It's just too expensive to have kids - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 72 Old 09-17-2005, 08:46 AM
 
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I used to believe that kids were quite affordable.

That was before my ds was diagnosed with autism. Unfortunately, we live in one of theh crappiest states for us to get help. A LOT of our expenses are out of pocket. The ones we aren't paying for now, we'll be paying for when he turns three (still a year away, but these are HUGE expenses so we are planning now). We don't qualify for most state and federal aid programs because we are self employed (even though we make much less that most of the limits).

So... long story short... Kids CAN BE cheap. But there are LOTS of "ifs" involved in that statement.
IF you live in a state with good medical and social programs....
IF your child is typically developing....
Etc.
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#62 of 72 Old 09-17-2005, 07:43 PM
 
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ITA that kids are expensive for all the reasons that other posters have mentioned. Despite all that, I just think about all the joy that they bring and it reminds me that they are truly priceless! Kinda like the Mastercard commercial. Another thing that came to mind was how my dh and I used to think that we should wait til we were financially stable enough to have kids so we wouldn't have to worry. But it's been a couple years since we've been married and the fact that we're still not that financially stable makes me think it'll be a LONG while before we are. If we had waited another few more years, I wonder if it would have been as easy to get pregnant. But the truth of the matter is, I don't really think that there is ever a GOOD time to get pregnant - there's always something that's not quite ideal, KWIM? Anyhoo, that's just my 2 cents.
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#63 of 72 Old 09-18-2005, 08:13 PM
 
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I am frankly a little bit surprised at some of the responses I have seen on this thread now that I have had a chance to read through them.

One poster thought that paying off debt/building good credit wasn't important. I have no desire to be a desperate houswife locked in the suburbs dreaming of a picket fence, but I think being a responsible consumer and paying off debt/bills is VERY important, first and foremost for setting an example for my as-yet-nonexistent children. I need to pay my bills and build good credit so dh and I can own a house someday, hopefully one of more recent construction. (I WON'T have children in the apartment we rent now. The building is over 100 years old, which is charming and all, but there are layers and layers of lead paint that are regularly chipping off the walls. And I don't even want to think about what is built up in the pipes and in the bathwater.) Also, it is important to both DH and myself that our children have at least a small yard to play in and a neighborhood in which to make a friend or two as they grow up.

Also, responding to another poster, the fact that nothing is certain, including financial security, is not an excuse to put your family into a CERTAIN and FORESEEABLE situation of hand-to-mouth financial INSECURITY. That is such backward logic! Verges on nihilism, IMO: "We could end up broke and homeless anyway....might as well have kids."

And anyone who is waiting for financial reasons is NOT looking for the "perfect time" to have children, just a better one than the one they are in now. And that "better time" is one that can be created with patience, ingenuity, and hard work. DH and I are so much closer to that "better time" than we were four 1/2 years ago. We do not have to have a gazillions $$$ in savings or the ability to buy a bunch of stuff, but we don't want our children to live with the next car repair or an extended illness being a financial disaster that could leave us homeless. If we can get to a point in our life where we can avoid those kinds of situtations because we are more stable/educated/established, then why not work for that and wait a few years to have children? Isn't that in the best interest of the children we will have?

I want those precious, priceless moments with my children just like every mother here. But I want them without being forced to worry about how the rent is going to get paid.
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#64 of 72 Old 09-20-2005, 03:37 PM
 
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#65 of 72 Old 09-21-2005, 12:54 AM
 
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Thanks for that post, noorjahan! That was very sweet of you.

I know I probably come across as a little riled up about this topic. I think it's just that dh and I are dealing with this ALL THE TIME. We've been married almost five years and EVERYONE keeps asking "So when are you having kids?" And when I tell them that we don't feel like we are in a financial position just yet to start a family, we INVARIABLY get the whole "well, if WE waited we would never have had kids" or "you're never going to have enough money" or "you're not getting any younger...you can't wait forever" BLAH, BLAH, BLAH. We have NEVER heard, not even once, any kind of supportive comment and this from family and friends who KNOW that we are still recovering from dh's and my job loss and unemployment. I mean, c'mon, why even ask such a personal question to begin with, kwim?

