those rolls. He did the same with carpet and pallets, making really tidy cat trees and scratch posts. He sells lots of his creations at the fairs. He has also done more artistic things like photography and wood-burning. He supported himself and wife this way until last year when she died (having had only a few paycheques from her twenties), so now it's just him. Anyway, he's not breaking his back doing this stuff. He goes at a steady, leisurely pace and truly enjoys his work. He spends a few hours each day sitting in his garden with his cats. He had a heart attack 2o years ago, and decided to change his life. He did. He's not retired and relies on nobody for his well-being. There are many ways to live- and live well. I should mention that he owns his house outright, has no debt, and he's strong as an ox.

 

You do not have to have a job or be employed by others as a hireling in order to earn an income. Thinking that you do is a limiting belief that is demonstrably untrue. That people do have jobs and earn incomes from them is beside the point.

 

I understand the torture of schooling's pace and also cannot fathom spending my time that way; it is far too valuable to me. I am an autodidact, took the first half of two degrees in order to gain the skills I wanted from them, but then moved onto other things. I have no papers, but I have a portfolio of work. I am also awaiting confirmation from a local paper for contributing a weekly column. I am waiting on the assignment specs for a book I'll be illustrating. I refuse to make a job that I own, so I am intentionally keeping my sources of income varied, enjoyable, and leisurely. 

 

Also, it is possible to live rurally, but only semi-off-grid. We haul water, but have telephone, electricity and high-speed internet just because the property happens to be en route to a town further north. Otherwise, our life is that of homesteaders.

 

Look up "unjobbing" and "homestead income" for ideas on how to earn income without a job. It doesn't matter if you are not yet homesteading; there are lots of ways you can earn income in similar ways. If you are an autodidact, you are likely quite creative, so once you are free of the college=job or job=money mentality, you will likely have trouble narrowing your options. The "job" is a very new concept in humanity, from an evolutionary perspective. Productivity and the trader principle are our nature, and why we have been so successful over so much time. IMO, the job is a detractor to progress.

 

ENJOY your journey!!!

 

 

 

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#67 of 97 Old 01-02-2011, 08:49 AM
 
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Yes, college can be a very good investment for your husband and family. As others have mentioned, focus on cost-effective, job-oriented programs. (not philosophy, not comparative lit, not in a school with tuition costing $30K/year) Start by calling your local community college, and look for ways for him to get a useful degree with the least possible debt incurred.

 

You mentioned considering nursing school for yourself, in the future. This would be a great idea for you, as it leads to a very flexible career. My SIL was working as a backup psych nurse (or something like that) and would get calls every so often asking if she wanted to come in for a shift that night. If she wanted to, fine. She got great pay. If she did not want to, also fine. I don't know of another job with flexibility like that. If you are not sure about nursing, keep in mind you would be starting with the basic courses anyway (math, writing, etc) which can be applied to any program.

 

There are times when a woman needs to get a job, especially one with health insurance. (others have mentioned loss of spouse, disability,  sick child, etc) The RN or LPN is like an insurance policy which allows you to take steps if needed to protect your kids and family and do a big part to take care of them financially.

 

You are in a great position now to take steps toward a very successful future. I strongly recommend (affordable) college educations for both of you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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#68 of 97 Old 01-02-2011, 03:24 PM
 
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I think that your husband should get the best degree he can now, while you still have the amazing support of free housing. In your shoes, I would consider becoming an RN now, even if you only work per diem or whatever while mostly being a sahp. It is cheaper and easier to go to school now, as college costs are rising and expected to continue to do so, and as you are living for free in your ils house.

Also, with 20k in income and essentially no living expense, I think you should save a lot of your money now. And regularly thank and show you appreciation for the people who are helping you get started in life with the free housing arrangment.
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#69 of 97 Old 01-03-2011, 06:14 AM
 
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Just to keep things straight, she's not in a free housing situation, she owes $500 a month for it. And it's not housing that is conducive to staying in - it's moldy (and causing health issues on that account), lead-contaminated, unheated and illegal (no fire exits).


