SAHM... do you get an allowance? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 10:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
edamommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 3,097
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Okay, my dh doesn't give or leave me any money unless I ask for it a thousand times. Then he rolls his eyes if it's for something personal for ME and not for the household. I do get grocery money, obviously... but I shouldn't take from the grocery money for my own needs. So, I'm going to sit the "boss (LOL)" down and ask for a "raise (again, LOL)".

Do you get an allowance?
How much?
What is that money for?

How does it work in your family??

Thanks ladies!
edamommy is offline  
#2 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 10:34 AM
 
KayleeZoo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Posts: 5,531
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Dh does all the finances (because he's good at it and I would rather pull my fingernails off one by one than be in charge of bills, etc). I don't get an allowance- but I don't have a budget, either. I just buy what we need/want and if there's something I really want that's extravagent, I tell dh I'm buying a Mother's Day or birthday present for myself early :LOL He doesn't say anything about what I spend, for the most part, and I don't spend much on myself, either. Now the kids' clothes- he does question some of the credit card bills from Hanna Andersson , but mostly, he leaves the spending up to me.

Half-marathon running Mommy to 3 spunky girls and 1 sweet boy. Spending my days and nights where my kids need me most- at home with them!!

KayleeZoo is offline  
#3 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 10:38 AM
 
MotherEden's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: nyc
Posts: 415
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No allowance. We both have debit cards on a joint checking account and I just spend it how I please.
MotherEden is offline  
#4 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 10:40 AM
 
HoneymoonBaby's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,639
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have a credit card in my name but on my husband's account. I can spend whatever I want, but he can see everything I buy, so that keeps me in check -- I no longer buy a new $200 handbag every season or $140 jeans. We need that money for other things now. He doesn't get upset if I spend on myself a bit, though.

If I need cash, I either ask him for some before he leaves in the morning or draw from our joint account, but we have to keep a large amount of money in that account to maintain "premium checking" status , so I don't do that very often. Not to mention going to the bank/ATM is a PITA with a 9-month-old. Basically, I mostly use the credit card for everything (we pay it off every month and never carry a balance). It works well for us.
HoneymoonBaby is offline  
#5 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 10:42 AM
 
Mom4tot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Pemberley
Posts: 15,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Agree with both pp's.


I do consider it my responsibility (as it is his) to live within our means, think about purchases and spend/ save wisely. I also handle the bills. We discuss larger purchases (furniture or larger appliance).

~Joan, Happy mom to 2 beautiful kiddos, one new puppy and 2 lovely felines
Mom4tot is offline  
#6 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 10:46 AM
 
Oh the Irony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: grateful for truth
Posts: 3,670
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Allowance? No way!

Maybe I am overly caught up in semantics, but the idea of a allowance for an equal partner in a relationship bugs me. Can you call it something else? Please?

When I was a SAHM, I was (and still am) in charge of all money. It was OUR money--my husband did not have to give me anything.

I know different couples handle finances differently, and that's cool. Just wanted to add this perspective.



fasten your seatbelts, we will be departing shortly
Oh the Irony is offline  
#7 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 10:48 AM
 
tayndrewsmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: WI
Posts: 11,188
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Do you get an allowance?
nope
How much?
n/a
What is that money for?
n/a

How does it work in your family??
I give dh money! He goes to work, I do the rest. In our house, she who pays the bills, gets the $$$. :LOL No, it's not that bad. Dh is fine with it. He just takes what he needs and I take the rest.
tayndrewsmama is offline  
#8 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 10:48 AM
 
myjulybabes's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Posts: 2,271
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No strict budget or allowance but dh lets me know every pay period whether money is tight and I need to stick to necessities, or whether we have a little wiggle room for extras. He'll give me a general budget when I'm shopping for something specific, like clothes (either for hte kids or me). Just something like "try not to go over $X on that"
myjulybabes is offline  
#9 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 10:51 AM
 
Mom4tot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Pemberley
Posts: 15,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by wolfmama
Allowance? No way!

Maybe I am overly caught up in semantics, but the idea of a allowance for an equal partner in a relationship bugs me. Can you call it something else? Please?

When I was a SAHM, I was (and still am) in charge of all money. It was OUR money--my husband did not have to give me anything.

I know different couples handle finances differently, and that's cool. Just wanted to add this perspective.



fasten your seatbelts, we will be departing shortly



~Joan, Happy mom to 2 beautiful kiddos, one new puppy and 2 lovely felines
Mom4tot is offline  
#10 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 10:53 AM
 
RaggedyAnn's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: San Antonio
Posts: 450
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No allowance here, I handle all the finances. We both have access to the checking account. It is usually me who tells him if we are getting low on funds. He never questions what I buy or how much I spend as long as the bills are getting paid he is happy.
RaggedyAnn is offline  
#11 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 10:53 AM
 
philomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,439
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
I'm with wolfmama on this one. No way would that be cool. I am a careful spender and do have a little "pin money" from a job I do once a week. If we need to make a major purchase, we confer with each other.
philomom is offline  
#12 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 10:54 AM
 
IfMamaAintHappy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: North Carolina
Posts: 2,531
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I get money every two weeks. For gas in my van, for babysitters, for grocery, for extraneous expenses "Honey can you go get a new fluorescent bulb for the kitchen at Home Depot".

