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#91 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 06:03 AM
 
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"He told me that he is not moving anywhere right now, and if I want to move then it's fine with him..."

 

... sounds to me like an invitation to ditch the entire toxic lot of them. FIREdevil.gif

 

OK, OK, you probably don't want to get rid of your husband. I don't blame you. I'm pretty darn fond of my own gluttonous overweight mood-swingy DH. But I don't have to live in his mother's basement, either. Your DH can't be in charge of this anymore. You need to get yourself and your kids into a safe and stable situation, and then he can either join you or stay in mommy's basement.

 

The PPs have given you the advice you need. Reach out to social/church services and make a plan. Really, even a shelter is better than where you're at right now - although I don't know if there's any such transitional housing for women who are not DV victims, which you aren't. A night job is a great idea for raising cash if you trust your DH to care for the kids - if you don't, then the responsible thing to do is get OUT and get connected to social services and get a job once you have safe childcare lined up. 

 

When's that tax return coming? If you are the one who gets the mail, you can cash it, leave half for your DH, and bail with the other half. But I wouldn't want to wait even that long. 

 

Don't worry about the logistics of moving. You don't own a single thing that hasn't been contaminated by mold. Walk out with what you can carry, and you'll probably end up tossing all of that once you're in a clean place and realize how bad it smells. 

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#92 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 06:07 AM
 
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Oh, yay! He came around!

 

... but remember, he could swing back. YOU are the one you can trust to make a plan. Keep making a plan that you can implement even if he decides not to participate. An evening job at the mall is great - but some of that $$ needs to be kept, in cash, in a secure place, to finance your walking out if you end up needing to do it without your DH. 

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#93 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 06:22 AM
 
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I just wanted to say I think the new plan sounds just right - responsible, ups your income, and gives you a target for getting out. I am speaking in ignorance of the current job market in your area but for those hours I wonder if you could get waitressing too - then you get tips. Evening reception might be a possibility as well.

 

In the meantime I know it's tiring and a pain but I would keep fighting the mould you can to try to keep the spore count down.


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#94 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 07:26 AM
 
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In addition to retail, I'd also look into hotel/hospitality jobs. Generally speaking, there's a high turnover rate and many hotels are always hiring.

 

Another thought is employment agencies. Even if they can only offer temp positions, I know a good amount of people who've found permanent jobs that initially started out as temp only. Employment agencies will also work with you to find the right fit.


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#95 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 08:10 AM
 
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In addition to retail, I'd also look into hotel/hospitality jobs. Generally speaking, there's a high turnover rate and many hotels are always hiring.

 

Another thought is employment agencies. Even if they can only offer temp positions, I know a good amount of people who've found permanent jobs that initially started out as temp only. Employment agencies will also work with you to find the right fit.

 

This is good advice.  Also OP, see if you can land something waiting tables.  Seriously.  It's decent money, the hours are flexible, and Chicago is chock full of restaurants.  Even if you don't have experience chances are someone will hire you, a person has to start somewhere right?
 

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#96 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 08:40 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by IxIa View Post

In addition to retail, I'd also look into hotel/hospitality jobs. Generally speaking, there's a high turnover rate and many hotels are always hiring.

 

Another thought is employment agencies. Even if they can only offer temp positions, I know a good amount of people who've found permanent jobs that initially started out as temp only. Employment agencies will also work with you to find the right fit.

 

This is good advice.  Also OP, see if you can land something waiting tables.  Seriously.  It's decent money, the hours are flexible, and Chicago is chock full of restaurants.  Even if you don't have experience chances are someone will hire you, a person has to start somewhere right?
 



Ditto to both. 

 

Depending on the type of place, your tips each shift might be mostly cash which will make it easier to squire away a few bucks here and there.  Some places are more generous that others with food while you are working.  One place I worked let us eat whatever we wanted (within reason) free of charge.  Another charged a very minimal amount, like $2 for a full meal. 

 

Temp agencies are definately worth checking out.  We hire almost exclusively through temp agencies and I know several other business owners that do the same.  


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#97 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 08:50 AM
 
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This years deadline for employers to postmark the w2 is Feb 1st, because Jan 30th is a Sunday this year.

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#98 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 09:12 AM
 
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You need to come up with a budget or else 2 months after you move out you are going to be back in the basement.

 

Given the numbers you have given with the tax return and his income you have about 2,000 dollars a month (20,000 a year and 6,000 in tax return).   You don't pay rent, utilities, car loan, student loans, you have medicaid.......  The only expenses you say you have are food (200 a month) and gas,and credit cards.   Yet you say you still are using the credit cards, if you are still charging then you aren't really paying them off.

 

You have the start of a plan, and that is great.  However you need to figure out where your money is going.

