Do non-frugal behaviors of others sometimes make you cringe? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 125 Old 05-24-2007, 08:43 PM
 
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We're having a big get-together in the mountains next month to celebrate my inlaws 50th anniversary (see....vacation weekend over $$$ party), and everyone is responsible for 2 meals per family. There will be no take out, no paper plates, no disposable cups, no individual containers of anything. We'll all cook our meals, pretty much from scratch, and the pre-prepared food we bring will be in some sort of odd recycled container (my MIL and I are fans of the mason jar; one SIL loves her country crock containers )

I wish I had that! That's amazing!

4 kids under 10
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#62 of 125 Old 05-24-2007, 08:49 PM
 
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The part that bothers me is that she then asks us for money. Um. . . no. We're supporting us and our two kids and trying to save for the future. Just because you don't save anything doesn't make it our responsibility to bail you out. She has told my husband that I'm evil and a bad influence on him because we won't give her money. Oh, well. If she were working and trying to better her situation, you'd better believe I'd help her. But not while she spends all her $$ on junk and then comes begging to us.

I'm terrified that we're going to have to support the IL's when they hit older age/"retirement." They're 67 and 53-54yo. The only thing they have to their names is furniture, a bunch of clothes and other crap they bought over the years, an old, beat up Volvo that's worth maybe $800 and a 5yo Subaru they've gotten into two accidents with. No savings. No house. No rough plan for retirement. FIL was making well over $300K for a number of years as well. And they just got divorced. *sigh* We have enough to deal with regarding saving for our own retirement on dh's modest salary, let alone me freaking out about having to support them as well.

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#63 of 125 Old 05-24-2007, 09:37 PM
 
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I'll tell you what really makes me and I can say it all because it's about my sister, who not only has never even heard of the word frugality and so would never be stopping by a frugal forum but also hates all kids (mine included) and would therefore never, ever visit MDC.

My sister is a SAHM ... to her dogs. She takes her dogs to a doggy playgroup. She takes her dogs to a doggy beauty salon. She has a little doggy bike trailer so she can take them on little doggy bike rides. When they lived where it snowed, her doggies had little dog snow booties, snow coats, and hats. One of her doggies has little doggy allergies so she gives him doggy allergy pills. When one of her doggies suddenly went psycho and attacked the other one, she gave the dog little doggy antipsychotics.

I swear to you all, she spends more on her doggies in one month than I spend on my children all year.

It makes me want to :Puke

I have a dog. I'm a Buddhist. I consider all sentient creatures valuable. But come on ... they're DOGS! A doggy salon?? A PLAYGROUP???

dm

ETA: I posted before I read ehcor's post. So yeah, I probably do sound like a bitter witch. But what really honks me off about my sister is that they don't give one dime to charity. I can't stand it that there are people suffering in this world and dogs are getting $100 groomings. I. can't. stand. it.
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#64 of 125 Old 05-24-2007, 09:59 PM
 
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My sister is a SAHM ... to her dogs. She takes her dogs to a doggy playgroup. She takes her dogs to a doggy beauty salon. She has a little doggy bike trailer so she can take them on little doggy bike rides. When they lived where it snowed, her doggies had little dog snow booties, snow coats, and hats. One of her doggies has little doggy allergies so she gives him doggy allergy pills. When one of her doggies suddenly went psycho and attacked the other one, she gave the dog little doggy antipsychotics.

At least she didn't have the dog put down. Maybe she's making up for all the negligent, thoughtless, abusive, overbreeding, pit fighting, undernourishing, cruel dog owners in the world. Perhaps that thought will make you feel better about the way she treats her dogs?

Why freak out? It isn't like it's impacting you at all. I'll agree that it would be nice for her to give to charity, as we'd all (as a society) benefit. She could give to the humane society or something. You know, millions of people donate a fortune to animal welfare organizations - to DOGS! instead of people - does that bother you? Not being snarky - I really want to know...
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#65 of 125 Old 05-24-2007, 09:59 PM
 
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Okay, I'm sorry. I haven't read this entire thread, but I am getting really, really frustrated!

