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#601 of 832 Old 05-23-2007, 11:45 PM
 
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Unreal - Thank you! That is exactly how I feel. Last year, I had the kids draw on their own sheets of paper and I wrote "Happy Birthday, Daddy" on each one and helped them sign their names. He loved that. I wish he'd remember that you don't need to buy something for every occasion!

We applied for a rental tonight. I have a feeling we were the second rental application given to the landlord. I am so nervous! Fingers crossed!
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#602 of 832 Old 05-23-2007, 11:54 PM
 
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Thank goodness. I called our loan company today and they said the letter stating we owed $190 shouldn't have been sent out. She said we had a credit for $40 to our acct actually (HOW?). I'm still nervous about this, it doesn't sound right.

PD - Good luck to him tomorrow!!

DH is feeling badly. My bday is today and he couldn't get me anything. He's promised to make a cake. I've told him, don't feel bad. But he keeps saying how terrible he feels about it. Sigh!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

: about the rental!!

Single mama to Alex(13), Maddy(12), Sam(8), Violet(6), and Ruby(3). fly-by-nursing1.gif
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#603 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 12:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank goodness. I called our loan company today and they said the letter stating we owed $190 shouldn't have been sent out. She said we had a credit for $40 to our acct actually (HOW?). I'm still nervous about this, it doesn't sound right.

PD - Good luck to him tomorrow!!

DH is feeling badly. My bday is today and he couldn't get me anything. He's promised to make a cake. I've told him, don't feel bad. But he keeps saying how terrible he feels about it. Sigh!
WOOHOO! for the credit!

Thanks for the luck, but most importantly-

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
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#604 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 12:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We applied for a rental tonight. I have a feeling we were the second rental application given to the landlord. I am so nervous! Fingers crossed!
Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

I remember a while ago when I needed a place to stayand had applied for a room to rent (in a college type house). I drove up with all my belongings in my car and the landlord saw this. She asked where I was staying currently and I just looked at my car. It was my first day out (just got fired from a nanny job- cause of a psycho friend) and didn't know whre I would be sleeping that night. She felt badly and approved me right then.

Can ya load some stuff up and look for places that way?
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#605 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 01:33 AM
 
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I just need to whine....

I'm tired.
I'm so bleedin' tired.

We are moving on next Thursday.
Plans have shuffled SO many time since we planned to move, but here we are...moving to our dream town (Ithaca!) into an apt that is walking distance to everything. No Lead. No Cigarette Smoke. No bats.

But now the deal is

I'm working full-time. I telecommute completely. I've never even met my boss or anyone else in the company except my dad

I just enrolled in school, full-time....online school...I'm hoping it is like high school where I can just blow off a lot and do okay

I homeschool our oldest--going into 7th grade next year (yes--we decided to stick with homeschooling)

Our 4 year old is just getting ready to start schoolwork-ish stuff..but needs more activity than I can offer....so we'll probably after-school him until he is older...which means I have to try desperately to find a preschool for him.
There are GORGEOUS schools up there...Waldorf...Montessori....you name it, you got it. But those are all $$$$$

and working with ds3 is getting mighty hard too.

oh...and I'm on the board of the local homebirthers organization
and I'm a volunteer, helping with the BirthWorks newsletter

and did I mention I'm tired?

Oh yeah...and moving...
dh re-dislocated his shoulder this last weekend.
so he can't move anything really heavy

and all our help is as usual, backing out.

I have no friggin clue how we are going to get the truck loaded
and REALLY no clue how we are going to get it unloaded.

right now, to help us unload? Me--with ds3 in the ergo on my back....and my friend's 20 year old daughter who weighs about as much as my ds1.
She thinks her friend can come help...which would be awesome...but gawd what I would give for two brawny guys to just show up on our doorstep.

dh suggested we just call a temp agency...but yeah...like we can afford that!
This move is already costing us a fortune...

ugh

and we'll be okay financially as long as I can hold everything together
but ugh ugh ugh ugh
no pressure, right???
we should end the month with enough fundage to enroll ds1 back in karate
i don't know about preschool for ds2 though

I told dh he needs to turn into Mr Mom and he kinda just laughed at me.

*sigh*

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#606 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 02:59 AM
 
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Thank you for the birthday wishes! Much appreciated, really.

PD - I thought about dragging my kids around in their play clothes, and leaving their faces messy after eating PB&J. Just think, either the landlord would see that and think "NO WAY, NO HOW!" or "Okay, it's yours!" LOL! I did tell the LL tonight that we'd already given notice and need to find a place asap. I was trying to sort of emphasize that we'd move in asap, of course. DH doesn't want to overlap the rent, but really - who the frick cares? We can borrow $ from the IL's, which we hate to do, but it's an option.. so I'm not stressing over that.

