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#31 of 55 Old 06-15-2012, 08:18 PM
 
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Growing food is a great idea - my husband planted fruit trees and we've got a couple of more years for them to bear good fruit.  I have no green thumb whatsoever but I would love to have a vegetable garden.  Can you start them this time of year?  

 

I'm really considering giving up the cable, but my mom says that I will have no sanity left whatsoever lol.

 

 

 

We haven't had cable since 2003 and really don't miss it. If there is something I really want to see, I either have a friend or family member tape it for me or I find it online. For movies, we rent them at the library.

You can definitely start growing some things. I know you are on food stamps - check your state laws regarding your stamps, because many states allow you to buy seeds AND fruit/vegetable plants with your food stamps.


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#32 of 55 Old 06-16-2012, 07:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh wow thank you!  I will be starting a garden!  I will be getting rid of cable too!  

 

I have some good news...my husband got a job last night biggrinbounce.gif . It's freelance work but he has all the time in the world.  I hope this is the one!


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#33 of 55 Old 06-16-2012, 07:45 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, forgot - they are Northern Pines but no one wants them for lumber and they are apparently no good for firewood irked.gif


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#34 of 55 Old 06-16-2012, 09:04 AM
 
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Could you move all the kids into one or two bedrooms? Then you could shut off the other bedrooms and not have to heat or cool them. You also need to seriously look at ALL your expenses. If you haven't paid your taxes in three years and are still paying for cable, I'm afraid there's some more wasted money in your budget.
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#35 of 55 Old 06-16-2012, 09:15 AM
 
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Glad you've had some good news.  thumb.gif  I hope it's a bit of relief for you right now.

 

 

 

I've been thinking about your post a bit.  I think I agree most with pp's who think that selling your house might end solving some problems for the short-term only (although if you were able to get very inexpensive housing after the sale ie. a mobile home, perhaps you'd end up coming out of it okay).

 

 

 

Depending on your area, some other ideas that might help your family to bring in a little more cash:

 

Craigslist and deal with selling larger items for others (re-post regularly, be the ones willing to meet up with people or store large items at your home - great especially if you happen to have a truck or other means for doing so more easily.  Even if that isn't the case, a lot of people don't like the hassle of maintaining a listing and regularly reducing their prices there or don't like to use the internet themselves).

Pet care services.

If you have space to grow herbs - it might be easy to grow some more plentifully & dry them (to sell).   Think about decorative oregano bundles and dried herb wreaths & the like.  Herbs are easier to grow than some veggies, and need less care.

Hosting/planning kid's birthday parties (lots of people find this a hassle - with a large yard, you could easily do something outdoors.

 

Little things will add up, and make a difference.   

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#36 of 55 Old 06-16-2012, 09:57 AM
 
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I have read on these boards that is a family has children that are eligible for free school lunches, then they can get free internet from somewhere.  You could eliminate your cable and your internet that way, throw a few bucks into Netflix and stream quite a lot of decent tv cheap.  If you have cell phones you can't get out of, you could cancel your landline as well or cut it down to only the most basic service. 

 

An electrical saving tip that has helped me is if your kitchen has one of those light fixtures that has multiple bulbs, buy a cheap lamp at a yard sale, stick in a compact flourescent and use that light as much as possibl

e; you could be saving quite a bit of electricity by using one bulb instead of 4 or 5 and many kitchen tasks are fine for that.  I have another light in my living room that turns on two bulbs at once when I usually just need one and I keep one slight unscrewed unless I actually need the extra light.  Ditching the cable box saves electricity, too, as does switching off the power to the tv and dvd player when not in use.  You can also forgo the dryer and hang clothes on a cheap drying rack (or just tie up a line somewhere).  These types of things probably won't be forever, just until you get back on your feet.  I have been there, though, and I still use all of these tips because I figure why throw the money away? 
 

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#37 of 55 Old 06-16-2012, 10:01 AM
 
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Wanted to add that since things are looking up with your dh having a new job, maybe you know someone who could give you the money for the down payment on the back taxes and just concentrate on saving every single penny and paying those back taxes.  I used add the pennies I found in the street to my payments when I had some debt left. 
 