When is it going to be illegal for companies to produce so many disposable items and convince people that they should be using only disposable items??!??!? Not only is it a huge financial waste, it's really hurting our environment. So much energy and resources are consumed in producing, packaging, and transporting these items. I just don't get it. A single use toothbrush?!? Single-use socks!?!?

Again, I'm sorry, but I think that using tons of disposable things is irresponsible and borderline criminal.

Thanks for letting me rant. Now back to the funny stories!
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#66 of 125 Old 05-24-2007, 10:45 PM
 
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Not being snarky - I really want to know...
I have two kids adopted from Ethiopia. One of them is HIV+. Most Ethiopians live on less than $1 a day. Yes, it bothers me that people give money to dogs instead of to people. We are living in the midst of a pandemic of proportions never before seen in human history, and dogs are getting $100 haircuts. If all that money that people give to the Humane Society went to Ethiopia, maybe my kids' parents wouldn't have died from HIV. I *know* that it's not that simple, but yes, I get really infuriated that people pamper their pets while humans are starving the world over. It's probably not rational, but there you have it.

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#67 of 125 Old 05-24-2007, 10:53 PM
 
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From your perspective, your opinion makes sense to me.
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#68 of 125 Old 05-24-2007, 10:54 PM
 
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I admit we are not the most frugal at times.. we have a wakeboard boat and we use it. The huge but is, my husband rides his bike year round to afford the extra gas we use, and the emotional costs of wasting resources on recreation.

So his brother and sister in law join us for the annual camping/lake trip. EVERYTHING they bring is single serving, sam's club packaging. 8 oz water bottles, 8 oz juice, plastic plates, plastic ware and all the rest of the crap that they want to burn in the fire.


We bring 5 gallon jugs of water from home, real silverware that gets washed every night and old corning ware plates and bowls.

Of course they also brought their big huge barely fit in the camping spot RV, used all of our paper products and left us with nothing when they packed up their huge arse RV to continue their "camping" trip with my SIL's family.

SIL also has to drive the new Mercedes SUV every year, huge diamonds in her ears, on her fingers and around her wrists. But complains to my MIL that she does not think her family burned 80 bucks worth of gas in MY boat. (forgetting the fact that in pior years when it was their boat.... I would pay for all the gas for the vacation(400+ bucks)...since they paid all the other boat expenses during the year)


I was never so glad to see family leave.
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#69 of 125 Old 05-24-2007, 11:03 PM
 
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I'll tell you what really makes me and I can say it all because it's about my sister, who not only has never even heard of the word frugality and so would never be stopping by a frugal forum but also hates all kids (mine included) and would therefore never, ever visit MDC.

My sister is a SAHM ... to her dogs. She takes her dogs to a doggy playgroup. She takes her dogs to a doggy beauty salon. She has a little doggy bike trailer so she can take them on little doggy bike rides. When they lived where it snowed, her doggies had little dog snow booties, snow coats, and hats. One of her doggies has little doggy allergies so she gives him doggy allergy pills. When one of her doggies suddenly went psycho and attacked the other one, she gave the dog little doggy antipsychotics.

I swear to you all, she spends more on her doggies in one month than I spend on my children all year.

It makes me want to :Puke

I have a dog. I'm a Buddhist. I consider all sentient creatures valuable. But come on ... they're DOGS! A doggy salon?? A PLAYGROUP???

dm

ETA: I posted before I read ehcor's post. So yeah, I probably do sound like a bitter witch. But what really honks me off about my sister is that they don't give one dime to charity. I can't stand it that there are people suffering in this world and dogs are getting $100 groomings. I. can't. stand. it.
and

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I have two kids adopted from Ethiopia. One of them is HIV+. Most Ethiopians live on less than $1 a day. Yes, it bothers me that people give money to dogs instead of to people. We are living in the midst of a pandemic of proportions never before seen in human history, and dogs are getting $100 haircuts. If all that money that people give to the Humane Society went to Ethiopia, maybe my kids' parents wouldn't have died from HIV. I *know* that it's not that simple, but yes, I get really infuriated that people pamper their pets while humans are starving the world over. It's probably not rational, but there you have it.

dm



You know-it could be easy for someone to say that the money spent on adoption (travel costs, medical care, toys/clothes after they arrived, whatever) could have been better divvied up to feed and care for more people instead of enriching your life with your kids. Would you honestly give a damn? I doubt it--and I personally feel they would deserve to be told to go to hell.