Unreal - Oh sweetie, I feel for you. You have SO much going on. Wow. My suggestions (I may have more later).. post an ad on CraigsList, under Services or General.. and ask for a cheap mover. Preferably insured, of course! We really are freaked about moving our big items. I have terrible knees, and DH's back is still haywire from a car accident almost ten years ago now. Anyway, I looked on CL and they have movers for $50 an hour (we'd have to provide the U Haul at a cost for $39/day plus gas). It's a heckuva lot cheaper than movers that provide their own truck ($120/hour). We won't need this option, since my parents and IL's can help.. and the neighbors may help as well. But we figured, if we had to hire the movers (and could), we could just have them load the big stuff (TV, dining table, freezer, couch, etc), we'd drive it over to the house and they'd unload it. It'd be a total of an hour or so most likely. Then we could do the boxes and smaller things ourselves.

I think sometimes, a gentle note to our DP's reminding them of what we do and what we need help with is helpful to us and them.. I'd just copy your post here, print it out and hand it to your DH. This isn't a laughing matter. I understand he's injured, but there are still things he could do around the house that he may not be doing. :/

Do any of the preschools offer some sort of help with tuition? I know one school here offers a few different ways of helping parents pay. Though you still have to pay some of course, and you have to prove (I don't know how?) that you really want your DC's attending their preschool and why (like a college admissions essay, I'm guessing).

{{HUGS}} to you!!!
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#607 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 03:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh I feel for you moving mamas! I hope we won't have to do that for some time (I'm growing fond of our little house even though it's slowly sliding down the hill).

Have you considered asking mamas here on MDC? Are there any in your area? Perhaps create a thread in FYT (in your state or county) and in TAO?

I would happily come move you on the weekends if I was close.

I'm a big heap of "no help" right now. Our house has looked like a tornado struck it for the past week and I am staying up until the laundry and rooms are orderly. I'm waiting for laundry now and taking a wee break.

Plus I am a little anxious over Mark's interview tomorrow and he is beside himself with worry. He wants everything to be perfect. He has his portfolio, he researched the school, has questions for the principal and has reviewed potential questions and we have rehearsed some positive answers. His clothes are picked out and he is finally asleep. OY!

Ok, back to the bathroom for some midnight cleaning
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#608 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 03:39 AM
 
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PD - I thought about asking, but being I haven't been here long, I feel strange in asking, kwim? It's a thought though.

DH came home from work. I told him if we get this place, we may have to overlap rent by a week or so. He went off. He basically said how I am not thinking about $ here. Please. That's all I can think about some days. And we can do this, even if we have to borrow $. It's not the end of the world to do so! So I basically ended the conversation there. I was just stressed already, and him saying that just got me. He knows how incredibly untrue that is, me not worrying about money? Right. I feel like telling him, the other idea is spending $50 a NIGHT on a hotel plus storage fees for our stuff. But I don't want to start a fight..

Anyway, PD - I really hope the interview goes well for him. Just remind him in the AM, everything is in order, all he has to do is be himself and be positive! I know when DH was interviewing, I kept myself positive around him and vented to friends about the stress.. otherwise I'd stress DH out. LOL.
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#609 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 08:51 AM
 
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Oh I feel for you moving mamas! I hope we won't have to do that for some time (I'm growing fond of our little house even though it's slowly sliding down the hill).

Have you considered asking mamas here on MDC? Are there any in your area? Perhaps create a thread in FYT (in your state or county) and in TAO?

I would happily come move you on the weekends if I was close.

I'm a big heap of "no help" right now. Our house has looked like a tornado struck it for the past week and I am staying up until the laundry and rooms are orderly. I'm waiting for laundry now and taking a wee break.

Plus I am a little anxious over Mark's interview tomorrow and he is beside himself with worry. He wants everything to be perfect. He has his portfolio, he researched the school, has questions for the principal and has reviewed potential questions and we have rehearsed some positive answers. His clothes are picked out and he is finally asleep. OY!

Ok, back to the bathroom for some midnight cleaning

Potty Diva, I tried to send you a PM but your inbox is full! I've got an extra copy of the book House Works: cut the clutter, speed your cleaning, and calm the chaos - by Cynthia Townley Ewer (she does the organizedhome.com website) I want to send you. Look the book up on Amazon and PM me with your address. Postage is on me. I had bought the book for a gift, but I found out the recipient already had it before I gave it to her. Cool book, and I thought you'd find it enjoyable and handy.

