If you're frugal and DP is not.... - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
Old 05-01-2014, 08:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
gitanamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: High desert or Peruvian coast
Posts: 521
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
How do you deal with finances?

DH and I have very different money philosophies and there's almost always stress around money management. I'm very frugal by nature (some would say cheap smile.gif. DH is not. I don't believe in buying lots of toys/stuff for ourselves or DS and I could care less about brand names/designer clothes, etc. DH is the complete opposite. He recently spent $500 on gifts for DS's birthday, which has me totally strung out and angry. We live comfortably, but we do have some debt/medical bills that need to be paid, plus paying off the new car DH bought a few months ago. I can think of so many better uses for that money!! This is just another example of our constant disagreement...,

I grew up very comfortably, but my parents were both pretty frugal and always emphasized experience and education over "stuff." DH grew up in pretty extreme poverty in a developing country, and now that we have some money (not a ton, mind you) he wants to "enjoy" it and give DS everything he never had as a child.

I don't know how to compromise on this issue-- I would so much rather put our money into savings to build our house, rather than buy brand new cars and $500 toys. We also have a new baby on the way.

Any wisdom/insight/tips would be much appreciated. I don't want to continue fighting about money for the rest of our lives....

~may all beings be free from suffering~
gitanamama is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Old 05-02-2014, 08:09 PM
A&A
 
A&A's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 16,186
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)

Could you set up a budget with him?  So that he has some "fun" money for toys, but you're not constantly stressed about paying bills.  


"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
A&A is offline  
Old 05-02-2014, 08:41 PM
 
Viola P's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 893
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 30 Post(s)
Ok I had a similar issue with my dh. Basically what I did was insist on saving a certain amount of money each month. I enticed him by sayin we would use it on nice vacations. Since we don't have a shared credit card and I refuse to finance vacations through credit this was somewhat appealing to him. Since we both contribute somewhat equally to the household this was less of an issue but still it takes work. Also, dh wanted a shared bank account and I said no because our philosophies are too different and frankly I think I'm mich better in this area. Anyway, now we have our regular vacation fund that we use for our normal vacations and also pay for some bigger items with it because its $200 per month so there's often leftovers. We're starting a Hawaii fund with the residuals and I know dh wants to go to Hawaii but we won't go on credit. So yeah, if you can separate the debt so he's solely responsible for he consequences of his decisions (not sure that this would work for a sahm). Also, insist on a certain amount of savings each month, put it in a container in your home, not the bank, and do not, under any circumstances, use the fund for anything other than its intended purpose (at least for the first year), then only use the money for off fund stuff infrequently and where there is clear express and freely given consent by both parties.

You might also insist on setting a budget for holiday spending, which is what I did as well. I too am frugal and proud of it!
Viola P is offline  
Old 05-03-2014, 07:15 PM
 
delightedbutterfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,628
Mentioned: 9 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 16 Post(s)
We're a mix here. Basically I take care of all the money/budgeting and bills because DH either goes super tight or super spendy.

On payday I pay the bills out of his account that need paying, then I leave him a "beer allowance" based on how much he's making. When ends were right I gave him $20 cash a week. When times aren't tough I leave him a decent amount for two weeks in his account. I don't care what he spends it on. Whether it be food or beer or the kids or the family. I just assume it's gone like another bill. If he wants to save it he can or he can spend it all.

Then I transfer the rest of the money to a joint account. Our "bank" has no bank fees so we have multiple accounts in this one. A day to day savings where I keep our two week budget. A midterm savings when we need to buy new furniture or Christmas or such. This is also attached to a on emergency Line of Credit which is (hopefully) usually paid off. When it's paid off I can put money in there above and beyond to save. And then we have a longer term savings. This is a "high interest" account.

DH has access to these via his online account but he knows not to touch anything but the day to day savings without asking. And the Day to day is for groceries or incidentals or small gifts over the course of the two weeks.

