My Exit Strategy - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#61 of 108 Old 01-01-2011, 12:52 PM
 
Drummer's Wife's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Land of Enchantment
Posts: 11,793
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 

Maybe it would help to post your budget in F&F. If you aren't paying rent or a car payment, and only have 7k in cc debt, and no student loans, it's hard to know where exactly your money goes every month. The posters over there know a lot, and could help you formulate a plan to truly exit, including paying your MIL back for rent.

We were young parents, too. 20/21 when our first was born. DH made $7 an hour and yet we were able to pay our own rent in a small apartment and then a small 2-bedroom house when our youngest was a baby. He did get a new job once I was a SAHM making a whopping $11 an hour and our rent at the time was $850. We didn't have food stamps or otherwise, so I guess I just feel like there HAS to be a way you two can support your family without being stuck in MIL's crappy place and borrowing a vechicle - even if your DH only makes min. wage. Your debt can wait; nothing is going to happen if you stop paying the CC's except collection agencies harassing you. Seriously, to me that would be worth living in a safe environment away from toxic IL's. I just wonder if most of your money is truly going to debt and if it would even make a difference in whether or not you could afford to move out.

ribboncesarean.gif cesareans happen.
Drummer's Wife is offline  
#62 of 108 Old 01-01-2011, 01:03 PM
 
elanorh's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Wyoming
Posts: 2,266
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I meant to add - have you considered looking for daytime nanny jobs?  My SIL's nanny brings her little boy with her to watch SIL's two children.  That would solve two issues - you would be OUT of MIL's basement during the day (away from lead/mold), and you'd be earning some money towards your goal of moving.  I know babysitting there is out due to the mold/lead etc., but if you could travel TO a daytime nanny position, that might be really, really helpful.

 

You live in a large enough area, you might be able to find a daytime nanny job where the family specifically APs their kids and are looking for a nanny who is supportive of that, too. 

 

This option could work for you once you move, too (whether you stay in your current city or move to a different city or even state) - especially if you move into a small apartment, this option could be very nice for you and your little ones. 


Not all who wander are lost.
elanorh is offline  
#63 of 108 Old 01-01-2011, 01:26 PM
 
laohaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,314
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by elanorh View Post

Tell MIL dh was offered this great opportunity to move within the company, and that you'll pay her down as quickly as you can (heck, even write up an agreement with her!).  She doesn't need to know WHY he was offered this opportunity to transfer (that he asked for it wink1.gif ).

  



I like all of elanorh's advice, but this particularly.

A_Random_Phrase likes this.

Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

laohaire is offline  
#64 of 108 Old 01-01-2011, 04:04 PM
 
GuildJenn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,776
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post

Thanks- I have done what I could.  There are underlying problems.  The shower is leaky, causing the mold in one spot.  I myself (and my DH) several times took the initiative to seal up the shower with silicone.  There's supposed to be a rubber membrane under the shower floor but FIL cut corners and didn't put it in.  I've cleaned up that mold numerous times to only have it come back even stronger.  We now have YELLOW mold- according to my google searches, it's "The house eating fungus".  The other mold is coming from the ceiling in the bathroom, because there's an air duct right next to the drywall, and the condensation caused it.  When brought to the attention of MIL and FIL, they shrugged and said "nothing we can do".  DHs uncle says get a dehumidifier.  We can't do that because the only moisture is in the areas where there's mold because there's actually water on them.  My kids have dry skin issues and hubby does too- I can't keep the air bone dry.  So I have to periodically clean up the mold.  I do agree that we should have been out of this place a long time ago. 

 

I really like the idea of giving MIL a chunk of the money and then the rest in payments.    I also do like the idea of getting on our own feet first and into a safe environment.

 

I also wanted to add that no studio will take us.  I literally called about every studio apartment in Chicago in October... no one was willing to take two adults and two small children in a studio.  I think it's a liability issue.  There were a few 1brs that would take us though, but all over $750+electric and in not so nice neighborhoods.