Anyone else ever deal with this sort of thing?

Love to all!
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#66 of 72 Old 09-21-2005, 10:43 AM
 
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While I applaud people that want to get finacially secure before having children, I do have to say that poor people can make good parents too!

Some of the best parents I know live paycheck to paycheck. Their children always have lots of love, attention and food (even if that food is gov't subsidized), but sometimes the phone gets disconnected or the rent payments are late.


I also know people who come from wealthy families that are completely dysfunctional because mommy and daddy had lots of money but no time to spend.

This is an issue with no clearcut answers I suppose.
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#67 of 72 Old 09-21-2005, 10:48 AM
 
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I can understand the frustration.
DH & I dated for 11 years before getting married. Of course we were 14 when we met so it makes sense. But we got that for years- when you guys going to get married?. Then after that- When you guys gonna start your family? Now that we have one- after she was 1 it was- So when is the next one coming? Now that we are trying, (very hard I might add) it really cuts me to the core or when someone says- is she your only one?
I guess if we had another eventually and it was a girl we would get so are you going to try for the boy?

I think people are just naturally curious and trying to make conversation. But some others are just down right nosy and annoying. Since its none of their business, just answer them in a vague way that works for both of you. No one needs to know about your financl recovery because One-its not their business and more importantly- you do not owe them an explaination.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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#68 of 72 Old 09-21-2005, 09:27 PM
 
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#69 of 72 Old 09-21-2005, 09:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Marlaina
IF you live in a state with good medical and social programs....
IF your child is typically developing....
Etc.


DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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#70 of 72 Old 10-06-2005, 05:23 PM
 
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well, i agree that babies don't need all the stuff that is being marketed to new parents and that breastmilk is free, you can get clothes, toys, etc used, so they don't have to cost that much. like others said, babies aren't usually as expensive as older kids and i have no problem with people waiting or not wanting kids because of the financial expenses, their choice, not mine.

i did plan on waiting until we were financially more stable and i had finished nursing school, but life had other plans, we adjusted and are happy that things happened the way they did. this pregnancy threw a little kink in our "plans" as well, but we are happy, healthy and in the end that is all that matters. if we never own a house in our lifetime, we still have what is important, our family and our happiness. sure, we hope to be homeowners someday, but for now that is on hold as we plan for another baby and me being a SAHM again.

FWIW, my daughter cost us over $10,000 to have, since we had no insurance and our birthcenter birth plans that would have only been about $3000 went down the toilet when i got PIH. she was worth it, but i am still paying it off, almost done though!
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#71 of 72 Old 10-08-2005, 03:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rowdypea
Well, I think my child is VERY expensive, in the sense that I am not working.
I don't have children yet, but this is my major concern. I'm working hard to pay down some debt that I've accrued in preparation to having children but I just cannot figure out how we're going to make ends meet without me working. I currently work 2 jobs pretty much - a full-time office job and assisting a midwife. I'd originally had a plan to continue midwifery, which brings in really nice income for us, but now it sounds like that is not going to work out because I wouldn't be able to bring babe with me and I don't have anybody that could help me out with childcare (not that I'd necessarily want to do that anyway) because I think that we're going to be moving away from my support system in the next year.
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#72 of 72 Old 10-10-2005, 02:59 PM
 
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Quote:
Anyone else ever deal with this sort of thing?
Oh, yes. We decided to wait to get pregnant until we had (a) bought a house, (b) paid off ALL our credit card debt, (c) bought a new car, and (d) saved enough money to pay the midwife up front.

We worked hard and accomplished all four goals in just three years.

Unfortunately, dh got laid off the same day we found out we were pregnant, and now we are on the fast track back to where we started from.

As you said, though, even though we are not financially secure like we wanted to be, at least we didn't deliberately bring a child into INSECURITY. I agree, that borders on nihilist.

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