Rant about DH throwing money away - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 01-05-2012, 07:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DH and I are students living on financial aid, which is doable, and in fact we have around $500 a term that we can spend on fun stuff. Or we can spend it on the traffic citation my idiot husband got today. There was a school bus stopping and he decided to keep going and there just happened to be a police officer watching... so we now get to pay $435 because DH couldn't take less than a minute to stop and wait for a school bus.... just a little honked now. hammer.gif


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#2 of 22 Old 01-05-2012, 09:17 PM
 
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Meh, that sucks. I can't believe it $435 for doing that!!!


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#3 of 22 Old 01-06-2012, 06:39 AM
 
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Oooo I'd be pissed - I know this, because my DH got a $70 speeding ticket when we were in college and didn't have $5, much less $70 (this was 1984, and it was a lot of money back then!).


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#4 of 22 Old 01-06-2012, 06:55 AM
 
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OP... I once went 21 in a 20 ( school zone) and I got a lovely 300 dollar ticket.  Didn't help that when the cop asked " DID YOU NOT SEE ME?"  I replied.  "NO I WASN'T WATCHING FOR YOU I WAS WATCHING FOR KIDS!"  And no I didn't have the money and NO the judge would not throw it out! 

 

If you somehow made the mistake, we all made mistakes.  Would you be comfortable with him being angry at you... for a human mistake?  A mistake... let me say it again... MISTAKE... not a hill to die on in my opinion.

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#5 of 22 Old 01-06-2012, 09:45 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

OP... I once went 21 in a 20 ( school zone) and I got a lovely 300 dollar ticket.  Didn't help that when the cop asked " DID YOU NOT SEE ME?"  I replied.  "NO I WASN'T WATCHING FOR YOU I WAS WATCHING FOR KIDS!"  And no I didn't have the money and NO the judge would not throw it out! 

 

If you somehow made the mistake, we all made mistakes.  Would you be comfortable with him being angry at you... for a human mistake?  A mistake... let me say it again... MISTAKE... not a hill to die on in my opinion.



I'm very comfortable with people being angry at me for making stupid mistakes, especially ones that impact other people.  And I don't get the impression that this is a hill to die on for the OP, just her venting.

 


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#6 of 22 Old 01-06-2012, 10:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

If you somehow made the mistake, we all made mistakes.  Would you be comfortable with him being angry at you... for a human mistake?  A mistake... let me say it again... MISTAKE... not a hill to die on in my opinion.


Just venting as savannah smiles said, but yes, I am completely comfortable with being judged for my mistakes. The main reason I am honked at DH is because he did this last year going through a crosswalk and nearly mowed down a pedestrian.

I can understand speeding by mistake or not seeing a pedestrian, but school buses are pretty obvious.

 


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#7 of 22 Old 01-06-2012, 10:56 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamapigeon View Post




Just venting as savannah smiles said, but yes, I am completely comfortable with being judged for my mistakes. The main reason I am honked at DH is because he did this last year going through a crosswalk and nearly mowed down a pedestrian.

I can understand speeding by mistake or not seeing a pedestrian, but school buses are pretty obvious.

 



I agree not stopping for a school bus is not a mere mistake... it's a willful violation. Huge difference and I'd be pissed about the money and that your husband would do that. Not acceptable behavior here.

 

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#8 of 22 Old 01-06-2012, 02:09 PM
 
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Right... it was a bad thing to do.  So are we bashing and I missed the memo?  I don't like talking bad about spouses.  I'm sorry it's not my thing.  I will always feel there is more to it and we never know.  OP don't take offense this is hypothetical.  She could have done something just as cruddy in the last few years.  We all do stupid crap.  I do it.  DH does it.  We all make really stupid mistakes.  But do we learn from them?  That's the question?  I learned next time to keep my mouth shut when I get pulled over.  Then 1 mile could have been ignored.

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#9 of 22 Old 01-06-2012, 03:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kitchensqueen View Post

Meh, that sucks. I can't believe it $435 for doing that!!!


Really? It's about the worst violation you can do. Kids are killed getting off of school busses because of people doing it Why should it cost any less?

OP I clicked on this because my husband got a speeding ticket today. Grrr....I know people make mistakes (and Ive had one before) but I do bear some resentment about having to spend the money to pay for it.

