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#1 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 09:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't think I can handle living with my MIL anymore.  I don't think I can handle living in a cold, mold ridden, lead paint having basement any longer.

 

We're getting our taxes back next year so that's basically all we have to work with.  We still have a considerable amount of debt but that is getting paid down.

 

Last year we got about 9k back in taxes IIRC.  I worked part-time for I think 8 months out of that year. I didn't work at all in 2010 so I'm expecting we'll get back about 6-7k.  I'd like to put half of whatever we get into bills, and half into moving somewhere else. So say $3000 can go into this move.

 

My DH works for Sears in their Auto center, he's a commissioned sales associate.  I know that he could probably be transferred to a different location if need be. 

 

I don't know what our options even are... I really would love to get out of state and FAR away from MIL and DHs family in general.  I don't know how much it would cost to move.

 

 

About our taxes.. we owe MIL rent for July-Dec, which is $3,000.  We're in an illegal apartment and there never has been a lease.  I don't think that this place is worth the $500/mo anyhow.  The original plan was to give her money from our taxes, but I'd like to use a "take our money and run" approach.  Is that crazy?  Or should we just do whatever necessary to GET OUT?

 

Also, DH has a little beater Ford Escort car... He usually uses MILs 95 Ford Explorer.  Her name is on the title, they got it from a friend for $1.  She doesn't want it but her name is on the title because the insurance is lower that way.  She has never driven it.  Should we convince her to give it to us?  My DH also knows of someone who has asked to buy his Escort.  He's contemplating selling it (I told him to go ahead since the person was offering $2k for it!  Even if he ends up getting 1k that would be great for us..)

 

So anyways, I'm in need of a nap with the kiddos... thoughts, comments, questions.. ideas of places to move that have a sears auto center and a lower cost of living than dear 'ol Chicago.... :) Thanks!

 

 

I plan to do some more in depth research, but I just wanted to know if anyone knew anything off the top of their heads. :) TIA!


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#2 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 09:59 AM
 
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I know it's very tempting, but personally I wouldn't stiff your MIL on the rent. It could possibly come back to bite you in the you know what later... Even without a lease, she could legally take you to court over that. 

 

If you're looking to move far away, start looking for work in that area now. Save whatever money you have left from your tax return and use it for a deposit on a new rental. 

 

You're not stuck. There's many options out there.

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#3 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 10:04 AM
 
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I agree -- to stiff your MIL is just not right!

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#4 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 10:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by IxIa View Post

I know it's very tempting, but personally I wouldn't stiff your MIL on the rent. It could possibly come back to bite you in the you know what later... Even without a lease, she could legally take you to court over that. 

 

If you're looking to move far away, start looking for work in that area now. Save whatever money you have left from your tax return and use it for a deposit on a new rental. 

 

You're not stuck. There's many options out there.

Well her mother in law would not win a lawsuit over the rent - the apartment is illegal.  But there is karma to consider and good familial relations.
 

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#5 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 10:08 AM
 
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About our taxes.. we owe MIL rent for July-Dec, which is $3,000.  We're in an illegal apartment and there never has been a lease.  I don't think that this place is worth the $500/mo anyhow.  The original plan was to give her money from our taxes, but I'd like to use a "take our money and run" approach.  Is that crazy?  Or should we just do whatever necessary to GET OUT?

 

Also, DH has a little beater Ford Escort car... He usually uses MILs 95 Ford Explorer.  Her name is on the title, they got it from a friend for $1.  She doesn't want it but her name is on the title because the insurance is lower that way.  She has never driven it.  Should we convince her to give it to us? 

Are you planning to ask your MIL to gift you her car before or after you stiff her on the $3000 rent?
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#6 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 10:19 AM
 
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 Personally I could never "stiff" family, especially one you are asking to give you a car for free. Sure there is no lease and it is an illegal apartment but you did agree to the terms so it's a little late to complain about it now. If this woman is bad enough that you would "stiff"  you probably shouldn't have agreed to live there. 
 