And there are lots of people who spend a lot of $$$ on their very privileged American kids who wouldn’t think twice before rejecting the idea of diverting their resources away from their babies to feed and give medical care to others halfway around the world—do you save any of your outrage for them?

It’s fine if someone is bothered by what I spend on my dogs—they’re entitled. It really doesn’t affect me except to inspire me to do even more.

Out of the $40,000 or so we gave to charity last year, around 75% of that went to dog rescue groups. The rest was dispersed amongst groups like Planned Parenthood, The North Carolina Justice Center, and other orgs. This was a low year for us in terms of charitable giving (we were paying cash for my MBA at a private uni.). Not only do we not regret a single penny, but we also plan to allocate 90% to dog-only organizations this year. As a woman of color, who grew up working class in the Deep South (and who married somebody from a similar socio-economic background, except he's white), who’s never been given anything, I’m seriously proud of how I choose to spend my household’s money now that we have it to spend. But even if we didn’t give one cent to charity, or have very secure retirement/investment plans, a solid marriage and zero real debt, etc, I still wouldn’t be asking for anyone’s permission to spend my money how I choose.
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#70 of 125 Old 05-24-2007, 11:11 PM
 
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Ehcor, I was not singling you out. This is a thread about whether non-frugal behaviors bug us. I said they do, and I said why.



dm
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#71 of 125 Old 05-24-2007, 11:17 PM
 
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I didn't think you were--but just as you felt the need to further explain in detail why your sister's spending on her pets bother you, I guess I, as another dog lover/spoiler, felt the need to explain why that kind spending probably won't change.

As far as other issues in the thread, I seriously can't explain stuff like cigarrettes. But, then again, I have allergies, so I'm biased.
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#72 of 125 Old 05-24-2007, 11:36 PM
 
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I don't mind if people are not frugal, but I does bother me when people complain to me about having "no money" and then buy seemingly unnecessary stuff.

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#73 of 125 Old 05-24-2007, 11:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It also wouldn't bother me if it were a friend who was spending a lot, unless I heard about it all the time or they asked me to borrow money. But the people I'm dealing with are my parents and sister. My parents do have some debt, but it really bothers me because they tell me they can't help me with school. And while I am struggling every semester since I started college, they are buying a Harley and building a new, bigger house - yet they "can't afford" to help me with school or even cosign a loan. And my sister is majorly in debt and they survive off of their credit cards but just can't fathom cutting expenses. Those are the types that bother me. If they had the money to spend, it wouldn't bother me. It's just what they consider necessary for living that bugs me I guess. Maybe I titled this wrong then.
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#74 of 125 Old 05-24-2007, 11:38 PM
 
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...what really honks me off ...
This phrase made me choke on my rice and beans.
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#75 of 125 Old 05-25-2007, 12:12 AM
 
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I don't mind if people are not frugal, but I does bother me when people complain to me about having "no money" and then buy seemingly unnecessary stuff.
Yes, yes, and yes! This is it, exactly!