 


That is really hard. And I know you have little ones. It's a tough spot.

 

But, I think that's where you start working on how as a family you can earn that extra $250 + electric per month to move into an apartment that isn't making your child sick. I don't know what your DH's schedule is like but could you get a job working different shifts, like an evening/weekend/night shift at a fast food outlet or something? Where is your DH in all this? I know he was looking at school which is great because he clearly got that your situation isn't sustainable.

 

I know that's the past and you're gearing up to move on, but the reason I ask is that it kind of sounds like even if he moves he'll still be making the same amount of money, so you will need to either up your income or get on assistance programmes, which should be easier to do. I would worry that the tax refund will run out and you'll be in a tough situation. It's hard, but you can do it.

A_Random_Phrase likes this.

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
GuildJenn is offline  
#65 of 108 Old 01-01-2011, 09:29 PM
 
eepster's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: growing in the Garden State ............
Posts: 9,010
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Drummer's Wife View Post

 

Your debt can wait; nothing is going to happen if you stop paying the CC's except collection agencies harassing you.


Actually, some landlords run credit checks on potential tenants.  We do for for tenants who aren't having their rent paid through some kind of public assistance program.  If they don't at least pay their minimum balance each month, they will have a harder time finding a decent place.

A_Random_Phrase likes this.

Timmy's Mommy WARNINGyslexic typing with help of preschooler, beware of typos
eepster is offline  
#66 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 05:44 AM
 
laohaire's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 7,314
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yeah, it was my assumption that you are prepaying your debt - that is, paying more than the minimum so that you wipe it out as soon as possible. I was thinking you'd drop back to paying the minimum. Is that the case?

 

I think stopping paying on debt at all (even the minimum) is a reasonable choice to protect your childrens' health, yet in that case I would think this whole thing through even more. You could hang yourself with this strategy. So if that is the scenario, talk it out some more before jumping off this cliff.

 

Minimum payments is fine and not a worry.


Homeschooling mama to 6 year old DD.

laohaire is offline  
#67 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 01:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
WindyCityMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,605
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm so angry at my DH.  He is being so childish and is not understanding.

At this point he is refusing to move until our bills are paid because he wants a "fresh start".  I've told him that our children are suffering health-wise because of where we are living, and we need to move.  We have waited too long.  He keeps blaming me for our CC debt (no, it wasn't ALL me!), and telling me that if I think my children are suffering, it is because of my actions.  He told me to get a job (trying to nightwean now actually so that I CAN do that) and then we'll talk.  He told me that he is not moving anywhere right now, and if I want to move then it's fine with him (I have nowhere to go, and no money, so....not really possible..).  I feel like he is trying to spite me and that is incredibly immature and selfish.  

He's very bitter.  I don't understand him.  His mood swings might have something to do with the junk he eats for lunch every day (and that's money wasted as well, $50/wk on average via credit cards or cash he withdraws the day he gets paid).  His diet is horrible, his health is declining, he is overweight, has high blood pressure, sleep apnea, and is likely pre-diabetic.  He refuses to see a doctor.  Healthy body, healthy mind, right?  

So I'm beyond frustrated.  I'm going to keep doing convincing.  3yoDD is coming down with the flu that I have and I'm thinking she'll need an inhaler again if she starts wheezing (which is probable) so I'm hoping that's an eye-opener.  What else can I say, really?  I told him that these are his children we're talking about.  He keeps bringing up the past and I keep telling him to move forward but he keeps dwelling on the fact that *I* spent too much money and now we're drowning in debt (I just found out that we're closer to 9k in debt).   I'm so p'd off.  I don't understand his thinking.

