SAHP's Using Public Assistance - Page 9 - Mothering Forums

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Old 09-18-2008, 05:57 AM
 
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Originally Posted by magentamomma View Post
It empowers women who want to limit there family size of course, but for women who want a large family there is a stigma. In my spiritual belief system birth control doesn't work for me but there is little to know underastanding of this in main stream culture. No one should be forced to have more babies than they want just as no woman should be forced even subliminaly not to have the children she wants.
I agree with this. I am on the fence as birth control wrt it being a spiritual issue. But as someone who has tried to use birth control both before ever considering ttc and after the birth of both of my children, I know it's not for me. I have horrible reactions to it. I will never use hormonal birth control again for that reason. And the only non-hormonal option (since we all "know" that charting just doesn't work! is known to lead to heavier, more painful periods. So, since we are poor I should subject myself to even worse periods (which have me in the bed for 2-3 days anyway) just to prevent another baby who would be very much wanted even if we weren't trying? Not gonna happen.

Deni. I'm the liberal, Jesus-loving, hippie freak your mama warned you about. Expecting a cinco surprise, spring 2014!
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Old 09-18-2008, 08:33 AM
 
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And the only non-hormonal option (since we all "know" that charting just doesn't work! ) is known to lead to heavier, more painful periods.
Condoms are non-hormonal and won't affect your period at all.

Maybe that can get expensive, though.
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Old 09-19-2008, 08:31 PM
 
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barky, at the moment i don't have a phone (again), so working with the lawyer ensures that a) it can be done over the phone so i don't have to drive into the city with the circus in tow, and b) that if we get denied for whatever reason the lawyer can deal with appeals and court and all that stuff. she is not charging an exorbitant fee, and if we don't get the ss for the kids, she doesn't get paid. i know i could probably do it on my own, but, the short answer is simply that i have so much on my plate right now, another portion just won't fit!

waiflywaif, condoms can get expensive, and also, not everyone can use them. latex allergies, spermicide sensitivities, even sensitivities to the lube on some brands are fairly common, and, of course, the non-latex ones are slightly less reliable than the latex kind.

justamama, what form of non-hormonal birth control are you thinking of? iud?

my best friend had a baby this morning and i got to be there and see her born. first time i've ever seen it from that perspective! i hate to admit to this, but i am so jealous i can hardly stand it... : i found out that a tubal reversal costs, on average, $20,000 and is not covered by insurance (of course, b/c the state knows that if they cover a reversal, you'll probably go on to have at least 1 more kid and if you are already on state aid... *sigh*) i love that little girl like she's my own and i will help her mama in any way i can, but g*d! i feel like she can see me turn green from jealousy and i feel so bad for feeling this way!

"give me life, give me pain, give me myself again" - tori amos
30yo SAHM of 4 DS's: 10/98, 6/01, 2/03 and 11/04, wife to DH, 33
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Old 09-24-2008, 09:27 PM
 
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just an fyi....... sometimes an employer will ask about the kind of aid you have recieved in the past 6 months, they can get a tax break for hiring you.
they are not suppsed to discriminate against you because of this and you have recourse if you think they have.
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Old 09-24-2008, 09:34 PM
 
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Bumping this because I got a pleasant surprise today! My food stamps were raised instead of dropped! Woohoo! They didn't count my hubs financial aide against us, and I guess because the baby will be here soon they upped our amount! That's great, and not to mention very useful!
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Old 09-24-2008, 10:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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happyhats, that's great!

damona, Can tubal ligations sometimes reverse themselves?

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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Old 09-25-2008, 01:38 AM
 
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The increase in CA is a cost-of-living increase, so everyoe should get one starting next month! Yay!

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Old 09-25-2008, 11:36 AM
 
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damona, Can tubal ligations sometimes reverse themselves?
Yes they can. That is why they usually don't just cut the tubes anymore. They tie and/or burn the ends, because there was a high rate of women getting pregnant after a tubal. Even now it still happens on occasion.