From your other posts I understand that you don't especially like/respect your MIL.  What does you husband think of this plan? What kind of relationship doe he have with her? Any chance she would agree with your plan for a fresh start and would gift you the $$ or agree to promissory note to pay her back once you get back on your feet??  
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#7 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 10:33 AM
 
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My thoughts are that the only way to 'politely' not pay the rent you owe your MIL is, perhaps, convincing her that your dh is being asked to move (instead of it being your choice to do so) and paying at least part (say half) of the owed amount AND her being okay with that - which is totally out of your control.  

I think, given time, you're better off eventually paying what you owe her in rent (though if she's able to be flexible to your benefit, you're okay paying her over time instead of all at once and therefore okay using some of your expected income to move instead of paying her right away - if you get what I mean by that).

 

I don't know that I'd bother about the car situation, personally. . .

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#8 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 11:25 AM
 
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This is probably what I would do:

 

  1. Talk to your MIL (or have your DH do it) about paying her the rent and getting the car.  I might ask for a $500 break if you think she would be open to it, especially since $500 sounds like a lot for what you're getting, depending on the area in Chicago. 
  2. Sell your DH's current car for 2K.
  3. Put together a plan.  (I know, vague.)  But, if you can stay where you are, it might be best until your debt is paid off.  I still think you could put together a plan on where you want to move long-term and how to accomplish it.

 

 

I would have your DH talk to HR about how to find job openings with the company.  (Is there an intranet he has access to?  Or, just a public site with openings?  This will allow you to see what is available.)  Also, research places you may want to live.  If you're looking for cheap and warm, I would look in the South.  However, if it is a possibility to find an apartment for slightly more than what you are paying now, it may be worth it to stay in the Chicago area, pay off your debt, and just move out of your current place.  I have had a good amount of luck searching Craigslist for apartments in the past.  It's been many years, but it may give you an idea of what's out there.

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#9 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 12:09 PM
 
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Do you owe for July-Dec 2010?  Or July-Dec 2011?  If its 2010, she could, and likely would win a lawsuit to get the money.  Illegal apartment or not, you made a contract and you are liable for your end.

 

I would not stiff your MIL on the rent.  Is there a reason you can't move out without doing that?  Do you need to move far away?   Why can't you get on public assistance, food stamps, etc, so that you can move out on good terms? 

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#10 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 12:21 PM
 
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About our taxes.. we owe MIL rent for July-Dec, which is $3,000.  We're in an illegal apartment and there never has been a lease.  I don't think that this place is worth the $500/mo anyhow.  The original plan was to give her money from our taxes, but I'd like to use a "take our money and run" approach.  Is that crazy?  Or should we just do whatever necessary to GET OUT?

 

That would be rather unethical.  Lease or not, it's not ethical to enter an agreement on someone, and then when you *owe* them decide the agreement shouldn't have happened.  It's "worth" whatever you agreed to pay because you needed it.  If you could get into great places for less money, why did you move into what you now consider a totally crappy and overpriced apt?  From your description, I'm not sure the apt is necessarily illegal for you to be living in either.  You're trying to justify stiffing your MIL who has not tossed you out on the street when you haven't paid for 6 months.  Now, because she unwisely failed to do everything on the legal/paperwork side of things, you might get away with it.  But that wouldn't make it the right thing to do.

 

Also, who are you going to use on a rental app as former landlord?  I imagine you'll be looking for a legal apartment this time, with everything done properly.  Most landlords want to be able to call the person you rented from last, to know if you're a good risk to take as a tenant.  I wouldn't rent to anyone without such a reference, and I would be curious if there was a huge gap in the timing--like they left out the most recent landlord.  If you are ever wanting her good references for a new place, or for anything else, this is the way to make sure that doesn't happen.  Also, are you planning to pay rent monthly and in full when you move to a new place?  Because you likely wouldn't be allowed to build up that much in unpaid rent without serious consequences.  Like, eviction and court procedings.  If you cannot financially manage that, you may hate her, but she's doing you a kindness by not insisting on being paid monthly and in full, and waiting around 'till your tax refund comes in.  Landlords who make their living and feed their kids on the rents that come in are not going to be so understanding.