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#610 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 09:16 AM
 
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Unreal Wishing you two brawny guys to show up at your doorstep!
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#611 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 09:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Potty Diva, I tried to send you a PM but your inbox is full! I've got an extra copy of the book House Works: cut the clutter, speed your cleaning, and calm the chaos - by Cynthia Townley Ewer (she does the organizedhome.com website) I want to send you. Look the book up on Amazon and PM me with your address. Postage is on me. I had bought the book for a gift, but I found out the recipient already had it before I gave it to her. Cool book, and I thought you'd find it enjoyable and handy.
Wow, thanks for the offer mama, but we are decluttered out! I started a new job this week so we've let the place go, we are pretty much on top of things normally though. And after I wash the few dishes in the sink we will be back in perfect action

I like to keep things straight throughout the week so we don't end up cleaning on the weekends (which is stressful).

That is an awesome offer though!
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#612 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 04:58 PM
 
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Grr. We found an awesome 2 bedroom, great price. I emailed the landlord, and they just replied saying the house is much too small for a family of five. Excuse me? Grr. Grr. Grr. If they only saw our family and our posessions, they'd realize how easily we'd fit comfortably (thank you simplifying lifestyle!).

Aw well.. /vent over.
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#613 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 05:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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anyway you might reply and let them know this?
If you really like the apartment anyway.

On another note- I really like my little job and hope they like me. I took an ad from the phone line all by myself- hee hee!
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#614 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 05:41 PM
 
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Haven't checked in for a while, but things are not so great at the moment.

I finally got on the low income program for my power bills, but they want a $75 payment by the end of the month.

I haven't paid May's rent yet and my landlord wants it tomorrow. I *almost* have it, but that means I would have to cancel the appointment to get the spraying boy cats neutered. Almost meaning I have some cash that was for the vet and some in child support that is due this weekend. Even that is not quite enough by about $150. I have garbage to haul that I can't afford to haul myself or pay to have someone else to do it.

I am damn near almost out of food and I have $13.63 in food stamps for the rest of the month. Though I should be okay for food if I use up everything in my pantry + what's left of my food stamps + visit the food pantry at the church on tuesday + get back on wic.

I still have no car insurance and I'm pretty sure my registration is being suspended.

The $807 tax return that I was supposed to get is being redirected towards my exdh's $5000+ tax debt. I filed an innocent spouse relief form, but apparently it takes 3-9 months to sort it all out. That means I don't get caught up, I don't have money to pay for the kids soccer camp or swimming lessons, have to put off my childbirth ed. trainging, etc...

I am thinking of selling a bunch of my stuff to see what I can come up with, but I already sold all my valuable stuff (gold jewelry, french horn, cameras, etc.) when my exdh didn't pay our rent and landed us with an eviction notice on our door.

:

On a lighter note, the weather is a lot nicer.
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#615 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 05:44 PM
 
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Also... Unreal... I am SO JEALOUS that you're moving to Ithaca there. I went to school at IC and I miss it badly. There is supposed to be a GREAT homeschooling co-op there. I live about 3 hours from there now, and would offer to come and at least help you UNPACK if I had the gas money to get there... anything to hang out with a reasonably like minded mama (get me out of here!) and to have an excuse to visit such a lurvely place. <3
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#616 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 05:59 PM
 
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PD - I replied very sweetly (so sweetly, it made me want to vomit, lol!). I told him how a 2 bedroom would fit us very comfortably, that we live a simplified lifestyle and even gave him a link to a Wikipedia entry on the simple lifestyle. I then wished him luck in finding a tenant, and said to have a WONDERFUL afternoon. So much sweetness.. gah.. LOL.

Honestly, the house was about $50 more than our 2 bedroom max we want to pay per month. But I tried anyway. It wasn't meant to be, obviously.

Lisa - While I'm all about fixing kitties, I'd say your rent is more important right now.

I wish I had more helpful hints for you, but you mentioned what I was thinking (food from church, WIC..).

{{HUGS}} I am sorry you are having an even more difficult time right now. I'd volunteer my foot for your exH's behind, if I lived near you.
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#617 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 06:16 PM
 
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About the kitties... the only reason for the urgency is that one of them started spraying, and my older cat picked up the bad habit and has been peeing around the house too. The two of them have been locked in the bathroom since I found out they were doing it. They do NOT like it in that bathroom, but I can't let the kids live with cat pee smell.

You know, the opportunity to move to a smaller place sounds REAL GOOD to me too. But I have three kids and I worry that they will turn me away for the too big family for too small apartment thing... But we have a 3 BR now and don't use one of the BRs at all!