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#70 of 97 Old 01-03-2011, 06:49 AM
 
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One thing to keep in mind is that if you do nursing, you have to keep active with it-not just go to school and depend on it later when you "need" it. Healthcare is an important field to continue your work, even prn in. Trust me-I used to work med/surg and then was a ART working with IVF and IUI and now the best job I could get would be at Taco Bell since all of my certification is expired and my education out of date from not working with it in over 6 years.

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#71 of 97 Old 01-03-2011, 07:26 AM
 
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This is what sticks out the most from the OP's post. I honestly cannot imagine trying to raise my children on $20,000 a year, and I oppose getting public assistance just because you don't want to get a job. (Yeah, not PC, but there is it.) Even in a rural area, you're going to be spending at least $400 a month on housing. Assuming you have no tax liability, that's 25% of your husband's pay. If you're in a rural area, you MUST have a car. When you're 20 miles from the grocery store, there's no public transportation, and walking or biking with children just isn't feasible. Begin RIGHT NOW pulling enough out of your husband's pay to cover the additional expenses you'll have when you're independent and then see how that works for 6 months. Then you'll begin to get an idea of whether living off $20K a year is feasible for you.

 

As your children age, they will need and want things, and you won't even have the opportunity to decide on those things. You'll have to say no out of necessity.

 

IMO, you're putting a tremendous burden on your husband and also counting on energy levels and luck to get you through. Whether you can make it shouldn't be dependent on whether you get a chance to make laundry detergent. What if you get the flu? What if one of your girls is really sick or injured? No laundry detergent because you can't afford to buy it and don't have time to make it...

 

If you're planning to live a rural life, I'm assuming you will garden. What about years when there are droughts? What about when you're on a learning curve, and the potatoes you had hoped would help you survive don't make it?

 

I don't think college is necessary if you don't want to go and have goals that can be met elsewhere. I also don't think that you have a realistic picture of what it's like to live on your own because my understanding of your situation is that you haven't ever completely supported yourselves. You're rent-free and also use someone else's kitchen, so you don't know what your energy expenses are. I think it's probably good for you & your husband to sit down and figure out a long-term plan with help from someone who can give you an accurate idea of what living expenses in your area might be. 

While I totally agree the the OP may not really know what it is to live and the expenses involved as a separate household from her current multigenerational situation. I think you paint super negative image of both living on a limited budget and living rurally. 

 

I live in a town of 1300 people.  We do have zero public transportation, but I can go to my job, my kid's school, my bank, my insurance agent, the hardwear store, the grocery store, and the library by walking or riding my bike (all less than a mile).  We also have a family practice doc, a dentist and two different chiros).  Honestly, the only things I really need that I can't get in town or order on Amazon would be medical specialty care and getting a perscriptions filled.  Since no one in my family has any chronic health concerns not a big deal in my mind.  I could borrow a car/arrange for pick up if I needed to.

While DH and I make way more than 20K I can invision living a pretty nice life on that amount without using any public assistance using our current bills (I would sell one car for sure though and we would get the EIC).   Using the amount we currently pay for health insurance from DH's employer we could live in our current house, pay our utiltiies, have health coverage, renter's, auto, and life insurance, and have about $745 for food, clothing, entertainment. and gas.  It would not be luxurious life and my kids would have fewer toys and fewer trips to visit distant grandparent, but not much would change for them. The big differences would be savings and travel.

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#72 of 97 Old 01-03-2011, 08:27 PM
 
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I have no desire to work outside the home, and we also have two young children. I have been a stay at home mom from the beginning, and cant imagine it any other way. My husband fully supports us being frugal and keeping me at home instead of having two parents work outside the home and have our children raised by day care.