BTW - Texas is getting a raise in Food Stamps next month as well.

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Old 09-25-2008, 12:08 PM
 
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waiflywaif, condoms can get expensive, and also, not everyone can use them. latex allergies, spermicide sensitivities, even sensitivities to the lube on some brands are fairly common, and, of course, the non-latex ones are slightly less reliable than the latex kind.
Of course. I'm just being pedantic and picky and pointing out that the IUD is not the *only* non-hormonal option, as someone else stated.
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Old 09-25-2008, 05:43 PM
 
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i keep hoping that magic will happen and the tubal will heal itself. but i don't think that's gonna happen. *sigh* oh well. anyway. i've beat myself up for the last 4 years about it and it's not gonna change anything.

we got a bump in the food stamps for october as well, which i am grateful for, since we use up what we get in about the first 2-3 weeks and that last week or so is pretty lean.

the school social worker was here for a home visit yesterday. she was updating the school's info on the boys' diagnoses, etc. she's very nice, and she's trying to help me argue the school into providing the gluten free/dairy free lunches that they are required to provide for ds#3. i got chewed out by the teacher the other day for only sending him a cup of applesauce and a bottle of water for lunch (that end of the food stamps thing *sigh*). i figured, hey, he gets on the bus right after lunch and comes home, i can find him something else here. but the teacher told the social worker so she came armed with all the info about the food pantries, etc. i was really sick that week so i hadn't gone and DH is too proud, (or something) to go by himself. anyway. so the upshot of the whole deal is that she going to contact the dr's office and get the signed, official list of what the school can feed him, since my phone is still off.

sorry for rambling. i have so much going on i'm just... argh. yeah.

btw, waiflywaif, i was just explaining why for some people, iud's might be the only option.

"give me life, give me pain, give me myself again" - tori amos
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Old 09-25-2008, 06:15 PM
 
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i keep hoping that magic will happen and the tubal will heal itself. but i don't think that's gonna happen. *sigh* oh well. anyway. i've beat myself up for the last 4 years about it and it's not gonna change anything.

we got a bump in the food stamps for october as well, which i am grateful for, since we use up what we get in about the first 2-3 weeks and that last week or so is pretty lean.

the school social worker was here for a home visit yesterday. she was updating the school's info on the boys' diagnoses, etc. she's very nice, and she's trying to help me argue the school into providing the gluten free/dairy free lunches that they are required to provide for ds#3. i got chewed out by the teacher the other day for only sending him a cup of applesauce and a bottle of water for lunch (that end of the food stamps thing *sigh*). i figured, hey, he gets on the bus right after lunch and comes home, i can find him something else here. but the teacher told the social worker so she came armed with all the info about the food pantries, etc. i was really sick that week so i hadn't gone and DH is too proud, (or something) to go by himself. anyway. so the upshot of the whole deal is that she going to contact the dr's office and get the signed, official list of what the school can feed him, since my phone is still off.

sorry for rambling. i have so much going on i'm just... argh. yeah.

btw, waiflywaif, i was just explaining why for some people, iud's might be the only option.

I'm in the same boat with the diet and school lunches, what were doing though is I am to come up with a list, including name brands ie "Welshire farms GF chicken nuggets" then the Dr will sign it and then I take it to the school. Do you have a Dr's note for welfare about the diet? I know here for a family of 3 we will get an extra $41 in FS a month if we get the Dr's note about it becasue the diet is considered to be more expensive since we can't just live on cheap foods like top roman and $1 bread.

Seriously?
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Old 09-25-2008, 10:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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damona, I'm so sorry -- when it rains it pours, doesn't it?

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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Old 09-25-2008, 10:43 PM
 
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Question from a good friend: My friend filled out her foodtamp application and got notice today that she needed to drop by the office for an in person interview. What can she expect? What will they ask her? Thanks!
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Old 09-25-2008, 10:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Question from a good friend: My friend filled out her foodtamp application and got notice today that she needed to drop by the office for an in person interview. What can she expect? What will they ask her? Thanks!
They probably want her to come in person so they can take her photo for the card.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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Old 09-26-2008, 04:16 AM
 
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Why, you guys get a photo id card?

