Replacing a dishwasher or just going without?- *more info post 38 - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
View Poll Results: Would you take money from family for a new dishwasher, knowing you cannot pay it back, even though i
Yes 11 20.00%
No 29 52.73%
Only if they absolutely insisted 15 27.27%
Voters: 55. You may not vote on this poll

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#31 of 47 Old 01-23-2011, 06:51 PM
 
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I love my dishwasher and can't imagine being without it permanently, but if you already have debt this seems like a non-necessity.
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#32 of 47 Old 01-23-2011, 07:21 PM
 
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I wouldn't replace it but then again I don't use a dishwasher. I have actually always had access to one until the last year or so and never used it. I feel like having to rinse the dishes before putting them in I might as well have washed them but that's just me. I don't see the point in the dishwasher. I just wash as I go. I do get overwhelmed by a sink ful of dishes but that was solved when I got rid of all our extra dishes. Now it's wash as you go or you don't have any LOL.


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#33 of 47 Old 01-24-2011, 04:03 AM
 
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I voted "only if they absolutely insisted."

 

We have a dishwasher and I like it very much. I could live without it but I'd be miserable. I know that because I have lived without a dishwasher from time to time. I just really hate washing dishes. I generally cook twice a day, sometimes three times, and with all the prep work, the dishes pile up. I could cook more simply, I guess, but then I'd probably enjoy cooking less. So I'd be doubly miserable. Not having to hand wash everything also frees up time that I can spend doing things I like. I also like the dishwasher because it degreases better than hand-washing. Our tap water doesn't get hot enough to clean certain things if they had fatty foods in them, there's always a greasy residue unless I use copious amounts of dish soap. I don't know if everyone has this problem, but we do.

 

I guess I'm thinking of the OP's relatives' offer as a gift. The thing about gifts is that often we need other things more, but the people who make the gifts are the ones who decide what the gifts are. Sometimes gifts are luxuries, actually I think they often are, because often people want to give special things that will be a treat for the recipient. If they had offered money to help with expenses without indicating what it should be spent on, it would probably be a good idea to use it for something more important. But they offered the money specifically for the dishwasher- that's what they want to help her with. So for me it's just a question of whether to refuse a gift or not. If this is something they really want to do for the OP, why shouldn't she accept it?

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#34 of 47 Old 01-24-2011, 07:22 AM
 
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We'd do without until we could afford to replace it.  Of course, we know what financial situation our family is in, so I know it would be a huge sacrifice for them to give to us, so we'd rather pay for things ourselves.  Case in point: our microwave just broke, and our computer is on its way out, too.  Both things we are willing to go without until our debt is paid off and we have a little savings set aside.  Washing dishes by hand is a pain, no doubt, but feeling guilty (like I'd feel) is worse.

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#35 of 47 Old 01-24-2011, 07:46 AM
 
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I have been without a dishwasher since October when we moved into a different house.  I thought it would be a big hardship since I haven't live anywhere without a working dishwasher since 1995! I  It really hasn't. We are a family of four that eats two meals per day at home and three on the weekend a home (plus some random leftover for lunch containers). DH and I have been taking turns quite well.

 

Honestly, unless the relative in question had scads of money that they were going to spend on you anyway and this is just a way to divert some of that spending in a more practical direction.  I'd take it as an outright gift, but no way as a loan.  Otherwise I just figure out how to get by without and keep my feelers out for a low cost deal via CL or restore like others have suggested.  

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#36 of 47 Old 01-24-2011, 10:21 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by beanma View Post

 It's very rare that I find a particular item is dirty when I need it, but occasionally my favorite spatula is and I give it a quick scrub. I have others, though, too. We don't run out of glasses or cups or bowls or plates. 


