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#61 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 09:46 AM
 
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This happened to a family here this time last year: http://www.torontosun.com/2012/02/25/arrested-dad-wants-answers-after-daughter-draws-gun-pic

 

The article doesn't mention it but they were out of their home for days.

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#62 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 09:48 AM
 
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good thing there are laws too - heresy does matter

 

deformation and suing is helpful too

 

small school (assuming on my part- small area) talk goes around

 

heresy? deformation?  I am not understanding your words.

 

I think the children in the family are likely being mistreated, but I'm not sure it's CPS-worthy.  I'd just make sure to have the girl over to my house so I could get to know her and possibly her situation better.


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#63 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 09:56 AM
 
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heresy? deformation?  I am not understanding your words.

 

I think the children in the family are likely being mistreated, but I'm not sure it's CPS-worthy.  I'd just make sure to have the girl over to my house so I could get to know her and possibly her situation better.

 

I think she meant hearsay and defamation. 

 

My only concern would be that I think most schools have a "zero tolerance" type reporting policy. If someone uses words like "abuse" or "sexual abuse", they must report it to CPS. 

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#64 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 10:00 AM
 
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I think she meant hearsay and defamation. 

I wrote fast trying to get other things done!

 

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heresy? deformation?  I am not understanding your words.

 

I think the children in the family are likely being mistreated, but I'm not sure it's CPS-worthy.  I'd just make sure to have the girl over to my house so I could get to know her and possibly her situation better.

 actually people do sue for false accusations - it would be hearesy for the school official to report the events of this party to CPS based on what the OP told her- and it must be remembered it is a two way street - CPS will look into how this is (if it is reported) and how so-called info was known- but really what was done? I'm baffled by this - and frightened that someone looks at this and jumps to this conclusion!!! 

 

as a parent, there would be NO WAY I would let me child over to the OP's home - I do trust my gut, people talk and I don't think it will take talk long to get pack to the parents of the party girl about the OP

 

I feel so bad for this b-day girl, I can imagine how the talk is getting back to her at school. 


 

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#65 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 10:02 AM
 
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 If someone uses words like "abuse" or "sexual abuse", they must report it to CPS. 

The food thing really bothers me! Who's to call what abuse with a party food? that's scary!


 

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#66 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 10:03 AM
 
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sad!


 

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#67 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 10:20 AM
 
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The food thing really bothers me! Who's to call what abuse with a party food? that's scary!

Dear CPS:

 

My daughter went to a sleepovr and wasn't given enough junk! Investigate immediately!

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#68 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 10:53 AM
 
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Dear CPS:

 

My daughter went to a sleepovr and wasn't given enough junk! Investigate immediately!

If it was the other way around, the other half of the moms would be complaining.

 

Dear CPS:

 

My daughter went to a sleepover and not a single vitamin or nutrient was provided, they were stuffed with pizza, popcorn and juice and allowed to cackle like schoolgirls until dawn! Investigate immediately!

 

 

 

I don't mean to minimize the OP's concerns as I was not there and don't know the entire story, but this thread has snowballed into insanity, quite possibly even worse than what all the 13 year old girls at the school are capable of coming up with.

 

If this is the amount of judging and speculating that goes on after a sleepover, I can safely say I probably wouldn't let anyone else's kids into my house, lest someone become concerned that I provide too much or not enough junk food. 

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#69 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 10:57 AM
 
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heresy? deformation?  I am not understanding your words.

 

I think the children in the family are likely being mistreated, but I'm not sure it's CPS-worthy.  I'd just make sure to have the girl over to my house so I could get to know her and possibly her situation better.

I agree...if in the same situation I would try to get to know the girl. OR just let it go.

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#70 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 11:12 AM
 
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I don't mean to minimize the OP's concerns as I was not there and don't know the entire story, but this thread has snowballed into insanity, quite possibly even worse than what all the 13 year old girls at the school are capable of coming up with.

 

If this is the amount of judging and speculating that goes on after a sleepover, I can safely say I probably wouldn't let anyone else's kids into my house, lest someone become concerned that I provide too much or not enough junk food. 

I would love to know what is the abuse here? 

 

If someone can RED flag me for serving like this family- what else can they do? I can't see it was yelling- if you had a problem with that why not talk to the parents and hear what they have to say about it, it if was over the top- go to the police, file a report but really???- so what was it? food, lights on/off, tap H2o- to me, these kids were not locked in a dungeon and not given food - they had a sleep over, minus JUNK and it's a RED flag?! They didn't get pop-corn!! is this what society has come down to? - I have to tell someone!? nutty

 

if I give out one candy at Halloween and have my lights off- I'm controlling that someone thinks it's ground to investigate for abuse? 

 

ETA- what RED flags me is how we (now in society) JUMP and feel this is something to report - we no longer talk, I stated prior, if someone yelled at my kid, I would ask them what happened, simple, hear it, think things over, not run and report what ever it was!  (really seems like the food is the issue of abuse in some minds) I think it makes the OP look foolish.


 

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#71 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 12:46 PM
 
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I think situations like this are great to talk about, as they help us learn if what we are doing in our own lives is socially acceptable, or what we are comfortable with allowing in our lives and our children's lives. 

