December Lower Income and/or Struggling Mama's Support Thread - Page 11 - Mothering Forums
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#301 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 06:14 PM
 
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Jaime, that was just beautiful

Happy Birthday Natural mama

A while ago I PMed someone who posted about stocking up while the foodstamps were high and we had loads of fresh food from our garden. I was SO glad I did! She gave me good ideas on what to buy and what not to buy ("don't buy things you will never eat just because they are on sale" sort of advice). Now that Dh is working more, the cut in the food stamps was dramatic... but we had lots of dry beans and canned goods to fall back on. I forget who it was, but it was a huge help so THANKS!

The Tabbie Family; DH , DS , DD , a few :, a couple : and me.
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#302 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 06:25 PM
 
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so, can I @itch, moan and complain?

my heat AGAIN! I really so desperately wanted to keep my heat at 56 and 'supplement' with electric heaters. first, a few weeks ago my space heater pooped. so I have been supplementing with my oven. Well, my freaking oven pooped!

i am frantic

i CANNOT AFFORD the natural gas....last year it was over 300 bucks a month during the winter......

we have rinnai heaters, supposed to be good, but one is in the livingroom--with 10 foot ceilings and the heat doesn't leave the LR. The other one was placed in the back hall....where it heats the hall and the bathroom....it doesn't even get warm in the back bedroom

the kitchen gets no heat. edies room gets no heat.

now with no oven or heater I am screwed....and freezing

i called the landlady, but (and i really like her) she is kinda crazy. I don't know how long this will take....she may not be ABLE to deal with it for some time

nature....sorry about your stroller

jaime....thanks...fabulous post
sandygirl....great about the formula
clucky...I HATE that fear. I'm living it right now with dd's not being vax'd in public school with a mumps 'epidemic'. impending doom...for good parenting!

happyhippiemama, shay,justmama,jamesmama


well, of to happily buy pompoms!:

proverbs 29:7 the righteous care about justice for the poor, but the wicked have no such concern.

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#303 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 06:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by natural_mama89 View Post
Today is my birthday!!!!!! It is nice to have an excuse to celebrate something in such hard times. My DP is going to bake me a cake when he gets home from work. My Grandpa also came by to wish me a happy birthday and gave me $50!!! Maybe I can get a new bra or something (all my nursing bras are in horrible shape).
Happy Birthday! :

Shay

Mothering since 1992...its one of the many hats I wear.
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#304 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 06:31 PM
 
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Crap Ediesmom! That sucks. Did you call the crisis heating office where you are? DPW? If you guys are near me, you are more than welcome to come over... the kids can run around like crazies and warm up and we can sit under blankets

The Tabbie Family; DH , DS , DD , a few :, a couple : and me.
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#305 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 06:56 PM
 
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Happy Tuesday All; I am trying..I am so tired lately. I hope that this is not what I feel like until baby's birth day.

Today I am thankful for

1. My children. They have played together so well today in spite of being cooped up in the house, they really enjoy each other and are really creative in their games and stuff. I wish I could bottle their joy and drink it up

2. I am thankful that my vehicle started today when I was 1/2 hour from home. I was so scared. We have a used mini van and every now and then it won't start. It has to do with the gears.. you have to shift it from Park, to neutral and through everything and back and just try again. Sometimes it will start on park, sometimes on neutral when this happens.. sometimes it takes a LONG time. Thankfully it only took me about 15 minutes. (This was a Cal Cars/buy here/pay here type place we got this from.. it was all we could get and it has a myriad of issues.. wipers dont work, back hatch doesn't open, etc. but it gets us from point A to point B.. and I was SO THANKFUL I got home)


3. I am thankful for Dh and that he loves me even when he gets stressed over finances and doesn't resent me and the kids .. I am sure it would be easy to do.

 Mama to my tribe
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#306 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 07:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ediesmom View Post
so, can I @itch, moan and complain?

my heat AGAIN! I really so desperately wanted to keep my heat at 56 and 'supplement' with electric heaters. first, a few weeks ago my space heater pooped. so I have been supplementing with my oven. Well, my freaking oven pooped!

i am frantic

i CANNOT AFFORD the natural gas....last year it was over 300 bucks a month during the winter......

we have rinnai heaters, supposed to be good, but one is in the livingroom--with 10 foot ceilings and the heat doesn't leave the LR. The other one was placed in the back hall....where it heats the hall and the bathroom....it doesn't even get warm in the back bedroom

the kitchen gets no heat. edies room gets no heat.

now with no oven or heater I am screwed....and freezing

i called the landlady, but (and i really like her) she is kinda crazy. I don't know how long this will take....she may not be ABLE to deal with it for some time
There's nothing worse than being cold indoors!!!!! I'm so sorry your heat is not working. My sis used to have rinnai heaters in her last place and you are right, even with the thing cranked the heat totally doesn't leave a room with high ceilings. It's never fun to be cold! I hope your landlady gets her stuff together and deals with the heat problem.

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#307 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 07:49 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ~*Jaime View Post
I have a word about people giving you things or offering you things..

When DH and I just started out we were so much poorer than we are now. We were eating MRE's out of his Father's garage to get by. I had that "Oh my gosh I can not afford to buy groceries" thing happen more times than would like to think about. It was pretty bad, but we were happy, and that was what mattered at the time.

Now my personal religous beliefs tell me that no matter how bad things get, God will provide. I do not want to get preachy at all, but that is how I personally feel. At the worst time, someone I met online sent me a gift card in the mail for $75. I was just totally overwhelmed by her generosity. Honestly, I do not know how I would have reacted if she had offered it first, instead of just mailing it, I might not have wanted to take it. But I am so thankful that she sent it. I promised myself that I would pay that forward one day, and I have more than once.

