DH's frugrality keeps the house cold - has he crossed the line? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 93 Old 12-12-2007, 05:56 AM
 
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Originally Posted by avengingophelia View Post
That's WAY extreme, IMO. But then again, I live in Texas and set my theromostat at 68.
Waaaaaaay extreme! In my house, we'd call your dh the "heat Nazi" (NO HEAT FOR YOU!) But that's just us... We keep it at 70. I'm thinking in a family (or even in a roommate situation), there has to be a compromise. It's not only extreme, it's unfair to insist that the house be at a temp that makes the rest of the family physically uncomfortable. That's not democracy! :

You could get all Dr. Phil on him with a conversation along these lines: Dear husband, I appreciate all that you do to help our money go as far as it possibly can. You are a good provider and we are in good shape. I'd like to discuss something with you that is important to me. Dc and I are very uncomfortable when the house is in the 50s. I'd like to keep the house warmer that we have been. I'd feel much more comfortable if we kept the thermostat at around 60 (or 65) degrees. I'd like us to work out a compromise so that we can all be comfortable in our house.

OR, you can do what I'd do which is say, "I'm turning up the thermostat to 65 (or 60), and unless you want to physically wrestle me away from it, that's where it's staying."

Whichever works best for you.

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#62 of 93 Old 12-12-2007, 10:31 AM
 
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I usually keep the house temp between 60 and 65 F during the day. Below 60 I get very cold and uncomfortable no matter how many layers I put on. I spend most of my energy just trying to stay warm then. I don't mind wearing layers but I can't wear gloves and a winter coat inside and do the things I need to do each day.
I guess I'm odd in turning the heat up when the sun goes down. It goes between 65 and 68 at night.

If you have the money, I would inform your dh what the lowest temp you can be comfortable wearing reasonable winter layers (long underwear, sweaters) and still be functional in your home. Below that temp I would not budge.
If your dh wishes to save for early retirement he can save money on things that affect him but he should not force everyone else to be miserable.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#63 of 93 Old 12-12-2007, 10:33 AM
 
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I have to add a bit more... Maybe if your DH hates paying for heat so much you should consider moving! : Maybe Georgia? Maybe you can talk to your DH about heat being a necessity in your part of the country.

I have to say though, 80+ is fine with me in the summer. I would lose it is someone put AC on in my house!
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#64 of 93 Old 12-12-2007, 10:49 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Momtwice View Post
My parents set it in the upper 50's at night when I was a kid. It was miserable!
Nighttime doesn't bother me as I have big down comforters on everyone's beds. In fact, I sleep better when it's colder. Now the daytime, well that's another story ... :
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#65 of 93 Old 12-12-2007, 12:28 PM
 
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A bit extreme for me.

We are in MN (-12 this morning) and we have the heat set at 58 at night and 64 during the day. We are comfortable enough for the most part. We have a gas fireplace that I turn on for about an hour in the morning while we are eating breakfast. We do wear layers.

In the summer we have the A/C set at 78 during the day and 74 at night.
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#66 of 93 Old 12-12-2007, 12:59 PM
 
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No way would I be that uncomfortable in my own house. I'd give up lots of things before I would give up heat. I have a friend who keeps her house cold, well her DH does, and I won't visit them in the winter. It's just too unpleasant. We average about 72 degrees and my Dh would go for 80 if I let him.

Let them sleep in the middle, Let them be little
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#67 of 93 Old 12-12-2007, 01:25 PM
 
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If your teeth chatter when you get up at night to use the potty, it's TOO COLD.



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#68 of 93 Old 12-12-2007, 01:48 PM
 
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Another Wisconsinite here. : Is everyone loving the snow? My parents house was always so cold that using the toilet at night was horrible and the hardwood floors would be freezing if your slippers weren't next to your bed in the morning. After reading this thread, I feel guilty keeping it at 70 during the day and 67 at night. I have a 2 month old and her hands always feel cold anyways. I think I'll turn it down and add more layer to us because I forgot that we aren't on budget this year.

