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Poor Family Support Tribe- NO DEBATE

37K views 831 replies 102 participants last post by  UmmIbrahim 
#1 ·
This is a new tribe for mamas and their families who live in poverty. We are one of them.

Although I id EBF until Kailey was 5 years old, cloth diapered, and boycott nestle, we still are forced into mainstream purchasing at times. I'm not happy about that is for sure, but we do it for cost and convenience.

I for one am tired of others judging me for this and then having to explain to death our resources or lack thereof just so they can get it.

We are a three person family living on my husband's first year teachers salary. I attend college full time and Kailey is in afterschool care in the afternoons.

In total we spend 150 a week in gas for our 2 cars (our insurance just ran out and we cannot afford to renew it right now) and 300 a month for rent (which wecould not afford this month).
I feel like we are running on empty much of the time.
 
#402 ·
Potty Diva

I just got a "bounced check alert" from the special checking account I opened up to cover this debt from my "friend." Which means she DIDN'T put the money in my account like she was supposed to. Now the full amount is immediately due on the credit card balance because of all the times she jerked them around.

If I have to ask my parents to help me out (ie, let them know I lent her money) then I'm going to take her to small claims court for the money. My Dad's been threatening to do that for months, over late payments (even though she's almost done paying it off and suing her over the amount that's left is just petty IMO) so if he ends up bailing me out of this then I'll tell him to go ahead and sue her and add this amount to the lawsuit.

Just today I read a post about "parenting a 20yo" and everybody's advice was not to bail her out if she goofed up financially, don't enable her, I know somebody who was bailed out as a young adult and still mooches off his/her parents at age 35, etc. I'll be 35 in August. Is that what I'm doing- mooching off my parents?

Every time I think I'm almost caught up some shit like this comes up.

I'm sitting here in tears ignoring my kids. My "friend" is a nurse and she knows that stress makes my FMS worse. She was so mad at my ex when CS was late because of the stress he put me under. Why can't she see that she's doing the same damn thing?
 
#403 ·
Ruth,
That really makes me angry for you! I hate the idea of taking someone to court, but if this is ruining your credit and reputation with your bank then you have to do something about it.

I don't think it's "mooching" off your parents to accept financial help when you nee it. Just like it isn't mooching off your kids when parents live with and accept financial help from their kids. It's called being a family.

I am 36 years old and Mark is 32. We haven't made it yet and that has to do with our choices or lack of choices when we were younger.

Just think what would happen to us if we could not rely on our family for help. We might be homeless right now. Do we deserve to be homeless when as young people we were not given information or options?

No one told me about college, no one expected me to go (this doesn't include my mom who was kept from us) they all thought I was stupid and wouldn't be ablt to handle college.

Oy! Big rant sorry.



Hang in there and when it gets rough don't feel guilty about asking for help.
 
#404 ·
Good luck Potty Diva looking for that new job!

Ruthla if your "friend" is so bad with money that your dad is already threatening to sue her, I question your wisdom to loan her even more money. Please just think about it in the future, I really don't mean to insult you. I'm just extra tough like that, because I have to be. I would ask your dad for help, I'm sure he wouldn't blame you because your "friend" fell through.
I have a strict rule, I don't give out money and expect to see it back because I have learned that you never really do. If I'm gonna let you "borrow" $30 for gas this week, I don't really expect it back. If I can't afford to lose the money forever then I'll just say no in the first place.

Then there are some people (like my neighbor) that I know are ALWAYS short of money, and I don't want to get them in a habit of mooching off me so I always say no. She has called me on payday already out of money! Yes, somethings can come up occasionally, BUT it's not that hard to budget what little money you have. I know she chooses to spend her money on other things, she shouldn't be short every payday.
 
#405 ·
Of course I'm not going to lend her money ever again! I lent her this money over a year ago, long before my Dad ever threatened to sue her.

She'd been paying it back regularly, until the credit card company had some computer problems which made it extremely difficult to pay my card with her bank account. And then her bad money management comes into play- because if your'e trying to pay a bill, and the company is having trouble accepting the funds, don't you still have the money you would have paid them so you can then pay a big chunk once the bank account authorization stuff is settled?
 
#407 ·
oneknight~ this is just a caution, but the tone of your post was not supportive and actually accusatory.

Ruthla then felt obligated to explain her situation which is unnecessary. Please do not question the motives of posters.

This is a support tribe ONLY. Thank you.
 
#408 ·
PD


Ruthla
I hope this gets straightened out soon.

