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#31 of 45 Old 11-10-2006, 10:35 PM
 
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I'm wondering if we're all taking this woman's looks the wrong way.

You sound as though maybe you think she's disappointed in you for giving such a cheap gift. I'm wondering if maybe her thoughts are different than that. Rather than her thinking, "I throw this great party, and all she does is throw some flour and purple food coloring into an old yogurt container!" I'm wondering if maybe she's thinking, "Oh my gosh, I had no idea money was so tight for them. I feel so bad for them... now I don't want to ask them to help with the next fund raiser... maybe I should offer to help them out somehow..."

Class issues create tension. While we're not 'finished;, a lot has been accomplished over the decades regarding race issue, religious tolerance, etc.; but class is still HUGE.

What most people don't get is that you don't have to be poor to be thrifty. You can always choose creative ways of being thrifty, regardless of your income.

This woman may very well feel apologetic, rather than disappointed.

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#32 of 45 Old 11-11-2006, 10:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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yeah i have no idea what she was thinking...whether she was angry or felt bad for us or even if it had nothing to do with us or our gift. my son's school is expensive and most of the other kids are from families with more money than us...a lot of doctors. my husband is a software engineer at ibm, so it's not like we're poor... we just have less, and don't like to be in debt, so we don't spend as much as others on things..we don't use credit cards, stuff like that. my son is actually going there on a $1,000/yr scholarship which helps a lot w/ the tuition, but sometimes i wonder... are we "cheating?" maybe some are paying the full tuition, buying fancy toys for their kids and such but the difference is that they are in a lot of debt? maybe we're not as worse off as i perceive us to be?

does this make any sense? sorry if it doesn't.... spongebob is draining my brain. :P

i think in the future tho i might just break down and buy something nice, but maybe small so we don't go over budget. i don't want people to think we give cruddy presents and not want to invite my son to their parties... i dunno.
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#33 of 45 Old 11-12-2006, 02:36 AM
 
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Mine are teens now, but I can guarantee that even if I didn't like it, my kids would have fought me and won, and it would probably have been nearly at the top of their fave gifts. She's either feeling inferior in her creativity as a momma, or missing the meaning behind giving gifts. To this day, I tell my kids I'd MUCH rather have a homemade card or letter than anything else. I still like their artsy-fartsy projects. Our next project together will be making soap. I know that child would have loved to get that lovely playdough squished and contorted all over the house, and her momma just can't handle the though, effort, or creativity put into it. It's not like it was a "regift" for crying out loud! She needs to pull her panties out of the bunch! You can make my kids playdough NOW, and they'd love it and probably want the recipe too. Heck, she should've asked how you made it, asked for the recipe, and thanked her lucky stars it wasn't toxic!!!
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#34 of 45 Old 11-12-2006, 02:43 AM
 
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This post makes me really sad because even if I had all the money in the world I still am disturbed by the mass commercialism with our children. We are in almost the exact same situation and I am very uncomfortable spending 20 dollars on a gift for classmates birthday party present. My sister just watches for toys on sale and throws them in a basket. At birthday time the child gets to choose a present to wrap. I guess that is a nice compromise but I want my little one to value things more than money. Posts like this just remind me how un-maintstream I really am.
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#35 of 45 Old 11-12-2006, 10:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CJ 5 View Post
This post makes me really sad because even if I had all the money in the world I still am disturbed by the mass commercialism with our children. We are in almost the exact same situation and I am very uncomfortable spending 20 dollars on a gift for classmates birthday party present. My sister just watches for toys on sale and throws them in a basket. At birthday time the child gets to choose a present to wrap. I guess that is a nice compromise but I want my little one to value things more than money. Posts like this just remind me how un-maintstream I really am.
I totally understand. It isn't just about money.... I agree with everything you said. I just feel like, I don't want people to not invite my son to parties because he gives "cheap" presents...I dunno. I always let him pick the presents, so they are from *him* and from the heart, but I do wonder whether this is damaging his friendships because of the way other people are, kwim?

I do like the idea of buying things on sale. That does sound good.
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#36 of 45 Old 11-14-2006, 02:42 AM
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I think the present sounds wonderful and had you given it to DD, I would have loved it. To me, the time and effort put into a homemade gift means more then money spent. But I am a weirdo so you might not trust what I think. -I sent whole wheat pumpkin muffins to a bake sale recently, I am sure there are people shaking their heads about that one. My friend said, "poor kids."

