It's just too expensive to have kids - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 72 Old 09-11-2005, 08:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
Heffernhyphen's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Little Rock, Arkansas
Posts: 1,806
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
How many times have you heard that? We can't have kids yet because we can't afford them. Oh, kids are soooooo expensive. I must be doing something wrong then, because I don't feel like my kid is costing me anything.

I think the hospital when he was born ran us $100, but you could skip the hospital entirely.

There's the occasional $20 co-pay at the ped, but he's very healthy so no medicine or treatments.

He sleeps with us so no nursery to furnish; no playpen, stroller or fancy cumbersome carrier to worry about.

Clothes and diapers are almost exclusively garage sale or hand-me-downs.

He eats what we eat, and just about the amount we typically end up tossing after a meal. And then of course the free daily dose of breastmilk, God Bless these breasts!

Books, toys, videos . . . garage sales and gifts.

He spends his days with me, so no day care. He spends his nights with me, so no babysitters.

He'll go to public schools, unless I choose to keep him home with me.

The college fund is started with gifts (requested of family members in lieu of crappy Fisher Price clutter machines) and UPromise.

So, unless I lose my mind and start enrolling him in Toddler Soccer Camp or some other expensive organized play group (which so ain't happening), I think he's really quite the bargain. Pretty much the best and cheapest entertainment I've ever had come to think of it. It doesn't take a full bank account to have a baby, just a full heart.
Heffernhyphen is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 72 Old 09-11-2005, 08:36 PM
 
UUMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 9,207
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The only concerns I have about kids is if they want to go to a 'traditional-type' college. (I know there are alternatives....just thinking if the kid wants to go to Hamiliton or something...) A lot of unis outside of CA are 45k a year and we can't get significant financial aid. Hsing the younger ones doesn't figure into the FA package. I already drive a car that has nearly 200k miles one it...

My babies were nearly free-- all my bio kids were homebirthed, breastfed etc.

Kids are cheap--cleats and art supplies and college and organic food is costly.

I always love to hear from folks who do it on the cheap...bring it on... I am all ears.

Plus, oh man! Am I :

Of course, I am kinda pissed that kids in the Euro nations can get awesome educations without their parents going broke....but that's a political rant...
UUMom is offline  
#3 of 72 Old 09-11-2005, 08:44 PM
 
la mamita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: the dark side of the moon.
Posts: 2,081
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Materialism is not fun.

raising my two sunshine children.

la mamita is offline  
#4 of 72 Old 09-11-2005, 09:01 PM
 
dharmamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Bywater, West Farthing
Posts: 4,447
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We've had threads about this before. Basically they have boiled down to: babies are not so expensive, but the older they get, the more expensive they get.

Personally, if a couple isn't having kids yet because they don't think they can afford them, more power to them. Maybe they are planning for financial goals you don't have/don't know about.

Besides, there is the added cost of health insurance, life insurance, larger transportation if necessary, and larger housing, if necessary. Those things can add up to a lot.

Namaste!
dharmamama is offline  
#5 of 72 Old 09-11-2005, 09:02 PM
 
Leatherette's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,356
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hephernhyphen,

I agree with your post on so many levels. Really, I do.

But two things lost me a bit.

This:
Quote:
There's the occasional $20 co-pay at the ped, but he's very healthy so no medicine or treatments.
and this:
Quote:
He spends his days with me, so no day care. He spends his nights with me, so no babysitters.
My daughter has not been healthy, and that was not something I could predict. It has been costly.

For some couples, who were just getting by on two incomes from minimum wage jobs, just the loss of one of those incomes is financially devastating. And many people don't have education money gifted to them.

I am totally with you on the other stuff, though.