So no, DH and I do not have a lot, we have a lot of medical bills we are paying off and that makes the budget tight. But we have enough. My car might be old and my Mother to this day might buy most of my clothes because I wont spend money on them, but I have enough. So if I offer to help someone in need, it is my choice. I don't feel sorry for anyone, really, I mean, I don't view anyone I have ever helped as a charity case at all, not in the least. So it isn't about feeling "sorry" for someone, it is about remembering when I was there myself, only I did not have children to feed, so that has to make things 20 times worse. I have learned a lot from the friend I mentioned in my above post. I have learned that even when times are tough there are some things I can do budget wise to help allow room for me to help someone else. And my only tiny little request is that hopefully one day if someone I help is in a better position, they will help someone else. That is what I think this world needs. It needs more people being willing to say "Okay, I don't need a $100 dress that I will only wear once, maybe I can use that money to buy food for someone instead."

So basically what I am trying to say, is that if someone offers you help, it doesn't necessarily mean that they feel sorry for you, it could mean that they were once like me.. helped by a very kind stranger and are wanting to give that help back now that they are able

Sorry for my long post :
Thank you Jaime! That was actually really helpful. I made out the list of what she wanted and I wrote her a nice letter thanking her and explaining my original hesitancy and I plan to give it to her at the bus stop tomorrow morning in a sealed envelope. I know she's just trying to be nice but it's just hard to accept that outright "charity" from someone. I mean, I took a changing table from someone who offered but it was someone who's boys were 4 and 6 and wouldnt' be having more children so it was offered in the respect of "I won't be using this anymore, can you use it???" But this is "I know you are having a rough time, I'd like to buy presents and food for your children because I know you can't." And while it's incredibly sweet of her and I'm touched, I'm also a little embarrassed because I CAN'T do those things for my girls taht I want to be able to. So I'm guessing I'm more embarrassed by my lack of ability to provide than by her incredibly generous offer. And to make me feel a little better about my ability to "give" in the holiday season, I went through the basement and found a bunch of stuff the girls won't use to give away. Anyone needs gn or boy 0-6months clothing or 0-12months girly clothing let me know!

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#308 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 08:48 PM
 
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Actually just came across this thread. Timely, I guess. Just having a bad day. Came home today to find a $7000 bill in the mail for one of DH's student loans that I thought had been taken care of. It's been slowly (well, quickly) accumulating interest at a rate of $60/month for who knows how long. Lovely surprise after an already crummy day.

We finally got our power turned back on after DH begged and pleaded with his father (who is also his boss) to release his pay to him. We lost most of our food during the time the power was out. I contacted the food bank via both phone and email a week ago to see about getting some food. No answer. Nothing. I don't know what to do.

I spoke to my step-mother today. She normally gives me $50 for Christmas. Money I was sadly counting on, but not sure if I'll get it this year. And how sad, that I'm bitter about this. She told me today that she's been crying most of the day because of how needy her "adoptive family" is. It's a program they have at her work where they take on a needy family in the area. She's busy supporting and spending money on this random family, while her own is *this* close to homelessness. And I hate myself for feeling so bitter and angry about it. Hey, at least she's helping somebody. And that's a good thing, right?

I guess it's just hard for me to watch her throw away money on frivilous things like videogame systems and expensive games and toys and random junk for her "real" children, when we're struggling so badly. It's just as hard watching my in-laws. And trust me, I know it has nothing to do with me. But it's hard to see the blatent wasteful consumerism thrown in my face. To see the brand new massage table sitting in the hallway, that they bought themselves and will never use, while I'm having trouble even putting food on the table. And the words of support? "There there dear. We all struggled. It makes you stronger." And "You know, I never had a hard time finding a job back in 1972 when I first started out. I just don't get why you can't find a better job. You must be doing something wrong, or not trying hard enough. Did you write a cover letter??????"

Phone, internet, credit cards, hydro, water, car payment, childcare payment, rent...ALL are majorly overdue. With no idea when/if we'll be able to pay them. And Christmas??? Laughable. A joke. I'm seriously tempted to just not go to my in-law's this year, because I don't have gifts to bring for them. I'll feel like such a chump. DH is working towards a new career that requires him to pay roughly $400 in fees this month (applications/tests/etc), and I have no freaking clue how we're going to swing it. If he misses these tests, he misses out on an opportunity that would completely turn our life around.

I want to throw up.
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#309 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 08:54 PM
 
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My rant for the day..

With this babes upcoming birth in Feb I have of course been keeping on eye on the things I need, things I don't, and what I need to try to find, beg, borrow, etc..

I was happy that I didn't need a stroller. And yes, I do have a sling. I love my sling. However, I have a shoulder that gives me a lot of pain so I can't sling 100% of the time. I carried my 4 yo until she was 3 and no longer wanted to. My 2 yo has never liked it past infancy. So I needed a stroller, I loved my stroller.

I was able to find a used side by side double stroller that my girls loved, and I loved and didn't have to pay full price cause.. ya.. I could never afford that. It had a higher weight limit than most so that my 4 yo can use it. (she needs to have a way to sit and calm down when she is overwhelmed.) For two years I kept my stroller downstairs next to the porch in front of our apartment building, prior to the double I kept a single down there for 2 years before that. The landlord last month told me I couldn't leave it there anymore. He said it made his building look "trashy." : I pointed out that all the other buildings have strollers in front because.. duh, we have kids. I live on the third floor. What does he expect me to do? Put it upstairs next to your door in the hallway. (three flights up) I ignored him as long as I could, and finally had dh bring it upstairs. It was going to snow soon anyway.. might as well bring it up.

It lasted about 2 weeks in the hallway until I went to use it the other day.. and noticed that surprise. Its gone. Totally gone. Not anywhere. We looked high and low and out back and front, and its just. Gone. Someone stole my stroller. I even asked the local resale shop in town and she said she hasn't seen it come in.

So now.. I have no double stroller, and a baby due in a few months. Not only is it another expense.. but its one I don't even think I can find a way around. Its not like any old stroller will do. Its gotta be side by side, and a double, and have a high enough weight limit for my almost 45 lb toddler. *sigh*

Why did someone have to go and steal mine?? : Why did the stupid landlord have to make me move it? No one stole it before then.
We had someone steal our handicapped placard once - they stole that but left a brand new carseat!:

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Originally Posted by natural_mama89 View Post
W
Today is my birthday!!!!!! It is nice to have an excuse to celebrate something in such hard times. My DP is going to bake me a cake when he gets home from work. My Grandpa also came by to wish me a happy birthday and gave me $50!!! Maybe I can get a new bra or something (all my nursing bras are in horrible shape).
Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!

