Quote:
Originally Posted by
Caneel
I got over the frustration by doing two things as it related to meal planning. The first is I started making what I wanted to eat. I figured "why not make myself happy?" Sometimes a smidge of selfishness can be a good thing. The second is to ask for suggestions at the beginning of the week. If no one speaks up, I get to pick. If anyone comments on the food, I remind them they have the opportunity at any time to offer suggestions and point to the tablet on the counter, end of discussion.
Meal planning, at least for me, takes a lot of organization. Like the OP, I wanted to break the going out/ordering out cycle. I now keep a couple of favorites on hand that are super easy. You mentioned bacon. Cooked bacon freezes great. I cook it in the oven at 400 degrees on a sheet pan. Let it cool and freeze. I do the same with ground beef. I brown it and freeze it in one pound portions. I do several pounds at a time. It is such a simple thing but it amazing how clearing the defrost hurdle prevents ordering out. Cheese for pizzas can be frozen and canned sauce keeps forever. If he wants fresh ingredients in addition, tell him you'll start the crust while he runs to the store.
You're way nicer than I am! No one gets a say in my meal plans. Of course I try to make sure I don't make anything anyone hates, but beyond that, I make what I like, what I have ingredients for, and what's healthy. If someone has an opinion on it afterward, they can voice it politely and I won't be offended, though. (And thanks for the recommendations!)
Quote:
Originally Posted by
Imakcerka
I'm the spender and the earner. My Dh only spends on what is necessary which is really cool but he denies himself things he wants, which bothers me. I don't deny myself anything and I don't like it when he does it to himself. In order for me to be able to spend what ever I want I budget things in immediately. I pay the bills, then put money into savings and then allocate money to household things like food, things the kids need or we need like essentials. And then we both get a set amount. He always has money left over and the option is to either put it in savings or give it to me. He always gives it to me and then I buy him something he's been wanting or we go out to eat. It sounds kind of unfair but it was his idea and I rather like it.
I was going to say something similar. DH and I weren't on the same page initially. I wanted to quit my job, and he really wasn't a big fan of that idea! Eventually he came around, but he really did not like feeling like he was doing all the "work" and then also feeling like he had to deny himself things he felt entitled to. Getting to the same page was an ongoing process. We talked about it a lot--like, a LOT. Over time I stopped stressing over some things (like the membership to the gym he never goes to) and stopped worrying about where every dollar was going, and he started seeing where some of my "crazy" ideas (like getting rid of cable and just relying on Netflix, Hulu Plus, and the library/Redbox) were actually pretty workable. We got ourselves on a good budget that affords both of us an allowance, and we try not to comment on how either of us spends that particular money (like, say, even when someone leaves behind the lunch I lovingly make him and buys lunch out...not that that ever happens, of course! *cough cough*)
Erigeron, have you talked to him about how you're feeling? Do you guys have a budget? Does he have any interest in developing a budget with you? Would he respond well to the idea of an allowance for each of you? Is there a concrete, short-term financial goal--maybe a one-time lump payment on your student loans, to get you below a major number--you can interest him in, where you can help him see how stopping the leaks, while sometimes irritating, can add up to a major win in your fight against your debt? Does he have any financial goals of his own that you can capitalize on? Do you track your spending with something like Mint.com? (We recently started using Mint and using our cards for pretty much everything, and it's been pretty eye-opening to watch the money move around. When we were using cash, it was still kind of easy to snitch money from other categories, because there was no record. Now that there's a record, there's more transparency and accountability--to each other, but also to ourselves!)
As for food, I struggle with the same issues. It drives me insane that DH is a fabulous cook but he never cooks for the family. I don't resent it, because he doesn't get home until after 8 p.m. most nights, and on his nights off we're usually running errands or seeing family, and the last thing he wants to do is figure out a meal. But I do wish he had more time to cook for us. He's so creative, and his meals are always amazing. Anyway, because of this, in spite of my best efforts at meal plans, we eat out WAY more than I want to. I've had to make some peace with it, but I've also started keeping some foods in my freezer that, while not the highest ideal for what I'd feed my family, are no worse--and way cheaper--than what we'd buy outside the house. At BJ's, I can buy a three-pack of Amy's chicken enchiladas or a six-pack (I think) of bean/cheese burritos for something like $10 each (less if you can find some coupons), and they sell a three-pack of organic frozen pizza (one feeds my two kids) for $12. On nights when I'm throwing my hands up in defeat, I can feed us all for around $12, and the kids think it's a huge treat
I also keep a big box of organic salad mix ($6--lasts us a week) in the fridge, and I add in cheese, hardboiled eggs, marinated artichoke hearts, avocado chunks--whatever I have in the house, really, and that's a fast dinner for me and sides for the kids. Is there anything like that you're willing to keep handy to take some of the pressure off?
Ultimately, I think you guys need to keep talking about it. It doesn't do either of you any good if you keep silent and try to handle it all on your end while you seethe silently. Also, I will say that I think sometimes you just need to let some of the excess spending go. For some people, standing guard over every penny makes them feel stressed and deprived, and some people, my DH included, would rather reach some financial goals more slowly than spend every day feeling tight and resentful. You might just have to recognize that not feeling pinched all the time is a higher priority for him, KWIM?