L.
Leatherette is offline  
#6 of 72 Old 09-11-2005, 09:28 PM
 
Messac888's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: SE Wisconsin
Posts: 586
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm finding that, the more kids we have the cheaper they get. Does that make sense? :LOL

When we had ds we had to pay for the diapers (cloth, but we used disposeable for the first year since we didn't know anything beyond those crappy Gerber ones existed, so we saved and saved until we could get better ones that didn't leak). I was working until he was about 5 months old, so we needed a pump, bottles, and since work interrupted nursing, he was also fed formula a couple times each day. Sigh. Don't forget the carseat, stroller, sling, diaper bag(s), clothes, and so on and so forth. We were lucky to be given the carseat and stroller combo as well as the playpen and crib, but now we barely use them.

Dd has only cost us because of paying a midwife to deliver her at home. She wears cloth diapers (and the infant size was gifted to us, thankfully), uses her brother's old infant carseat, she is totally breastfed (just started solids a couple weeks ago), we use the sling and no stroller, we have the crib next to the bed as a sidecar although she slept in our bed until she was 6 months old. Fwiw, we have a family bedroom- all 4 of us sleep there. (Course, we spend more on food now that we eat as much organic as we can stomach paying for, but otherwise there's not too much added expenses with dd.) We intend to homeschool, so no school bills there.

If one of our kids were to get ill, we'd struggle, but no one plans on giving birth to ill children. And my brother and soon to be sil have said they will not be having kids because they're too expensive and therefore they don't want kids. They make well over $60,000/year and we live in a fairly low-cost living expense area.

I don't mind if people don't want to have kids, but it irritates me when they say it's because of money. If you don't want kids, don't have kids. Period. But stop making excuses.
Messac888 is offline  
#7 of 72 Old 09-11-2005, 10:36 PM
 
dharmamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Bywater, West Farthing
Posts: 4,447
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Messac888
If you don't want kids, don't have kids. Period. But stop making excuses.
How do you know this is an excuse? Maybe this family has a different idea of how they would want to raise their children and don't feel financially equipped to do it. Maybe they have financial pressures you don't know about. Maybe they feel that the expense of having children would constrict their own lifestyle. Who is to say that these are excuses rather than reasons? (And I don't just mean the family you are talking about ... I mean any family who says they don't want to have kids/more kids because of the cost.)

My sister and BIL make about $180,000 a year. They have one child. The main reason they don't want another one is financial. They have massive school loans (both are PhDs and one's a brand-new MD as well) and they want their son to be able to attend Harvard if he wants to (at their expense). To them, another child would put a crimp in their financial plans. I think it would be rather harsh of me (as well as untrue) to say they are making excuses for not having another child.

My own family is another example. Our third (yet oldest) child is HIV+. I am about 99.9% sure we will not be able to have/adopt any more kids after she arrives because her medical care will be VERY expensive. What if you didn't know this about me and I said casually, "We'd like to have more kids (which we would, btw) but we can't afford to." Would you say I was making excuses?

Namaste!
dharmamama is offline  
#8 of 72 Old 09-11-2005, 10:49 PM
 
phathui5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Oregon
Posts: 17,016
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Preschool costs, school supplies, extracurricular activities, sports equipment, toys, clothing (especially when they hit middle school and clothing is SUPER important), preparing for and applying to college (think $$ for possibly preparing for and taking the ACT/SAT, application fees, possible college visits), allowences, a car, college tuition.
Preschool- Didn't send ds #1, not planning to send dd or ds #2.

School supplies- I'll admit we spent about $200 this year, but that included regular school supplies plus all our homeschooling stuff.

Extracurricular stuff- Can be done very cheaply through the rec council or the YMCA

Toys- We spend about $50 per kid at Christmas, less on birthdays

Clothing- We're lucky to have two sets of grandparents plus still living great-grandparents who basically buy all the clothing. I get stuff like socks and underwear when it's on clearance at Wal-mart or Target.

College prep- I'm not paying for it. They can study for the tests like I did.

Allowance- Maybe if they earn it. Not much though.

Car- They can pay for

Tuition- We might help, but they're going to have to mostly fund it

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
14yo ds   11yo dd  9yo ds and 7yo ds and 2yo ds  
phathui5 is offline  
#9 of 72 Old 09-11-2005, 10:53 PM
 
aprons_and_acorns's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: by the beautiful blue hills of WI
Posts: 3,272
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, I think my child is VERY expensive, in the sense that I am not working. t's not the money we spend on him that makes him expensive, it's the money that I'm not making.