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Originally Posted by Stace View Post
Hi mamas. I don't have time right now to read through this entire thread, but I wanted to offer some hugs to all of you. Been there, done that with not knowing how I'm going to afford to pay everything and still have decent groceries and all of that. I'll try to write more later, but for now....I noticed on the first page that a few of you are already thinking about filing taxes, and I saw that one mama isn't sure how to do it herself. I know that no one will be getting their W-2's until next month, but I wanted to go ahead and put this out there. We started using freetaxusa.com last year to do our taxes. Most states, you can file your federal returns electronically through them for free. To file your state returns electronically, it's $10. The site walks you through the whole process and does all of the math for you. I'm pretty sure that if you don't want to/can't file electronically, you can print out the returns and mail them in. It's really easy and even someone that's never done their own taxes before should have no problems with it.
VITA is good too, and I think it was HRBlock last year that let you efile thru their website for free. It was very easy too - so watch for those type of deals. I can't wait to get my W-2 for the bit I did work, so I can get back the $$$ I have coming.

My thankful list for today:

1. WIC - And them fimally approving DD's proper formula. The Local office is still dragging their feet & backtracking on what was said previously, but now state is involved so they will cooperate.

2. Chocolate - Need I say more?

3. Our local thrift store and their 30% seniors every tuesday. I grab one of my parents, and head over. Today I scored a ton of homeschooling material & craft supplies. Their 50% off holiday sales are great too.

4. Yarn - and a crochet hook. I may not be able to get to the LYS to have someone properly show me how to knit {I'm just not getting it} but I can still crochet!
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#310 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 08:56 PM
 
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Well, I went through the stored clothing today. On the good side, I found four blanket sleepers and a pair of longies that fit Bellatrix LeBella right now. She LOVES her "new" pants (I knitted them myself-- they're a wool/cashmere/acrylic blend and *delicious*, if I do say so ) and I'm tickled to see her warm and getting air to her mini (she's got REALLY sensitive skin and is prone to rashes everywhere, to say nothing of the buns). I also pulled out the long-sleeved t-shirts that a friend from meeting passed along to us for Bean; Her son is 9 or 10 and had a growth spurt over the past year, so over the summer she brought over a huge bag of things. They're mostly size 7, but while that would be way too big for pants it's just fine for a long-sleeved shirt. He's pleased because one of them has a moose on it.

On the bad side, I found only one sweatsuit which will fit BooBah, and a pair of tights someone sent last year during the Holiday Helper stuff. I also found that the boy clothing situation isn't quite as bad as I thought it was... provided that Seamonkey does indeed prove to be my moose baby. If he's a good size and a strong grower, he'll be okay... if he's petite or average, he'll be too small for anything. Like, I have a *GORGEOUS* snowsuit that I bought for BooBah. It was $9.99 on clearance at BabyGap, ivory colored and down filled.. just BEAUTIFUL. It's a 3-6 month size, I think, and that was fine for BooBah's first winter (their sizes run huge and my kids run small) but Bella never wore it-- she started out in preemie sizes and was just getting into a newborn size by spring. By the time it got cold again, she was in a 9-12 month size. Fine, fine. Seamonkey's due in early February. If he's a moose, he'll wear the snowsuit, but if he's teensy... He'll just miss it, in both directions. *sigh* So depressing. So yeah, in terms of clothing, I'm waiting to see how this fellow grows. He's following a different in-utero pattern (he's measuring HUGE ) so ...maybe.

The diaper situation is worse than I thought. Apparently I have about two dozen infant prefolds all together. I would have sworn that I had more when BooBah and Bella were born... but to be honest, I don't know. I do know that when BooBah was born, I was washing diapers every day because I had two wearing them. I know likewise that I *wasn't* washing diapers every day when Bella was born, because BooBah was only wearing diapers at night at that point. However... I also know that Bella was so tiny that I found it a HECK of a lot easier to use the really cheap Gerber flatfolds on her than anything else. Unlike BooBah, Bella was not a "super soaker" so it wasn't a big deal, and I may have used the cheapies on her a lot more. I also remember that someone from that DDC sent me some preemie prefolds because their baby had outgrown them within moments of birth, while Bella was a teensy bit of person. I know where those are... but I can't figure out where the missing infant prefolds are. I also haven't found *any* small covers. Newborn, yes, and two preemies, but not a single small.. and I *know* I had some. This would be my cue to start knitting... if only I could manage that without the kids eating my projects. I would start projects and leave them at my mom's house to work on... but my niece (seven years old and autistic) is just as bad as my toddler when it comes to messing with such things. Even so, I'll ask my mother tomorrow if there's a place where I might hide things from BizzyBug. I have yarn (I think and I could whip up a few pairs of longies for His Royal Seamonkeyness in no time flat if I didnt' have kids pulling my needles out. :

So, going through stuff, I loaded things into a box which I've mentally labelled "Get it OUT!" Trouble is, the condition and nature of items in said box vary from "I don't think this would even make a good dishrag" to "I could probably get some cash for this..." and I have no idea what to do with any of it. So, there's an Ann Taylor Loft skirt in there (beautiful, long, stretch velvet... but I haven't worn it in several years because, you know, I've been pregnant ) which I think is definately worth $10, and there are some polyester pajamas which may well have belonged to my older brother (he turned 37 over the summer ). Baby girl clothing varying in size from preemie to 24 months (Bella wears an 18-24 now, but she wont' next summer so summer 24 month sizes are in the box), and varying in condition from "This could be brand new if I didn't know any better" to "It's a pity little girls don't use rags to set their hair into curls anymore." There are things which I think would be perfect to send out to other people who could use them (though I was unsuccessful finding anyone who needed teeny tiny girl clothing in the Holiday Helper database), things which I feel obligated to give away rather than sell (because they were given to me) and things which I feel like I really ought to sell because we could sooooo use the money, as well as things which I'd feel guilty about foisting on anyone. :

Advice, please?