For us, the issue arises partly because we've simplified our lifestyle and practically due to our tiny kitchen. We don't have room for lots of plates, bowls, glasses and mugs and lots of duplicate cooking utensils. Also, because I prefer glass and china and not plastic, I can't stack my drinking glasses and mugs, so there's only room for a half-dozen of each (even that is a really tight squeeze). With limited numbers of dishes, I need them cleaned after every meal - not sitting dirty for a day or 2 in the dishwasher until there is a full load. It wouldn't be a problem if I had scads of dishes in the cupboard - or if I ran the dishwasher half-empty (if I had a dishwasher, lol!). 

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#37 of 47 Old 01-24-2011, 11:22 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ollyoxenfree View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by beanma View Post

 It's very rare that I find a particular item is dirty when I need it, but occasionally my favorite spatula is and I give it a quick scrub. I have others, though, too. We don't run out of glasses or cups or bowls or plates. 


For us, the issue arises partly because we've simplified our lifestyle and practically due to our tiny kitchen. We don't have room for lots of plates, bowls, glasses and mugs and lots of duplicate cooking utensils. Also, because I prefer glass and china and not plastic, I can't stack my drinking glasses and mugs, so there's only room for a half-dozen of each (even that is a really tight squeeze). With limited numbers of dishes, I need them cleaned after every meal - not sitting dirty for a day or 2 in the dishwasher until there is a full load. It wouldn't be a problem if I had scads of dishes in the cupboard - or if I ran the dishwasher half-empty (if I had a dishwasher, lol!). 



I think the is partly the issue with us too - due to family size and how we live. We homeschool, have a lot of guests during the weekday and I often serve hot meals at breakfast and lunch. I need to do my pots and pans after most meals anyway and unless I had full place settings/silverware for 12+ I'd run out of most things long before dinner. In Ontario we pay less for electricity used off peak so running a dishwasher during the day would seem wasteful to me.


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#38 of 47 Old 01-24-2011, 11:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mnnice View Post

Honestly, unless the relative in question had scads of money that they were going to spend on you anyway and this is just a way to divert some of that spending in a more practical direction.  I'd take it as an outright gift, but no way as a loan.  Otherwise I just figure out how to get by without and keep my feelers out for a low cost deal via CL or restore like others have suggested.  


My parents do indeed have "scads" of money, and it is what they have used in order to wield power over me throughout the course of my life. Never a hug, never a kiss - just money. It is how they communicate. My mom has literally never once said "I love you" to me, but she will buy me expensive gifts on a whim. After 36 years, I just learned to accept it. Fighting it takes way too much work.

So what exactly transpired is this:
My parent's came over for a visit with the kids and dinner last week. My mom started putting the dishes in the dishwasher and I said "just leave them in the sink because the dishwasher is broken" She said "oh my gosh -you must have a ton of dishes to do! What are you going to do?" and I said "well, we can't afford the extra expense right now so we are just going to do without until we can afford a new one." And she said, "why don't you let your father and I buy one for you?" Which led to the 'we can't pay you back' discussion, etc... She brought it up again on Saturday and I just don't know what to say.

I know we don't NEED a dishwasher, but after not having one for a while, I am realizing how much time and work is going into keeping the kitchen clean. I have 2 toddlers and a baby on the way and, quite frankly, I am overwhelmed and tired. The dishwasher was easy because I could engage my 3 yo to help me load and unload it - he can't help wash the dishes because our sink is on an angle in the corner and the way it sits there is just no room for him and his step stool. Believe me, we've tried.

I would not be taking actual money from her, so the option to put it towards other things is not there (and besides the expenses we have are upcoming, not currently a problem). She would just buy the thing and have it shipped here. She may just go ahead and do that without telling me - she is just kind of like that. Sigh... I hate having guilt because I actually WANT something. For some reason, it seems like the general consensus is that is just not cool to want something.





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#39 of 47 Old 01-24-2011, 11:57 AM
 
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I think you have a lot on your plate and that you should let your mom get it for you. :)   There's no reason to be a martyr!  Seriously, if I had 3 kids in 4 years I'd want one too.  If you know that this would make your life easier, there is NO reason to feel guilty about this.  And even though it's not ideal, it seems like this is your mom's way of saying "I love you".  It's misdirected, but since she brought it up twice, let her do it as a gift.  That's my two cents.  There is NOTHING wrong with wanting something that takes one thing off of a long to-do list!  