 

It's also likely a good way to put strain on your marriage.  Does your husband get along with his mother?  If so, I'm hard pressed to imagine that he'd be thrilled about going with your plan.  He might do it to keep the peace with you, but unless he hates his mother, he is going to be upset with cheating her like that, and since it's your idea, he's going to be upset with you.

 

 

Also, DH has a little beater Ford Escort car... He usually uses MILs 95 Ford Explorer.  Her name is on the title, they got it from a friend for $1.  She doesn't want it but her name is on the title because the insurance is lower that way.  She has never driven it.  Should we convince her to give it to us?  My DH also knows of someone who has asked to buy his Escort.  He's contemplating selling it (I told him to go ahead since the person was offering $2k for it!  Even if he ends up getting 1k that would be great for us..) 

 

Perhaps, after you pay up on the rent, you could ask her politely and respectfully if you could have it.

 

 

If you are this desperate to get away, let the debt sit a few more months and use your tax refund to pay what you owe on rent, and then make the move. 

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#11 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 12:29 PM
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Originally Posted by Peppermint Leaf View Post

I agree -- to stiff your MIL is just not right!



I would generally agree, except for the fact that I have read your previous posts about your mean MIL!!  Ultimately I would let your dh decide whether or not to give his mother the money.

 

And get away from her already!!

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#12 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 12:29 PM
 
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Um, yeah - that's a no on stiffing the MIL. Feel free to try to negotiate future rent but I wouldn't even consider stiffing her.

 

I assume you need a car to move, therefore I assume the car is worth more to you than $1k or even $2k. If your MIL is willing to give it to you.

 

Yikes, this is not good. Work on a plan to become unstuck, pronto. Can your DH get a job delivering pizzas or something on the side? Can you take in children to babysit? Relying on your tax return to pay half your year or considering running out on your rent just aren't feasible solutions.


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#13 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 12:38 PM
 
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From everything you have posted about your MIL and your living conditions ( the lead your kids are exposed to ect), you need to get out of there. ASAP.

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#14 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 12:47 PM
 
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So you want to get out of paying 6 months of rent and you want her to give you a car for free?

 

 

I think you need to sit down and figure some things out.  From what you posted about your husbands income you are going to need to figure out a budget and it's going to be tight.  Any landlord that isn't your MIL is going to expect the full months rent every month. 

 

 

I agree you need to move out both for your mental health and the physical health of your children but you need to figure a whole bunch of stuff out first, and stiffing the MIL isn't the first step.


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#15 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 12:49 PM
 
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I agree you need to move out both for your mental health and the physical health of your children but you need to figure a whole bunch of stuff out first, and stiffing the MIL isn't the first step. 

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#16 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 12:51 PM
 
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It's also likely a good way to put strain on your marriage.  Does your husband get along with his mother?  If so, I'm hard pressed to imagine that he'd be thrilled about going with your plan.  He might do it to keep the peace with you, but unless he hates his mother, he is going to be upset with cheating her like that, and since it's your idea, he's going to be upset with you.

Good point. OP, how did your husband react to the proposed plan? Did he think it was a good idea?
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#17 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 12:59 PM
 
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So you want to get out of paying 6 months of rent and you want her to give you a car for free?

 

That's the thing that bugs me the most. I'm trying to raise good children, so I have to be a good role model first. Stiffing anyone, especially family, seems like a very bad start on raising good people.

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#18 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 01:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Eman'smom View Post

So you want to get out of paying 6 months of rent and you want her to give you a car for free?