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#311 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 09:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I want to throw up.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{[[hugs and welcome}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Resistance is futile Matey
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#312 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 09:27 PM
 
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The diaper situation is worse than I thought. Apparently I have about two dozen infant prefolds all together. I also haven't found *any* small covers. Newborn, yes, and two preemies, but not a single small.. and I *know* I had some.
Let me look and see what I have - I think everything I have is medium's but who knows - maybe I have a small or two. Do you use AIO's at all?

And I may have a pair of Medium Longies too - would you be interested in those? They were green if I recall right.

Let me know and I'll start hunting for them.
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#313 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 09:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs all}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}


TOO tired to answer all... I read you all and I am sending the BEST warm fuzzies and wishes out mentally!!!!!!

Resistance is futile Matey
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#314 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 09:41 PM
 
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I. Can't. Keep. Up.

This thread moves SO fast! I'm going to *try* and read through it all... wish me luck!
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#315 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 09:48 PM
 
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OK, so I'm finally working my way through the last 14 pages or so...

Welcome Crunchy Doula, Iris' Mom, Sherry R, slvsquared, NamastePlatypus, dachshundqueen, & captivatedlife.

Nature -- Just another vote that your friend is not really a friend. Sounds like you came together at a time when you had a lot more in common. One of my closest friends is like this in some ways...she and her DH are terribly, terribly concerned about how things "look". Like to the point where she called me last week because her marriage is falling apart & when I suggested counseling she said, "I can't do that...it will *look* like we have problems..." Ummm...you're calling me in the middle of a work day to talk about how unhappy you are in your marriage...you DO have problems!

I also found it interesting that your friend thought you should marry someone who should support you, but she's getting ready to divorce herself. Not necessary someone you want to take marriage advice from!

Aura -- Check out Turbo Tax online (don't bother buying the software). They are super easy & walk you through everything step by step. I believe they also have a free/low cost option for low income families. You may also want to contact your local social services office & see if they know of any place around you that does free taxes for low income families. Good luck!

CaliMommie -- Lots of prayers going out to your little one!

bwylde -- Yeah, it stinks when people don't "get it". My IL's are always wanting us to come down to visit, but damn it's like $120 in gas to go there & back because they're almost 4 hrs away.

Satori -- Sending lots of +++ vibes that your childcare situation will work out soon. How frustrating!

Thystle -- Just gotta add my voice to the chorus saying that YOU ROCK!

amydidit -- I hear you on the baby thing. My DH is totally against having more though. Honestly, I bounce back & forth between the two. Some days I want another one so bad & then others I can hardly handle the 2 I've already got. : Also on the supplementing thing. I have PCOS & had to supplement with both girls. Thank goodness WIC provides formula!

2Sweeties1Angel -- I LOVE my copper IUD. Can't say enough good stuff about it.


OK...that gets me though page 5...I hate to say it but I might just have to give up & dive in on page 14 or whatever...:
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#316 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 10:09 PM
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2Sweeties1Angel -- I LOVE my copper IUD. Can't say enough good stuff about it.
Do you have heavy bleeding during your period or more cramping than you had before? I've been told that can happen. Either way, it has to be better than the hormonal nightmare the Mirena was and it's definitely better than being pregnant again. I just have to find a way to pay for it.
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#317 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 10:12 PM
 
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Speaking of tax time; The IRS has a whole list of IRS approved sites where you can file for very little or for free at www.irs.gov . I have used efile for years and only paid $5 to file both state and federal (not each, $5 total). Efile is so easy, please ladies, if you have simple taxes do not spend your money at a tax preparation place!

The Tabbie Family; DH , DS , DD , a few :, a couple : and me.
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#318 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 10:19 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ediesmom View Post
so, can I @itch, moan and complain?

my heat AGAIN! I really so desperately wanted to keep my heat at 56 and 'supplement' with electric heaters. first, a few weeks ago my space heater pooped. so I have been supplementing with my oven. Well, my freaking oven pooped!

i am frantic

i CANNOT AFFORD the natural gas....last year it was over 300 bucks a month during the winter......

we have rinnai heaters, supposed to be good, but one is in the livingroom--with 10 foot ceilings and the heat doesn't leave the LR. The other one was placed in the back hall....where it heats the hall and the bathroom....it doesn't even get warm in the back bedroom

the kitchen gets no heat. edies room gets no heat.

now with no oven or heater I am screwed....and freezing

i called the landlady, but (and i really like her) she is kinda crazy. I don't know how long this will take....she may not be ABLE to deal with it for some time
:
I hope this situation gets worked out for you, and fast!
Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Nikki~ View Post
Actually just came across this thread. Timely, I guess. Just having a bad day. Came home today to find a $7000 bill in the mail for one of DH's student loans that I thought had been taken care of. It's been slowly (well, quickly) accumulating interest at a rate of $60/month for who knows how long. Lovely surprise after an already crummy day.

We finally got our power turned back on after DH begged and pleaded with his father (who is also his boss) to release his pay to him. We lost most of our food during the time the power was out. I contacted the food bank via both phone and email a week ago to see about getting some food. No answer. Nothing. I don't know what to do.

I spoke to my step-mother today. She normally gives me $50 for Christmas. Money I was sadly counting on, but not sure if I'll get it this year. And how sad, that I'm bitter about this. She told me today that she's been crying most of the day because of how needy her "adoptive family" is. It's a program they have at her work where they take on a needy family in the area. She's busy supporting and spending money on this random family, while her own is *this* close to homelessness. And I hate myself for feeling so bitter and angry about it. Hey, at least she's helping somebody. And that's a good thing, right?

I guess it's just hard for me to watch her throw away money on frivilous things like videogame systems and expensive games and toys and random junk for her "real" children, when we're struggling so badly. It's just as hard watching my in-laws. And trust me, I know it has nothing to do with me. But it's hard to see the blatent wasteful consumerism thrown in my face. To see the brand new massage table sitting in the hallway, that they bought themselves and will never use, while I'm having trouble even putting food on the table. And the words of support? "There there dear. We all struggled. It makes you stronger." And "You know, I never had a hard time finding a job back in 1972 when I first started out. I just don't get why you can't find a better job. You must be doing something wrong, or not trying hard enough. Did you write a cover letter??????"