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#76 of 125 Old 05-25-2007, 12:31 AM
 
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things people spend money on that bug me:

sessions at the tanning salon
fake fingernails
phone sex


and the beer and pool games that dh's friends buy when they could get their own place instead of hanging out here all the frickin' time

BUT we have a $2000 organ we bought sort of on a whim that we really can't afford to keep so now we have to go to the trouble of selling it. (we ought to make a profit on it but man is it a pain in the ass and we really could use money in the pocket more than potential profit, yk)
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#77 of 125 Old 05-25-2007, 12:36 PM
 
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#78 of 125 Old 05-25-2007, 12:46 PM
 
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It also wouldn't bother me if it were a friend who was spending a lot, unless I heard about it all the time or they asked me to borrow money. But the people I'm dealing with are my parents and sister. My parents do have some debt, but it really bothers me because they tell me they can't help me with school. And while I am struggling every semester since I started college, they are buying a Harley and building a new, bigger house - yet they "can't afford" to help me with school or even cosign a loan. And my sister is majorly in debt and they survive off of their credit cards but just can't fathom cutting expenses. Those are the types that bother me. If they had the money to spend, it wouldn't bother me. It's just what they consider necessary for living that bugs me I guess. Maybe I titled this wrong then.

???
So if your parents spent their money on you, then you wouldn't mind their purchases?

FTR, If you were my daughter I'd definitely choose your education over the Harley - but I think we get into dangerous territory when we expect other people to pay for our choices, even if those other people are our parents.
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#79 of 125 Old 05-25-2007, 01:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That's exactly it. Choosing to help your child with their education is a far better investment than a Harley. That and the fact that they told me my whole life that I had to go to college, that I had no choice. That if I didn't go they would kick me out. I went with the promise from my parents that they would help me out with paying for it - some, not all. But then I have had to struggle to pay for it every single semester - even though they said they would help out and then decided not to. And it's not even the fact that they don't want to help pay for it, but they won't even co-sign student loans because they want their credit to be "free" for them to buy a new vehicle if they want to. Their words, not mine. Do you know how much it would help me if my mom bought the five dollar mascara and gave me the extra 25? That would pay for one of my books that's sitting on my credit card right now collecting interest. This is completely different than my parents "spending their money on me." They aren't buying me clothes, they're helping with an education.

Wow, you just really have it out for me in this thread don't you? First the amount of money I spend on groceries, then this...
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#80 of 125 Old 05-25-2007, 01:28 PM
 
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Wow, you just really have it out for me in this thread don't you? First the amount of money I spend on groceries, then this...

Actually, I was admiring you for your grocery bill. I don't "have it out for you" - when you put yourself out there in the way you have, you're bound to get responses. Certainly you can't expect the whole world to agree with you?
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#81 of 125 Old 05-25-2007, 02:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I apologize for the grocery comment then, I didn't know that it was admiration. I apologize for reading that wrong.

And no, I definitely do not expect the whole world to agree with me, I definitely don't agree with everyone I come in contact with. I just honestly viewed your comment in the wrong way, and when you started talking about school and my parents, it bothered me for the reasons stated and also because I have spent so much time in therapy because of my parents (not just because of school) and worked so hard to get to where I am in school. It just triggered my defense mechanism. But you had no way of knowing that, and I let my emotions get the best of me. I'm sorry for doing that to you.
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#82 of 125 Old 05-25-2007, 02:17 PM
 
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I have a habit of bringing up questions that aren't necessarily directed at the person who wrote the comment - per se. I just think that it's something to consider, kwim? I'm sorry it was directed at you, but you were the OP, so that's sort of what happens... sometimes it helps to see things from a different perspective.

I think maybe your frustration with their spending actually has roots in another issue - and I think that whenever we're critical of the way someone else spends their time, money, love... any of their resources... we really need to look at why it bothers us so much.
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#83 of 125 Old 05-25-2007, 02:54 PM
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My goodness. She really needs some babies!

Take care.
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#84 of 125 Old 05-25-2007, 03:15 PM
 
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I sort of skimmed some of the responses. Honestly, I don't seem to get upset over how others spend their money because it is their money.

I do have family members who do not make wise purchases, they are wrapped in our "throw away" culture of things and obsessed with keeping up with the Jones'. But, what can you do...maybe just lead by example.

I do *wish* that here in the US we didn't have so much of a throw away culture. We buy things for dollars, that people spend a whole day working on in other countries. There are so many things that people *don't need* here to live. It is really saddening. We can control what we do...and make the decisions that we thing are right. I don't think people in this country will change until they have to though.