Then I have an account that he can't access (mainly because he forgets the log in wink1.gif ). This has my debit account attached. As well as a savings account for our rental house and an account which I put all of the automatic withdrawal bills into.

I also keep a certain amount of emergency cash hidden around the house. It drives DH nuts because he always wants cash last minute but I won't give it to him and he can never find it wink1.gif it's not that hard to drive to the drive up bank machine lol.gif

Now there are times he sees the money in the account growing and wants to spend. And depending on what it is I usually give in or I say "can we think about it". A couple hundred splurge on the kids for their birthday if it was something they really needed/would use... Ok. $500 just because we had it and he wanted to spoil them? No.

I try to not "say no" to him very often. He works hard and I don't work outside the house. But we spent many years juggling bills and scraping by so I definitely don't want to go wild either. You have to find a way for both of you to compromise. Save and spend responsibly. You canmt take it with you and you have to have a little fun. But you can't blow it all now either...

Mom to two beautiful girls and  ****5****10****15****20****25****30****35******

Come check out MDC's Updated User Agreement  
delightedbutterfly is online now  
Old 05-03-2014, 07:23 PM
 
delightedbutterfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,628
Mentioned: 9 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 16 Post(s)
Oh and one other funny thing (this one drives my mom batty as she is very into traditional gender roles and he makes the money he decides basically)... But we only have one *small* credit card (I prefer to pay everything in cash. And it's in DH's name only. I don't have signing priviledges and I don't have my own card.

So he has the card in his name but I keep the card in my possession. That way I can still use it online for the odd thing but can't shop like crazy and he can't access it to just charge stuff because he's done that in the past and it often ends up maxed due to stupid stuff. Like putting gas on it instead of taking it out of the budget. Or feeling free to order more while out for dinner with his friends because he doesn't have to take it out of his account...

Find out what works for him. Whether it be tangible cash or an allowance or whatever but then go with that.

Mom to two beautiful girls and  ****5****10****15****20****25****30****35******

Come check out MDC's Updated User Agreement  
delightedbutterfly is online now  
Old 05-03-2014, 09:05 PM
 
Viola P's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 893
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 30 Post(s)
I like your style delightedbutterfly
Viola P is offline  
Old 05-04-2014, 10:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
gitanamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: High desert or Peruvian coast
Posts: 521
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you all for sharing- it's so helpful hearing how other couples handle their finances. @delightedbutterfly- it sounds like you've got a great system worked out. I think DH and I could work out something similar.

~may all beings be free from suffering~
gitanamama is offline  
Old 05-04-2014, 10:52 AM
 
delightedbutterfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,628
Mentioned: 9 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 16 Post(s)
Thanks! It took a long time to figure out. When we first met we were both working and had limited bills and great incomes and slowly we made less and less and had more and more bills. Kids and life wink1.gif so it became a necessity to budget well but not feel totally deprived. And it was hard at times.

Now that we are in the best position of our lives it's sometimes hard not to splurge on all the wants. But DH works such long hard hours (like right now 14 hour days 7 days a week and it still snowing on and off where we are and he's mostly outside) that if I was super tight on the budget (and sometimes I still am in his opinion) her burns out faster lol

But right now he's seeing the savings grow and it gets him excited as for a long time he thought he may never retire.

I should also mention that even with all of those accounts, we can each only access ONE account (our personal spending) with our debits. Our cards aren't linked to any other accounts for overdraft or such. This means we actually have to physically log on to the online accounts page and budget accordingly. It helps me to see the money that I'm spending going out of the savings. When I was working and on my own I liked to shop wink1.gif But I've mainly gotten over that. Although I can still do some damage at Costco sometimes lol.gif

Mom to two beautiful girls and  ****5****10****15****20****25****30****35******

Come check out MDC's Updated User Agreement  
delightedbutterfly is online now  
 

Tags
Frugality
User Tag List

Thread Tools


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off