 

With that said, I also have to be careful because my husband is in the Army. I know I need a backup plan in case of injury or worse case scenario. It's a big, ugly reality when you marry the military. So, I go to college online currently and working towards a teaching degree. That way, if worse case scenario happens (or even divorce or something like that) I have a way to support my children while having a schedule that meets their needs as well. Also, since we plan to homeschool, I can only see benefits to being a certified teacher. I think this helps the family out in several ways... even though I don't plan on working, ya know?

 

Since you guys are low income with children, you would probably qualify for the pell grant. I qualify and our income is in the 30k range. It's been a very helpful way to contribute to the family and give us that little "boost" too!


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#73 of 97 Old 01-04-2011, 05:53 AM
 
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 So, I go to college online currently and working towards a teaching degree. That way, if worse case scenario happens (or even divorce or something like that) I have a way to support my children while having a schedule that meets their needs as well. Also, since we plan to homeschool, I can only see benefits to being a certified teacher. I think this helps the family out in several ways... even though I don't plan on working, ya know?

 The thing with this is though, you have to be always going to school in order for this to be a viable back up plan.  I have a teaching degree, but my license is expired.  In order to renew it, I need at least 10 credits, maybe more (haven't looked it up yet.)  Which means that if I needed to fall back on it, I really in nearly the same place as if I didn't have the degree-having to go to school first.  It might not be as much school as no degree at all, but then again, I might be able to get other training/certification to make as much money in the same amount of time it would take to earn enough credit to renew my license.

 

Teaching is not the only licensure that requires continuing education, lots of medical and professional licenses require continuing education.  IMO, it's not really practical to invest all the time it would take to maintain licensing or certification in a particular area (teaching, nursing, whatever) if it's only a back up plan. 

 

Now, that doesn't mean the degree is worth nothing...my degree makes me more marketable as a daycare provider if I choose, it makes me worth more as a tutor and it qualifies me to substitute teach without any additional training (and qualifies me for more money in some districts.)  So, the degree isn't wasted and I do believe that no education is.  There are certainly benefits to nearly every education.  But a college degree is far from the only way to make enough money to live a comfortable lifestyle. 

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#74 of 97 Old 01-04-2011, 07:26 AM
 
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I think it's a good idea for everyone in a family to have a decent earning potential.  We all need a plan B. 

 

College doesn't have to be ridiculously expensive.  DH and I both have advanced degrees and we have no educational debt.  My parents paid for my undergraduate degree, but DH didn't get help from his parents and has a PhD.  There are many ways to finance college and lots of benefits of having a degree.  Sure, there can be problems when you have a lot of education and you take time off to raise kids, but kids grow up, so no one really knows how their degrees will benefit them in the future.  I don't work much now, but I plan to in the future.  I got a random phone call yesterday from a friend offering me a job.  I live in a state with very high unemployment yet she called me to see if I wanted to take on a well paying, meaningful part time job with benefits.  I am working on something else so I said no, but this offer just shows that education opens doors.

 

I also want to respond to the post where someone said daycare raised children.  I really wish these discussions didn't turn into mommy wars.  There's no evidence that daycare is harmful and it benefits a lot of families.  My child thrives at her part time daycare/preschool and our whole family benefits because I make a financial contribution and I'm happy to be using my talents.  I'm also benefiting my family by keeping a gap-free resume because I do plan on working more someday.  I know that I am really lucky to get to do jobs I like when I want, but this all came about because I have a lot of education and work experience. 


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#75 of 97 Old 01-04-2011, 08:25 AM
 
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The OP hasn't replied once to this thread.  I don't think she's reading it (or cares for the advice herein).

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#76 of 97 Old 01-04-2011, 08:58 AM
 
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I imagine she's reading it (she's very active on MDC in general), but her focus has shifted to the short term rather than the long term (she has another thread opened since, regarding her present living situation). This discussion is probably pushed to her back burner.


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#77 of 97 Old 01-04-2011, 09:56 AM
 
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The OP hasn't replied once to this thread.  I don't think she's reading it (or cares for the advice herein).