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#38 of 55 Old 06-17-2012, 10:31 AM
 
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I'm so glad your DH got a job! Yay!

 

I would NOT sell the house. My guess is that you could not even rent a place for under $600 a month, and if it's anywhere like where I live, the place would be a utility-sucking hellhole anyway. Not to mention paying deposits for turning on utilities (which are higher for renters than homeowners) I really REALLY don't think it's a good idea. I'd do anything and everything to get those back taxes paid off ASAP though. It would be terrible to lose your home for a lack of a few thousand dollars.

 

I still thinking renting a room is a good way to go. Do you have a college in your area? I'd try to rent to a young single girl if I was in your position.

 

Definitely cut cable. I haven't had cable in three years and I don't miss it a bit. I have Netflix and I watch all the TV I want for $8 a month. You might also research Roku, which is about $50 for initial setup for the cheap version, and you can watch Netflix (per month charge) plus I think they have a huge selection of streaming on it's own. In this day and age, I would NOT pay for cable/satellite.

 

Close off every room in your house that you can. Cover the windows with blankets/towels to try to make them more efficient. If you MUST run A/C, don't run it so cold.

 

For winter, could you get a cheap woodstove and burn wood to heat the house? In my area, I see stoves being given away all the time on Craigslist. The expensive part is usually the piping, but it would probably pay for itself in a matter of one winter. The wood on your property might not be good to sell as firewood, but it might be sufficient to heat your own home with.

 

If you have that much land, I'd definitely grow some food/raise some chickens. And even if you don't grow food, you can buy it when it's cheap in the summer and can/freeze it for winter. Last year I made enough jelly to last us the entire year with four quarts of strawberries and a bag or two of sugar. We use a LOT of jelly for PB&J sandwiches.

 

Good luck to you!!!!

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#39 of 55 Old 06-24-2012, 11:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't even know where to begin right now....things are just terrible here but I do have good and bad news.  One thing that I have not mentioned, but will now, to add more drama to my story eyesroll.gif is that my husband is the main problem.  To make a long story short, he is, as my family calls him, a con artist.  This is so difficult...he will do anything to avoid work.  He is extremely mentally unstable but he is a sponger/taker/freeloader/.  We've been married 1 year, together for 2.  The job that he recently got?  Not producing.  When my husband has money, which is from his disability and student loans, I have to cross my fingers in hopes that he will do the right thing with it, but he usually doesn't.

 

I've asked the title question with a view to taking care of everything myself.  It's my house - I had it before I met him.

 

I want him to leave - yesterday he was pressuring me and hounding me to give the house to him so that he could get a mortgage because I can't.  He will NOT do the right thing with it.  Yesterday he tried to get a car loan to buy a $67K vehicle. He's really.....crazy and concerned for his own comfort & luxury.

 

OMG.  I can't believe I just told you all that, but it does apply to the situation, so there it is.  I don't know when he's leaving or where he's going but it can't be soon enough for me.  I just hope he doesn't try to take 1/2 my house.  Honestly I don't even care about a divorce, I just want him leave. He's verbally, emotionally, & mentally abusive.

 

Well there's a lot more I could say but I'll leave it at that.  The good thing (I think) is, that when he leaves I can go to social services and then with his income gone I should qualify for daycare so that I can get a job and some more assistance.  Unfortunately they will put a lien on my house, but what can I do?