Oh, and yes, we've been paying way more than our minimum payments.


rainbow1284.gif Mama to DD1 (6) DD2 (4) and DD3 (1)
WindyCityMom is offline  
#68 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 01:41 PM
 
rachieface's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: The Village within the City
Posts: 421
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm so sorry that things are tough right now.  :hug  It sounds like you're in a really rough place!  I am in the stay-in-Chicago camp.  I know how much cost of living is here, but I also know that cross-country moves are expensive.  Not only is there the cost of the move, but you don't know where to find deals on food, you don't know how to get around cheaply, etc.  I've found that even moving apartments within the city costs us more then we usually expect because it throws major issues are our money-saving routine, causes us to eat out more, stuff like that.

 

Anyway, I think you need to get out PRONTO (and the payment plan to MIL sounds like a great idea).  If I were you I would keep scouring Craigslist...I checked just out of curiosity today and found several one bedrooms in West Rogers Park and Humboldt Park for $600.  I used to live in West Humboldt and its definitely not the nicest hood, but things are cheaper over there and I never really felt like I was in any danger.  Crazy apartment deals DO come up....check CL compulsively.  I think the finances and stress of moving out of city (especially with two littles) are not worth getting out of Chicago without a firm plan in place.  


I'm Rach, full-time mama and part-time doula.  I love my city life with Mr. J stillheart.gif, Little J diaper.gif (05/03/10), and brand new Baby V love.gif (02/11/13)!

rachieface is offline  
#69 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 01:51 PM
 
cappuccinosmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 5,628
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Sounds like it's more than just a MIL issue.

 

Is this a swing?  From previous posts it sounded like your dh was ready and willing to move (even not paying his mom).

 

If this is a serious health problem, you may need to move out whether he wants to come along with you or not.  That would be hard (possibly living in a shelter, if you have no resources), but it looks like you have nothing but tough choices here. 

 

Do you have a written budget?  Do you know where the money *is* going, and why it's climbed so high? 

cappuccinosmom is offline  
#70 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 01:52 PM
 
coyotemist's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Pacific NW near a lovely mountain
Posts: 1,769
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

It sounds like he doesn't want to leave.  He says you can't leave until the debt gets paid down, all the while he's sabotaging the plans to leave by continuing to charge the credit cards junk food and other unnecessary expenses.

 

His mood swings probably have more to do with a mental illness of some sort than his junk food diet, I'm sure that the diet doesn't help, nor does never getting a good nights sleep.

 

It would be a deal breaker for me.  It sounds like manipulation and a power struggle.  I would be making very covert plans to leave, these types of relationships do not usually get better without a lot of work and counseling on the manipulator's side.  But then I've been a victim of domestic violence before, and I'll never be a victim again. 

 

I stand by what I said before *you* hold the key to change for your kiddos.  The solutions might not be comfy cozy and easy, but they are there.  It's up to you whether you take the path off least resistance and continue to put up with his BS, or make changes for your kids (which is a long hard road).  The long hard road is worth it, but everybody is ready for it on their own time.


"Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?"~Mary Oliver

RT knitting mama  to 3 (& 8 who didn't make it) wife working on 13 years to a silly man who drives me crazy.
coyotemist is offline  
#71 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 02:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
WindyCityMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,605
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thanks.  I really don't know where to go from here.  Especially if it is without my husband... he really has his ups and his downs, more ups than downs though.  I think he's extremely stressed and can't see things as clearly as he should be able to.  I do think that his diet is a huge factor- his own daughter(my 3yo, and several members of his family, though they'll never admit it) are extremely sensitive to food additives.  My 3yo has extreme mood swings- she also has a borderline gluten intolorance (we're not GF, we limit it though).  I'm thinking that a lot of it is hereditary.  I really hate to say this but my DH is a very gluttonous person.  I believe that his excessive eating falls into the category of an eating disorder.

 

Our credit card bills are so high because we used them.  A lot.  Even for groceries, when we decided to put the whole paycheck into bills.  We ended up spending more than was budgeted, and it was a downward spiral from there. 


rainbow1284.gif Mama to DD1 (6) DD2 (4) and DD3 (1)
WindyCityMom is offline  
#72 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 02:30 PM
 
Bokonon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: San Diego
Posts: 2,975
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by HollyBearsMom View Post

 

I don't see how a "not so nice" neighborhood could be *worse* than an unheated, mold infested, lead encrusted, illegal living space with no kitchen. Worse than a place that is making your child physically ill?