I do not do the budget. I am not in control of the money. I totally suck at bookkeeping, if we just both pulled money out of the joint account, it would be a disaster and I'm the one with the spending problems! It is just easier this way. We are both happy.

I would rather not say how much I get. We looked at what I spent every 2 weeks over a 3 month period and came up with my little share of the money. So far it's working out very nicely!
IfMamaAintHappy is offline  
#13 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 10:57 AM
 
~*max*~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Where The Wild Things Are
Posts: 3,611
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
[QUOTE=wolfmama]
Maybe I am overly caught up in semantics, but the idea of a allowance for an equal partner in a relationship bugs me. Can you call it something else? Please? (QUOTE)

Yes, even the title set my teeth to grinding. Mama, you gotta work something out so you are not needing to beg for money!

In our house we both have ATM cards w/access to all funds, so we can get $ as needed. Of course we discuss major purchases, but we trust & respect each other enough that we do not need to account for each others spending.

Happy mama of four Wild Things
"And now," cried Max "let the wild rumpus begin!"
~*max*~ is offline  
#14 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 10:57 AM
 
menudo's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: S to the J
Posts: 3,797
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am not really a SAHM in many senses (I generally woh but at night while kids sleep). I grew up in a family where women always took charge of finances. DH was opposite. I never heard of a man in charge of money til DH family.

needless t osay-if I do not pay the bills-they do not get paid... lol
menudo is offline  
#15 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 10:58 AM
 
HelloKitty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Next door to the possums
Posts: 11,874
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We both go over the bills and we have a joint account - if I need money,and we have some, I go and get it.

Kitty

Great for nature studies! http://www.pleinairkids.com
Plein Air Kids - Handmade wooden art boxes for Budding Artists.
HelloKitty is offline  
#16 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 11:02 AM
 
2much2luv's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Like I'd tell you.
Posts: 6,655
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We have a joint account with checks and debit cards. If I need cash I get some from the ATM. There is no allowance here. We are both adults.
2much2luv is offline  
#17 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 11:05 AM
 
Anguschick1's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Up to my eyeballs in TF GFCFEF
Posts: 2,171
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Dh and I both have an allowance. I sah, he woh and handles all the bills. I hate dealing w/the bills but make any of the phone calls that need to be made (disputing charges, reducing services, etc.)

We set an amount to basically keep dh in line w/his spending. Dh has fourteen thousand different hobbies (ok, I'm slightly exagerating, but only slightly) and they tend to be expensive. So we set an amount so that he can still feel like he can spend money w/out always having to "check in" (we check w/each other before we make any purchase over $100). I don't really use my part of the allowance (I don't buy a lot of things for myself) but it sits there accumulating for me.

For instance, if I want to buy diapers for the new baby but it's something very functional like prefolds, kissaluv 0's, or basic covers, it comes out of the household budget, if I want to buy some really expensive diaper (can't think of any that I want/need right now) then the price would come 1/2 out of the household budget and 1/2 out of my "allowance." Clear as mud?

OP: I hope I don't offend you, but if my dh were to respond to my money requests as yours does, I would sit him down and we would talk about what his expectations were. Occasionally I do have to remind him that I sahm because it works for us spiritually and financially. (This mostly comes up in regards to housework not getting done during the day, not money). Anyway, I hope you can resolve your issues w/your dh. It helps me to realize (when dh and I talk money) that very rarely is money the actual issue, it's usually power, lack of power, control, lack of control, entitlement, etc. Good luck!
Anguschick1 is offline  
#18 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 11:18 AM
 
Wilhemina's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Villa Villekulla
Posts: 2,373
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We share everything. No one has more control over the money than the other. Currently I do the bookkeeping, but we take turns (1-2 years at a time) because we both dislike it and both are equally good at it. When I get sick of it and think he can handle it again on his plate (time-wise) I will hand it back to him for a while.

We both always have access to the money and the books.
We both have credit cards in our own names, with the other as authorized user with a separate card.

We even consult about how to divide dh's pension investment within the company's plan.

Anything else would feel out-of-balance and unnatural for us.
Wilhemina is offline  
#19 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 11:20 AM
 
Irishmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: In the bat cave with heartmama
Posts: 45,947
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No I don't. But he does!!! I do all the day to day finances, he does the investing, and he comes to me if he needs money. Even though he is the one whose name is on the paycheck.
Irishmommy is offline  
#20 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 11:21 AM
 
J-Max's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: surrounded by cows and kids
Posts: 2,167
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
The word allowance really bothers me too.


I am incharge of all the money and bills. All dh does is work :LOL!