I'm sure she's reading, but I think she was pretty clearly looking for validation about not going to college. She said in the OP that she wondered if she's trying to justify, but I don't think we're ever prepared to hear that we are even if we know it's true.

 

TBH, the OP seems to be in a place where she believes she's stuck in her current situation and can't see a way out. I've been there. Though I had more options because I finished college & grad school and had a job before kids, it's still a crummy place to be. She's 20 with 2 kids, a husband who makes very little money, and ILs who don't treat her as an adult. That's a lot to unpack and work through before making any long-term decisions.


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#78 of 97 Old 01-04-2011, 10:48 AM
 
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While I totally agree the the OP may not really know what it is to live and the expenses involved as a separate household from her current multigenerational situation. I think you paint super negative image of both living on a limited budget and living rurally. 

 

I live in a town of 1300 people.  We do have zero public transportation, but I can go to my job, my kid's school, my bank, my insurance agent, the hardwear store, the grocery store, and the library by walking or riding my bike (all less than a mile).  We also have a family practice doc, a dentist and two different chiros).  Honestly, the only things I really need that I can't get in town or order on Amazon would be medical specialty care and getting a perscriptions filled.  Since no one in my family has any chronic health concerns not a big deal in my mind.  I could borrow a car/arrange for pick up if I needed to.

While DH and I make way more than 20K I can invision living a pretty nice life on that amount without using any public assistance using our current bills (I would sell one car for sure though and we would get the EIC).   Using the amount we currently pay for health insurance from DH's employer we could live in our current house, pay our utiltiies, have health coverage, renter's, auto, and life insurance, and have about $745 for food, clothing, entertainment. and gas.  It would not be luxurious life and my kids would have fewer toys and fewer trips to visit distant grandparent, but not much would change for them. The big differences would be savings and travel.

 


I grew up outside of a town that size. There are a number of things off the top of my head that you cannot get in that town that would require trips to a larger town (and a car). Most people took monthly trips to a larger town. Certainly the educational opportunities that I want for my children aren't readily available there. Plus the OP wants to live off the grid (or semi- anyway), so the idea of doing that and walking to everything is fairly incompatible in most places. My father lived off-grid for many years. He enjoyed it, but it was a lot of work! If you want to do that, then have at it. The OP posted yesterday that continually lifting her 30-pound daughter on and off the toilet was straining her back. That's not really compatible with the type of work even subsistence farming takes. So while I'm not opposed to rural life (though you are right that it is not something I'd choose), I think the OP is romanticizing. That's fine. All of us do that at some extent, especially when we are really young. I had the whole "change the world" activist ideology in college, so I do get that it's a different version of the same concept.
 
I think that my comments come from reading WCM's posts for a long time and seeing a pattern that suggests that she needs to do some serious thinking about her family's future and how to make that happen. Do I think college is a necessity? For everyone, no, it is not. I tell my own children that college is what you do after high school. I assume they will go, and our family functions according to that assumption. I don't know what I'd say to one of my children who didn't want to go to college, but I imagine it would be along the lines of the things I've said in this thread to push them to think about their lives long-term. 
 

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Just to keep things straight, she's not in a free housing situation, she owes $500 a month for it. And it's not housing that is conducive to staying in - it's moldy (and causing health issues on that account), lead-contaminated, unheated and illegal (no fire exits).

They have not been paying. That is a new (future) development. From the OP:

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post

We're currently living in his parents basement and not paying rent (until taxes come). 

 


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#79 of 97 Old 01-04-2011, 10:52 AM
 
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Just to keep things straight, she's not in a free housing situation, she owes $500 a month for it. And it's not housing that is conducive to staying in - it's moldy (and causing health issues on that account), lead-contaminated, unheated and illegal (no fire exits).

They have not been paying. That is a new (future) development. From the OP:

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post

We're currently living in his parents basement and not paying rent (until taxes come). 

 



I know - I said she "owes" the money. It's quite a bit different from being rent free.