Phone, internet, credit cards, hydro, water, car payment, childcare payment, rent...ALL are majorly overdue. With no idea when/if we'll be able to pay them. And Christmas??? Laughable. A joke. I'm seriously tempted to just not go to my in-law's this year, because I don't have gifts to bring for them. I'll feel like such a chump. DH is working towards a new career that requires him to pay roughly $400 in fees this month (applications/tests/etc), and I have no freaking clue how we're going to swing it. If he misses these tests, he misses out on an opportunity that would completely turn our life around.

I want to throw up.
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#319 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 10:45 PM
 
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We had our specialist appointment today and everything looks great!!! My quad screen was negative, so yay! We also had a more in depth ultrasound and the baby looks perfect except for a little bit of extra fluid around the right kidney. We will have another ultrasound between 28 and 30 weeks just to see how that is going. Thank you everyone for your prayers and good thoughts!!! I am relieved to know that everyone looks good and the chances of anything being wrong are like.. 1 in 3,000 at most

I don't have time to catch up on the last million pages... my brain hurts already. But s to everyone!!!

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
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#320 of 1547 Old 12-04-2007, 11:46 PM
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Wow this thread is crazy busy, I am sorry to see that but in another way I am so happy to see all the support, love, kindness, budding friendships...

I'm still reading and sending everyone good vibes, prayers, love...

I feel too far behind to respond individually but I am lurking and lovin'.
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#321 of 1547 Old 12-05-2007, 12:01 AM
 
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(((( Nikki )))) s and welcome.


to everyone. I read through everything but I cannot post replies to everyone right now.

just a few comments ~ 1. stocking up is a good thing, 2. yes food stamps will rollover but you MUST must must find out if your county will allow you to roll over indefinitely or if there's a time limit; in my county it is 90 DAYS and then your balance resets at the beginning of the month to whatever you're given at the start of the month.





I am exhausted, mamas, and in so much pain. : at this point I'm almost ready to just say f!ck-all and go in for the surgery, even though I *could* just get the medication if medi-cal would frikkin pay for it, which they won't without surgery at this point.

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#322 of 1547 Old 12-05-2007, 12:19 AM
 
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Just found the December thread, because our internet was down due to voltage in the line.


1. Husband quit job, no notice, Nov 3, where he earned $43,000 Gross.
2. Husband got new job Nov 13th, where he now earns $20,800 Gross.
3.Child services division will not alter child support payments (should be only 20% of income) for new income until after his first paycheck (December 1oth), so we'll owe back child support ($584 which we don't have!).
4.Unemployment was rejected.

I'm so mad at him for reacting emotionally, behaving impulsively, and not taking into account how his actions affect others.

I nearly depleted our emergency fund (down to $40) just to pay regular bills.
So, with only a savings of $40, and the minimum of $50 in a savings attached to the checking (required by the bank), my husband withdrew money from an ATM Nov 30 making our balance negative $3.17 in checking!!!! I found out last night, while internet was down, so couldn't transfer savings to checking, and after midnight, so I couldn't call to transfer it. I had a hard time sleeping last night.
He makes me so MAD!!! He say, well, won't the bank just transfer from savings to cover it? I said, yeah, with a NSF fee attached! He knows this, but must be living in an alternate reality. He won't tell me what he spent the money on, not that it matters, since it's gone.
Lucky for me, the gas bill check hadn't cleared yet, so I was able to transfer our savings into checking, and our new checking balance is $28.

I NEVER had NSF concerns until I met him: at the age of 29.

Oh, and he keeps taking MY cell phone with him to work, and I have to hide it from him, turned off, so I can keep it. It's a cell I got through Lifeline, so only costs me $1 a month, and it's MINE! with my numbers that I need, like the bank #, for example.

Sorry, getting off course, because I'm so mad at him.

5. Turned down for food stamps, because my daughters have a college fund, and I have an IRA.

After bills, I estimate we will have $25 a week to buy food, diapers, toiletries, gas, etc. No one can live off $25 a week.


ETA:
:

Just logged onto my online bank.
HE withdrew from the ATM today!
Now, we have .85 cents in checking.

I don't even have the words to express my rage at him.

Katreena, peace.gif 39 year old Alaskan treehugger.gif Mama to 1 hearts.gif and 1 lady.gif gd.gif
 
 
 
 

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#323 of 1547 Old 12-05-2007, 12:30 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ~Purity♥Lake~ View Post
Just found the December thread, because our internet was down due to voltage in the line.


1. Husband quit job, no notice, Nov 3, where he earned $43,000 Gross.
2. Husband got new job Nov 13th, where he now earns $20,800 Gross.
3.Child services division will not alter child support payments (should be only 20% of income) for new income until after his first paycheck (December 1oth), so we'll owe back child support ($584 which we don't have!).
4.Unemployment was rejected.

I'm so mad at him for reacting emotionally, behaving impulsively, and not taking into account how his actions affect others.

I nearly depleted our emergency fund (down to $40) just to pay regular bills.
So, with only a savings of $40, and the minimum of $50 in a savings attached to the checking (required by the bank), my husband withdrew money from an ATM Nov 30 making our balance negative $3.17 in checking!!!! I found out last night, while internet was down, so couldn't transfer savings to checking, and after midnight, so I couldn't call to transfer it. I had a hard time sleeping last night.
He makes me so MAD!!! He say, well, won't the bank just transfer from savings to cover it? I said, yeah, with a NSF fee attached! He knows this, but must be living in an alternate reality. He won't tell me what he spent the money on, not that it matters, since it's gone.
Lucky for me, the gas bill check hadn't cleared yet, so I was able to transfer our savings into checking, and our new checking balance is $28.

I NEVER had NSF concerns until I met him: at the age of 29.

Oh, and he keeps taking MY cell phone with him to work, and I have to hide it from him, turned off, so I can keep it. It's a cell I got through Lifeline, so only costs me $1 a month, and it's MINE! with my numbers that I need, like the bank #, for example.

Sorry, getting off course, because I'm so mad at him.