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#40 of 47 Old 01-24-2011, 12:13 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tracymom1 View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by mnnice View Post

Honestly, unless the relative in question had scads of money that they were going to spend on you anyway and this is just a way to divert some of that spending in a more practical direction.  I'd take it as an outright gift, but no way as a loan.  Otherwise I just figure out how to get by without and keep my feelers out for a low cost deal via CL or restore like others have suggested.  




My parents do indeed have "scads" of money, and it is what they have used in order to wield power over me throughout the course of my life. Never a hug, never a kiss - just money. It is how they communicate. My mom has literally never once said "I love you" to me, but she will buy me expensive gifts on a whim. After 36 years, I just learned to accept it. Fighting it takes way too much work.

So what exactly transpired is this:
My parent's came over for a visit with the kids and dinner last week. My mom started putting the dishes in the dishwasher and I said "just leave them in the sink because the dishwasher is broken" She said "oh my gosh -you must have a ton of dishes to do! What are you going to do?" and I said "well, we can't afford the extra expense right now so we are just going to do without until we can afford a new one." And she said, "why don't you let your father and I buy one for you?" Which led to the 'we can't pay you back' discussion, etc... She brought it up again on Saturday and I just don't know what to say.

I know we don't NEED a dishwasher, but after not having one for a while, I am realizing how much time and work is going into keeping the kitchen clean. I have 2 toddlers and a baby on the way and, quite frankly, I am overwhelmed and tired. The dishwasher was easy because I could engage my 3 yo to help me load and unload it - he can't help wash the dishes because our sink is on an angle in the corner and the way it sits there is just no room for him and his step stool. Believe me, we've tried.

I would not be taking actual money from her, so the option to put it towards other things is not there (and besides the expenses we have are upcoming, not currently a problem). She would just buy the thing and have it shipped here. She may just go ahead and do that without telling me - she is just kind of like that. Sigh... I hate having guilt because I actually WANT something. For some reason, it seems like the general consensus is that is just not cool to want something.



 



With that context, I say "Go for it! . . . and don't look back!"  When dh and I bought our first car together, my mom offered to finance it for us for 2%.  Why on earth would I say no . . . much less feel compelled to come to a board and ask the opinion of total strangers?  And we didn't have any kids!  And I'm an attorney and I had a great job at the time (and an even better one now).  If it doesn't bother your husband, just do what's best for your family.  And if giving gifts is your parents' love language, then hear them and receive that love in good, clear conscience.

 

My mom also loaned us a substantial sum for our rehab with the understanding we'd pay her back when we sold my condo.  Seven years later (thanks to the bottom falling out of the real estate market) we haven't sold the condo.  Never.a.single.word.from.her.about.the.loan.  Never.  We have borrowed and paid back other sums as they were borrowed on different terms. You know the dynamics of your family best.  Feel confident in your assessment of those dynamics.  I hope you enjoy that dishwasher!!


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#41 of 47 Old 01-24-2011, 12:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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#42 of 47 Old 01-24-2011, 12:21 PM
 
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Yes, context helped. I say go for it also.
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#43 of 47 Old 01-24-2011, 01:05 PM
 
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Quote:
My parents do indeed have "scads" of money, and it is what they have used in order to wield power over me throughout the course of my life. Never a hug, never a kiss - just money. It is how they communicate. My mom has literally never once said "I love you" to me, but she will buy me expensive gifts on a whim. After 36 years, I just learned to accept it. Fighting it takes way too much work.