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#80 of 97 Old 01-04-2011, 01:12 PM
 
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WCM, in you situation, I would absolutely plan on gong to school (both you and your DH). If his potential earning power now is less than 20K a year, you'll probably never survive - especially with more kids - and will be stuck living in that awful basement of your MIL's. You can always homestead and live off the grid later in life (really, at 20 years, you are still a baby).

I don't know, maybe it's just me... But I've already had 4 kids and am 11 years older than you. We've been poor (though making more than you all, while having more bills and housing to pay), and I would never dream of living like that forever. Luckily, my DH was promoted along the years and we are very comfortable now - but I don't see that option at sears auto, and would do whatever it took to get at least one worthwhile degree or certification so that you can better your life for your children.

I'm in school now (and was years ago after my 2nd child was born, but dropped out b/c life with lots of small children is challenging). Even though we are doing well now, you never know what the future holds, especially in this economy. Not to mention that now that I've gotten a taste of the good life, not only do I never want go back to anyhing less, but I actually have goals for even bigger and better things do my family. Just me, though, and I know others are perfectly fine with just barely getting by and living in poverty. If that's the case, then there's no need to seek advice, I guess.

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#81 of 97 Old 01-04-2011, 02:35 PM
 
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I think as a mom... we all have to do what's best for our familes. It's sad to see this become a sah/woh debate.

 

Really, it's about options. Not just for you, but for your kids too. I don't think that college always equals more options; but a plan to put your family in a better position with more options is always smart. It's the reason that some mom's like to keep a full pantry, or learn to garden or learn to cook.


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#82 of 97 Old 01-04-2011, 02:45 PM
 
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I think as a mom... we all have to do what's best for our familes. It's sad to see this become a sah/woh debate.

 

 I don't see this as a SAH/WOH debate at all.  The OP's husband is barely making more than minimun wage. They are currently living rent free, in a situation she wants to get out of.    If she/they want to improve their situation an education is a great start.  (I'm well aware that it isn't always the case but the data is out there for what people make with a hs diploma, vs a 4 year degree vs maters, and PHD.)


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#83 of 97 Old 01-04-2011, 05:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by texmati View Post

I think as a mom... we all have to do what's best for our familes. It's sad to see this become a sah/woh debate.

 

 I don't see this as a SAH/WOH debate at all.  The OP's husband is barely making more than minimun wage. They are currently living rent free, in a situation she wants to get out of.    If she/they want to improve their situation an education is a great start.  (I'm well aware that it isn't always the case but the data is out there for what people make with a hs diploma, vs a 4 year degree vs maters, and PHD.)

Someone brought up staying home and not wanting, "daycare to raise" her children.  That's like the battle cry in the mommy wars.  I agree that regarding the OP it's not really relevant, but it certainly pertains to some of the responses given.
 


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#84 of 97 Old 01-07-2011, 03:59 AM
 
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I have no interest in getting a degree or going to college just to say I did it or have a piece of paper that somehow makes me a more worthy person in the eye's of others.  If I wanted to pursue a career then I would go that route.  But I am happily married for 12 years and plan to grow old with my husband, I'm a SAHM and homeschooling mother.  This is my place, my calling, my future.  My dh is totally supportive of that and doesn't mind being the sole bread winner, even if that means we often have very little to cover all the expenses (he's self employed so there's no steady paycheck and no benefits!). Once the kids are grown I still don't plan on going to college, I plan on investing more of my time with volunteer work at the food bank and the animal shelter as well as continuing to be a homemaker- making our home comfortable for my husband and myself and our family, entertaining, etc.  Call me old fashioned, but it works for us and we wouldn't have it any other way.  If anything ever happened to dh, we have life insurance and a large family that would help me through the tough times.