5. Turned down for food stamps, because my daughters have a college fund, and I have an IRA.

After bills, I estimate we will have $25 a week to buy food, diapers, toiletries, gas, etc. No one can live off $25 a week.


ETA:
:

Just logged onto my online bank.
HE withdrew from the ATM today!
Now, we have .85 cents in checking.

I don't even have the words to express my rage at him.

You need to talk to him, stat. He needs to understand that you do not have any money. It doesn't really matter what he is spending it on. I am angry FOR you :

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#324 of 1547 Old 12-05-2007, 12:58 AM
 
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Originally Posted by ~Purity♥Lake~ View Post

5. Turned down for food stamps, because my daughters have a college fund, and I have an IRA.
I feel your pain, but I won't make it worse by saying he sounds very much like someone I used to know, BUT, once again, do FS regs really vary so much from state to state? I have an IRA and college funds, and they were not included in my FS determination. Are you sure you don't qualify, or am I going to get a big, fat notice saying I have to repay what they gave me? I'm pretty sure I was told that assets don't count, and I absolutely know I told her how much I had in my bank account, because she was checking to see if I qualified for emergency food stamps. I hope I'm right, and you qualify.
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#325 of 1547 Old 12-05-2007, 01:04 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mum4boys View Post
Okay I need to vent whine cry pout etc.
I went to the TMJ specialist yesterday. On the positive side I really like him a lot negative side his practice does not bill insurance so you have to pay up front. Yesterday's visit was $300 which I had to rob Paul to get. Anyway long and short when I have all kind of problems the most serious being my tongue is cutting off my airway when I sleep. He has not figured out a long term solution yet but the short term solution is going to cost me $2700. : It might as well be a million. My insurance will reimburse us at least half of that. I have no idea where I am going to come up with that kind of money. After everything they did yesterday I got a huge migraine. So I tossed and turned most of the night. On top of that I had a misunderstanding with the guy who I am doing work for now. I agreed to cut my fees in half for him when I picked up another state. I did not get the other state until this week. Well he thought my fees were going to be cut in half last week. Anyway long and short I am only going to get half of my pay for last week. So much for that budget. This is actually a good thing which it does not sound like it. By cutting my fees in half I picked up the long term contract.
so sorry mama, it sounds awful.

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Originally Posted by happyhippiemama View Post
So I was brave and talked to the daycare director when I picked up DD yesterday. They have 3 kids on the waiting list for full-time, so if we move DD to part-time there's virtually no chance of getting her back into full-time. AND there's only an afternoon part-time spot available.

I wanted to send DD part-time in the mornings - it's when all the educational stuff is being done, and the classes that I really really want to take in the spring are morning classes. I had dreams of picking up DD after class, having lunch with her, putting her down for nap, and actually *gasp* studying every day. But alas.

So DP and I talked about it forever last night, and decided just to do it. We're taking her down to part-time afternoons. I'll register for other classes that will do just fine, just not the ones I was excited about, yk? And this way I can get a second shift part-time job on the days my classes end early, instead of having to find a job that doesn't start til after DP gets home from HIS job.

We're having a tough time with our decision. We need to save the $150/month in tuition. But now we're paying $525 for DD to nap, play outside, and watch movies at daycare (which is pretty much all they do after lunch). :

My mom says not to forget that I can give her the educ part in the mornings, and just to consider the daycare to be "social time" for DD, and just as important. And it's only til spring semester's over, then she'll be home with me for the summer, and to kindy in the fall.

So there we are with that.



And now a quick question (I almost typed out the whole situation, but decided I really just need suggestions):

Would you

A) put 4yoDD in a backless booster OR booster with a back in the front seat of a car (no airbags) if that was the only available seat with a shoulder seat belt?

B) put DD in the back seat on the backless booster with only a lap belt?

or

C) not take DD in that car?
Hope your choices all work out for the best for you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by shayinme View Post
I need to vent and just get some stuff off my chest, so this may be a little long but I know this is a safe space where people get it..

Today I am just in a funky place emotionally, its been 5 months since I lost my job and in that time I have had no subtantial job offers.. Macy's @ a hair above minimum wage and a community college offer to teach a class I said I don't teach , that's it.

I have never been this long with out a job and I am feeling so vulnerable, my career took a serious detour when we moved to Maine almost 6 years ago (brief back story, I have joint custody of my eldest who is almost 16 and his Dad had moved to Maine so rather than fight I moved here) yet prior to this year and dh's business having this serious downturn my lack of continous work wasn't an issue. In the time I have been here I went and got what I am now calling a useless masters degree since without substantial experience the degree means jack.

Financially in a decade of marriage we have never been this bad off, the only time we were anywhere near this and it was still miles away was when dh lost his job working at a big 4 firm. Yet his unemployment was substantial, he had severance, I had a job, we had little debt and no small child.. and now we have substantial debt, bill collectors are blowing up my phone, no savings, you know the drill. My unemployment ends at the end of this month and I am scared. Our income will still be too high by about $100 at that point to get any benefits so its about to get tighter than tight.

I am scared that my FIL wil cut us off since he is becoming less patient and in his mind there should be no problem with me finding a job.. yeah right, if I hear another relative say but you have XYZ education, yada yada I will scream : It means nothing at the moment.

I grew up working class in others words my parents lived check to check and sometimes there were no checks so I know how to survive, hell my early 20's were like that, I tossed my first husband out at 20 and had to hustle to take care of me and ds.. sometimes working 2 jobs, back then it seemed easier to get a decent job.. now I just don't know.

I am also mad because it seems like my solidly middle class friends don't get it, in the few weeks I have been on this thread I see more of a sharing spirit amongst those us who are struggling than I ever see with my so called middle class buddies. I was just telling dh today it seems like the poorer you are there is more of a giving spirit than with those in a position to give. For some reason while I am happy to have this space, I am mad today that those who could help choose not to, irrational I know but like I said I am in a funky space.

Ok, vent over.. that felt good. Thanks for listening.

Shay
mama, so so sorry for the situation. Hoping for a miracle for you and all of us

Quote:
Originally Posted by sandygirl View Post
I just got off the phone with state WIC - they are arranging to have it dropped shipped to my clinic! Oh thank you g-d!!!!! I just explained what the problem was, and they said no problem - we'll just have it drop shipped to the clinic!