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#69 of 93 Old 12-12-2007, 02:13 PM
 
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I agree that's pretty low. I have to fight my husband to get 68 in my house. I know that's higher than some of the other posters, but I have low bp so I already always feel cold : Add in two toddlers and a crawling infant on the floor of a slab home and it just feels cold to me!
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#70 of 93 Old 12-12-2007, 02:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by pinecone View Post
Yes we can afford the bills. We just try to live sparingly so that we can save earnestly. DH wants an early retirement.
If we could afford the bill and my DH was doing this, he'd be looking at an early grave, not early retirement.
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#71 of 93 Old 12-12-2007, 04:47 PM
 
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I think what's even more extreme than the temperature he's suggesting is the idea that he seems to be "in charge" of a decision like this! Who put him in charge?
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#72 of 93 Old 12-12-2007, 05:19 PM
 
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ITA with the PP!!! No way is my husband in control of the thermostat when I am home full time and the kids need warm/cool. He could live with it in the 50s, but he wouldn't dream of trying to enforce that. He can turn it down if it seems too hot for him, and when I get cold it would go right back up.

I totally see why he's trying to save mooney, but it seems so disrespectful to control something that makes you all so uncomfortable.

I am SO not trying to attack you! Just giving you my thoughts May the warmth be with you

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#73 of 93 Old 12-12-2007, 05:44 PM
 
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I'm outside of Boston, Ma and when we are out of the house or sleeping the heat is set to the low 50's and when we are home it is in the high 50's. Toasty warm for us but my less-than-frugal friends, who keep their heat set at 72-76, complain when they come over. :

We didn't even turn on our heat till last week... I love to to see the TY vs LY comaprsion on our bills! I try to beat it each year!

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#74 of 93 Old 12-12-2007, 06:06 PM
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Yay, sounds like a great solution.

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Originally Posted by pinecone View Post
Funny thing. DH just called me at work to say he's researching programs for replacing our furnace. He must be catching my heating vibe. We've had a bad year financially, so we may qualify for some assistance with this. Though overall we're financially secure. It would be great to qualify for some kind of help as we want to go from forced air heat to boiler heat and upgrade our old house to underfloor heat. That would be so awesome!

To answer a PP, I don't think it is that DH is so controlling. He's just willing to push it to see when I'll push back. There is no doubt that tonight we'll be discussing this and I'm confident we can come to an understanding. I'd like to keep it at 55-57 for night and 62 during the day when we're home. We have a programmable thermostat so it should not be a big deal.

Thanks for all the support. I haven't felt that I was in temperature crisis yet. But definitely getting there. In my part of Wisconsin it has been cold, but not yet below zero. The worst of winter is yet to come.

Much gratitude for all your replies. I'm ready!
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#75 of 93 Old 12-12-2007, 08:51 PM
 
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See, this just proves I'm a freak! I'm the heaviest in my family and still the coldest!
You probably have poor circulation-- but I guarantee if you lost weight you'd suffer more in the cold.

I actually have so much resentment over this-- my most predominant, vivid memories of childhood are of freezing. And not just uncomfortable, but real pain. I burned holes through most of my socks putting my feet directly on the wood stove. My feet were so numb with cold I didn't feel the heat and just realized they were burning when I smelled the socks burning. I went to a school where the cut off for keeping kids in for recess was 10F. So we would get to stay in only if it was 9F (not counting wind chill).

My mom lost a lot of weight later in life and I remember asking her kind of wryly, So, do you feel the cold more now? She said she did. I remember just staring at her, I couldn't even find words.
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#76 of 93 Old 12-13-2007, 08:58 AM
 
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Originally Posted by avengingophelia View Post
That's WAY extreme, IMO. But then again, I live in Texas and set my theromostat at 68.
Ditto, except Arkansas here. lol
I crank it up to a whopping 70 if I'm gonna actually be home on the sitting still at the computer or something, but 66-68 if we're gone or sleeping under blankets.
(I have really low blood pressure, I'm ALWAYS cold but I do heat fine, so I could live at 80 degrees year-round)
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#77 of 93 Old 12-13-2007, 11:46 AM
 
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I definately think a compromise is in order.

