leaving mdc and erasing all my old posts
I wouldn't be so harsh.
If you divorce, he will get 50% of whatever assets you acquired during the marriage (I'm assuming the death happened after you were married?), that would include foreign rental properties and assets as well. I have a friend in CA who came into a tremendous amount of money (multi million) after only 1 year of a marriage he was ambivalent about-- one reason he is staying in the marriage is because it would cost him so much money to get out of it.its very common for inheritance to not be co mingled and the advise i have gotten from everyone actually not solicited is to make sure it is in a separate account in only my name and keep it separate and make sure DH knows its MINE not OURS in case of divorce
I didn't want to pick apart your thread and comment on each little piece of it because, like I said, I think there is so much there that you desperately need individual and marriage therapy to work it all out. But, I just had to come back to this. Money aside, your husband is either someone you do or do not want to remain married to. I'm assuming you do want to continue your relationship because you haven't stated otherwise. That said, I wouldn't let this money rule my life. Paying for my grand kids college funds or buying my kids a home would be a lot further down on my priority list than keeping my marriage strong and healthy, and providing my kids with a home life that isn't full of stress and arguments over whose money it is and who gets to decide how to spend it. If you draw a line in the sand and say "this is my money, go scratch hubby, you have no decision making power", I think you might find yourself one day with lots of money but without the things in life that truly matter. Maybe our views on marriage are different, but if I was your hubby, I would find your behavior tyrannical. In my house, we are a family. I stay home to parent and hubby works. All the money he makes is "ours" and if I got some huge chunk of change somewhere, that would be ours too. Our family's. I don't see how people can have a partnership when they are constantly focused on who does more or less. Of course, that comes up in our conversations in this household and it should in yours too. Negotiating roles and responsibilities is part of what marriage is about. But if one person is holding the purse strings and the other feels they have no power, I think they are headed for failure. If you want to save the money instead of spend it, I would negotiate that with your husband. I would let him have some say and compromise as with anything else. If you want it for your future or retirement, plan that WITH him. Explain to him why that is important to you. Convince him, don't dominate him.
This.
Just wanted to repeat that part. A friend of mine is getting a messy divorce in Pennsylvania and her drug- using- soon- to- be- ex who is a lousy person will get half of my friend's savings. Even though he's only worked sporadically for the last five years. The divorce leaves her without a home, without a car and without means to acquire either on her small salary. But the law is the law, right?