 

That's the thing that bugs me the most. I'm trying to raise good children, so I have to be a good role model first. Stiffing anyone, especially family, seems like a very bad start on raising good people.


Well, the OP's DC is getting a lesson in how Daddy treats his Mommy, I guess, if this plan goes through.
 

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#19 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 01:29 PM
 
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PM me if you want to know where I live.  We have several Sears auto services in our area.  And Im about a 12 hours drive from you.  And we do not live in a high COL area, and its no where NEAR as big as chicago.  We also have a fantastic public tran system, that would allow you to not need a vehicle of your own.  Its pretty cold in the winter with plenty of snow, but no worse then chicago, thats for sure. 

 

As for the rest of the stuff, no, I would definetly NOT stiff your MIL, no matter how awful she is.  But I would see about buttering her up to maybe wave the back rent charge.  She is, after all, family.  Right?  winky.gif

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#20 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 02:52 PM
 
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Say you get 6k back from taxes and sell the escort for 2k. That is 8k. Pay MIl the 3k you owe her . Then ask her nicely for the car. If she gives it to you, move! You will have 5 k for debt and moving expenses. I know from previous posts that you hate living with MIL so you have to figure out if moving is worth the extra time it will take you to pay off the debt. You pay her 500$ per month, I"m sure you can find a place in another city for that price. My mom paid 410$ for her two bedroom in Kansas.  (Not best part of town, but not worst either)

 

As for your dh's job,  does he have to continue work at sears or is that just the easiest option. Can he work at another automotive center? Car dealership or walmart even?  I would start with that honestly. There is no point in even worrying about moving if he can't get a job in another city. Look at your budget, moving into another apartment will mean that you have to pay rent each month, can you swing it?


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#21 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 03:40 PM
 
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If you need out that badly that you are considering stiffing MIL, then you need to stop paying down your debt so hard (unless it's a court ordered settlement or some such).  A safe home is worth more than being debt free.

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#22 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 03:42 PM
 
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If you're getting a $6-$7K tax refund you are having WAY too much withheld.  If you change your withholdings you should be able to pay your rent monthly.

 

Please pay your MIL.  I don't care how awful she is, skipping out is just plain wrong.  You were not held there against your will.


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#23 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 03:44 PM
 
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If you're getting a $6-$7K tax refund you are having WAY too much withheld.  If you change your withholdings you should be able to pay your rent monthly.

 

Please pay your MIL.  I don't care how awful she is, skipping out is just plain wrong.  You were not held there against your will.



exactly.  how awful could she be when she is giving you such a  break on rent - you haven't paid in 6 months but she hasn't evicted you.  Your husband needs to step up.

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#24 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 03:46 PM
 
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From previous posts, I thought you lived rent-free, not that you were financing your rent, essentially, to pay it once your tax refund comes in. If the agreement has been that you'd all pay MIL back, regardless of how "toxic" she is, I think you need to honor that.

I do think you should get your own place asap, though. I can't imagine living like that, and I guess I have a hard time understanding where all your DH's pay checks go (I realize he doesn't make much, but still). With two young adults, you guys should be able to pay your own rent and sustain a decent lifestyle, even with debt (how much debt can you have acquired at only 20 years of age?). I'm totally not trying to be mean, but I'd do whatever was necessary including getting help like food stamps and daycare subsidies to get my life together so I wouldn't have to rely on living off MIL.

There are plenty of LCOL areas you could move, and jobs besides sears that I would be looking into, if I were you.

Pay your mil, use the rest for a deposit/first month rent, and make sure your finances are such that you won't be evicted (landlords obviously aren't near as generous as your MIL).

 

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#25 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 03:51 PM
 
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If you're getting a $6-$7K tax refund you are having WAY too much withheld.  If you change your withholdings you should be able to pay your rent monthly.



 



Please pay your MIL.  I don't care how awful she is, skipping out is just plain wrong.  You were not held there against your will.