Thats $$$ I won't have to borrow from other places! And now I don't have to worry so much about running out & being able to catch some on ebay, etc!

I'm positively giddy!!!!!

And now I'm off to go thru the Cloth Diapers & sort out ones to give away & to sell. I highly doubt I'm going to CD DD again - it just didn't work well with all the laundry, etc & me being in a wheelchair. I know it's cheaper - but that having to stand up to get the dipes out of the washer was killing me!
Hooray, glad that's sorted.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ~*Jaime View Post
I have a word about people giving you things or offering you things..

When DH and I just started out we were so much poorer than we are now. We were eating MRE's out of his Father's garage to get by. I had that "Oh my gosh I can not afford to buy groceries" thing happen more times than would like to think about. It was pretty bad, but we were happy, and that was what mattered at the time.

Now my personal religous beliefs tell me that no matter how bad things get, God will provide. I do not want to get preachy at all, but that is how I personally feel. At the worst time, someone I met online sent me a gift card in the mail for $75. I was just totally overwhelmed by her generosity. Honestly, I do not know how I would have reacted if she had offered it first, instead of just mailing it, I might not have wanted to take it. But I am so thankful that she sent it. I promised myself that I would pay that forward one day, and I have more than once.

So no, DH and I do not have a lot, we have a lot of medical bills we are paying off and that makes the budget tight. But we have enough. My car might be old and my Mother to this day might buy most of my clothes because I wont spend money on them, but I have enough. So if I offer to help someone in need, it is my choice. I don't feel sorry for anyone, really, I mean, I don't view anyone I have ever helped as a charity case at all, not in the least. So it isn't about feeling "sorry" for someone, it is about remembering when I was there myself, only I did not have children to feed, so that has to make things 20 times worse. I have learned a lot from the friend I mentioned in my above post. I have learned that even when times are tough there are some things I can do budget wise to help allow room for me to help someone else. And my only tiny little request is that hopefully one day if someone I help is in a better position, they will help someone else. That is what I think this world needs. It needs more people being willing to say "Okay, I don't need a $100 dress that I will only wear once, maybe I can use that money to buy food for someone instead."

So basically what I am trying to say, is that if someone offers you help, it doesn't necessarily mean that they feel sorry for you, it could mean that they were once like me.. helped by a very kind stranger and are wanting to give that help back now that they are able

Sorry for my long post :
Thankyou Jaime for all your thoughtful words. They mean a lot.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nature View Post
My rant for the day..

With this babes upcoming birth in Feb I have of course been keeping on eye on the things I need, things I don't, and what I need to try to find, beg, borrow, etc..

I was happy that I didn't need a stroller. And yes, I do have a sling. I love my sling. However, I have a shoulder that gives me a lot of pain so I can't sling 100% of the time. I carried my 4 yo until she was 3 and no longer wanted to. My 2 yo has never liked it past infancy. So I needed a stroller, I loved my stroller.

I was able to find a used side by side double stroller that my girls loved, and I loved and didn't have to pay full price cause.. ya.. I could never afford that. It had a higher weight limit than most so that my 4 yo can use it. (she needs to have a way to sit and calm down when she is overwhelmed.) For two years I kept my stroller downstairs next to the porch in front of our apartment building, prior to the double I kept a single down there for 2 years before that. The landlord last month told me I couldn't leave it there anymore. He said it made his building look "trashy." : I pointed out that all the other buildings have strollers in front because.. duh, we have kids. I live on the third floor. What does he expect me to do? Put it upstairs next to your door in the hallway. (three flights up) I ignored him as long as I could, and finally had dh bring it upstairs. It was going to snow soon anyway.. might as well bring it up.

It lasted about 2 weeks in the hallway until I went to use it the other day.. and noticed that surprise. Its gone. Totally gone. Not anywhere. We looked high and low and out back and front, and its just. Gone. Someone stole my stroller. I even asked the local resale shop in town and she said she hasn't seen it come in.

So now.. I have no double stroller, and a baby due in a few months. Not only is it another expense.. but its one I don't even think I can find a way around. Its not like any old stroller will do. Its gotta be side by side, and a double, and have a high enough weight limit for my almost 45 lb toddler. *sigh*

Why did someone have to go and steal mine?? : Why did the stupid landlord have to make me move it? No one stole it before then.
So sorry mama. Are you sure your LL didn't "move"it? Lucky stroller coming your way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nature View Post
Jaime, I just wanted to tell you that I thought your post was beautiful. You have such a big heart, and you're right.. there should be more people willing to spread love around.

____________________________




My thankfuls for today:

I am thankful for the shovel that Shay and her dh are letting us borrow.

I am thankful that we haven't used up our "once a month" visit to the food pantry yet and we can go this week.
I am thankful that my kids love pasta.

And though it might seem small, its really really big.. I am thankful that my 4 yo dd is in a great mood today. She had a wonderful day at preschool, and transitioned well going home. Her teacher was out, and they had a sub and she was so sad that she wasn't going to be there. I was really worried that she wouldn't do well today, but she surprised me!

I am thankful that my SIL made good on her promise to pay her (biggest) part of the cell phone bill that we share. I really don't want to lose the phone and ruin my credit even more, plus.. with a car that isn't too reliable, it makes me feel better to have it. It also serves as my long distance if I need it since we only have basic service on our landline.

And my one thing that I want to try to do this month to better myself... I want to slow down. Not just in actions, but inside my head. Not everything needs to be in a hurry. Its okay to be late. Its okay if my dd is having a bad day and we don't get somewhere in time. Whats the worst that can happen? I have to reschedule. I can deal with that. I don't want MY issues with hurrying and NOW NOW NOW to become her issues. Life is too important to spend it rushing against a clock.
Mama this speaks to my soul. I am so guilty of rushing my kids from here to there. Why? Darned if I know.