 

However not everyone will do things that we agree with. Sometimes we just need to accept that different things work for different families and move on. 

 

OP it sounds like you are hoping to set your own boundaries and comfort levels over sleepover situations in the future. While your daughter may have been uncomfortable, it provides a good learning experience for both you and her on your comfort levels in dealing with future situations of a similar nature. 

 

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#72 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 01:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, serenbat, you're really responding to this thread in a very emotional way. I'm not sure why, but it's obviously hitting very close to home, personally, for you. :(

To follow up with those who were concerned about the birthday child- she has been invited to a sleepover that we're hosting next week during Spring Break and I am very proud of my DD and the group of friends who are determined to show her that one bad experience at her own home won't affect their friendship love.gif

I did hear from a volunteer at the school (who answers phones in the front office, which is directly next to the counselor's office) that the counselor did bring the birthday child into her office and spoke with her for almost an hour behind closed doors. I am not privy to the nature of the conversation, but I am still feeling confident in my decision to have someone more experienced and educated in issues such as these brought in. Again, we all have to do what feels right to us. I, like a PP mentioned, would have a hard time living with myself if there was indeed some abuse (based on the bizarre controlling theme that is going on in that home) occuring and I had a strange feeling and didn't act on it. Hopefully it's nothing like that. I spoke with a friend who is a MSW with the state and she said that food being controlled in this manner can unfortunately lead to eating disorders, and that worries me. Adolescent girls have enough of a struggle without adding things like that :(  And, FWIW, my MSW friend said that she would have called the school counselor in my place, as well. I am feeling confident in my decision, and am hoping and praying that the children (and mother) in this family are truly all ok.


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#73 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 01:21 PM
 
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I did hear from a volunteer at the school (who answers phones in the front office, which is directly next to the counselor's office) that the counselor did bring the birthday child into her office and spoke with her for almost an hour behind closed doors.

 

 

 

that is awful! 

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#74 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 01:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am having a hard time understand what is so awful about people genuinely caring about this child and her welfare? And since the front office of this school is a *very* public place, any number of people saw the child go into the counselor's office. Someone whom I know happened to be there at the time. But I'm sure that many other people are aware of the fact that the counselor spoke with this child. And that's not a bad thing.


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#75 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 01:36 PM
 
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I am having a hard time understand what is so awful about people genuinely caring about this child and her welfare? And since the front office of this school is a *very* public place, any number of people saw the child go into the counselor's office. Someone whom I know happened to be there at the time. But I'm sure that many other people are aware of the fact that the counselor spoke with this child. And that's not a bad thing.

I see you don't get any of this.

 

 

 

 

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 Someone whom I know happened to be there at the time. But I'm sure that many other people are aware of the fact that the counselor spoke with this child.

People do get fired over things like this.

 

It's a little thing called privacy and NO it's not right to tell you! That is not a good thing.


 

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#76 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 01:42 PM
 
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that is awful! 


There's the possibility that it was awful and that the poor girl got questioned at length by the counselor.  There's also the possibility that the counselor just took it as a chance to let the girl know that if she needed a private place to vent and unload and bounce ideas off somebody (and what kid that age couldn't benefit from that?), that he's available, and that she took him up on that.  I sincerely hope it was the second one, but as long as he keeps her confidence I'll never know. 

 

The office staff gossiping about the comings and goings is certainly awful though, if that's what you meant.

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#77 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 01:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Actually, it was a *volunteer* who let me know that the counselor spoke with the child, so I can't see anyone being fired. And 2 kids texted my daughter and let HER know that the girl was called into the counselor's office (middle school girls know every single thing about each other- they are the biggest group of busybodies I have ever seen) and these were kids who were just in the front office area. Again, it's a very public place. The coming and going of pretty much everything is noted by everyone. The volunteer, btw, is the mother of one of the other kids who attended the sleepover and has had similar concerns since that incident took place. She was relieved, as was I, to know that the counselor got involved. If for no other reason than the one that the PP mentioned- that the counselor let the child know that she is available to talk, listen, whatever.


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#78 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 01:56 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KayleeZoo View Post

I am having a hard time understand what is so awful about people genuinely caring about this child and her welfare? And since the front office of this school is a *very* public place, any number of people saw the child go into the counselor's office. Someone whom I know happened to be there at the time. But I'm sure that many other people are aware of the fact that the counselor spoke with this child. And that's not a bad thing.

 

 

Did all of that number of people who saw the child go into the counselor's office, feel the need to time the visit and then gossip about it afterward?

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#79 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 02:00 PM
 
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Actually, it was a *volunteer* who let me know that the counselor spoke with the child, so I can't see anyone being fired. And 2 kids texted my daughter and let HER know that the girl was called into the counselor's office (middle school girls know every single thing about each other- they are the biggest group of busybodies I have ever seen) and these were kids who were just in the front office area. Again, it's a very public place. The coming and going of pretty much everything is noted by everyone. The volunteer, btw, is the mother of one of the other kids who attended the sleepover and has had similar concerns since that incident took place. She was relieved, as was I, to know that the counselor got involved. If for no other reason than the one that the PP mentioned- that the counselor let the child know that she is available to talk, listen, whatever.