So I figure any additional kids will be cheapies (as long as they are healthy and average like ds)

My Etsy Shop
Acorn Dolls~Wool Felt Crowns~Children's Craft Kits~Shooting Stars~Dancing Fairy Rings~Come On Over and Play!
aprons_and_acorns is offline  
#10 of 72 Old 09-11-2005, 10:57 PM
 
BumbleBena's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 1,231
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Messac888
I don't mind if people don't want to have kids, but it irritates me when they say it's because of money. If you don't want kids, don't have kids. Period. But stop making excuses.
I want kids as much as anyone (seriously... ask anyone who knows me ), but DP and I have agreed that it would be irresponsible for us (just our personal financial situation, of which we alone know the details) to have children at this time.

I don't believe it is an excuse. If you saw what we live off of, how we do it, and how much our midwife costs, you'd most likely agree with me.

Just so you know, not everyone who "can't afford it" doesn't want children... badly.
BumbleBena is offline  
#11 of 72 Old 09-11-2005, 10:58 PM
 
BumbleBena's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Sunny FL
Posts: 1,231
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heffernhyphen
God Bless these breasts!
I just that quote!
BumbleBena is offline  
#12 of 72 Old 09-11-2005, 11:02 PM
 
UUMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 9,207
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My dh reminded me that one of our homebirths cost 3500k out of pocket as insurance would not pay. Of course we could have had the child without midwives, but i think that some of us enjoy our midwives...

Anyway--the babe would have been free had i had the child in hospital, but no way would have done that for no good reason...

My kids cost... from day 1.

Well worth it, But i am not on the 'kids are cheap bandwagon', as that has not been our experience. Diapers, breastmilk as the sole food etc are short in the life of dependant child.

babies cheap--- near free, as long as they are healthy and have insurance.

I don't buy dipes any more. My kid wore dipes for less than 3 years, some for only 2, but they continue to wear undies. :LOL
UUMom is offline  
#13 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 12:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
Heffernhyphen's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Little Rock, Arkansas
Posts: 1,806
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Leatherette
For some couples, who were just getting by on two incomes from minimum wage jobs, just the loss of one of those incomes is financially devastating.
Oh, my fanny's getting hot from the approaching flames, but here goes: It can be done. I quit my job as a teacher to stay home with my son. After a few months home with him, I started baby-sitting part-time. After about a year, the gig became full-time, and I'm now making almost as much as I did teaching, and my son is with me all day. Lots of parents need childcare, and it's very easy to do with your own kid along for the ride. Plus, the parents pay for memberships to the zoo and the museum, so we get to do cool things on their dime.



Quote:
And many people don't have education money gifted to them.
The way you worded it makes me think you are imagining trust funds and full tuitions set aside. I'm talking, let the family know that you don't want or need toys, but would really appreciate money for college. It's tacky as hell, I know, but I'm willing to be honest to get the one thing I know my son will really need. So aunts and uncles give a little check at birthday time, Gramma and Papa give a savings bond for Christmas. It'll add up, and it'll help. And I'm sure his UPromise account will have at least $1000 by then, so that'll be good for . . . a book or two and maybe some coffee at the cafeteria.
Heffernhyphen is offline  
#14 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 01:27 AM
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 17,896
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
We were planning on waiting because of money amoung other things but babies happen.

We were making a little over $15,000 a year (no debt, low rent, so we were pretty comfortable, and we about to start putting large chunks away in savings for the baby and my subsequent loss of income.)