Is it weird that today is payday and I honestly could care less? I don't look forward to payday anymore (well I don't dread it either
), it's all already accounted for, kwim?

On a bright note, I was asked if I'd be able to baby sit a friend's kids on an as needed basis. It won't be consistant but I'm sure that when I do end up babysitting it will be money much needed at the right time so I'm happy about that. The kids ages are 6, 2 and 2mo twins. The 6 yo I'll have if she's not in school, but I'm having trouble deciding how much to ask. I dont' want to break their bank, they are working class folks too.
 
#409 ·
One time I bought tickets for a concert for all my friends so we'd be sure to get them...and they all paid me right away, except for one.
A single guy...no kids...yadda yadda yadda

My roommate at the time freaked out on him
"What kind of LOSER takes money from a SINGLE MOM?!? Unreal is Working her A$$ off to keep food on the table and you haven't paid her yet?!!?!!"

yeah...
then a year later, she needed money to move...so I lent her $1500.
Her first check to me bounced
And I never heard another word from her.

Nice, eh?
So much for not stiffing a single mom


anyhow....yeah...people suck.
I hate not helping a friend in need, when it is something I CAN help with.
But at the same time, getting burned sucks.

PottyDiva--I hope all goes well with those new openings! It sounds like the change would be mighty welcome.
 
#410 ·
Thanks unreal.

Ok guys...

Need a little advice (and damn I love this thread!)

There is a position for a camp counselor at a 4H camp- the owners are sweet and kids are lovely.

The only kicker is that it is a sleep over position. But the timing of it is perfect and there is a 3 day camp for Kailey.

It starts June 6 and ends August 11-12

Its onl;y about 15 mintues away though.

WHAT SHOULD I DO?

It's like the dieal job.
 
#411 ·
I have 10 years experience as a childcare worker/nanny
CPR and First Aid
NC Early Childhood Credentials
Before School/After Care training (for school age kids)
And I am majoring in Education

Do I qualify and am I so wonderful that they would not want to pass me up and allow Kailey to come to camp with me?
 
#412 ·
that is a tough one.

The best job I ever had was as 4-H camp staff

It was so rewarding! and the pay was great for the amount of hours I actually worked...plus the room and board...

But that was before I had kids.

Now I just dream of having a job elsewhere


seriously though, I'm not sure I could imagine how to coordinate it with family responsibilities.
 
#414 ·
The camp I worked at, there was no way a staff member could have had a kiddo there with them--since work was often a 5:30 am - dinner type thing and we frequently had evening things going on as well.

But the camp nurse did go home right at dinner time, and came back at 8 am or so, iirc

I would talk to them and see what they say--they, of all groups, might be flexible enough to work something out.

omg - just read your sig
 
#415 ·
i thought counsellors got one day a week off... i maybe wrong. but after everything you've told us about your dh it sounds like 2 months without him might be a blessing.
my dad was a camp counsellor for a summer one year, he brought me & my sister (7 and 10) along. our mom had taken off somewhere so we had to go with him, and i think the camp was ok with it (i was only 7, what do i know?) and we had the best time ever. so ask. the worst tey can say is no.

jessemom, when i get my friend to watch ds while i work i pay her half what i'm making that day. i make just over minimum wage so the amount is pitiful, but she knows how much i make and is fine with it.
 
#416 ·
Potty Diva Good Luck!

BTW thanks for all the diaper advice. I actually wound up going new for now since I could buy local and skip shipping. After trying FuzziBunz and hating them I am doing prefolds with covers and I love them! I just can't bring myself to put pants on over the pretty colored covers though.
 
#417 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Unreal View Post
omg - just read your sig
I forgot all about this little guy.

I just finished filled out the 2 applications (one for NC State and one for the camp) and the criminal background check and wrote two short essays? weird.

They give you four topics and I chose:

What do I think will be my challenge in this position (I put sadness at campers leaving- did not mention sadness with Kailey)

And "what does character education mean to you and why do you think it's important for youths?"

Ok I am going to drive down there just to see where it is and collect more applications for jobs. I am all motivated and crap to get a J-O-B!

Send out those good luck vibes to the universe, k?
 
#420 ·
I am going to Dr Herbst near Tacoma Mall. I too was at the end of my search/rope. I was looking at thousands for root canals or major extractions and absesses. He pulled 2, saved the rest, and even did a little cosmetic repair and filed down my chipped beaver teeth. He takes DSHS with no complaints and speaks of 'the christian thing to do' and to pay it forward when you can. I've gotten most of my mouth done in 6 visits over 3 months.