 



They may very well not be having anything deducted (besides what is required like social security taxes). When you are low income and have dependants, you can get tons back on taxes and pay very little in. EIC and other credits make this possible.

That said, if op's DH is having taxes taken out, he should definitely up his deductions. At one point we were claiming 14 and still got over $5K back (we were a family of 5 then).

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#26 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 03:53 PM
 
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I'd give her some money, but I don't agree that it is 'stiffing' her not to pay the full amount.  It's moldy!  I would ask her, nicely, to take less.

 

I would ask for the explorer as a gift, and I would give her whatever you get from the escort towards your rent.    

Moving doesn't have to be too expensive if you can plan it well.  You'll need enough for rent and a deposit, moving van or trailer, and whatever gas and incidental costs will be involved... plan for a couple days worth of eating out and stuff.  


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#27 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 04:14 PM
 
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I fell behind on your other posts, did she ever come to terms that her basement "apartment" does have mold and lead issues? I wouldn't stiff here but I would sit her down and explain that since there are these issues that you need to move out ASAP for the health of your family. Tell her you have appreciated how understanding she has been and her help she has given you, and then ask if you could make some sort of "deal" on the back rent as a way to help you move out to another place easier. Perhaps she'd take even half the past amount owed. But kill her with kindness so she doesn't get defensive (even if you don't mean it, lol). Its hard to reason with anyone who is defensive.

As far as the vehicle have DH mention that he has enjoyed using the other vehicle and it would suit your family better, that he has someone interested in his escort, would she be willing to part with it and what would she have in mind?

I would focus on putting a couple months rent and utilities into savings with any extra tax money instead of paying down debt. Get a new place secured first and then start paying down debt. It sounds like you guys had a hard time paying rent this year (and its been hard on all of us, so I totally understand) but a new landlord wont be as understanding as MIL so having some security in the bank is extremely important.

Goodluck!

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#28 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 04:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I haven't read all of the replies yet. He agrees with the plan.  He doesn't have a very good relationship with her because of obvious reasons.  She's also always been a control freak and done everything for HERSELF and never for him.  When I first met him and actually did nice things for HIM and not for myself to make myself look better, he was in awe.  I don't think he had ever seen compassion from another human being first hand before.  I'm in the process of getting him to read Toxic Parents (reading it myself actually to come to terms with my own father) but he's not much of a reader so I just really have to reitterate much of what the book says TO him.

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Originally Posted by HollyBearsMom View Post

 What does you husband think of this plan? What kind of relationship doe he have with her?  


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#29 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 04:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I agree that stiffing her on the rent wouldn't be the best thing.. but I had to ask.  But how is it ethical to expect someone to pay rent for an unsafe apartment?  Maybe we should talk to her about that aspect of it.  You can take your landlord to court for not fixing such things in a legal apartment, but all we have been able to do is beg and plead with MIL to have these things fixed.  Nothing at all has been done on her part. 

 

I could totally see her waiving the rent for us come tax-time.... IF she weren't such a control freak.   I know for a fact that she won't take easily to letting her first born child move elsewhere.  Even if we were to move across the STREET!  She just couldn't let that happen.  She'd probably allow us to live rent free, but I know she's not going to fix the lead/mold issues...

 

How am I supposed to butter her up enough to let us keep our money?  Ideas?  I don't think she should be getting it anyways- would you pay $500/mo to live in a moldy cold apartment with lead paint? 

 

We've been using the money to pay off our debt.  Right now it's about 7k, we ran into some unexpected expenses (car issues, medical issues) and it set us back a little. 

 

The reason I was wanting the tax money back was because I was under the impression that it is very costly to move (not even speaking in terms of deposit/rent/bills) out of state.


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#30 of 108 Old 12-31-2010, 04:47 PM
 
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I would talk about the rent now.  Before you tell her you are moving.  Before the tax return comes.  Make a new agreement for how much you have to pay her, and then stick to the new agreement.  


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