She cost us over $4000 before she was even born. within 7 days of her birth our hospital bills (unisured) $25,000 with 1% compounding intrest monthly. : and follow up well baby checks. after all she wasn't well and ther eis nothing I could have done to change it. fortunately my dh lost his job while i was pregnant and got a better one so out income stayed the same after I lost my job. he also squeezed in a semester of school and had new school loan. we had just moved and our rent nearly doubled. (but we needed a bigger house. we moved up to a 450 sq. ft home. Oooooo extravagent. we thought so anyway. ) plus gear because we were the first people having a baby so there were no hand me downs from friends, our family wasn't in to providing for us, and since the showers fell after her birth (they were planned for before) all we got bas boutique fufu can't be returned, pink, lacy preemie stuff. we did get some good cothes we could use but still ended up buying a few things. Goodwill and such were pretty raveged and second hand stores around here aren't that cheap. not any cheaper than walmart anyway. occaisionally we couldf ind something on clearance. once i started doing daycare it was a little easier. but a lot of our moving expenses and food etc were put on the credit card while she was in the hospital so that we didn't have to worry about overdraft charges and such on top of everything else. Also I eneded up quitting my job 2 months earlier than planned becaue of bedrest and since I had only had the job a few months and didn't plan on coming back I didn't qualify for sick leave and vacation. So that was $2000 we had planned on using on moving and baby.

And there were the basic expenses like car seat, diapers (cloth and disposables - we were so not prepared for the cost of disposables!!!), etc

and of course they get more expenseive as they get older. we spend about $100 per child per year on school supplies. that would be more if we were in public school and even more for private.

Home birthing was by far my most expensive venture. I could have hospital bithed (a night mare I am sure it would have been) for free with medicaid but i eally needed a home birth. $3000 all told (her feee was $150 but occaisionaly Dr. check ins, birthing kit, milage, fancy prenatals, herbal remedies that didn't work and cost a fortune).

I'll be realistic. on our very limited budget they were expensive. Not nearly as expensive as they could have been or nearly as expensive as they tell the kids in school. but we lived about as frugaly as we could and it is unrealistic to say they don't cost anything.

Some people want to be able to offer thier 5 year old ballet lessons and thier 8 year old Tae Kwon Do. These things aren't cheap even at the Y (Y prices are comprable here to non-profit and for profit agencies for such things) and it was important to me that my children got to experiance these sorts of things if they wanted to since I did not. I had a very unhappy childhood growing up in poverty and didn't want my children to have the same. we have done ok but I know if we had waited until we had some money in the bank or dh had his degree we woul dhave done much better and he would be here now to kiss them good night rather than working overtime 7 days a week.

they eat alot, the go through a lot of clothes and the oldest one doesn't have a source of hand me downs. grandparents aren't generous with money and gifts. yay for people who hold off a bit and work towards having a little something set up or at least making sure they have the basics to keep them from tanking (insurance sure would have been nice. i got pregnant 6 weeks before my job offered it : ) , they need ot be taken here and there, they want birthday parties and they want to ride go-carts and they want special treats and all those little things, even done conservatively add up really fast. heck we can't even get happy meals for everyone for under $15. its insane.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
#15 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 01:35 AM
 
PortraitPixie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Behind a camera....
Posts: 3,632
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heffernhyphen
So, unless I lose my mind and start enrolling him in Toddler Soccer Camp or some other expensive organized play group (which so ain't happening), I think he's really quite the bargain. Pretty much the best and cheapest entertainment I've ever had come to think of it. It doesn't take a full bank account to have a baby, just a full heart.
:
PortraitPixie is offline  
#16 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 01:58 AM
 
motocita's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 215
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
our baby cost us 60k in lost income (mine). i have absolutely no regrets. but, for this reason, i would agree with those who say that babies are expensive. yes, babies CAN BE expensive.

when someone says babies are expensive, you have to ask them what they mean. you can't just assume they are talking about the nonessential gadgets. we have none of these but i would still say she was expensive.
motocita is offline  
#17 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 02:09 AM
 
tryinghardmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: live: on the edge
Posts: 126
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well... eventually they do get old enough that you wish you could afford piano, violin, dance, theater arts, gymnastics.... I have six kids, and they each have a passion to learn something but we can't afford it for any of them. It's frustrating. Although, if you look hard enough you eventually find free things... we're changing churches to one that has a vibrant Arts ministry, so our dd can do dance, our son can do theatrics... now if they just had gymnastics for my 8yo
tryinghardmomma is offline  
#18 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 02:19 AM
 
lula's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: currently you mean?
Posts: 1,134
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ok, I may be crazy but I think kids are expensive. I am sure that some of this is choice etc but to me expensive is defined as costing a good sum of money over a short period of time. I don't really look at this in terms of affordability.