I think it is time that you and your husband sit down and talk about priorites. You are choosing to live where you live and choosing all the living conditions that come with it. Paying off debt while noble is nit worth the jeopardy you are putting your family in.


I totally agree with this.  You've asked for advice about this situation many times, gotten it, and are still in this spot.  It's not going to get better in the meantime unless you act, and your children are being exposed to health hazards on a daily basis.


A, jammin.gif mama to a boy (2005) and a girl (2009)
Bokonon is offline  
#73 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 02:44 PM
 
Eyelet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Illinois
Posts: 708
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Has you DH lived anywhere but home? It sounds a bit like he's afraid to leave the security of the nest... It seems that this has been an ongoing issue; wanting to leave but can't/won't for some time. I  wonder if it will take for you to leave with your children without him to wake him up. If you continue to wait for him to approve and make the intuitive, it very well never may happen.


autismribbon.gif

Eyelet is offline  
#74 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 02:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
WindyCityMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,605
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by IxIa View Post

Has you DH lived anywhere but home? It sounds a bit like he's afraid to leave the security of the nest... It seems that this has been an ongoing issue; wanting to leave but can't/won't for some time. I  wonder if it will take for you to leave with your children without him to wake him up. If you continue to wait for him to approve and make the intuitive, it very well never may happen.


I am now wondering this myself.  I have no one to stay with.  Nowhere to go.  No job.  No money.  I don't know how to even go about moving without a joint effort from my husband.  He's not always like this- like I said he has mood swings.  Most of the time he is pro-moving out.  I don't know if he just doesn't want to leave home or what.. this is his childhood home.  BUT he is not a child anymore.. he has children that he needs to think about.

 

I don't think he's sold on the effects of mold on our kids (and on ourselves).

 


 


rainbow1284.gif Mama to DD1 (6) DD2 (4) and DD3 (1)
WindyCityMom is offline  
#75 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 03:35 PM
 
gbailey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,498
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm sorry about the situation you are in. I agree it's not good to stiff MIL. Come up with a payment plan to pay her what is owed. It's unfortunate DH won't move. Moving is important for the safety of the children. Can you find an apartment on your own? Maybe if you find a great place to live it will encourage DD to move although I would think the health of the little ones would be paramount for him. Have you tried the Housing Choice Voucher Program in Chicago? I'd look into it and check out any other federal housing options for your family. It's not okay for the kids to have to live in those conditions.

 

Also, try focus groups to make some extra money. It would take you away from the home and the kids for a couple of hours but you can make $75 cash here and there to contribute to getting out of the unhealthy space you're in.

 

I also second reading Toxic Parents and In Laws. Two of the best book suggestions I've gotten from MDC.

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by IxIa View Post

Has you DH lived anywhere but home? It sounds a bit like he's afraid to leave the security of the nest... It seems that this has been an ongoing issue; wanting to leave but can't/won't for some time. I  wonder if it will take for you to leave with your children without him to wake him up. If you continue to wait for him to approve and make the intuitive, it very well never may happen.


I am now wondering this myself.  I have no one to stay with.  Nowhere to go.  No job.  No money.  I don't know how to even go about moving without a joint effort from my husband.  He's not always like this- like I said he has mood swings.  Most of the time he is pro-moving out.  I don't know if he just doesn't want to leave home or what.. this is his childhood home.  BUT he is not a child anymore.. he has children that he needs to think about.

 

I don't think he's sold on the effects of mold on our kids (and on ourselves).