There is a big long line for the opportunity to kick my ex in the rear,
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#618 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 06:43 PM
 
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Can I join your tribe?

(I don't have time to get into the details just now, but I'm really having a rough go of it at the moment, and I would love to have some other mummas to commiserate with. Thanks to Potty Diva for starting this wonderful thread!)

Visit www.evolutiontosimplicity.blogspot.com to follow my epic saga of single mummahood....

 

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#619 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 06:48 PM
 
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Lisa - See my above replies, exactly what I was just turned down for. No having three kids in one bedroom. :/ I think many will allow it, but some don't.

The spraying may not stop once they are fixed. Some males do quit spraying even after being fixed, but many keep on spraying. :/ I'm not sure what to recommend for that.

Welcome, Kathirynne.
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#620 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 07:31 PM
 
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The appraiser for our bank wants to say that our house isn't worth the price because it's so small. To him on paper one 600 sq ft house = another, no matter what condition they are in. We looked at those cheaper houses, they were in worse shape than my grandpa's cattle barn!
My realtor and bankers and everyone are working hard on this. I trust Casey to figure everything out, but I am just SOOOOOO frustrated and upset. I'm so excited about getting out of this damn apartment and now this. GAH! I mean, I haven't given notice yet so if it falls through we aren't sleeping in the truck, but still. I feel both : and at the same time.
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#621 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 07:38 PM
 
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{{HUGS}} oneKnight. I am surprised, they just look at the sq ft and not actually LOOK at the house? I mean, you could have a 600 sq ft house in superb shape with WONDERFUL features (newly upgraded appliances and such), yet have a 600 sq ft down the road that is falling apart with no new appliances at all.. there's a difference, obviously!

I am sorry. It aggravates me for you that they don't think about the condition!
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#622 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 08:55 PM
 
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Grr. We found an awesome 2 bedroom, great price. I emailed the landlord, and they just replied saying the house is much too small for a family of five. Excuse me? Grr. Grr. Grr. If they only saw our family and our posessions, they'd realize how easily we'd fit comfortably (thank you simplifying lifestyle!).

Aw well.. /vent over.

I dont know what your state housing laws are but in our state the max people allowed per bedroom is TWO... so if you have five people you technically need a 3 bedrom place, no matter your possessions or sleeping arrangements.
This is on rentals only, if you own the house you can have as many people as you like per bedroom.
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#623 of 832 Old 05-24-2007, 10:40 PM
 
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I dont know what your state housing laws are but in our state the max people allowed per bedroom is TWO... so if you have five people you technically need a 3 bedrom place, no matter your possessions or sleeping arrangements.
This is on rentals only, if you own the house you can have as many people as you like per bedroom.
In our state, it's up to the landlord. There are normal rules, that apply to age/sex of children in the same room (of course). But the law states landlords must allow at minimum two people per bedroom.

I understand he can turn me down. It just aggravated me because of how he put it. :
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#624 of 832 Old 05-25-2007, 12:14 AM
 
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for us a co-sleeping babe doesn't count, so we *could* get a 2 br.

But...with ds1 being 11, and ds2 being 4...that would just be asking for WWIII to start.

We can barely have them in the same house, never mind sharing a bedroom!

We are moving into a 3br--Lisa you are welcome to come visit anytime!
We figure when ds3 is older, he'll bunk with ds2...

When we were filling out the lease, we asked if we could move into a bigger unit if one opens up (the boys bedrooms in this one are a little less than 7x11)
And they said they have a 4br that might open up soon...in my mind I couldn't imagine how we could get into a 4 br---we don't *need* one

then I realized...5 people...we do 'qualify' for a 4 br...good grief. Like I want to have to clean up ANOTHER bedroom???!!???


We called the temp agency...we're going to get 2 guys for 4 hours..and we moved the move date AGAIN...so we have help unloading the truck.

I feel better now..but still pretty mega stressed....
moving with 3 kids is not fun.

Jesse you deserve sainthood for moving so many times with the kids

sooooo now...I have a week to sort and pack everything...
then a day to get through stuff up there...
then a day to load the truck
and a day to unload

and we are DONE *whew*

Gawd I hope this works.

dh still hasn't found a job up there
not that he could find one here either

Well, I shouldn't say that.
There are jobs.
But they would mean me having all 3 kids at home alone while I'm working. And that isn't good.

Since I have more earning potential than him, I need to keep my job.

But my job it totally not reliable on paying. It's been okay this year, but last year there were about 3 months straight where we got partial pay, instead of a full paycheck

So, even with my going to school and taking out loans, we have to try to save as much as possible, just in case

DH is looking to go to school in the spring...that will help.
if he does that and works PT...and I do school and leave this job and work pt...we'll be okay.