It won't be until the value of a dollar crumbles, that our national debt catches up to us as a nation and people here are forced to live conservatively by necessity.

I think often, how our 1800 square foot (no basement) home would be a mansion for most people in most countries.

(anyhow, let me jump off my soap box...I think it would be nice if people were more balanced...but I too think that we each were put here for a reason, and that we need to fulfill the tasks that we were meant to)...

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#85 of 125 Old 05-26-2007, 01:08 AM
 
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As everyone has said, I only get irritated when they complain about being broke or ask for $.

A certain inlaw has recently asked us for money to pay her cell phone bill after teasing us for disabling internet and texting on our phones. She also asked for money to take her puppy to the vet when he got sick. We "confiscated" the dog, spent $300+ at the vet, and are holding him hostage until she prioritizes his health. She brags about her high salary btw.

A coworker makes comments that she can't pay her electric bill or buy food until payday, but without fail on payday she goes on about the concert she's going to, baseball game she has tickets for. I don't comment, but still.

Of course, we once spent over $1K on our dog at the emergency vet. She was passed out in the yard one day when we came home from work. I still have pain in my heart to think about that moment. Some might think that was a waste of money. We also blew over $500 on a special pet hair vacuum when we could have donated to charity. But, we have the money and I LOVE that vacuum.

OK- judgmental mode off!
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#86 of 125 Old 05-26-2007, 09:17 AM
 
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We also blew over $500 on a special pet hair vacuum when we could have donated to charity. But, we have the money and I LOVE that vacuum.
It wouldn't be the Dyson Animal would it? : That's a frugal investment as it can be expected to last years and years - I've spent $120 on 2 vacuums in the last 2 years and they're both in pieces in the garage right now.

Off to buy my new vacuum!!! (I'm getting the Absolute.)
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#87 of 125 Old 05-26-2007, 03:14 PM
 
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You know, it's not the shopping or the spending on things I don't think are important that bother me, because I know that when we've had money I've spent it in ways that other people would consider to be 'silly'. (Hell, I took a $200 spa day for a graduation present... not frugal but so, so, so worth it!) What bothers me is STUPID spending.

For instance, my mother-in-law signed up for a grocery/meal delivery program. I don't understand why anyone would sign up to have microwavable pre-prepared menus delivered to their door every week, but she hates to cook so I can sort of see the idea behind it. But then she paid them over $100/month to rent a seperate freezer/refrigerator for the delivered food rather than using the one they already had or, if necessary, buying one outright at the store (or even, perish the thought, USED!), and then signed a commitment for a second year of the program knowing they were moving outstate in 3 months and that she was under contract for the entire year, without looking into whether the services existed in their new state, or was transferable or could be canceled with an additional fee. I'm not judgemental over the decision to get a meal delivery service (although I totally and completely don't get it...). But I kind of am over the stupid decisions she made afterward - she lost $8000 over two years because she couldn't be arsed to plan ahead or think about what she was doing. My inlaws don't make a lot of money and my father-in-law works hard. They are not in a financial position to be hemmoraging money like this, and I'm worried they're expecting us to support them in their retirement because MIL is constantly making financial decisions like this.

Spending all of my money and time on this wild, wild life.
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#88 of 125 Old 05-26-2007, 06:47 PM
 
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Flame me - but I think it's judgemental and a waste of energy to worry about how other people spend their money unless you're very close friends or family, and are concerned about their wellbeing. Otherwise it's just another way to bring yourself up by putting others down. I personally think a better focus for this frustration would be to find areas in my own life that need some attention.
I have to agree with this.
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#89 of 125 Old 05-27-2007, 08:14 PM
 
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When I told my MIL that I wanted to make my own butter, she said, "I don't trust butter that doesn't come out of a machine." That is some hard-core marketing brainwashing there.
i hear stuff like this all the time.... HUH?!?!? :
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#90 of 125 Old 05-27-2007, 08:53 PM
 
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The way people treat their pets as though they were human children, while there is wholesale human suffering in the world, disturbs me more profoundly than I can express.
meowee is offline  
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