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#10 of 22 Old 01-06-2012, 03:22 PM
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That is really unacceptable, not just for the money, but because he's putting kids' lives on the line.  I'd be super pissed. 


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#11 of 22 Old 01-06-2012, 03:27 PM
 
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Is this a rant about him throwing money away or him putting children in danger.  OP was more upset about the money the rest of your are the ones concerned about the kids. 

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#12 of 22 Old 01-06-2012, 03:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Adaline'sMama View Post

Really? It's about the worst violation you can do. Kids are killed getting off of school busses because of people doing it Why should it cost any less?


Um, not saying it's not bad and I'm not making a value judgement on the cost versus the offense...clearly it's dangerous, especially when done on purpose. What I meant was I didn't realize that traffic violations cost that amount - I don't drive or own a car. 

 


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#13 of 22 Old 01-06-2012, 08:20 PM
 
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DH got a speeding ticket for his work car in the mail just before Christmas, and I was so ticked off, because it was $200.  When he got home, I was all ready to have a good old whinge.

Then he told me that he agreed to "take the points" for one of the apprentices he works with.  The apprentice is is paying the fine, and DP is going to lose one of his demerit points.

 

I know, I know... It's illegal.  redface.gif  But I was so glad that it wasn't coming out of our money, I just let it go!


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#14 of 22 Old 01-07-2012, 10:58 AM
 
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I don't know how true this is anymore, OP, but years ago (we lived in oregon until 2000) if you went into court you would usually have a significant portion knocked off.  If DH is willing to go in, admit he did it, say he is a poor college student and would appreciate any leniancy the court could show it might save you $100 at least.  Since he's had a recent ticket, it is less likely, but that also makes it more likely your car insurance will be raised so you might want to look into it.

 

I think it's fine to get irritated at people.  Sure the OP has probably done something and, know what, there's probably a good chance her DH blew off some steam to his friends about it to, lol.  There is nothing indicating she's kicking him to the curb or fantasizing about his death--- she's irritated, who wouldn't be?


 

 

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#15 of 22 Old 01-07-2012, 11:44 AM
 
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Poor guy.  I doubt he intentionally did it.  And I believe more kids are run over by the bus than someone gunning their car for kids getting off the bus.  We all make expensive mistakes at times.  

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#16 of 22 Old 01-12-2012, 03:32 PM
 
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Yes, I would be upset. However I'd try to get over it and give him a break if it wasn't intentional. If he chose to ignore the bus after seeing it I'd be pissed. Dh got a lucky draw a few weeks before the holidays when he sped through a school zone, with our son on the way to their school (dh is a teacher).  They typically don't drive during that time in front of that school but happened to be going early for a meeting (hence the speeding and running late). The policeman gave him a break, something about how teachers are unable to do any driving for school business if they get a citation in a school zone. Dh didn't correct him by telling him he doesn't drive for school anyway. Lucky break it would have been over $300 for going 4 mph over. Considering we're in financial crisis right now I would have been stressed if he weren't so lucky.

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#17 of 22 Old 01-12-2012, 04:03 PM
 
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This sucks and I get why you are upset- as a divorced woman tho- who bashed her spouse daily- and regrets it- please rethink calling your dh an idiot.

Namecalling will not help.

I would be OUTRAGED and so upset and sad and mad about it- just don't call names.... I did that. I would not do it again.


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#18 of 22 Old 01-12-2012, 04:34 PM
 
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Sigh, only on MDC would this turn into a "your poor dh, how awful of a wife he has for being annoyed!" thread eyesroll.gif

 

I get it OP. Dh got a $200 ticket for running a stop sign last year and I got a similar one once for allegedly "running" a red light (an instance where the yellow turned to red as my rear end was through the intersection and the cameras caught it. I'm not justifying, just saying I wasn't like gunning through a red light all recklessly). We paid our respective tickets begrudgingly (lol) and there was a bit of "ugh didn't you see the stop sign/red light??" back and forth but meh, we got over it and now we're much more aware and careful. I'm sure you guys will too smile.gif

 

Annnnnyyyway. I get it. It's annoying. My husband and I don't bash each other either. In fact, we never say anything negative about each other to anyone else in real life. I get the desire to vent though. Unlike some of the other posters, I'm going to choose to believe the best about you and that you love your husband very much and didn't want to say anything hurtful to his face but wanted a safe, anonymous place to vent about what you perceive to be (and I agree) a pretty reckless, expensive mistake.