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#99 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 11:04 AM
 
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I would not let night weaning be an impediment or requirement for getting a job.  Your lo will adjust.  I say this as both a Waldorf mama, attachment parenting mama and WOH mama.  When I went back to work after my 6 mos maternity leave, my little guy refused a bottle for a solid month.  He did not starve nor do I believe he suffered emotionally; he reverse cycled until he decided to take the bottle.  He had papi there with him all day and was adequately comforted and the little porker didn't lose an ounce.

 

If you haven't considered grocery stores as an employment option, you may want to think about it.  I just learned that WF gives a pretty generous employee discount (I want to see if my husband will apply!) and other grocers may do the same.

 

I agree with other poster's comments about rough neighborhoods vs the environmental hazard in which you currently live.  I moved from one-block-away-from President Obama's-house-Hyde Park to the west side.  Yeah, no-cute-neighborhood-name west side.  Not crazy about it, but, we have a house here as opposed to an apartment and the neighborhood is changing.  And our neighbors are great (for the most part).

 

I'm glad to see you and your dh have a plan together.  I do also agree, though, that you need to have a back up plan.  My dad walked out on my mom and us, leaving us at his parents' house where we'd moved when our home was foreclosed on.  My mom hadn't worked in 5 years.  Fortunately, she had a degree and some prior working experience (not to mention 4 sisters who could help her out in a pinch) and she got us out of there in relatively short order because my grandmother was not her biggest fan.  If I were you, I'd have a list of what shelters take women and children and information about how to get there on public transportation.  I'm not suggesting that your situation sounds like it is headed there in short order.  I just say that as the wife of a man who suffers from depression, seasonal effects disorder and did walk out last spring (only to return the next evening - we are in weekly counseling, now).  But, because of my childhood experience, I'm in a far better financial situation to handle things than I otherwise might be should we end up in a similar situation again.

 

I am wishing you a quick exit from your current situation with your family intact!


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#100 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 12:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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You need to come up with a budget or else 2 months after you move out you are going to be back in the basement.

 

Given the numbers you have given with the tax return and his income you have about 2,000 dollars a month (20,000 a year and 6,000 in tax return).   You don't pay rent, utilities, car loan, student loans, you have medicaid.......  The only expenses you say you have are food (200 a month) and gas,and credit cards.   Yet you say you still are using the credit cards, if you are still charging then you aren't really paying them off.

 

You have the start of a plan, and that is great.  However you need to figure out where your money is going.

 

During non-peak months (so anything other than Oct/Nov/Dec), DH takes home about $800-1000/mo., sometimes more.  During peak months he earns that in a single paycheck if his sales are high.  I think DH needs to look for another job but I'm not sure where.  I agree, some serious budgeting is in order.

 

I will look into a waitressing job at night- we have a Golden Nugget really close by.  I'm of the clumsy sort though and waitressing is something that I'm really intimidated by.

 

And thank you so much for your wisdom, honeybunmom!  I agree, she would adjust, but she's a stubborn little one who loves her nursies.  We'll see how it goes- I need to get a job first! (And before that, I need to get over this flu...)  I also agree that the neighborhood isn't as important as getting away from our health hazardous situation, so I've got more options than I had originally thought.  I know that there are 1br apartments for 600 around Senn high school- very small but safe and cute nonetheless.  The back door leads to the bedroom though... that's kind of strange.  When we move, it is looking like that will be likely where we will go- or someplace similar. 


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#101 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 12:35 PM
 
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Finally got through reading the entire thread and YIPPEE, I'm glad it sounds like you have a plan!  I just wanted to add - I do my taxes with H&R Block online and the most I get charged is around $30 bucks.  I typically file around early-mid Feb and get my returns in early-mid March.  They also offer state tax packages too, and I can't remember how much they cost off the top of my head.

 

FYI - I know you're in Chicago, but some of the towns close to the IL/WI border are very nice and I think low COL too.  I grew up in that part of WI and it was nice.

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#102 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 01:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I love that area! :) My stepfather has family in Pleasant Prairie and we used to go there all the time when I was younger.  I loved it- quiet and peaceful- but not TOO quiet, lol.

 

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#103 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 02:38 PM
 
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You need to come up with a budget or else 2 months after you move out you are going to be back in the basement.

 

Given the numbers you have given with the tax return and his income you have about 2,000 dollars a month (20,000 a year and 6,000 in tax return).   You don't pay rent, utilities, car loan, student loans, you have medicaid.......  The only expenses you say you have are food (200 a month) and gas,and credit cards.   Yet you say you still are using the credit cards, if you are still charging then you aren't really paying them off.

 

You have the start of a plan, and that is great.  However you need to figure out where your money is going.

 

During non-peak months (so anything other than Oct/Nov/Dec), DH takes home about $800-1000/mo., sometimes more.  During peak months he earns that in a single paycheck if his sales are high.  I think DH needs to look for another job but I'm not sure where.  I agree, some serious budgeting is in order.

 

I will look into a waitressing job at night- we have a Golden Nugget really close by.  I'm of the clumsy sort though and waitressing is something that I'm really intimidated by.