So what exactly transpired is this:
My parent's came over for a visit with the kids and dinner last week. My mom started putting the dishes in the dishwasher and I said "just leave them in the sink because the dishwasher is broken" She said "oh my gosh -you must have a ton of dishes to do! What are you going to do?" and I said "well, we can't afford the extra expense right now so we are just going to do without until we can afford a new one." And she said, "why don't you let your father and I buy one for you?" Which led to the 'we can't pay you back' discussion, etc... She brought it up again on Saturday and I just don't know what to say.

I know we don't NEED a dishwasher, but after not having one for a while, I am realizing how much time and work is going into keeping the kitchen clean. I have 2 toddlers and a baby on the way and, quite frankly, I am overwhelmed and tired. The dishwasher was easy because I could engage my 3 yo to help me load and unload it - he can't help wash the dishes because our sink is on an angle in the corner and the way it sits there is just no room for him and his step stool. Believe me, we've tried.

I would not be taking actual money from her, so the option to put it towards other things is not there (and besides the expenses we have are upcoming, not currently a problem). She would just buy the thing and have it shipped here. She may just go ahead and do that without telling me - she is just kind of like that. Sigh... I hate having guilt because I actually WANT something. For some reason, it seems like the general consensus is that is just not cool to want something.



 


I originally voted no because I felt like if you couldn't afford a new one and it's not a major necessity than don't borrow the money, just go without till you can afford it.  But, it sort of sounds like your mom was offering to buy you one as a gift.  If you made it clear that you wouldn't be able to pay her back for it and she still offered anyways I don't see the harm in letting her do it for you especially if it's going to take a lot of stress off of you.  You could tell her that you'd feel guilty for her to spend so much money on something like that and that you'd be willing to look around for a used one in your area to make the expense cheaper... She seems like the type of person who would just say to buy you one new, but putting the offer out there would let her know you weren't just trying to take advantage of her generosity... does that make sense?

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#44 of 47 Old 01-24-2011, 02:29 PM
 
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Under those circumstances, I would most definitely let your parents buy the dishwasher for you, and consider it a nice gift. Let us know what you decide!

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#45 of 47 Old 01-24-2011, 03:54 PM
 
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I say go for it, too. If she wants to and she can afford it, don't deprive her of the privilege!!

 

Btw, we, too, don't use plastic and don't run the dishwasher unless it's full, but it's pretty much full by the end of the day for us. We do have quite a number of glasses (wouldn't run out of those unless it was a big party) and a set of dishes for 6 (small plates, big plates, bowls) plus lots of other odds and ends. Living w/o a dishwasher for 6 mo, DH and I were really really happy when we got the new one hooked up.

 

If it'll make your life easier and your mom and dad are willing and able to spring for it I'd go for it!


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#46 of 47 Old 01-24-2011, 05:33 PM
 
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Personally it sounds like something my in-laws would want to do for us and I say if it makes her happy go for it. She might have been looking for a way to help you and just got handed it (my in-laws are like that, they are always looking for ways to help us and like to jump on an opportunity since we rarely tell them about whats going on over here).

Yea Dishwashers aren't necessities but they do make life easier.. I have a almost 4 year old, 2 year old and Im due really soon (like in a week or two) and my dishwasher is the only reason I get the dishes clean. My girls love to load it and help unload it and it keeps them occupied. I can just imagine the destruction they could cause if I was busy washing dishes while they were awake. Even though my house is very child friendly they like to "build" towns with anything and everything they can find, so one load of dishes would probably end up meaning I have 2-3 hours of clean up lol.gif


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#47 of 47 Old 01-24-2011, 08:02 PM
 
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I originally voted no, based on your original post sounding like you thought you SHOULD pay them back but that you didn't have the money to.  But now that I've read your update, I say go for it.  It sounds like something my parents would do. 

 

It's just so hard to know on MDC.  My parents are the type who give without strings attached (we've been the recipient of a few CARS with no strings attached), but after reading here for so many years I realize that's not typical.  So if it really is a gift with no strings attached, I see no reason to say no.  It's not a bad thing to want a new dishwasher.  Although I'm doing okay without one now, someday I'll probably want a new one too. 


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