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#1 of 17 Old 07-12-2012, 07:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Right now DP and I are struggling to make a difficult decision. We are in too deep to be able to look at things objectively, so help me if you will please.

 

DP lost both of her jobs. We were barely making it before it happened and now there is no way we can continue. She has filed for unemployment and is getting it from the first job she lost. Now that she has lost the second one, the won't give her unemployment for the second (which was the higher paying of the two). She has been out applying for every job she can find and we haven't had any luck. Here are the two scenarios we have..

 

Option one. Stay where we are. We have 6 months left on our lease, I have about 4 months of my orthodontist treatment left. We try to figure out how to ride it out. Hopefully next month she and I will both start college and we pray that nothing goes wrong and we ride it out on student loans. In January we try to find a cheaper house.

 

Option two. We break our lease and move to a different state with my mom. We wouldn't have to pay rent, however, it isn't "free" by any means. We would have to deal with my younger brothers and sisters, there re-occurring lice problem, their 7 inside/outside non-flee treated dogs, constantly defending my parenting choices, etc. I would also have to put my kids into public school since its not really legal to home school in said state, also thinking forward midwifery is illegal, second parent adoption, and nursing in public. It Basically everything that is "me" or my ideals, I would have to give up for cheaper rent. I would also have to drive 10 hours for my orthodontist appointments, because I cant transfer practices.

 

I know it sounds like my mind is made up, but it really isn't. I keep thinking about what if she doesn't find a job or something happens with our loans, how are we going to pay bills? Is the cheaper rent in the long run worth everything that is definitive to my identity?

 

I applied for food stamps tonight. Is there anything else that can help us get through this time until she gets another job? We live minimally as it is, no car payment, credit cards, we have a roommate etc. Just doesn't seem like its ever "enough" help!gloomy.gif


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#2 of 17 Old 07-12-2012, 07:07 PM
 
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take your chances with option one.  if worst comes to worst you could stop paying rent, wait til you get evicted and live in a tent.  sounds better than option two to me!
 

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#3 of 17 Old 07-12-2012, 07:57 PM
 
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Or wait until the lease runs out and then try living with said mother.  Not that it sounds grand or anything.  Or does she need to know NOW?

 

BTW, it is not illegal to HS in any state in the US.  Difficult in some, perhaps, compared to other states, but definitely not illegal.


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#4 of 17 Old 07-12-2012, 08:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Or wait until the lease runs out and then try living with said mother.  Not that it sounds grand or anything.  Or does she need to know NOW?

 

BTW, it is not illegal to HS in any state in the US.  Difficult in some, perhaps, compared to other states, but definitely not illegal.

 

Yeah, I should have clarified.. its not illegal, just very difficult in the state I would be moving to. She doesn't need to know now, per say.. I'm just about to crap my pants trying to figure out how I'm going to pay the next months bills.


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#5 of 17 Old 07-13-2012, 04:24 AM
 
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I don't think I would put myself into a situation of living with someone who was going to shred my self-esteem.  I have that kind of mother myself and when I am around her, or even speak to her on the phone, I can go into massive anxiety and depression.  No way that is good for the bottom line.  When you calm down, you will probably see that there are other options besides living on the streets or with your family.  Not knowing what kind of numbers we are talking about here, hard to give other advice.  It seems as if your dp was working two jobs but are you working?  How old are your kids?  Possibility of WIC, SNAP, other financial help?  Is there debt?  Anything than can be sold?  Money in retirement accounts?  Could you just up and move to another state?  Homeschooling is very easy in NJ and the unemployment rate in some areas is low compared to other states.  There are options (some of which may be absolutely crazy) -- you are just not seeing them because you are panicked.
 

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#6 of 17 Old 07-13-2012, 06:21 AM
 
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I may be confusing you with someone else, but weren't you and DP on the verge of a breakup? Would now be an easier time to move into different homes? Although your mom's house doesn't sound like a happy place.

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#7 of 17 Old 07-13-2012, 12:57 PM
 
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How about option 3? Move somewhere else cheaper... but not with your mom. If you are in school, can you get campus housing? Is there another area you'd be interested in moving to, perhaps with lower cost of living & better job prospects? Can you find someone to take over your lease, advertise on craigslist perhaps?

I wouldn't seriously consider option 2 until you've exhausted any & all other options (including, perhaps, living in a tent! lol) That just sounds miserable.

I also wouldn't worry too much about the orthodontic treatment, that's more an issue of convenience I think... I'd imagine even if you moved across the country you might be able to get a new orthodontist who could coordinate with your current one to finish where you left off. I'd try to think a bit more long-term.

So, overall, option 1 sounds best, and pay the most crucial bills first (the ones that will affect you long-term)... i.e. if you don't have money for the water bill or something, they aren't likely to turn it off before you'd be out of that apartment anyway.

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#8 of 17 Old 07-13-2012, 06:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I may be confusing you with someone else, but weren't you and DP on the verge of a breakup? Would now be an easier time to move into different homes? Although your mom's house doesn't sound like a happy place.

 

Yeah, we are. Which isn't helping the situation any. I dont have a job and havent really worked in the 7 years I've had kids. We have like $40 in our bank account and no assets or anything. DP was a waitress and student and I SAH with the girls.

 

I would be miserable if I had to live with my mom. On top of the other stuff I mentioned, she lives in the country where there is no access to public transportation and I would be stuck there all day long. Since DP and I share a car, if we were to split it would go to her since her dad bought it.

 

If we could figure out this next 2 months we should be set by sept, since we would have some student loans.


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#9 of 17 Old 07-16-2012, 11:59 AM
 
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Sounds like for the time being, you both need to be out looking for a job.  Twice the applications = twice the chance of getting some money, no?  I'm an at-home mom, myself, so I can totally understand not feeling comfortable with that, but maybe you could take in a kid or two to babysit or something... ?