Some people might view it as cheap and to those people I just shrug. I'm sorry your gift didn't go over as well as you had wished, but I have to say that if she acted that way because she thought your gift was too cheap I must say she is the one without class.
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#37 of 45 Old 11-14-2006, 02:49 AM
 
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OOOH, you made me hungry! I'll be a poor kid if I can get some of your muffins!
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#38 of 45 Old 11-14-2006, 02:56 AM
 
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this thread makes me sad, too. what is happening to this world when crappy quality junk probably made in sweat shops that took less effort and thought to go to the store and buy are valued more than thoughtful, homemade items with real effort put into them?

I've been sewing my dd a new high chair cover (since we lost the stupid $35 one)- and all along I've been pressuring myself to make it look storebought because I know people will probably feel BAD for us if they can tell I made it! (I'm uh, not the greatest sewer. yet!) It's just ridiculous.

DD1 7/13/05 DD2 9/20/10
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#39 of 45 Old 11-14-2006, 01:53 PM
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I don't see a problem with that gift at all...i would be thrilled if DD got that for a present...it's a lot better than some cheap plastic crap from dollar tree!

Some people are weird though and look down on that kinda stuff. All i have to say is if that woman is like that...then she's not really worth spending time with in the first place Sad...but true.
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#40 of 45 Old 11-14-2006, 07:19 PM
 
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[QUOTE=lalaland42;6530480] But I am a weirdo so you might not trust what I think. -I sent whole wheat pumpkin muffins to a bake sale recently, I am sure there are people shaking their heads about that one. My friend said, "poor kids." QUOTE]

I am the "weirdo" that would buy the pumpkin muffins!

I think that your gift was great!!!! I would wait and see what happens with the mom. She may be having some kind of problem of her own that doesn't involve homemade play-dough.

DS loves it when we add cinnamon or pumpkin pie spice to it!

We also live in a more upscale neighborhood. I am the weirdo Mom in the hybrid car (everyone else has SUV's or vans) with the broccoli eating kid that doesn't eat McDonalds, drink soda, or watch commercial TV in our house that I clean with vinegar and homemade laundry detergent. Worse yet - I cook and bake! However it hasn't stopped us from having lots of friends. I am just "quirky".

Mom to Zach eat.gif , 2 cat.gif, 1dog2.gif, and a whole lot of goldfish.gif!!!! 
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#41 of 45 Old 11-14-2006, 08:12 PM
 
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-I sent whole wheat pumpkin muffins to a bake sale recently, I am sure there are people shaking their heads about that one. My friend said, "poor kids."


LOL, I sent whole wheat pumpkin muffins (which my kids LOVE, btw) to a holiday party at the library. It was the ONLY homemade item, not to mention the only healthy one.
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#42 of 45 Old 11-14-2006, 10:55 PM
 
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When I buy presents for a party for classmates I would probably try to spend around $5 definatley not $20, most likely something more costly that I got on sale. For a child we know better either something homemade or maybe up to $10-$15 if it really fit them.

For my sons party last week I wrote "no presents please" on the bottom of the invitation. One family brought a present (not too big of a one) and One family made a beautiful hand made card (with a poem/picture and a feather and sea shell) glued inside , all the kids in the family added something to the card. I'm sure the feather and seashell will be around our house longer than the other present (or any of the large amount of things he got from relatives later.)
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#43 of 45 Old 11-19-2006, 01:26 AM
 
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I have to agree this thread makes me sad. What kind of message do we give our children when we can't show gratitude for a thoughtful gift. I have two nephews that don't have a sense of gratitude and our family hates birthdays and Christmas with them because they always hate there gifts from us and they show it. They are teens and it's always been like this because of the example set from there parents. I think any three year old that gets there hands on sparkly play dough would love it, including the child you gave the gift to. Too bad for her mom. Good for you to show creativity and a real sense of giving to your own children.
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#44 of 45 Old 11-19-2006, 01:45 AM
 
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electronics like their dad ( don't get me started lol) and I asked them (knowing the answer though lol) "what would you say if someone gave you homemade sparkly play doh?"
the replies were " OH COOL!! THANK YOU !!""
so once more nope you didn't mess up they did!
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#45 of 45 Old 11-19-2006, 02:00 AM
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We once invited one little girl to one of dd's parties. Her father called and asked if her sister could come too. HTey each brought a small polished rock. I told my dd that they must be very special stones. She still has them, I have NO idea what anyone else brought her.

don't worry. Do what feels right to you. My kids would have adored sparkly play-doh!
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