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#40 of 55 Old 06-24-2012, 01:32 PM
 
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If you owned the house before you got married, and did not put his name on either the mortgage or anything else regarding the house, you might be safe.  See if you can get a free consultation with a divorce attorney.  This man is going to bankrupt you.  The debts he accrues during your marriage, you are on the hook for half of them.  File for divorce, take your lumps and you may well be in a better place in a year or two. At least it shouldn't be worse.   If you don't, I am afraid things are only going to get worse, possibly far worse.  My sister was divorcing and didn't want to pay money to get it, but the man was manipulative, verbally abusive, financially irresponsible and an alcoholic.  I must have told her to file for the divorce twenty times and pointed out that if he hurt someone in a drunk driving accident or something, her finances would be on the hook as well.  She delayed a bit and it did cost her some more debt.  But she did finally get free, sold the house in a short sale and is in recovery mode.  Don't say you don't care about the divorce.  If you don't care about your legal and financial health (not to mention mental health) who will?  And what about your kids future?  Be brave, be strong.  You can do this.  Do not wait for him to leave.  File divorce papers yourself.  Take control of your own life and your own future.  You will never, ever regret it. 
 

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#41 of 55 Old 06-24-2012, 03:02 PM
 
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I don't even know where to begin right now....things are just terrible here but I do have good and bad news.  One thing that I have not mentioned, but will now, to add more drama to my story eyesroll.gif is that my husband is the main problem.  To make a long story short, he is, as my family calls him, a con artist.  This is so difficult...he will do anything to avoid work.  He is extremely mentally unstable but he is a sponger/taker/freeloader/.  We've been married 1 year, together for 2.  The job that he recently got?  Not producing.  When my husband has money, which is from his disability and student loans, I have to cross my fingers in hopes that he will do the right thing with it, but he usually doesn't.

 

I've asked the title question with a view to taking care of everything myself.  It's my house - I had it before I met him.

 

I want him to leave - yesterday he was pressuring me and hounding me to give the house to him so that he could get a mortgage because I can't.  He will NOT do the right thing with it.  Yesterday he tried to get a car loan to buy a $67K vehicle. He's really.....crazy and concerned for his own comfort & luxury.

 

OMG.  I can't believe I just told you all that, but it does apply to the situation, so there it is.  I don't know when he's leaving or where he's going but it can't be soon enough for me.  I just hope he doesn't try to take 1/2 my house.  Honestly I don't even care about a divorce, I just want him leave. He's verbally, emotionally, & mentally abusive.

 

Well there's a lot more I could say but I'll leave it at that.  The good thing (I think) is, that when he leaves I can go to social services and then with his income gone I should qualify for daycare so that I can get a job and some more assistance.  Unfortunately they will put a lien on my house, but what can I do?

 

I'm sorry to hear that this is happening to you again. It seems from reading your posts from the past few years that you moved too fast into this relationship after your previous relationship and you didn't listen to the advice of your family. What does your family advise you to do now in your current situation?

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#42 of 55 Old 06-24-2012, 04:36 PM
 
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Everything EmsMom said. Get the divorce to protect yourself from further financial strain, and to cut ties with him. He's shady at best -- steer clear in any/every way you can.

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#43 of 55 Old 06-24-2012, 05:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm sorry to hear that this is happening to you again. It seems from reading your posts from the past few years that you moved too fast into this relationship after your previous relationship and you didn't listen to the advice of your family. What does your family advise you to do now in your current situation?

 

This is very true, I was extremely vulnerable....I don't want to get into the past though, it's very difficult.  My family doesn't give much advice normally, and I've only just told my mom and brother today.


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#44 of 55 Old 06-24-2012, 05:20 PM
 
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This is very true, I was extremely vulnerable....I don't want to get into the past though, it's very difficult.  My family doesn't give much advice normally, and I've only just told my mom and brother today.

 

What age is your husband?

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#45 of 55 Old 06-24-2012, 06:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What age is your husband?

Why do you ask?


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#46 of 55 Old 06-24-2012, 11:03 PM
 
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Why do you ask?

 

Just curious to know if he is close to your age.

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#47 of 55 Old 06-25-2012, 04:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, we are close in age.

 

I want to find a single mom to rent a room or 2 to.  I don't have money to put an ad out.  Should I call social services or could I get screwed that way somehow do you think?

 

I would like to get at least a separation agreement but I have no money to file :(


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#48 of 55 Old 06-25-2012, 05:10 AM
 
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Yes, we are close in age.