I'll warn you that he is very tardy and to try to get the first appointment of the day and still be prepared to wait if there are emergencies. He does a good job at dentistry, but certainly isn't a business man.

I love my new smile~
Bryanna

================
snip

I have no idea what to do, this would cost thousands of $$$ to pay for myself, I don't have a hope in hell of coming up w/ the money. I don't know what to do, I'm gonna die of stupid broken teeth because I have no money
[/quote]
 
#422 ·
Well, I spoke to my "friend" today and she claims she put money into the account AND sent money to the school. She DOES have a point that the debt collectors aren't hounding me, and I just got the thing from the bank yesterday- and if the check had truly bounced, the debt people would have been harrassing me before I even got the bank notice. So maybe it was just a little glitch and not a major worry. She also claims that the school recieved her money order today, I'll call or email them on Monday to verify this. It's certainly in character for her to claim "it's done" on Friday but not actually locate both a stamp and a mailbox before the following Wednesday.

So I took 2 kids to the homeschool event (DS was up late and in a pissy mood all day becaues I was completely freaked out last night and didn't do the normal bedtime routine- he fell asleep with his clothes on and the lights on araound 10:30ish last night, so he missed the school bus.) Then I went to the supermarket on the way home to get chicken for Shabbos, DD2 had a fit in the parking lot because she wanted to go home first so she walked home from there (about 5-6 blocks away) and then I came home, collected DD1, went to the chiropractor, and my car wouldnt' start.

So my Mom rescued us from the chiropractor and the tow truck will collect the car and bring it to the shop. Thank G-d my parents are paying for both the car repair and the towing!!! I'm starting to think adulthood is overrated. Maybe I'll just stick with adolescence forever.
 
#423 ·
Oy! Ruth.

My adventure began in Ellerbe, where I couldn't find the street I needed to turn on. I asked a guy (it's all out in the booneys by the way) and found it. Got to the camp site and walked all over before I found "the guy". The camp is 20 minutes away but i was on the road for nearly two hours
Dang this car gets good gas mileage! So he says thanks and thats it. They were painting the interior of the pool so I am sure he didn't feel like getting out and it was hot so he may have been cranky and I didn't say I was coming.

But I got to see the place and its SOOO cute. Totally a mix between the camp of "Parent Trap" and that freaky camp horror flick.

Then went into Laurinburg and had a semi interview with a childcare center. it's a in-home center and I would have the 3-4 year old -WOOHOO!!! I would have only EIGHT. Talk abot cool. The girl I talked to said she would definitely be calling me after she talked to her director. I left my resume but took the HUGE packet of an application.

Will call the three other places I apllied for on Saturday and will mail off the application for the childcare center tomorrow.

I feel like I have really accomplished something today
 
#424 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
I'm starting to think adulthood is overrated. Maybe I'll just stick with adolescence forever.

I totally agree!!! Just today I was thinking back to when I met DH (I was 19 at the time) and how much easier my life was back then, life was good. And that was only TWO years ago!!!!!

(not that it's bad now, it's just harder)
 
#426 ·
We were breathing a little easier for a while because DH got a new job as a welder. It looks like it's going to be permanent, which is awesome because for many years now all he's been able to get in this city is temporary contracts, which makes it impossible to plan our life or save for a house or anything.

He only started at 10 dollars an hour (CDN). Obviously this isn't enough to support a family (I make very little with my part time job) but we figured, after he gets hired on after 90 days, his pay will go up.

But he found out the other day from one of the other workers there that the boss does not give raises. There is a guy DH works with who's been there for 5 years, and STILL makes 10 dollars an hour.


So now we feel so disappointed. We were so excited that DH finally had a "real" job after more than 5 years of looking, but it's just another dead end. We'll never make enough money to pay off our massive credit card debt and save for our house.

What's more, we have a big car, this job is about a half hour drive away, so we've been going through tons of gas. And his boss is the kind who makes the employees buy everything, work gloves, tools etc, so he's going to end up making less with this job than when we were on welfare.

And he already injured himself pretty badly once. We want so badly to escape this life and try our hand at scratching out an existence out in the country, but how will we EVER save up enough to buy a property when we can't even afford groceries and gas?

I know all you mamas understand that feeling of looking far down the road of your life, and thinking "My god, 10, 20, 30 years from now we're STILL going to be wondering how to pay for groceries..." There just doesn't seem to be any way out.
 
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