 


 



gbailey is offline  
#76 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 04:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
WindyCityMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,605
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My head is spinning.  I'm fuming mad at my husband as he is IGNORING me and refuses to discuss our situation.  I don't even know what aspect of our situation I need to focus on first.  I can't get a job unless it's at night because I have no one to watch my children (other than MIL).  I'm trying to nightwean my DD2 but she's only just turned 1 and is really not ready for such a big change.  I don't know what to really do at this point because my DH won't budge.  


rainbow1284.gif Mama to DD1 (6) DD2 (4) and DD3 (1)
WindyCityMom is offline  
#77 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 05:16 PM
 
cappuccinosmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 5,628
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Not to be repetetive but...do you have a written budget and a plan for saving and getting ready to move?  Have you applied for housing assistance?  Have you called charities in your city to find out if there are any temporary housing spots open (at this time of year, they're probably full, but it's worth a try)?  Have you called the welfare office and said "We are in an unsafe situation, my husband won't move, I need to get my baby out of there, what do I need to do to qualify for assistance?"

 

If nothing else, you can start there.  Taking that small action will help you step out of the emotional side of things.  Start thinking and doing, not just reacting.  You're going to need to move.  You need a plan.  Your husband can choose to come along with you, or not.

cappuccinosmom is offline  
#78 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 05:47 PM
 
lookatreestar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2008
Posts: 988
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

maybe drop it for a little? honestly he sounds stressed out and depressed. bad combo. i do the same thing, get depressed about money/debt, then go buy stuff to feel better, then i end up feeling way worse kwim? its an awful cycle to be caught in. also my dh totally shuts down if i keep nagging him about something, esp money. as long as your minimum payments are being made i would try not to worry about them. not that it is a good thing but it sounds like you guys have right around the cc debt the average american has. be happy you have no car loan (yikes!) or student loans, payday loans etc.

 

honestly i'd move as soon as i got the tax money, but i love change. thumb.gif http://phoenix.craigslist.org/cph/apa/2138582048.html theres an apt, right next to that (walking distance) is a sears auto center, also target/costco/ross/frys/taco bell/chipotle/subway/maid service ETC where you could work when he isn't working. or he could work two jobs like my dh does. i've lived in that area and felt safe, but then again i'm not a weenie. orngtongue.gif

 

we are all pulling for you to get out of this situation. you can do it!


mama to one '07 and one '09
lookatreestar is offline  
#79 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 05:59 PM
 
jeminijad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 926
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yes, this.

 

What if he can't do what it takes? You can't let your kids suffer long term because of his issues.

 

Leave no stone unturned, and don't think you have to depend on him. If he wakes up, great! If not, those are your babies to protect.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom View Post

Not to be repetetive but...do you have a written budget and a plan for saving and getting ready to move?  Have you applied for housing assistance?  Have you called charities in your city to find out if there are any temporary housing spots open (at this time of year, they're probably full, but it's worth a try)?  Have you called the welfare office and said "We are in an unsafe situation, my husband won't move, I need to get my baby out of there, what do I need to do to qualify for assistance?"

 

If nothing else, you can start there.  Taking that small action will help you step out of the emotional side of things.  Start thinking and doing, not just reacting.  You're going to need to move.  You need a plan.  Your husband can choose to come along with you, or not.




Mother to R- 2/09, & C- 5/11

jeminijad is offline  
#80 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 06:23 PM
 
Olives's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: The Beautiful Midwest
Posts: 252
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I think you need to start forming a back up plan here, with or without your husband.

 

Get off MDC and get on craigslist and start trying to find a daytime nanny job where you can bring your kids along.  If you can't do that, then find a babysitting job(s) you can do at night with your children... call nanny agencies and see if they will take you on with your children.  Start nightweaning your daughter... it will be hard but it will be the best for her health in the long run for you to get some cash in your pocket.

 

You say you have no one to turn to for help... well, start making momma friends.  Go to the tribes area and find some play dates.  Go to library groups... strike up conversations with mom's in your neighborhood.  Start making connections anyway you can so you are not so isolated and helpless.  Try to meet people who may be interested in babysitting swaps so you can pick up a few night waitressing shifts or something.  Reach out... join a church or something.  You would be surprised how much help people will give you if you just ask and don't give up at the first road block.