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#10 of 17 Old 07-17-2012, 05:58 PM
 
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If you're eligible for TANF then you should be able to get Emergency Assistance to cover what you're behind on your rent.  Have you applied for electric assistance?  Option #2 sounds like it should be avoided at all costs.  Also you might be able to get a rental voucher from your town welfare department. You would have to pay it back but you can do that as you're able to.  Good luck!


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#11 of 17 Old 07-17-2012, 11:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've applied for food stamps and I am waiting on them to reply. We've been mulling this over all month and while living with my mom would be miserable, the thought of being able to find some footing is appealing. I keep trying to think long term, and adding another 7,000 in student loans to get us by isn't something that sits well with me. Especially because she already has about 20,000 and I have 8,000. Thanks for the ideas, I'm going to look into programs to help with the power and see what I can do about the rent.


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#12 of 17 Old 07-18-2012, 06:25 AM
 
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I'm sorry that you're in this situation, and I don't have much useful advice other than to mention that 20k plus 15k in student loans will probably translate to a loan payment of approx. $500-550/mo. down the road (if they are not private loans!), so you're right to be concerned unless - or maybe even if - the studies lead to well-paid jobs. Ask me how I know! (ours is actually more)


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#13 of 17 Old 07-18-2012, 09:17 AM
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Originally Posted by hippiemombian View Post

I've applied for food stamps and I am waiting on them to reply. We've been mulling this over all month and while living with my mom would be miserable, the thought of being able to find some footing is appealing. I keep trying to think long term, and adding another 7,000 in student loans to get us by isn't something that sits well with me. Especially because she already has about 20,000 and I have 8,000. Thanks for the ideas, I'm going to look into programs to help with the power and see what I can do about the rent.

 

But if you two split up (?) then her 20,000 won't be your problem, right?


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#14 of 17 Old 07-18-2012, 01:31 PM
 
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There are circumstances where I might move my family in with my mom. Like my house burns down. Yeah thats about it it. So no I don't think parents need to move in with parents. I think you both should put in applications and I think school should be put off. Building up more debt is not the best idea. Footing first. You will be so much happier in the end when you did it yourself.


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#15 of 17 Old 07-18-2012, 08:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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But if you two split up (?) then her 20,000 won't be your problem, right?

 

Right, if we split up. To be perfectly honest, I would be screwed even more if we did and I wouldn't be able to say we "gave it our best shot." We have been in counseling for 7 months and we are just now starting to make some sort of reseblence of progress, so as hard as it is at times, it would only make a difficult situation worse.

 

 

 

 

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There are circumstances where I might move my family in with my mom. Like my house burns down. Yeah thats about it it. So no I don't think parents need to move in with parents. I think you both should put in applications and I think school should be put off. Building up more debt is not the best idea. Footing first. You will be so much happier in the end when you did it yourself.

 

I get this, but I have to disagree. School is so important in my opinion. Where we live it costs about $1000 a month to get a decent house to rent. Add it utilites and nessicitys and its even more. Top it off with $1200 a month for daycare and we simply wouldn't have enough. We don't qualify for "good paying" jobs. She has put out over 50 applications for everything under the sun in the past 2 weeks and has had 1 call back. We look at our parents struggling still to this day, with no college education or skill training and that is not a place we want to be. Obviously we wouldn't get a liberal arts degree or anything, but something that gives us a skill or a trade. Probably somewhere in heatlh care I'm guessing.

 

I don't want to live with my mom, trust me. I really don't. (Not that this is an excuse but,) I got pregnant straight out of high school at 16 and have been on my own ever since. So its not like I just was too lazy to go to college before, we've never been able to afford me to until recently.

 

I really do appreciate all of the advice, but I do get frustrated when I feel sometimes people don't get what its like to pay bills on 7.25 an hour. How are we ever going to get ahead, pay debt, save enough to go to school, all while paying our current bills? DP has always atleast 2 if not 3 jobs at one time just to make enough to cover expenses. We don't have a nice car, ours is about to fall apart, we don't have extras or the latest greatest phones, ipads, ect. We each have 1 pair of jeans, 1 pair of shoes... Idk, I'm off topic. I guess what I'm saying is that living with my mom isn't an "easy" way out for us, because were just too lazy to work. I'm trying to break the cycle of poverty in my family and we can not catch a break so I'm trying to figure out what would be the best decision long term.  Anyway, sorry for the ramblings.. thanks for the ideas ladies.


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#16 of 17 Old 07-19-2012, 05:26 PM
 
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I disagee that school is important if you need loans to do it. I get what your saying but loan repayment is going to leave you scrimping and saving in a higher income bracket. I am not saying you don't work hard or that we don't find ourselves in situations we don't love at times. You are asking for opinions however and I am stating that I would use TANF, food stamps, daycare assistance, maybe even go to school for free on the state. I however would NOT bring my children to live with my parents. I would get rent assistance and live in those scummy neighborhoods. I moved my daughter to the scummiest part of town to the "skinny house on dirty street" . We paid 350 a month and lived in a house the size of a trailer sawed in half and stacked on top of itself. We saved and saved and paid off debt. We lived there over a year and ended up buying a home in a much nicer town. My old place could fit in my kitchen! But we did it. We didn't love it. But we did it. So your asking for a new set of eyes. Right? This set just said go look at the apartments for rent again. Is there something you can make work in a less desirable neighborhood? Could you get tanf, foodstamps, daycare assistance, free college? Because if you can, that is my suggestion.


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#17 of 17 Old 07-24-2012, 11:59 AM
 
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Hope things are going better, hippiemombian!


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