help me not to strangle my dh!!!!! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 06-19-2008, 12:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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so dh's review is coming up next week.... he mentioned something about the senior managers getting cars that are fully paid for (i.e registration, the actual car payments AND ALL FUEL costs covered). i said well, that's fantastic and he said no.. he wouldnt go for it. my obvious response was "why not?" and he said "oh because the car is automatic and will probably be a ford falcon (instead of the manual ford fairlane that he bought for $6000 and drives everyday). then he said he'll ask for what he wants and if he gets it, he'll go for it, if not then no.

and then i said "well what happens to your fairlane if you go for it?" and he said "oh i will still keep it, i'll keep it registered i just wont drive it"

what is the freaking point of that???? you mean we are going to have an extra car thats costing us $750 a year to just keep there plus what we are paying for it in loan repayments even though you have a fully paid for work car??????

$@%#%$#^$%&%&% i am UAV angry. this car was bought on LOAN. $6000 on LOAN + $750 a year in registeration + $220 a month in gas and he won't give it up and reap those savings for something as stupid as driving a manual versus automatic. we can sell the car and slash a good 5-6K off the loan, have an extra $3400 in savings every year (yearly cost of registration and gas). this is MADNESS. pure utter effing madness and nothing more.

and then.... get this (yes, it gets worse).... he had been wanting to buy a valiant (oh, it will only be our FOURTH car with ONE person in the house who has thier drivers license - WTF) and it costs about $2000. now, i agreed to this before we decided to just reign in and save and think more about the future instead of immediate gratification... and i told him about how much money we could save if we just pulled our shit together... and he said "yeah i agree la la la la" and well, what happens the next day? he keeps asking about when he is going to get this new valiant.

OMG. i'm not even speaking to him right now. i am that angry about his complete selfishness and not wanting to do whats best for his family at this moment in time. if someone offered me a pay rise AND an all expenses paid car - i'd JUMP at the oppurtunity. he's acting so childish... talk me out of not strangling him when he goes to sleep.

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#2 of 12 Old 06-19-2008, 12:42 PM
 
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Is he able to take a monthly cash option instead of the car/gas/registration? I know my DH gets a 300 per month "allowance" because he doesn't take a company car.

As for having a car just sit and collect dust, we've got one of them too. IT's a POS '98 S-10. "But we NEEEEEED a truck!" Whatever. It's a big thorn here too, but at least it's paid for.
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#3 of 12 Old 06-19-2008, 12:51 PM
 
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Sorry, no answer just:

My DH also sometimes has rather weird ideas...
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#4 of 12 Old 06-19-2008, 01:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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he already has a car allowance which totals to 10K a year (before tax) and is added onto his income. if he gets the car, i assume he will lose the allowance. so if he decides to take the car option, he will still keep his car which we need to pay for AND we'll have less money. i didn't think of that... it makes it worse now that i think of it.

i guess im so pissed because i would never think to either miss an oppurtunity like this to save or put us into extra debt for something as stupid and mundane as what type of car. he already has his work car, he has a 'project' car (a fiat - which is not registered just sits in the garage) AND we have a pajero 4WD as the family car... and now an extra valiant? AND a possible company car in addition to this without getting rid of one in the process? i mean where the heck does he plan on parking all these cars anyway and why does one person need so many cars. its nuts.....

plus lets not forget the double (yes, double) garage packed with nothing but engines, mechanic's tools and car parts... there is no space to even move and there is most certainly no space to store anything that is household related (but thats another thread).

i will never understand him.

*sigh*

just as a side note, i'm feeling a little better now. i think i just had to get it out... i mean worse things have happened/worse things could happen... but i just wish that dh didn't have to be so damn selfish about this. i feel like i'm the one thats always trying to do the best for our family and he just sits there and fights it.. or if he doesn't fight it, he whinges the whole way through. makes me feel like he doesn't care, you know?
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#5 of 12 Old 06-19-2008, 02:57 PM
 
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Sorry mama! If it makes you feel any better, maybe he's not selfish, just clueless? My dh is the least selfish person I know, but man can he be clueless about money! He is very wasteful at times, and he just doesn't get it. Drives me absolutely crazy.

MJ~ Proud mom to DS (4)
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#6 of 12 Old 06-19-2008, 03:34 PM
 
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uh, there's no way (NO EFFIN' WAY!) that I'd stand by and have Dh pass up an opportunity like that. I'm sorry, but he needs to put on his big boy undies and deal with the automatic tranny. WTF?! that is seriously fiscally irresponsible. i don't think I'd be able to resist strangling him in his sleep, LOL!
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#7 of 12 Old 06-19-2008, 03:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Knittin' in the Shade View Post
he needs to put on his big boy undies and deal with the automatic tranny
undies and tranny

ok, I'll grow up now.
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#8 of 12 Old 06-19-2008, 08:52 PM
 
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undies and tranny

ok, I'll grow up now.
Maybe I should have said Big Girl panties? LOL
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#9 of 12 Old 06-20-2008, 04:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by CameronsMama View Post
Sorry mama! If it makes you feel any better, maybe he's not selfish, just clueless? My dh is the least selfish person I know, but man can he be clueless about money! He is very wasteful at times, and he just doesn't get it. Drives me absolutely crazy.
you have a point mama! he is not selfish at all in any other matters (like household duties, spending time at home with us, parental duties etc)... so i guess i should be thankful for that and pull myself together a little... when it comes to money - you are right - he is absolutely clueless. if i didn't take over the accounts, we'd be in a massive amount of debt. it's my taking over that has seen us eliminate FOUR different debts (some well into the thousands)... i guess i feel alone. i'm the one trying to save, trying to be frugal and all he can think about is his cars. drives me bonkers.

i laughed so hard at the undies and tranny comment too - i saw that earlier today but didn't have free hands to comment. i didn't end up strangling him FWIW (heck i didn't even splurt out any foul words). i'm just going to discuss the car thing with him in a calm manner one more time and see how we go.... if all goes badly and we're back at square one, knittin' in the shade... will you come over and help me strangle dh since you're so keen?
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#10 of 12 Old 06-20-2008, 04:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mamamelia View Post
i didn't end up strangling him FWIW (heck i didn't even splurt out any foul words).
And for that you should be very proud of yourself!

Yeah, I handle all our finances, have since before we were married, and dh will admit to anyone that is the only reason we're out of debt and the bills are paid on time. When I met him, he made all his payments over the phone when they finally called to tell him he had to pay or they would shut (insert whatever service here) off. His credit was atrocious. I've spent a lot of time and energy fixing it. He's not allowed to touch the check book.

MJ~ Proud mom to DS (4)
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#11 of 12 Old 06-20-2008, 04:21 PM
 
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Oh man, I too would be really upset at this idea. When we were first married DH didn't understand why we couldn't do everything that popped into our heads and I had to sit down with him and show him exactly what our budget looks like. It depressed him for some time, but now he gets it.
I'm glad you can laugh about it!
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#12 of 12 Old 06-20-2008, 05:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mamamelia View Post
you have a point mama! he is not selfish at all in any other matters (like household duties, spending time at home with us, parental duties etc)... so i guess i should be thankful for that and pull myself together a little.
It is something to appreciate, but you cannot ignore his obliviousness about financial matters; it has to be addressed. Pull out the budget, graphs, and dancing girls, and help him understand.

"It should be a rule in all prophylactic work that no harm should ever be unnecessarily inflicted on a healthy person (Sir Graham Wilson, The Hazards of Immunization, 1967)."
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