DD birth cost over 10 grand. (she couldn't have been born at home due to some difficulties I had)

We do not have health insurance through our jobs because we own our own company. Health insurance is over $200 dollars a month and half of that sum is for dd. This also means that I do not have copays etc I pay up to a certain amount for a deductable in addiction every year and then a partial reimbursement kicks in. Medication is not completely covered ever and not at all for most things. If there are major health issues well...that is beyond my control.

Dental bills yearly, add braces out of pocket and that should be interesting. She had a tooth that needed to be removed (emergency) in London. That was a fun adventure into foreign currency conversion even with travel insurance.

Eye glasses if she gets dh genes on that area.

We travel for work unavoidably and so we have either the expense of her plane tickets etc or child care away from us. (which I won't do most of the time)

We got life insurance and a will because of dd.

Clothing, toys, shoes, haircuts (and with her hair I will not be able to cut it myself forever) carseats, bikes, etc. She needs very specific footwear because she has a dilemma with her ankle and most shoes cause her massive pain. (like unable to walk pain)

She has some special dietary concerns that aren't cheap and I buy vitamins because our traveling can make our diet a little erratic some days.

I plan on homeschooling which I will spend money on. Sure I will spend more money than I have to but if I homeschool this is how I want to do it.

I would like to be able to fund some property investments for my dd.

I would like to be able to at least partially pay for her higher education should she choose.

Then if I look at the time quotient and what time is worth even on a monetary scale she is extremely expensive. I would love to see a chart on the monetary expense of a baby with colic or spirited child or child with a disability etc etc. I mean my kid takes a lot of time!

She wants a dog, I want her to have a dog.

Now obviously not all of this is necessary to have a child but frankly for me it is not just about my child it is about me as a mother. I chose to be with my child a lot, I could have put her in a care situation and made more money. I chose to homeschool in a non-free way because that seems to fit her personality and my ablities to facilitate her education. I like showing her art museums.

I am not bothered that my child is expensive but I do think she is expensive. She was not overly "planned" and we are definately planning the second for financial reasons. Also with 2 children actually having a more permanent living arrangement seems to be a good idea and so the house expense will greatly increase.

Maybe some people use this as an excuse but I think it can be legitimate especially depending upon life circumstances.
lula is offline  
#19 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 02:31 AM
 
USAmma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Arizona
Posts: 18,573
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Kids are still expensive, even on a budget. They may nurse for awhile but eventually they'll eat. They need carseats. They need their own seats on airplanes after age 2. Clothes, shoes and coats, of course. Diapers: even if cloth saves you a ton of money, you still have to buy the initial stash and wash them until the child PT's. They will want pets, and good books that are not the library's, and they will want to pick their own bedsheets out to put on their own bed oneday. They might want to be in a sport, or learn an instrument and need lessons/equipment. They will cost you extra on your insurance plan until they are adults.

I quit my job to take care of her. That was $50K a year. If I had chosen to put her in daycare and work I'm not sure how much that would have cost but daycare is not cheap.

You don't need to buy your kids gameboys or send them to summer camp. Kids are just expensive, period.

And then there's the special needs child. The one you never thought you would have but the odds picked you. Some SN children require more money than others, but all are expensive for someone (you, the insurance company, the government). My child is not a severe case, she will eventually get better. However we bought the breastpump and the special bottles, paid the ER bills over and over again, paid for the special formula that she could digest better for at least $160/month. A new special high chair that fit her requirements, a crib that could be elevated, a crib tent to keep her safe. Rolls and rolls of medical tape! Copays for meds, at least $50/month (on top of the cost of her special food for her tube-feeding).

