DH and I will never agree on how to handle our finances! - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-21-2011, 05:44 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Dh has wavered from being unsupportive to being outright hostile to all the financial changes I've made over the last couple of years. He showed little interest in paying off debt and fought me like crazy when I started working again. These things were so important to me I somehow managed to push through anyway and have paid off all of our 20k+ debt. We still have a ways to go on some medical bills and the cars. Anyway, we had a talk a couple of months ago where he pretty much told me that I've made life miserable for him and that things really needed to change. 

Okay, I got it. It's a marriage. A lot of our debt was gone. I needed to compromise. And so I really loosened up on the money focus. I even stopped tracking our cash spending. I put my focus into other things like researching homeschool curriculum and losing weight (35lbs so far .. yay!). 

Well, dh starts playing around with this computer program he has and one of the things in it was a financial planner and budget keeper type thing. And what do you think he does? He starts a new budget and wants to keep track of every penny and is driving me crazy with it. I mean really harassing me about spending anything. I'm not going out and spending like a drunken sailor but we have eaten out a little bit and I bought some new clothes (at consignment mind you) since the ones I've been wearing are literally falling off of me ... AND this is EXACTLY what he wanted ... to live a little bit and not worry and cry and stress over every purchase. 

I mean I guess I should be happy now that he's onboard with savings & frugality and such but it's just so frustrating that we've seen the positives of our opposing viewpoints of the last couple of years and instead of meeting in the middle we just kind of switched sides. He's understanding the value of things and I'm understanding that we really haven't been "living" all this time. I just feel like no matter what I do we are never on the same page. 

Has this ever happened to anyone else? Maybe this is more of a marital problem than a financial one. I don't know. Thanks for reading. Any advice is appreciated. 

 


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Old 06-21-2011, 06:54 AM
 
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Maybe it would be helpful if you worked on the budget together and also made sure you each have a set amount of "free" money each month that you can spend however you wish (without consulting each other)?

It sounds like first you were in charge of the finances, now he is, maybe it's something you can work on together to reach that middle ground.

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Old 06-22-2011, 01:04 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crunchy_mommy View Post

Maybe it would be helpful if you worked on the budget together and also made sure you each have a set amount of "free" money each month that you can spend however you wish (without consulting each other)?

It sounds like first you were in charge of the finances, now he is, maybe it's something you can work on together to reach that middle ground.


This is exactly what I was thinking.  That it sounds like you handled all the money and told him how much you had and what you could spend it on and such, and now he wants to do it all. 

 

I know everyone touts Dave Ramsey and some love him and some hate him, but you might benefit from a book or two of his.  One of the things he is big on is handling finances TOGETHER.  Weekly (or monthly or whatever) budget meetings together and going over the income together and making the decisions and compromising together.  If he wants to run the budget software or whatever, that's fine, but perhaps if you set down a specific time each week (or day or month, you get the idea) and discuss it together and you both agree on the numbers as they go in, maybe that will help?

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Old 06-22-2011, 08:41 PM
 
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First off, congrats on moving so much previous debt out of the way....that is a major accomplishment. And I agree with the above posters that you both need to sit down and talk about your goals and finances, and how to best reach them while still being able to live a little.

Hugs, because I know its a seriously rough patch to get through. But hopefully you will get a relaxed moment together where your discussion is also relaxed and natural.
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Old 06-24-2011, 11:41 AM
 
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I agree with the PP, that there is some middle ground here.  It's great that he's seeing the value of budgeting, but you guys need some fun money every month!  I would see how much you can afford to be just for both of you, so that each of you gets $X and spends it, no restrictions.  Are you on board with how things are budgeted right now, other than the lack of free spending money? 

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