Volunteers who break confidentiality and gossip in that manner should NOT be allowed to volunteer.

 

Frankly, it's beginning to sound as though, rather than actually being concerned about this girl, you are getting a frisson from being in the middle of all the gossip and backbiting.

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I don't *think* original poster did anything wrong by mentioning to the school she was worried. She's not accusing the family of abuse she's just asking for someone to make sure this child is well fed and emotionally ok. Just asking the school to check in with her to see if she's upset from her party and peek in on her lunch every so often to see if she's eating well and enough is great. I wouldn't be opposed to that happening with my kids.

 

I personally do "ration" food with my kids. They're always allowed food when they're hungry BUT they must actually be hungry. Why do I do this? B-C I'm that kind of mom who doesn't believe in wasting food and eating more then you need is waste. Granted rules are different at parties with me...they may not be with this family.
 


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#81 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 02:14 PM
 
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The office staff gossiping about the comings and goings is certainly awful though, if that's what you meant.

YES! that is why I put it in RED

 

paid or unpaid - unprofessional, awful - what ever word you want to call it

 

I certainly hope these parents find out (and give all this gossip  shake.gif) my gut tells me they will.

 

 

 

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Volunteers who break confidentiality and gossip in that manner should NOT be allowed to volunteer.

yeahthat.gif this is just so wrong!


 

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Woops! Missed a whole page.


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#83 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 02:28 PM
 
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YES! that is why I put it in RED

 

paid or unpaid - unprofessional, awful - what ever word you want to call it

 

I certainly hope these parents find out (and give all this gossip  shake.gif) my gut tells me they will.

 

 

 

yeahthat.gif this is just so wrong!

I'm sure the girl in question is well aware by now that she is the talk of the students and worse still, their parents. Oh, and the volunteers, of course.

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Never mind.  irked.gif  I've decided it's better to just block the source of stress here, rather than argue with it.    om.gif

 

OP, I think your intentions are good, and your heart is in the right place.  But like I said before, nothing you described about that party is horrible in my estimation.  Sad, dreary and weird, but not horrible. 

 

I think it was inappropriate that the counselor shared anything at all with you about the girl.  That was a breach of privacy. 


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#85 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 02:55 PM
 
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I don't *think* original poster did anything wrong by mentioning to the school she was worried. She's not accusing the family of abuse she's just asking for someone to make sure this child is well fed and emotionally ok. Just asking the school to check in with her to see if she's upset from her party and peek in on her lunch every so often to see if she's eating well and enough is great. I wouldn't be opposed to that happening with my kids.

 

I personally do "ration" food with my kids. They're always allowed food when they're hungry BUT they must actually be hungry. Why do I do this? B-C I'm that kind of mom who doesn't believe in wasting food and eating more then you need is waste. Granted rules are different at parties with me...they may not be with this family.
 

couldn't this just be tuned around on you?

 

You, by your own admission "ration" food but not at parties, same wit many of the RED flags with this family (what they might do at non-parties/in their home when others are not around) - would you like to be treated in this manner? Would you like your child to be called into school about this? How about everyone knowing too? OK? Aren't these your parenting choices and can't someone say you need to just be checked so they can make sure your child (children) are well fed and emotional ok?


 

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Has anyone here, actually had CPS called on them for a non issue?
 


 

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#87 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 05:11 PM
 
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Has anyone here, actually had CPS called on them for a non issue?
 

 

I have a friend who is a caseworker. She said for every 10 homes, about 4 are attention-seekers, 4 are malicious (usually ex's or angry neighbors) and 2 are genuine concerns... then it's not uncommon for the caller to be targeted next.

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#88 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 05:12 PM
 
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Has anyone here, actually had CPS called on them for a non issue?

someone close to me was and it did not go like this - 

 

 

 

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Just asking the school to check in with her to see if she's upset from her party and peek in on her lunch every so often to see if she's eating well and enough is great. I wouldn't be opposed to that happening with my kids.

this is not reality, NOT even close!  this is just  a fantasy-IMO


 

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#89 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 05:17 PM
 
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Coming from an abusive background myself, this is somewhat typical too of abusive homes. Particularly where the dad is the abuser and the mom kind of falls meekly in to line. He calls the shots, says yes or no and also feels a privilege towards everything. Like they should eat first, have the most to eat etc. My dad was very abusive as well, but he never had the chance to yell at any of my friends since I wasn't allowed to go over and they couldn't come over to my house either.

 

However, I know my friends dad was kind of the same way. Not as bad, but still pretty bad. Two of us were over and the other girl didn't finish her rice (we were all teeny tiny and skinny for our age) and he yelled at her so loudly she was shaking and crying for hours after. I don't think my dad or her dad would have ever laid a finger on another child, but I personally believe men should never raise their voices in such a way. Granted I'm a bit biased of course, but most men like that have abusive tendencies so its something to think about.


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#90 of 141 Old 03-07-2013, 05:40 PM
 
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(edited for my BFF's privacy).


 

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