But, I do not think 50's is nuts. We set ours for 52 at night and 62 during the day. However, our house is VERY old and drafty so while it might be 62 degrees at the thermostat, which is right in the center of the house, the kitchen and living room where we spend all of our time tops out at 55. The upstairs is even colder due to lack of registers. I have frozen a crust on the top of my water a few times since we moved into this house. Luckily, whoever did the plumbing (once this house got indoor plumbing) must have been smart because every pipe is near ducts or registers.

Once you are used to it, it seems warms. And of course it seems warm after coming inside from 5 degree weather I agree with a pp that it actually feels colder when the outside temp is about the same or just a little less.

My dh is the one that complains. But he is here and awake for about 3 hours a day. If he wants, he can bump it up during that time. But then dd complains that it is too hot She will run around all day in her bathing suit and it does not even occur to her that it is "cold".

Ironically, I was always cold growing up. I think my parents kept their modern house much warmer than I do mine now. No one told me to put on a sweater and I never really complained. I just remember spending a lot of time perched on top of a register with a blanket surrounding it to catch all of the heat My cats do that now, minus the blanket, of course. Wimps.
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#78 of 93 Old 12-13-2007, 12:07 PM
 
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I'm in Wisconsin, too. I got a shiver just thinking about the house being in the 50s. I hope you were able to talk to him and work out a compromise. I can understand wanting to save on the cost but if the rest of you are freezing, then it's not worth it.
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#79 of 93 Old 12-13-2007, 01:19 PM
 
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[QUOTE=amyamanda;9983914]I don't think 55 is extreme for everyone. We keep our thermostat at 55. We live here in Vermont where it was 16F this morning. In comparison, 55 is rather toasty. Our main reason for keeping it this low is frugality. Oil heat is darn expensive, and we don't have an easy option for any other heating source right now. Also, using oil, I'm aware that we're burning a fossil fuel. I am not comfortable turning our thermostat up any higher than our minimum comfortable temperature.

My kids are used to it, and so am I. The kids dance around in pretty minimal clothing and hardly ever complain - if they complain, we have more clothes, blankets, warm slippers and socks, hot tea, hats and mittens, etc. You do get used to it, especially when you're not going back and forth from hotter to colder (like my poor DH who works in a 70F+ office and comes home to 55F - he feels it much more than we do).

Same here. Our (oil) heating is so old it doesn't have a thermastat, so the only way we can use it is to only have it on for very limited sessions each day. Currently we use it for 30 mins each morning, whilst we have our shower/dress and then 1 hr in the evening whilst the kids have a bath etc. It keeps our house at about 55 during the day and obviously less at night (but that doesn't really matter.)
It's cold but I don't think it's unhealthily cold. You get used to it after a while. However, in response to the OP, I wouldn't choose to live like this. We just can't afford to heat the house more this winter, but if we could I would because by mid afternoon I am feeling it.
Good luck talking with your DH.
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#80 of 93 Old 12-13-2007, 03:39 PM
 
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There are some people that are just never going to do well in 50-55 degree temperatures. I froze through my childhood in winter when my parents set the thermostat that low, and still freeze when I go see them during the winter.

It's not a character flaw. It's just that my body's not wired to be warm enough at those temperatures no matter how many layers are involved. There were times where I'd sleep with sweatpants, long underwear, a sweatshirt over a long sleeve t-shirt, and three thick comforters, and I'd still wake up insanely cold.
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#81 of 93 Old 12-13-2007, 03:47 PM
 
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you're right imo. We keep our house pretty cold compared to most others it seems (60-63 during the day and between 55 and 58 at night) and if I have to be up and doing stuff when it is in the 50s in here, I'm freezing my butt off.
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#82 of 93 Old 12-13-2007, 04:09 PM
 
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My kids are used to it, and so am I. The kids dance around in pretty minimal clothing and hardly ever complain - if they complain, we have more clothes, blankets, warm slippers and socks, hot tea, hats and mittens, etc.
I've both read and been told that young people have less of an ability to tell when they are cold but that doesn't mean that their bodies aren't cold. : I'd have your DC dress warmly even if they tell you they aren't cold, for their health's sake.
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#83 of 93 Old 12-13-2007, 04:12 PM
 
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I don't think that is necessarily true. I would try dressing my kids warmly in the house and they would overheat. My kids definitely know when they are hot or cold.