Quote:
Originally Posted by eilonwy View Post
Well, I went through the stored clothing today. On the good side, I found four blanket sleepers and a pair of longies that fit Bellatrix LeBella right now. She LOVES her "new" pants (I knitted them myself-- they're a wool/cashmere/acrylic blend and *delicious*, if I do say so ) and I'm tickled to see her warm and getting air to her mini (she's got REALLY sensitive skin and is prone to rashes everywhere, to say nothing of the buns). I also pulled out the long-sleeved t-shirts that a friend from meeting passed along to us for Bean; Her son is 9 or 10 and had a growth spurt over the past year, so over the summer she brought over a huge bag of things. They're mostly size 7, but while that would be way too big for pants it's just fine for a long-sleeved shirt. He's pleased because one of them has a moose on it.

On the bad side, I found only one sweatsuit which will fit BooBah, and a pair of tights someone sent last year during the Holiday Helper stuff. I also found that the boy clothing situation isn't quite as bad as I thought it was... provided that Seamonkey does indeed prove to be my moose baby. If he's a good size and a strong grower, he'll be okay... if he's petite or average, he'll be too small for anything. Like, I have a *GORGEOUS* snowsuit that I bought for BooBah. It was $9.99 on clearance at BabyGap, ivory colored and down filled.. just BEAUTIFUL. It's a 3-6 month size, I think, and that was fine for BooBah's first winter (their sizes run huge and my kids run small) but Bella never wore it-- she started out in preemie sizes and was just getting into a newborn size by spring. By the time it got cold again, she was in a 9-12 month size. Fine, fine. Seamonkey's due in early February. If he's a moose, he'll wear the snowsuit, but if he's teensy... He'll just miss it, in both directions. *sigh* So depressing. So yeah, in terms of clothing, I'm waiting to see how this fellow grows. He's following a different in-utero pattern (he's measuring HUGE ) so ...maybe.

The diaper situation is worse than I thought. Apparently I have about two dozen infant prefolds all together. I would have sworn that I had more when BooBah and Bella were born... but to be honest, I don't know. I do know that when BooBah was born, I was washing diapers every day because I had two wearing them. I know likewise that I *wasn't* washing diapers every day when Bella was born, because BooBah was only wearing diapers at night at that point. However... I also know that Bella was so tiny that I found it a HECK of a lot easier to use the really cheap Gerber flatfolds on her than anything else. Unlike BooBah, Bella was not a "super soaker" so it wasn't a big deal, and I may have used the cheapies on her a lot more. I also remember that someone from that DDC sent me some preemie prefolds because their baby had outgrown them within moments of birth, while Bella was a teensy bit of person. I know where those are... but I can't figure out where the missing infant prefolds are. I also haven't found *any* small covers. Newborn, yes, and two preemies, but not a single small.. and I *know* I had some. This would be my cue to start knitting... if only I could manage that without the kids eating my projects. I would start projects and leave them at my mom's house to work on... but my niece (seven years old and autistic) is just as bad as my toddler when it comes to messing with such things. Even so, I'll ask my mother tomorrow if there's a place where I might hide things from BizzyBug. I have yarn (I think and I could whip up a few pairs of longies for His Royal Seamonkeyness in no time flat if I didnt' have kids pulling my needles out. :

So, going through stuff, I loaded things into a box which I've mentally labelled "Get it OUT!" Trouble is, the condition and nature of items in said box vary from "I don't think this would even make a good dishrag" to "I could probably get some cash for this..." and I have no idea what to do with any of it. So, there's an Ann Taylor Loft skirt in there (beautiful, long, stretch velvet... but I haven't worn it in several years because, you know, I've been pregnant ) which I think is definately worth $10, and there are some polyester pajamas which may well have belonged to my older brother (he turned 37 over the summer ). Baby girl clothing varying in size from preemie to 24 months (Bella wears an 18-24 now, but she wont' next summer so summer 24 month sizes are in the box), and varying in condition from "This could be brand new if I didn't know any better" to "It's a pity little girls don't use rags to set their hair into curls anymore." There are things which I think would be perfect to send out to other people who could use them (though I was unsuccessful finding anyone who needed teeny tiny girl clothing in the Holiday Helper database), things which I feel obligated to give away rather than sell (because they were given to me) and things which I feel like I really ought to sell because we could sooooo use the money, as well as things which I'd feel guilty about foisting on anyone. :

Advice, please?
No advice on what to do with your stuff but I have a fitted diaper stash including wool covers, not prefold but shaped inserts. I'll be happy to ship them if you want them.

Has anybody heard from Belleweather? or have I just missed her posts in the many, many pages!!!!

Thankfuls are
1) Kim, my awesome preceptor. My first day was amazing, even with the hour long drive in rotten weather and traffic. I'm so out of touch with rush hour (HA) traffic! I came home on a high.

2)The invitation to go sledding on Fri night and be fed at a friends house.

3)The rice pudding I'm eating right now, made with leftover rice from dinner, condensed goat milk from WIC, cinnamon, nutmeg and craisins. Yummee!
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#326 of 1547 Old 12-05-2007, 01:09 AM
 
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sandygirl -- yay about the formula!

Natural mam89-- Happy Birthday!

Nikki -- welcome and

Aura kitten-- I'm sorry you're in pain. How awful.

ediesmom-- it's horrible to be cold. I'm really hoping for a mild winter.

mooma earthical -- that pudding sounds yummy -- mind if I grab a spoon and join you?
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#327 of 1547 Old 12-05-2007, 01:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by ~Purity♥Lake~ View Post
I don't even have the words to express my rage at him.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Is this an ongoing issue or new?


Is he alcoholic/addict/gambler/depressed/bipolar or possibly cheating?



You need to protect YOU!!!!!


{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}

Resistance is futile Matey
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#328 of 1547 Old 12-05-2007, 01:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Natural mam89

Happy Bday!!!! :

Resistance is futile Matey
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#329 of 1547 Old 12-05-2007, 01:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by happyhippiemama View Post
So I was brave and talked to the daycare director when I picked up DD yesterday.


Good for you... I know how hard that was! Good job!

Resistance is futile Matey
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#330 of 1547 Old 12-05-2007, 01:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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mum4boys & Nature


TMJ sucks!


{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Resistance is futile Matey
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