 

I want to find a single mom to rent a room or 2 to.  I don't have money to put an ad out.  Should I call social services or could I get screwed that way somehow do you think?

 

I would like to get at least a separation agreement but I have no money to file :(

 

you can put an ad on craigslist - for free - but of course, use caution


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#49 of 55 Old 06-25-2012, 07:18 AM
 
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Yes, we are close in age.

 

I want to find a single mom to rent a room or 2 to.  I don't have money to put an ad out.  Should I call social services or could I get screwed that way somehow do you think?

 

I would like to get at least a separation agreement but I have no money to file :(

You can put an ad on craigslist, ask around the homeschool group or other mommy type groups.  If you join a single mom's group or other support group thats another way to find a potential renter. Joining groups or even email lists are a good way to just get support in general. (email lists are free) and you can find them on google or yahoo groups.

 

As for DH, I would give him a date to move out.  Since he has income he should be able to get an apartment or housing with his funding.  During that time frame (30-60 days) go get some legal aid.  Open your own bank accounts and untangle any finances you have with him.  Most county offices have a division of legal aid and can get you the paperwork for divorce.  If he won't move out then start the paperwork to have him ordered out/removed from the home.


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#50 of 55 Old 06-25-2012, 08:24 AM
 
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I've heard good things about this website: http://www.coabode.org/
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#51 of 55 Old 07-05-2012, 08:58 AM
 
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I've heard good things about this website: http://www.coabode.org/


I have a co-abode account from before I got married if you would like to take over the account.

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#52 of 55 Old 07-25-2012, 10:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hm I only just saw these last messages, I never had any notifications...I'm going to check them out now, sorry it's taken so long.


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#53 of 55 Old 07-25-2012, 11:28 AM
 
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Hm I only just saw these last messages, I never had any notifications...I'm going to check them out now, sorry it's taken so long.

 

Did you get your husband to move out?

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#54 of 55 Old 07-30-2012, 01:44 PM
 
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The only reason I would sell your house is if you can buy a smaller/cheaper one with cash - no mortgage.

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#55 of 55 Old 09-19-2012, 08:55 AM
 
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I doubt you'd be able to find a place (even if you SQUISHED) to house two adults and 4 kids that wouldn't drain the 120k you got from the house in a matter of a year or two. Plus you'd need to pay off taxes before the sale would go through, so there is that.

 

Call CCs and negotiate. I got my 6ish cleared for about 3500 by threatening bankruptcy etc. It hit my credit to do a settlement, but less than bankruptcy.

You'll need to stop paying CCs for several months first however, and be able to come up with the full amount to get settlement. You might consider taking a loan out on the house if you qualify and use that towards paying settlement on CCs. Since you don't have a mortgage currently and the interest isn't OMFG expensive it would certainly lower your debt load.

 

If you are both working fulltime you will lose support, so be sure you consider that.

If you are both working fulltime you'll need childcare, so unless you have free family care available (in which case I loathe you! hehehe) thats going to increase your expenses considerably. I was paying 300/wk for my two before they started school, and i'm paying 160/wk now that my younger started kindy. Assuming you are in a similar cost of living area (I live in dallas so it's one of the cheaper metro areas in the US) you are looking at around 2K a month, and 30K a year (since summer you'd pay fulltime for school age) in childcare.

 

Sounds like your best bet would be to try and get loan on house and use it to argue/settle your CC debt. GET RID OF CARDS NOW!!!

since your DH is disabled he's probably more likely to stay home with 4 kids, and hopefully you'll retain some of your government support for FS and such.

You need to find probably 40-60hrs a week of work.

 

It stinks, but (hard truth!) you are the ones who ran up the debt and had 4 kids which we all know are not cheap. Once you start digging yourself out of the hole you'll have more options going foward. Meanwhile your DH can continue to look for work and if he can find fulltime work you might be able to stay home or work at night and swing shifts between you.

 

Since daycare for 4 kids is more than a lot of people make working fulltime - it seems likely that one of you will have to be home with kids and work different shifts etc.

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