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#85 of 97 Old 01-07-2011, 01:41 PM
 
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I have no interest in getting a degree or going to college just to say I did it or have a piece of paper that somehow makes me a more worthy person in the eye's of others.  If I wanted to pursue a career then I would go that route.  But I am happily married for 12 years and plan to grow old with my husband, I'm a SAHM and homeschooling mother.  This is my place, my calling, my future.  My dh is totally supportive of that and doesn't mind being the sole bread winner, even if that means we often have very little to cover all the expenses (he's self employed so there's no steady paycheck and no benefits!). Once the kids are grown I still don't plan on going to college, I plan on investing more of my time with volunteer work at the food bank and the animal shelter as well as continuing to be a homemaker- making our home comfortable for my husband and myself and our family, entertaining, etc.  Call me old fashioned, but it works for us and we wouldn't have it any other way.  If anything ever happened to dh, we have life insurance and a large family that would help me through the tough times.

 

I'll just gently point out that the OP is not in the same situation you are in.  If *your* dh dies, you won't have a problem it seems, and that is the exception, not the rule, particularly for a family that started when the parents were 17 and are now only 20.  Your situation is vastly different than hers and that's why encouraging an education or trade is important.  And I have to say that while you might think so,  a degree isn't, in fact, just about a piece of paper.  It can be an intellectual pursuit, a broadening of horizons, a finding of oneself, expanding the mind and being more open to... opportunity.
 

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#86 of 97 Old 01-14-2011, 01:02 PM
 
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Completing a degree part time takes a long time. I think you would be doing your future self and family a service by trying to get your basics out of the way. Finishing the basic of a 2 year degree will let you jump start your career when you are ready to devote more time outside your family. You might find that without outside pressure you enjoy the challenge of school in a new way. I enjoyed graduate school so much more than college because it felt like I was doing it for myself. School doesn't have to be burden placed on you by others.

 

Living as your currently living might be fun/exciting/tolerable now, at 2, with two little kids. It might not be as fun at 30 or 40 and it is harder to go back to school. I have a dear friend who was in very, very similar circumstances at your age. She really regrets making the time for school earlier when it would have been much easier for her to take a class a semester. Instead, it has taken her almost ten years to finish her degree and it took 2 years to get of the waitlist for the RN program. At 42, she has two kids finishing high school and her husband recently left her for a 25 year old lawyer.. She is really struggling.

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#87 of 97 Old 01-14-2011, 05:14 PM
 
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Completing a degree part time takes a long time. I think you would be doing your future self and family a service by trying to get your basics out of the way. Finishing the basic of a 2 year degree will let you jump start your career when you are ready to devote more time outside your family. You might find that without outside pressure you enjoy the challenge of school in a new way. I enjoyed graduate school so much more than college because it felt like I was doing it for myself. School doesn't have to be burden placed on you by others.

 

Living as your currently living might be fun/exciting/tolerable now, at 2, with two little kids. It might not be as fun at 30 or 40 and it is harder to go back to school. I have a dear friend who was in very, very similar circumstances at your age. She really regrets making the time for school earlier when it would have been much easier for her to take a class a semester. Instead, it has taken her almost ten years to finish her degree and it took 2 years to get of the waitlist for the RN program. At 42, she has two kids finishing high school and her husband recently left her for a 25 year old lawyer.. She is really struggling.


I am 48 and I have seen a number of women struggling like this because of being widowed or divorced.  That is why I highly recommend to the OP that she take a good long look at her life goals and figure out a way to work towards them even as she enjoys staying with her kids.  The other thing is that there seems to be a certain point in a woman's life that her horizons expand.  Having a solid base of education and financial freedom at that point is a huge blessing.  And I am speaking from someone what absolutely adored being home with my kids for their early years.  But, truthfully, at 7 and 12 they are more independent, need to be more independent, and if I didn't have a burgeoning career and my new hobby of playing violin I would be bored out of my mind.  My home and my life is about as clean and organized and homey as possible.  I am happy to make home cooked meals every night and I do, I help them with their school work, etc. etc.,  But even with the kids and graduate school and the violin lessons and a job, I STILL find myself restless, especially when I am not in school.  I find that is pretty common with women my age.  My friends are all in school, or starting businesses or new activities.  But most of them are not starting from scratch with no education and very little money.  That is not an enviable position to be in.  When you are young, you can give yourself a great gift of foresight into your future.  The world really, really needs us, ladies!