 

And thank you so much for your wisdom, honeybunmom!  I agree, she would adjust, but she's a stubborn little one who loves her nursies.  We'll see how it goes- I need to get a job first! (And before that, I need to get over this flu...)  I also agree that the neighborhood isn't as important as getting away from our health hazardous situation, so I've got more options than I had originally thought.  I know that there are 1br apartments for 600 around Senn high school- very small but safe and cute nonetheless.  The back door leads to the bedroom though... that's kind of strange.  When we move, it is looking like that will be likely where we will go- or someplace similar. 


I used to live in the area a little south of Senn HS (Andersonville) and while Andersonville is definitely pricey the area between there and Rogers Park should be affordable especially near Clark St where you will have access to transportation and other things. Also look at Rogers Park, I know it can be hit or miss depending on street but as far as access to things and public transit you can't beat it also last I heard it hasn't gentrified so much that its unaffordable compared to all hoods of Wicker Park and Bucktown. Good thing though about Rogers Park is you have access to plenty of cheap produce markets, etc.


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#104 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 04:15 PM
 
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WIC does not do home visits. I have a friend who is living in a apt with lead paint and she is getting state assistance. As far as the mold goes spray it down with straight vinegar once a day. It will kill it. Clean the apt with wet cloths to take care of lead dust and paint chips.

 

I agree that you need to move out but you can't blame your MIL for everything. She is being very kind by letting you stay there rent free. I was a single mom making 8.50 a hr and did it all with no help because I refused. I didn't want to be part of the stigma that is single moms. My rent was 300 (a bedroom of a trailer!) and daycare was 400. Add in all the other costs of living and I was very very poor! No cable, no internet, nothing new, pretty much nothing. It was very hard but at the time I didn't see it as that because I was on my own, I was doing it!!! I don't know if I could go back to those days.

 

My point being is that if you shouldn't point blame, you should go out there and be a adult as scary and not fun as it is. You may have to get rid of extras if you have any. Internet, fancy phones with data plans, cable, eating out, drinking pop. You will most likely really have to learn a different way of living life but it will be so worth it. Then you too will look back and wonder how you managed and be so proud of where you are now!!

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#105 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 05:51 PM
 
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Hi Megan!

I hope your plan works out well and you guys get out soon!!  I was going to suggest Roger's Park or Uptown - maybe even near north suburbs like Lincolnwood or Morton Grove.  There are actually some affordable apartments over here by us, too, if you do some walking the neighborhood (around Irving and California).  I will keep my eyes open for you!


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#106 of 108 Old 01-03-2011, 06:41 PM
 
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I will look into a waitressing job at night- we have a Golden Nugget really close by.  I'm of the clumsy sort though and waitressing is something that I'm really intimidated by.

 

 

 Haha don't let that stop you.  I am seriously lacking in most things requiring spatial awareness and balance (really. I am one of those people that can knock things over by merely being near them--friends and family have busted my balls about it forever lol) but somehow I have managed to wait tables for 12 years.  It's something that comes with time and practice.
 

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#107 of 108 Old 01-08-2011, 11:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just got a huge slap in the face, so to speak. 

 

Yesterday I was upstairs in MILs house, because if I come home by myself I don't feel comfortable to go through the gangway to the back door to go home.  I meant to just walk through and go downstairs but my SIL stopped to say hi to the baby.  At the same time, DHs cousin walked in the door.  They rent from  GMIL (they live in the attic, GMIL lives on the 2nd floor, and MIL lives on the 1st floor).  They pay MIL for the cable.  They came to tell MIL that they were sorry but they wouldn't have the money for the cable right away.  MIL said it was fine.

SIL then walked over to MIL as MIL was walking away into the other room and started her nosy "what did they want!" conversation (she's 16yo, lol).  MIL told her, and SIL asked "well didn't they just have the floor redone?"  MIL said that GMIL paid for it.  SIL asked why.  MIL told her in a nutshell that GMIL is their landlord and that's what good landlords do.  The floor was old and it got wet and they replaced it because the kids were going to get sick.  It was the responsible and right thing to do, she said.  She said it in a "well duh!" tone of voice to SIL.  They did replace the floor the very next week after it got wet.  The window had started leaking, which led to the water in the house (it wasn't a ton of water either, and they redid the foor in every room also).  The window was replaced within the next couple of days following the leak.

 

I mean.. c'mon. We've been trying to bring that to MILs attention for so long (and we have two mold problems plus a lead problem). 

 

Anyways, I just left after I heard MIL say that.  Huge slap in the face.

I'm so glad we're going to be out of here.

 

I'm finally feeling better, so Monday I intend to go check out the mall and look for a job.  Weekends are kind of crazy so I'd rather go during the morning (when managers work) and look then.  I really wish I were able to drive.  I've seen SO many nanny positions on craigslist but you need to be able to drive.  That's my next goal.

 


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#108 of 108 Old 01-08-2011, 12:25 PM
 
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