 

Sit down with your husband and tell him that you are going to do everything you can to help your family but set up a deadline to move out.  Say the end of March...  ask him to leave all credit cards at home.  Once you have saved a nest egg of your own, get back on craigslist and find something you can manage even if it isn't ideal. If your husband still won't move then you HAVE to do something without him.  Find a room for rent or maybe even another women in your situation needing a housemate. 

 

Go to food banks, see what you need to do to qualify for help, call women's service centers in your area, call local churches and see if you can get any help from them.

You have to protect your children anyway you can... it seems you are all they have.  I know it is hard, I really know but you can do this!  You have to be strong and your children need you.  

 

I'm really pulling for you Momma, but now is the time to do something and stop being a victim.  Take the first step and the road will get better.  


Button 08-12-09 

Baby Vi 05-18-11

Olives is offline  
#81 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 06:39 PM
 
Evergreen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Where all the women are strong
Posts: 5,387
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I always worked nights when my girls were little.  Nightweaning was not a problem. Sure there were nights they were crabbier than usual going down for dh but when I wasn't around they didn't really think about nursing.  When I was off they'd still nurse to sleep actually.  Both nightweaned fully when they were between 18-26 mos.


Evergreen- Loving my girls Dylan dust.gifage8, Ava energy.gifage 4 and baby Georgia baby.gif (6/3/11).

Evergreen is offline  
#82 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 06:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
WindyCityMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,605
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Okay, we have a game plan.  DH finally sat down, took a deep breath, and told me he was ready to talk it out.  We tossed around a LOT of ideas. DH and I have agreed to give MIL $1,000 of our tax money because she actually DOES need the money.  The rest, we'll put towards bills to take a chunk out and we'll put some towards first/last month's rent at a new place or a security deposit.  DH has decided that he doesn't want to transfer his job as of now- he thinks the first step is to just move.  Since moving cross country or out of state requires more money. 

 

I'm going to start looking for a job again asap (again because I had been.. no one wants me.  I think I need to start dressing like a 15 year old ;)  ).  I'm hoping to get something from 4-9pm, hopefully at the mall.  I had a job like that before and though retail is no picnic, I can certainly handle it, and DH will be home at that time.  There will also be no need to nightwean my little one.  That should give us a good $500 extra a month.

 

DH doesn't get his tax forms until the beginning of March, but he thinks he can get them online from his company's HR intranet system.  We're shooting for the beginning of April.  I know it's a little farther than I had hoped, but I figure it will give us a little time to save up a small nest egg and get everything situated.  My DH is reluctant to give up his Escort.  He refuses to put our children in it (I don't blame him, I'm not too comfy with the idea either...he has a little ptsd from an accident he was in in 09) but I told him I'm not above public transportation (prefer it, actually...).  I've changed my mind about the Explorer- the transmission is going bad and I don't want to have to deal with that.  If MIL decides to give it to us, fine.  But I certainly won't pay for it.  My DH doesn't want it because it's a gas guzzler.  So who knows.  The cars really aren't at the top of the priority list though.

 

As far as a written budget, I had tried but we haven't really been on the same page and the budget gets forgotten quickly.  We get groceries once every 2 wks, and spend about 100 each time.  There are other expenses like car gas that vary... I'm really going to buckle down and formulate a plan though.

 

Thank you everyone for the wise words and advice.  Honestly it is so hard just thinking to myself about this all the time... it's nice to have some outside perspective other than my DH!


rainbow1284.gif Mama to DD1 (6) DD2 (4) and DD3 (1)
WindyCityMom is offline  
#83 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 06:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
WindyCityMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,605
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Evergreen View Post

I always worked nights when my girls were little.  Nightweaning was not a problem. Sure there were nights they were crabbier than usual going down for dh but when I wasn't around they didn't really think about nursing.  When I was off they'd still nurse to sleep actually.  Both nightweaned fully when they were between 18-26 mos.