Any major decisions we make together, but I do most of the shopping. Dh buys lunch 2-3 times a week and lets me know if he spends more than normal. He hates to carry cash and uses a cc to pay for everything. If he needs cash, he asks me for it (or his dad - who he works for and always carries cash ).

belly.gifSAHM, carseat geek, cattle raising woman to 5 girls (15, 10, 8, 6, 2) wild.gifand a stork-suprise.gif due in July!
J-Max is offline  
#21 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 11:21 AM
 
chersolly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: On a DC-8 heading to Teegeeack
Posts: 7,368
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by RaggedyAnn
No allowance here, I handle all the finances. We both have access to the checking account. It is usually me who tells him if we are getting low on funds. He never questions what I buy or how much I spend as long as the bills are getting paid he is happy.
Ditto.
chersolly is offline  
#22 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 11:22 AM
 
the_lissa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 13,248
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We have joint bank accounts, credit cards, etc. I spend whatever I want (within our means.) We are partners. I would be beyond angry if my husband treated me like that.

Jam 7, Peanut Butter 5, and Bread 2.

the_lissa is offline  
#23 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 11:46 AM
 
annettemarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: In the Restricted Section
Posts: 41,722
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Well, I would never call it an allowance, but every two weeks when he gets paid I get $300 for groceries, household stuff, and whatever I want. I also have a debit and credit card.

Flowers, fairies, gardens, and rainbows-- Seasons of Joy: 10 weeks of crafts, handwork, painting, coloring, circle time, fairy tales, and more!
Check out the blog for family fun, homeschooling, books, simple living, and 6 fabulous children, including twin toddlers

annettemarie is offline  
#24 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 11:48 AM
 
Mom4tot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Pemberley
Posts: 15,556
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Annette, does your dh know you go to rummage sales and confront old ladies?

~Joan, Happy mom to 2 beautiful kiddos, one new puppy and 2 lovely felines
Mom4tot is offline  
#25 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 11:50 AM
 
annettemarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: In the Restricted Section
Posts: 41,722
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mom4tot
Annette, does your dh know you go to rummage sales and confront old ladies?
He dropped me off and came back to look for pants later!

Flowers, fairies, gardens, and rainbows-- Seasons of Joy: 10 weeks of crafts, handwork, painting, coloring, circle time, fairy tales, and more!
Check out the blog for family fun, homeschooling, books, simple living, and 6 fabulous children, including twin toddlers

annettemarie is offline  
#26 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 11:56 AM
 
3girlsmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: somewhere over the rainbow
Posts: 3,578
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I wouldn't call it an allowance but both dh & I get $10 - $15 cash each week that is for odds and ends like a chai, skate rental, a snack whatever! I sometimes try and save half or my money for something fun, like before we went to Disney World I was saving at least half to put in the "fund".

All other things are paid for by check or debt card.
3girlsmommy is offline  
#27 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 12:09 PM
 
wemoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 6,360
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
My answer.... become single then all the money is yours. Best decision of my life. I think it is really sad that you have to ask a million times and have to deal with eyerolling behavior for some spending money and even using the word *allowance* is putting yourself in a position of being below your DH in the financial ladder.

If it were me, I would take the reigns and make sure that I had money. But I need to have the control of most everything in my life... which is why singlehood is best suited for me.

coffee-drinking caffix.gifsocial worker in HIV/AIDS ribbonred.giflady-loving ribbonrainbow.gifbike-riding bikenew.gifmom of two twins.gif
wemoon is offline  
#28 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 12:10 PM
 
~ATenthMuse~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Here, there, everywhere. :)
Posts: 4,446
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
[QUOTE=~*max*~]
Quote:
Originally Posted by wolfmama
Maybe I am overly caught up in semantics, but the idea of a allowance for an equal partner in a relationship bugs me. Can you call it something else? Please? (QUOTE)

Yes, even the title set my teeth to grinding. Mama, you gotta work something out so you are not needing to beg for money!
Think we're like a lot of the pp. I take care of all the finances. We have 2 joint checking/savings accounts, a few joint credit cards, and then one each of our own cards. We discuss major purchases. Since I do all the money stuff, I give dh an estimate of what we have leftover at the end of each pay period. Since he knows that I'm dealing with the bills, he lets me know if he's gotta purchase something over, say $10. Most of the time he doesn't even do that though...we keep all our receipts, so he just gives them to me.

I think our situation is the best we can do for handling the finances together. Dh works hard and doesn't want to deal with the bills when he's off. He's not at my mercy and I'm not at his. Just the thought of that makes me cringe. BTDT. You shouldn't have to beg your dh for money. If you both agree that he's in charge that's one thing but it sounds like that's not the case. Talk to him mama!
~ATenthMuse~ is offline  
#29 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 12:11 PM
 
KiwiZ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,027
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
To me, an allowance is a tool that parents use to teach their children how to responsibly use money in a safe environment.

Budgeting is more the word I would use for husband/wife. Because unexpected expenses can blindside you, I firmly believe that both husband and wife need to sit down and review the finances together regularly and make decisions together. Its dangerous IMO to have just one person in charge of the finances and the other just blindly thinking everything is going to work out
KiwiZ is offline  
#30 of 117 Old 04-06-2005, 12:22 PM
 
Sandrine's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 2,766
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No allowance here.

Sand, Mom to three girls and a new SON!!!!  babyboy.gif Born on March 7th, 2011  I get to do these again:   bfinfant.gifslingboy.gifcd.gif
Sandrine is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off