You cannot take anything for granted. Even a normal, healthy child may break their arm or get lots of ear infections their first winter, or get the stomach flu and need a trip to ER for hydration. You just never can tell.

Getting back to your statement, it just takes a full heart. That is true, too! I don't know how we have managed, but we have. Our kids are comfortable and have everything they need and then some. Somehow it all worked out. No regrets, either. I have two precious children and they are my sweetness in this life, even on the bad days.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
USAmma is offline  
#20 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 02:50 AM
 
AntoninBeGonin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Northwest suburbs, Illinois.
Posts: 3,026
Mentioned: 8 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by la mamita
all of the "make your baby smart items" (toys, gyms, dvds), .
In my opinion, I think educational infant toys are highly over-rated. Everything is a brand new learning experience to a newborn! They learn just as much with a bright red ball as they do any crazy, loud, musical, newfangled device.

~Nay

Reneé, 34 year old mom to Antonin 8/04 and Arianna 9/06  (6 weeks) 5/08. Married to Matt since 6/03 .  
AntoninBeGonin is offline  
#21 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 03:16 AM
 
octobermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Yuma AZ
Posts: 5,454
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
I think kids are expensive even cutting corners and being as frugual as possible. They are worth it though.

Deanna

Wife to DH since August 01 mom to a bubbly girl October 2002 and our newest gal March 2010
octobermom is offline  
#22 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 03:21 AM
 
crazydiamond's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Albuquerque, NM
Posts: 2,791
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Having another child would be extremely costly to us because of my fertility problems. IVF isn't cheap and it will be a while before we can save enough money to do it. It's not so much the baby that's necessarily expensive, for us its the conception.

Mama to Boy (2) and Girl (5)
crazydiamond is offline  
#23 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 03:56 AM
 
crazy_eights's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Nisht ahir un nish aher
Posts: 6,526
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have found that while babies can be cheap, they get older and the expenses go up! Wait until you have teen-agers. They can eat. And eat. And at that age they tend to wear out their clothing. I buy some things resale, but with two kids that are hard to fit - it ain't easy to find stuff. I do better with overstocks and outlets, but that is nowhere near as cheap as 'council for the blind' or 'goodwill' where I can find TONS of pristine baby clothing and toys. Don't even get me started on what I paid for school supplies this year. It is obscene. Yes, they are worth it, yes I would do it again, but no, they are NOT cheap.
crazy_eights is offline  
#24 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 04:12 AM
 
Leatherette's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Posts: 1,356
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If we didn't have good insurance, our son would have been very expensive even before he was born. I went into early labor at 6 months, had to go on complete bedrest, leave my job early, have bi-weekly monitoring at the hospital, caregiver at home. I don't even want to think about the cost (financial and emotional) if he had been born that early. So many people are lacking good insurance. I just don't see how a blanket statement can be made that children are inexpensive.

I agree that most of the "stuff" people think they need is unnecessary spending though.

I have managed to clothe my kids with mostly hand-me-downs and consignment. As they reach age 4 though, the pickings are slim, as kids start staying in one size long enough to wear it all out. And I cannot dig through thrift or mend clothes with my high needs toddler with me 24/7.

I don't think people should feel they have to wait to start families if they want to, but it can be a struggle. I have been able to stay home and we are fine with my husband's salary, but I have friends who don't have money, partners, etc., and it is hard, even when just trying to provide love, healthy food, shelter, and clothing.