 We were doing Dr. Jay Gordon's method.. last night was night 3, and I caved at the 5 hour mark because she would NOT sleep, she was beating me up and I've got the flu.  She wanted nothing to do with DH either, lol.  I do think things would be better if I wasn't there, for sure!  We'll see though.  I'm going to attempt the evening work schedule and if that doesn't work out I'll go for nights.


rainbow1284.gif Mama to DD1 (6) DD2 (4) and DD3 (1)
WindyCityMom is offline  
#84 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 07:00 PM
 
cappuccinosmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 5,628
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

You sound a lot better already.  You guys can do this.  Push past the feelings of being overwhelmed, stick with the plan, and you can do it.

cappuccinosmom is offline  
#85 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 07:13 PM
Dar
 
Dar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 11,438
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

His job needs to get his tax forms to him by the end of January. That's the law. You should be able to do your taxes quickly and have your refund by the end of February (submit electronically and have it direct deposited - filing federal taxes online will be free for a family with your income). You should be out by the first of March that way.


 
fambedsingle1.gifSingle mom to Rain (1/93) , grad student, and world traveler earth.gif


  

Dar is offline  
#86 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 07:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
WindyCityMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,605
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)



Really?  Hmm, I'll let him know.  I told him he was wrong, lol.  It seemed like he got them much earlier last year (def around jan30th).  We usually go to H&R Block because he gets a huge discount, but since it's only him working, we might just do it online.  How can I file them for free?  I thought there was a fee.  I've gotta look into that!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dar View Post

His job needs to get his tax forms to him by the end of January. That's the law. You should be able to do your taxes quickly and have your refund by the end of February (submit electronically and have it direct deposited - filing federal taxes online will be free for a family with your income). You should be out by the first of March that way.




rainbow1284.gif Mama to DD1 (6) DD2 (4) and DD3 (1)
WindyCityMom is offline  
#87 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 08:38 PM
 
cappuccinosmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 5,628
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Check turbotax--you may qualify for free filing.  Or actually, check the IRS website, I believe they have a list of companies where you can file online, and which ones offer the free filing for special cases (low income being one).  We didn't qualify, because of business stuff, but even so our total fee was like $50.  Not bad given the thousands that we got from the fed after we filed.

WindyCityMom likes this.
cappuccinosmom is offline  
#88 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 08:39 PM
 
cappuccinosmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: SW Pennsylvania
Posts: 5,628
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
cappuccinosmom is offline  
#89 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 08:42 PM
Dar
 
Dar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 11,438
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by WindyCityMom View Post



Really?  Hmm, I'll let him know.  I told him he was wrong, lol.  It seemed like he got them much earlier last year (def around jan30th).  We usually go to H&R Block because he gets a huge discount, but since it's only him working, we might just do it online.  How can I file them for free?  I thought there was a fee.  I've gotta look into that!

 

This is the info about free e-filing for federal taxes - it hasn't been updated for this year yet but it will be soon.

 

Some states also allow you to file online for free, and it looks like Illinois is one of them.

 

According to this article, last year the Illinois state government offered free help in filling out tax forms - it seems likely that they'll do the same this year. It's not really that hard, especially for a situation like yours (no investments or mortgages or things like that) but if you've never done it before you might feel more comfortable with someone walking you through it.

 

 

 

 

WindyCityMom likes this.

 
fambedsingle1.gifSingle mom to Rain (1/93) , grad student, and world traveler earth.gif


  

Dar is offline  
#90 of 108 Old 01-02-2011, 09:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
WindyCityMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,605
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Thanks so much Dar & Cappuccinosmom!  I will look into those.


rainbow1284.gif Mama to DD1 (6) DD2 (4) and DD3 (1)
WindyCityMom is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off