Miss Manners please help! Handing down diapers...can I ask for $? - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-20-2006, 09:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My cousin has a baby due in January and is planning on using CD. Since we CD she's been all excited and I offered her to hand down our FB's when DD outgrows them. Well thinking about it now, I really kinda need the $ from selling them to buy "up" for DD. So now what do I do?
DH and I are on a very limited budget...they're not. I don't want to be rude and I want them to use cloth...any ideas?

Summer: crafty mama to 2 little girls and wife to Bob
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Old 09-20-2006, 11:25 PM
 
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There is nothing wrong with telling her that you would be willing to sell them to her. Just tell her that if you were to sell them on ebay or something that you could sell them for $X amount. You can even tell her that you would love to give them to her, but you can't afford it. There is nothing wrong with that at all. Cloth diapers are expensive and you shouldn't feel like you have to give them away.

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Old 09-20-2006, 11:27 PM
 
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What about giving her a couple and selling the rest somewhere else?
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Old 09-21-2006, 12:04 AM
 
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That's a pickle! It would be rude to just take back the offer. But you could (with a really guilty and sorry look on your face) tell her short and sweet that you really just need the money now, so you going to *have* to sell them on ebay. Let her have 1 for free if you can afford it, and maybe she'll love it so much, she's want to buy the rest. Depending on the kind of person she is, there's a good chance she'll just offer you money for them, tho. Have an estimate in mind of how much they'd sell for on ebay, and also how much you'll let her have them for.
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Old 09-21-2006, 02:43 AM
 
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I think you want to be careful about saying you are 'handing them down' and then asking for money. I would make sure to use the word sell, etc. I like the idea of giving her a few and selling the rest, explaining that you need the money.

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Old 09-21-2006, 12:11 PM
 
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Ditto above!

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Old 09-21-2006, 04:52 PM
 
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I would just explain it to her the way you explained it to us. You didn't realize you'd need to sell them in order to buy the next size up. I'm sure she'll understand and if she also knows both of your financial situations, she'd probably be more than happy to help you out.
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Old 09-21-2006, 05:32 PM
 
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I like the idea that others had of giving her a few and then telling her you need to sell the rest to trade up.

Maybe ..."Using cloth diapers has worked out great for us! Here's a few to get you started! I need to sell the rest on ebay so I'm ready as <kid> grows. Please let me know if you have any questions; I'd be glad to share our experiences."

or something like that...
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Old 09-21-2006, 06:26 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Maddy123 View Post
I like the idea that others had of giving her a few and then telling her you need to sell the rest to trade up.

Maybe ..."Using cloth diapers has worked out great for us! Here's a few to get you started! I need to sell the rest on ebay so I'm ready as <kid> grows. Please let me know if you have any questions; I'd be glad to share our experiences."

or something like that...
Nicely written!

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Old 09-21-2006, 06:37 PM
 
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I would not give her just a few. No one needs just a few and it seems too much like, "Here, there's more where these came from if you've got the cash."

I'd just be frank with her and say something along the lines of, "I was so happy to hear you were having a baby that I offered you those dipes on the spur of the moment without thinking about our finances. This is kind of embarrassing, but we're in a financial crunch right now, and I know I could get $x if I sold them, and that's really what I need to do."

Then, if she really wants them, she can offer you the money. In any case, she's bound to understand your position.
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Old 09-21-2006, 08:39 PM
 
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I remember when I was a teenager this friend of mom's was getting some clothes ready to sell second hand, she offered mom to come over and see them first in case we wanted any --- but she didn't in any way indicate that she wanted to sell them to us too! If we'd wanted to buy them we would've just bought them at the used sale since we shop there anyway. Mom thought it was pretty rude to make us an offer and then turn around and ask for $$.

We didn't like this lady much to start with, so it may depend on your relationship with the friend. Also it may depend on if you kindof explain it to her that you can't afford to give them away. This lady we knew had a whole living room full of clothes to sell!! She was richer than us (not in a pinch) and she wouldn't have been hurting to just give me the polo-style shirt that I wanted from her. I wouldn't've expected her to give away her whole collection though, so I really don't know about your situation. Maybe I should just shut up now....
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Old 09-22-2006, 10:50 AM
 
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I think it would be rude to rescind your offer to give them to her and then offer to sell them to her. If a friend offered to give me diapers and then said, "oh I could get $8/piece for them on ebay you know...." I would think it was a shakedown. I am not trying to be harsh, that is just how I would perceive it.
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Old 09-22-2006, 10:58 AM
 
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I dont think it is rude at all if you really dont have the money!! Just tell her you need to sell them and you got ahead of yourself in the new baby to CD excitment, and how you really wish you could help (you will always have large FBs to give her
If you need money for more diapers, you need money for new diapers, plain and simple.
If you offered me the diapers, then told me you had to sell them, I wouldnt be mad at all, shame on the person who is,knowing you are having rough times!

BUT you better tell her soon, so she doesnt get any diapers 'cause you told her you had some! Tell her ASAP!!
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Old 09-22-2006, 03:25 PM
 
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I wouldn't be offended at all if someone offered me diaperes and then realized that they needed to sell them in prep. of bigger ones. I really think honesty is the way to go. I like the PP's suggestion

"I was so happy to hear you were having a baby that I offered you those dipes on the spur of the moment without thinking about our finances."

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Old 09-22-2006, 06:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all of your suggestions! I'm going to talk to my cousin in person in two weeks!

Summer: crafty mama to 2 little girls and wife to Bob
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Old 09-23-2006, 09:01 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mamalotusyoga View Post
My cousin has a baby due in January and is planning on using CD. Since we CD she's been all excited and I offered her to hand down our FB's when DD outgrows them. Well thinking about it now, I really kinda need the $ from selling them to buy "up" for DD. So now what do I do?
DH and I are on a very limited budget...they're not. I don't want to be rude and I want them to use cloth...any ideas?

If you have already offered them to her, it would be rude to then ask for money, IMO.

I had a SIL who "gave" me baby clothes, but then started in about how she wants this back and that back. I am not talking formal, or expensive clothes, either. She was finished having children as well. She also took back some wall decorations she had given DH years ago. From then on, I made sure what she was giving was actually a "gift", not a loan. (I mean, I do my best to take care of the children's clothes, but things happen.) I lost a mitten on a snowsuit she supposedly "gave" us, and she was upset when I told her when she asked for the snowsuit back for another person. I even offered to buy a new snowsuit and she refused, but then smeared my name all over the family.

(I am not saying you are being like my SIL.)
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Old 10-01-2006, 04:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by TinkerBelle View Post

(I am not saying you are being like my SIL.)

Thanks!

Decided to knit my cousin a baby gift...and hand down the diapers in lieu of a "brand new" baby gift. Hopefully she'll appreciate them! (They already have most everything they need, as this is their second DC.)

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