L.
Leatherette is offline  
#25 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 05:52 AM
 
flapjack's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: England, easily locatable by Google
Posts: 13,495
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I live in the UK- therefore no spending on healthcare for my boys, one of whom has a chronic illness, on their births (homebirth with midwife led antenatal care) and subsidised childcare, and some government handouts that aren't means-tested. And I would never, ever be stupid enough as to say that kids are cheap. Not unless your children are completely lacking in ambition- to create pictures, to make music, to take part in sports, to follow their dreams. Music lessons, free karate lessons (dad's an instructor) and woodcraft folk multiplied by two cost the same as a week's shopping. (The violin lessons are subsidised.)
If someone says they can't afford kids, all power to them. They're taking control of their lives and their priorities and I respect that. If people say that kids are important to them and they're going to find a way to make that possible financially, I respect that too. I don't see it's anyone else's business.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
flapjack is offline  
#26 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 09:39 AM
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,157
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Messac888
I don't mind if people don't want to have kids, but it irritates me when they say it's because of money. If you don't want kids, don't have kids. Period. But stop making excuses.
I think it's a fine reason to put off having kids. Some people might be struggling to pay off student loans, credit card debt, hospital bills, etc. I'm really in no position to be judging other's financial abilities.

Babies are not expensive in their necessities, but necessities increase as they get older. For some, the loss of one income and the additional cost of health insurance can be hard. It sure is for us.
Hoopin' Mama is offline  
#27 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 10:11 AM
 
MA mommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Triangle Transplant! North Carolina
Posts: 931
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Get back to me when you have more than one kid

- You have no help from family.
- So you put the older child in prechool so you can nap with the younger child, have a bit of a break, or go grocery shopping w/o having more than one child with you.
- Your child starts wearing size 4 and up (There isn't half the selection in the thrift stores for these sizes compared to baby clothes)
- Your child is weaned and starts eating like a horse


Yup, they are expensive. And I didn't buy Baby Einstien or sign up for Gymboree classes. We didn't pay for any type of classes until my oldest started preschool at age 3. I get creative and sell things on ebay for extra money. But it's still as struggle. I would never criticize someone that would delay having children because of the cost. What's wrong with being fiscally responsible?
MA mommy is offline  
#28 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 10:16 AM
 
sunnmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: surrounded by love
Posts: 6,123
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Money is a big reason that I probably will have just one.

If you have good insurance and your medical/dental/birthing costs were covered, then consider yourself lucky. But please don't make rash judgements about others, who may not be so lucky. Having to pay for medical ins--plus deductibles and high coinsurance, dental, and birthing costs (I had mat ins with dd, but still paid $3000 out of pocket) for one child is *daunting*, and doubling those costs may not be realistic for some people.
sunnmama is offline  
#29 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 10:40 AM
 
hhurd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 711
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Heffernhyphen
I think the hospital when he was born ran us $100, but you could skip the hospital entirely.

There's the occasional $20 co-pay at the ped, but he's very healthy so no medicine or treatments.

Not everyone one has health insurance, though. If you don't, all the yard sales and co-sleeping in the world isn't going to make up for it...and don't get me started on college fees.

We can only afford one child.
hhurd is offline  
#30 of 72 Old 09-12-2005, 11:07 AM
 
UUMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Posts: 9,207
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by hhurd
Not everyone one has health insurance, though. If you don't, all the yard sales and co-sleeping in the world isn't going to make up for it...and don't get me started on college fees.

We can only afford one child.

College is insane. I know all the arguments--they don't have to go, they can pay for it themselves, they can get scholarships, they can get loans, they can work etc.

The fact is most private colleges cost over 40k (I don;t think a kid is gonna make 40 k working part time at McD's). Sure your kid can go to community college and sure they can go to state schools (which is great if you live in CA)...but what if there is a particular thing your child wants to do at a particular college? What it after two years of community college, she wants to study music at Berkely, or writing at Emerson...or law (g-d forbid), at Harvard?

There is no way of getting around the cost. Not even if you have saved (good luck on having saved 400k in 18 years), not even if your child has a loan or two or four, not even if their summer job had them saving 3k in six weeks. Do the math , even for state schools.

Just do the math. I don't think people understand the totally raw deal Americans are getting. There is no other country asking families to put up all this money for a uni education. Ask a Canadian what the tution is at Concordia or McGill, say, Vs a private college in the US. American universities are asking families to mortgage their homes to pay tution.
UUMom is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off