 

I getcha. That stinks! Seeing $435 leave the account when it didn't have to stinks and I'd be annoyed too.

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#19 of 22 Old 01-13-2012, 04:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TiredX2 View Post

I don't know how true this is anymore, OP, but years ago (we lived in oregon until 2000) if you went into court you would usually have a significant portion knocked off.  If DH is willing to go in, admit he did it, say he is a poor college student and would appreciate any leniancy the court could show it might save you $100 at least.  Since he's had a recent ticket, it is less likely, but that also makes it more likely your car insurance will be raised so you might want to look into it.

I'm pretty sure you can still get a chunk knocked off for going in, and now they throw out the ticket if the officer who wrote it doesn't come to court. Hopefully it will be reduced or completely thrown out!
 

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Sigh, only on MDC would this turn into a "your poor dh, how awful of a wife he has for being annoyed!" thread eyesroll.gif

 

I get it OP. Dh got a $200 ticket for running a stop sign last year and I got a similar one once for allegedly "running" a red light (an instance where the yellow turned to red as my rear end was through the intersection and the cameras caught it. I'm not justifying, just saying I wasn't like gunning through a red light all recklessly). We paid our respective tickets begrudgingly (lol) and there was a bit of "ugh didn't you see the stop sign/red light??" back and forth but meh, we got over it and now we're much more aware and careful. I'm sure you guys will too smile.gif

 

Annnnnyyyway. I get it. It's annoying. My husband and I don't bash each other either. In fact, we never say anything negative about each other to anyone else in real life. I get the desire to vent though. Unlike some of the other posters, I'm going to choose to believe the best about you and that you love your husband very much and didn't want to say anything hurtful to his face but wanted a safe, anonymous place to vent about what you perceive to be (and I agree) a pretty reckless, expensive mistake.

 

I getcha. That stinks! Seeing $435 leave the account when it didn't have to stinks and I'd be annoyed too.

  

 

DH and I actually practice what you and your DH do, we try to keep our problems to ourselves in real life and use the internet to relieve some of our minor frustrations. Thanks for understanding what I was trying to do.
 

 


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#20 of 22 Old 01-13-2012, 06:06 PM
 
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I am sorry for my blurb in here- I get what you were doing I was just in a bad mood.... I vented all over this and say way worse things than my dh was an idiot... my xh is an idiot and I guess I have been single too long.


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#21 of 22 Old 01-13-2012, 06:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Imakcerka View Post

Right... it was a bad thing to do.  So are we bashing and I missed the memo?  I don't like talking bad about spouses.  I'm sorry it's not my thing.  I will always feel there is more to it and we never know.  OP don't take offense this is hypothetical.  She could have done something just as cruddy in the last few years.  We all do stupid crap.  I do it.  DH does it.  We all make really stupid mistakes.  But do we learn from them?  That's the question?  I learned next time to keep my mouth shut when I get pulled over.  Then 1 mile could have been ignored.

 

Then don't talk bad about your spouse.  Problem solved!



Quote:
Originally Posted by TiredX2 View Post

I don't know how true this is anymore, OP, but years ago (we lived in oregon until 2000) if you went into court you would usually have a significant portion knocked off.  If DH is willing to go in, admit he did it, say he is a poor college student and would appreciate any leniancy the court could show it might save you $100 at least.  Since he's had a recent ticket, it is less likely, but that also makes it more likely your car insurance will be raised so you might want to look into it.

 


I definitely suggest going to court and just talking to someone.  I agree, it's not as likely that the violation will be lowered due to the previous (recent) ticket, but it's worth a shot.

 



Quote:
Originally Posted by mamapigeon View Post
  

DH and I actually practice what you and your DH do, we try to keep our problems to ourselves in real life and use the internet to relieve some of our minor frustrations. Thanks for understanding what I was trying to do.
 

 

 

DP and I do this as well.  Sometimes you just need an anonymous spot to vent!  wink1.gif
 

 

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#22 of 22 Old 01-13-2012, 07:33 PM
 
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Necessary Mulvah?

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