Help me let go of a new-house dream (long!) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 9 Old 02-05-2006, 02:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm trying SO hard to be good! But I really, really, REALLY want to move before this little one comes. In my dream of dreams, we'll find out just before birth that this baby DOESN'T have our family's congenital anomaly and I'll get to FINALLY have my homebirth in my beautiful, small, NEW(ish) house... or, at the very least, I'll get to bring my baby home to said house. I know most of my issues are tied up with my EDD getting closer and closer, but I feel like I'm in a constant panic. We are now in a 3 br rental with no attic and no closet space and no outside storage. We live in one br, the 2 girls are in the 2nd, and the 3rd is piled to the ceiling with everything that used to be in the 3rd br/closets/attic/shed/screened-back-porch/pantry/laundry ROOM (as opposed to "nook")/dining room/2nd living room at our old house. Most of my baby stuff is in there and I can't even get to it.
We sold our house after our 2nd daughter had her 3rd surgery around 5.5 mo. Our medical bills were just too much along with our outrageous car pmt and house pmt/expenses. We thought we'd move down here and rent for a little while (our rent is about half our old house pmt), then buy a great new house. Surprise... in the last year the housing market really took off... we sold our house for $91,500... a year later a much smaller (ours was 1550, this one was 1200), not-all-brick house in the same neighborhood sold for $115,000.
We are just so bummed because we can't find anything bigger than 1100-1200 sq ft in our price range. So it seems like we should stay here and save some money and look again next year. But I brought my first 2 babies home to a cute, quaint, home-y house and I'll be bringing this baby home to a double wide that makes up in pinestraw and sand what it lacks in charm. We can't even fix up a "nursery" (even if I COULD empty that 3rd room), because we can't paint or fix up this rental... and anyone who's ever been inside a trailer knows how the walls are flimsy, plastic-covered wall-board.
I'm just itching to get out of here, although I know that right now we could barely afford to put 10% down on a 1200 sq ft house... our budget would be tight again, but we ARE planning ahead for possible medical bills this go 'round so we won't be caught so off guard should surgery(ies) be in this baby's future as well.
I'm so tired of thinking about this. Please tell me what you think... if you could make any sense of all this rambling!
Darci

Raising our babies: 2003, 2004, 2006, 2008, 2010, and 2012
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#2 of 9 Old 02-05-2006, 02:43 AM
 
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I know what that nesting urge is like. I ended up house hunting and moving at the end of both of my pregnancies. It sounds like you have a lot to deal with as it is without adding worries about housing into the mix. Babies don't care what the house looks like. as long as they are warm and dry and loved nothing else matters. Is there stuff you could get rid of to make more room? Could you afford to rent a storage locker to put some of the clutter in? Take a deep breath.

Let there be beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you.)0(
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#3 of 9 Old 02-05-2006, 04:23 PM
 
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Don't know what to say, but I just wanted to let you know that it will be okay! Maybe you could try focusing your nesting energy on purging what you know you don't need to store, and organizing what you do need to store? The only other thing I can think of is to be searching for a cheap, but nicer rental house, instead of the trailer?
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#4 of 9 Old 02-05-2006, 06:19 PM
 
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Where are in you in SC?
I'm in Greer in the Upstate.

Birth Photographer mom to four blessings
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#5 of 9 Old 02-05-2006, 07:28 PM
 
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If house prices are rising rapidly it is better to take outa loan for your downpatment and get into something rather than saving. Unless you are piutting away a considerable amount each month in a pretty good yeilding account you won't likely make much headway over rising home values. (our real estate agent thinks anything under $500 a month in savings is just treading water). find someone who can get you in now. even if it isn't your dream home at least you will building equity in something. and you can make it yours

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#6 of 9 Old 02-06-2006, 04:18 AM
 
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Hi,
I feel your pain. We brought DD1 home to our first home that we had fixed up with so much love. Second DD was brought home to an apartment in a new state. Because I was so upset about this we bought a house we can't afford and are now in over our heads. The horrid part is I wish I was back in that apartment because all my energy has just been zapped trying to deal with a new baby and a new house. I'm just now, 8 months later, getting the house in order. I wish we had just stayed put and enjoyed that brief new born period. Maybe you'll feel better if somebody can get to the baby stuff for you?
Good Luck,
Rae
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#7 of 9 Old 02-06-2006, 11:19 AM
 
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I'm so sorry you are frustrated. I've been there. Ds (born after a struggle with infertility) came home to a tiny rental with no space for a real nursery. Our extra room, like yours, was packed to the gills with stuff we had no other place to put.

When dd came along 17 months later, we were in our first home, but it was a fixer upper that we had just starting renovating. I remember dd being 2 months old and a family friend coming to see us. Our "kids room" had been gutted and had plastic sheeting up over the door, and our living room was piled to the ceiling with all the stuff from the bedroom!

That said, things can sometimes turn around more quickly than we expect. We have since been able to afford to renovate the kids room and our second bath (we now have a great clawfoot tub for bathing the kids!), and are slowly working toward the other projects. Our home now feels very homey and special.

But when all is said and done, I have great memories of bringing both kids home, and yes, all they cared about was being fed, warm and dry and in loving arms. As both kids ended up in our bed anyway, there really still isn't a need for a kids sleeping room. And now that I am where I am, I am so glad we didn't jeopardize our financial stability by making housing decisions that pushed us to the limit.

But it is hard and frustrating with the nesting urge. Perhaps you can focus your energy on a couple of key preparations. With dd, it really helped me to focus on making some soups to put in the freezer for those postpartum weeks.

Wishing you the best.
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#8 of 9 Old 02-06-2006, 12:29 PM
 
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I just wanted to second what others have said and express my solidarity. However, I would caution against jumping into buying something in order to satisfy your nesting urges. I'm in the same situation-- in a 2br apartment with the "extra" bedroom belonging to my stepson-- and while I would love to move, I know it's better for all of us if I wait until I'm truly financially able to do so.
That's just my 2 cents.
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#9 of 9 Old 02-06-2006, 02:15 PM
 
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I feel your pain. We had a changing table and dresser in the dining room of our first house when we brought home ds #1. We lived like that for a year before we moved. We are a tight fit in the house we're in now as well, but have done it for the last five years, saving money and are going to be building what is hopefully our last house this year.

While the momentary urge is to do what it takes to satisfy your image of bringing baby home to a house, be careful. I have to agree with Jessica. With ds #1 I wanted SOOO bad to have a nursery to decorate. I ended up not getting that until my third child. And you know what, as hard as it was at the time not to get that, it paid off in the long run. If we lived in the moment, we would still be struggling financially and no where near able to do what we are going to this year.

I don't know specific details about your financial situation, but I strongly suggest you speak with someone who can guide you. If you haven't already, take some time to learn what's in this forum about frugality and saving money. I know it's hard to let go of that image in your mind, believe me, I do. But if you ever want out of the situation you're in, you HAVE to look at the bigger picture. I know it would be great to move right now, and maybe that would be your best option, but make sure it's a *smart* move in the long run, and not just another step you're going to regret.
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