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#88 of 97 Old 01-15-2011, 05:06 AM
 
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Completing a degree part time takes a long time. I think you would be doing your future self and family a service by trying to get your basics out of the way. Finishing the basic of a 2 year degree will let you jump start your career when you are ready to devote more time outside your family. You might find that without outside pressure you enjoy the challenge of school in a new way. I enjoyed graduate school so much more than college because it felt like I was doing it for myself. School doesn't have to be burden placed on you by others.

 

Living as your currently living might be fun/exciting/tolerable now, at 2, with two little kids. It might not be as fun at 30 or 40 and it is harder to go back to school. I have a dear friend who was in very, very similar circumstances at your age. She really regrets making the time for school earlier when it would have been much easier for her to take a class a semester. Instead, it has taken her almost ten years to finish her degree and it took 2 years to get of the waitlist for the RN program. At 42, she has two kids finishing high school and her husband recently left her for a 25 year old lawyer.. She is really struggling.


I am 48 and I have seen a number of women struggling like this because of being widowed or divorced.  That is why I highly recommend to the OP that she take a good long look at her life goals and figure out a way to work towards them even as she enjoys staying with her kids.  The other thing is that there seems to be a certain point in a woman's life that her horizons expand.  Having a solid base of education and financial freedom at that point is a huge blessing.  And I am speaking from someone what absolutely adored being home with my kids for their early years.  But, truthfully, at 7 and 12 they are more independent, need to be more independent, and if I didn't have a burgeoning career and my new hobby of playing violin I would be bored out of my mind.  My home and my life is about as clean and organized and homey as possible.  I am happy to make home cooked meals every night and I do, I help them with their school work, etc. etc.,  But even with the kids and graduate school and the violin lessons and a job, I STILL find myself restless, especially when I am not in school.  I find that is pretty common with women my age.  My friends are all in school, or starting businesses or new activities.  But most of them are not starting from scratch with no education and very little money.  That is not an enviable position to be in.  When you are young, you can give yourself a great gift of foresight into your future.  The world really, really needs us, ladies!

 

I love this post!
 


~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
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#89 of 97 Old 01-15-2011, 08:56 AM
 
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I feel like my degrees are a safety net because I am employable.  Where I live, there are very few jobs for HS only educated adults.  I'm not sure how you would make a living without a degree unless you are farming (tough road-we know lots of folks doing it), or have a solid training in a trade.  Training in something specific might be an alternative, esp. if it's a high demand job.  My mom and m-in-law always kept their RN licenses current for this reason.

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#90 of 97 Old 01-15-2011, 09:25 AM
 
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Safety net my *&+^$.  Seriously.  I worked for only about a year after graduating (with honors, internships, etc) before starting a family and becoming a SAHM to my special needs son and then my daughter.  My marriage broke down due to my husband's mental health issues and I had to try to make it on my own.  I can't get a job to save my life.  I've applied to hundreds of places, literally, from coffee shop waitress positions to real "career" types of places.  Not one call-back.  Not one.  I am professional, responsible, organized, healthy, motivated, well-spoken, educated, have about a year of grad school under my belt... Every day I'm out there looking for a job.  I'm about to go on welfare at the moment because I just can't find one and I just don't have any more money.

 

The only two places hiring right now that I still haven't applied to are Goodwill and Walmart.  In about two more weeks if I don't get a call back from SOMEwhere I'm going to take my college-educated self and beg for a checkout position while my kids are in state run daycare.  Really glad I put in all that work and effort to get a degree or two.  Really happy.

 

A continuous work history is apparently much more important than being educated.  That or knowing people.  If you have a network of people who can get you a job I guess you're set.  I have neither, so by itself a college degree, to me, is worthless.

 

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