What can being cold (in the house- not hypothermia) do to your health? :

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#84 of 93 Old 12-14-2007, 11:22 AM
 
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I don't think that is necessarily true. I would try dressing my kids warmly in the house and they would overheat. My kids definitely know when they are hot or cold.

What can being cold (in the house- not hypothermia) do to your health? :
Like your kids, my eldest definately knows when he is hot/cold. Last night he told me he didn't want a hot water bottle to take to bed, "because being hot makes me feel sick." If he feels cold, he will ask for an extra blanket etc. My youngest is not old enough to speak yet but he insists on taking off his sweater in the house, even when I am walking about in my coat.
I am not sure about the risks of having a cold house healthwise (apart from feeling chilled which isn't nice) but there are benefits. I am certain that when the heat is on more often (i.e. when we are better off) everyone's skin is drier and more irritable.
However, this said, if we could afford it this winter, I would be heating the house more adequately. Unfortunately, this year, we just can't afford it and that's that. It won't kill us! :
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#85 of 93 Old 12-14-2007, 11:30 AM
 
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We keep our heat that low because that is how we are comfy. :

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#86 of 93 Old 12-14-2007, 11:55 AM
 
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Well...I grew up in a house heated exclusively with wood heat and the furnace my folks had did not have a blower strong enough to move the heat up to the second floor. (we were up in the UP, then so you KNOW it was cold)

Because of that experience I always ask my kids how they feel with a temperature and that's where we heat the house.

I personally think temps of 50s are too low when there are other options available to a family - especially if family members are uncomfortable!

There are other ways to trim a budget, IMHO.
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#87 of 93 Old 12-14-2007, 12:07 PM
 
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If you have serious financial problems or something, that would justify it. Otherwise, I would turn my attention to his budget and figure out where HE can cut back before I would wear mittens in the house.

A lot of temperature settings are a body fat issue. Also, I have noticed that in general, people tend to cut budgets where they are least affected. So I would guess that your dh is a stout gentleman and you are a SAHM while he works out of the house in a warm building with a 72 thermostat? Am I close?

I went to a private school in Boston where they kept the thermostat on such a low setting that we had to wear mittens and coats to class and we could see our frosty breath inside the school. It was totally ridiculous, and I still can't believe the parents did not put their foot down over that.
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#88 of 93 Old 12-14-2007, 12:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by SugarAndSun View Post
I have to add a bit more... Maybe if your DH hates paying for heat so much you should consider moving! : Maybe Georgia? Maybe you can talk to your DH about heat being a necessity in your part of the country.

I have to say though, 80+ is fine with me in the summer. I would lose it is someone put AC on in my house!
Here in Texas, we would consider 80 plus to be a major cold front in the summer.
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#89 of 93 Old 12-14-2007, 12:46 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just want to respond to a couple of the pps who assumed DH works out of the house in an office. Not so. He's home most days, with some appointments out of the home duirng the day and a couple of evenings. I am in an office duirng the day. DD is at a toasty warm school. Of course, we're all home in the morning upon waking and in the late afternoon and evening as well as the weekend. Those are the times I'm most concerned with.

To the pp who asked if I was thin and DH less so. Not true. I've got about 20-30 pounds I could lose and DH is maybe 10lbs over his ideal weight.

No update on our compromise as we haven't had time to sit down together to have the conversation. You know how frustrating that is! Our schedules have crossed a bit and the time we're together we were doing some holiday celebration w/ friends. I hope by the end of today to have this resolved.

I still appreicate everyone's input and personal accounts. It's great having such a wide range of people comment. Thank you.
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#90 of 93 Old 12-14-2007, 01:56 PM
 
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Tell him to be thankful he isn't married to me! We are 72 during the day and 70 at night. I am actually cool at this temp - always wear long sleeves and never take off my shoes until it is time to go to bed.

At work, my boss and I have very different opinions of what temp the school should be. My desk is right at the front door, so the cold air comes in every time someone walks in or out. He finally told me to go buy a little space heater for under my desk. This has worked well for us - but I still wear two layers, boots, etc.

I'll cut corners somewhere else, but I refuse to shiver in my own house. : (oh, got to use the new smiley)
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