I think.

I'm so sick of thinking about money.

This entire move is getting put on my Amex card. Which we will then transfer to our Discover card for a lower rate.

*sigh*

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#625 of 832 Old 05-25-2007, 01:22 AM
 
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unreal, that post has a lot of stress in it. i'm sorry you're enduring so much stress.
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#626 of 832 Old 05-25-2007, 02:46 AM
 
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thank you josybear

It is funny though.
This thread is the only place where I can comment on all this--irl everyone I know has money. I told one friend we were going to have to hire temp workers to help out and they said--oh that is a great idea even if you do have other help!
No. No it isn't! It is costing us $150!!! How is that a great idea????
UGH!

but you know--we are so flippin' lucky....we have that $150 free on credit cards.

And the job thing. UGH
I am so sick of my mainstream friends asking things like

"So...did DH find a job yet? Why not? How about just a fast food place?!?"

Ummm--look. Yes, we are always broke. We can't afford to go on vacation with you to DC for 5 days. We can't go to your location wedding in Vegas.

BUT...for crying out loud quick thinking we need you to FIX it for us!
We KNOW that we could have more $$ if the kids were in school/daycare and we both worked.
We made a decision that our family was more important.

I'm sorry that doesn't mesh with your worldview of success :

We made a choice about how we want to raise our family.
and we do our best financially within those boundaries.

Why is $$ more important than family for so many other people???

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#627 of 832 Old 05-25-2007, 06:39 AM
 
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Unreal - {{HUGS}}

Part of me wishes we had a CC to use as backup. It'd be so helpful. Alas, we don't. And that is that!
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#628 of 832 Old 05-25-2007, 09:58 AM
 
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unreal, i know what you mean. i was having a conversation like this with my friend yesterday. i'd rather be broke and have the time to kick a ball around with ds and sit and feelmy baby kick instead of being one of those people who's always on the go and has tons of work-related stress and pressures. if i can't leave a job at the job and go home without worries, i don't want that job. that's translated to crap jobs for low pay (for now) but i feel it's worth it, most days.
i have different priorites from a lot of people and that's abseloutley fine by me.
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#629 of 832 Old 05-25-2007, 10:49 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Unreal View Post

We made a choice about how we want to raise our family.
and we do our best financially within those boundaries.

Why is $$ more important than family for so many other people???
That sounded like a conversation I've had with my mom countless times that basically had the undertone of "why is your husband so worthless? If he really cared about his family he'd X, Y, Z". Even though it isn't stable and doesn't pay the best my dh likes working with food (and wine and spirits ). He busts his rear end every day and always has at every job he has had (so I don't know why my family feels like he's so "lazy". ugh....sorry own personal rant there)

I don't know about the people who've never had to worry about money growing up but I think most people feel like having enough money or more than enough equals caring about their family, in the sense that at least it's stable. Not having enough money to cover every basic is too scary a thought for them so they wonder why we would "want" to live like that. My pre coffee explaination
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#630 of 832 Old 05-25-2007, 11:30 AM
 
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Are debt collectors allowed to verbally abuse you?

On Tuesday, when I was busy with holiday preparations, the UA violation from the debt collection company called to complain about a check that bounced 3 weeks ago! He wanted me to run and Western Union him some money I don't have when I barely have time to think this week. I told him it was a Jewish holiday and I wouldn't be able to answer the phone. Mind you, if the 3 week ago check bounced, then the one last week would certainly be good, even if my "friend" put the money in the account a couple days late, because the money from the 1st check would still be in the account. I don't understand why he's harrassing me about it.

He called me on Tuesday and Wednesday and left messages on my answering machine in a kind of threatening tone of voice telling me to call back that day (which of course I couldn't.) It frightened my children to have to listen to that. (We don't answer the phone on Jewish holidays and Shabbat but we listen to the machine when it picks up, in case it's their father telling us he's on his way or is delayed or something like that.)

Then he called this morning, and DD1 got the phone. It was about 9:45 AM and I had just woken up, and I didn't want to deal with him yet, esp not to simply explain to him why I can't do anything about the bills today. So he yelled at my 12yo!!! She asked me what to do with him yelling at her and I told her to hang up the phone.

Are debt collectors allowed to yell at you and belittle you on the phone? Are they allowed to yell at children if their parents aren't available? Is there some way to get the collection agency to have a different agent call me? The last time I tried to ask for his supervisor, I ended up routed back to him.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19, Hannah, 18, and Jack, 12
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