Anyway, they usually ask what your rent/house payment is, how much your utilites run, etc. They may ask for further verification on certain things like outside moneys, etc. They take so much into consideration, that's what I've heard, so that the money they think you would have for food is AFTER the few considerations that they give you. In mo, it's housing, electric, gas, water, sewage, trash, and phone line.
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Old 09-26-2008, 04:29 AM
 
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Why, you guys get a photo id card?

Anyway, they usually ask what your rent/house payment is, how much your utilites run, etc. They may ask for further verification on certain things like outside moneys, etc. They take so much into consideration, that's what I've heard, so that the money they think you would have for food is AFTER the few considerations that they give you. In mo, it's housing, electric, gas, water, sewage, trash, and phone line.
The photo is for there records only, it doesn't go on the EBT card at all. You also get finger printed at the same time.

Seriously?
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Old 09-26-2008, 09:55 AM
 
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So the interveiw is kind of a good news/bad news sort of thing.

They want to hire him.
Insurance is not available for six mos!
When it is available, it costs 91 dollars a week. That's 4800$ a year.

When all is said and done, it would mean NO net increase in income, although, he'd have a job for a whole year. But then he's committed to it for a whole year, even if somethign better comes along.

What do we do? We'll qualify for medicaid for those six months, but what happens when it becomes available? Is medicaid only available if you can;t get a job w/ins? Will we still qualify if insurance is available, but we can't afford it?

Help!
I saw this post and I just wanted to add that I think you made a perfect example of why universal health care coverage for all people in the U.S. would be a good thing.

IMO, there are many, many other compelling reasons, but your post really struck me as a good example of why universal health care would allow people to have more flexibility for their families when it comes to choices about jobs, etc. It makes it easier to accept or leave a job, if health care coverage isn't a consideration.

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I don't think anyone would judge you for driving a minivan, but on the other hand (and we do use forms of public assistance) if society is subsidizing someone's lifestyle, I think it makes sense to say that we shouldn't spend money on cable if they can't buy our own cheese.
It's a complicated issue, but I think a lot of people feel this way. I think this is a very valid point.

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I disagree. We get WIC for our youngest, which means we get some cheese for free -- but I don't think that means we "shouldn't" get cable.

We don't feel a need for cable at this time, and indeed it does feel like more than we could afford. But we have talked about doing it if a good deal opens up for getting our phone service, internet, and cable through Time Warner.

I just don't see this as a judgment people need to make -- regarding anyone besides themselves.
Very true.

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I just don't see this as a judgment people need to make -- regarding anyone besides themselves. I wouldn't get all p!ssy if I heard that the children of a government official got to watch cable TV, even though society/taxpayers are the ones "subsidizing" that lifestyle.
These aren't parallels, though. It's not the same thing. No, people should not judge. Society/taxpayers aren't "subsidizing" the lifestyle of government workers/government officials.

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I'm also going to disagree with this. It's really hard to know all the circumstances in someone else's life.
For example, we get DSL & basic cable. We have to have the DSL for DH's work & my school. Theoretically, the cable is optional right? Not so! When I called to cancel our basic cable I was told it was actually $5 *more* a month to get just the DSL by itself. By dropping the cable we lost the bundle price package.

You'd also look at my kids & think that we spend big money on their clothes/ shoes. We don't. We are very blessed to have family who buys & hands down very good quality clothing to our girls, get them Stride Rite shoes & boots each season, my Mom buys our oldest DD her dance gear each fall as a birthday gift, etc. What I do buy is purchased on clearance, at the thrift, or through coops.

Three of our last four vehicles (all vans or Explorers) were also given to us by family members when they upgraded to new cars.

That said, I do feel strongly that everyone regardless of their income level has an obligation to be good stewards with their resources. We may not have much, but we make an effort to donate items we've outgrown or no longer use. I try to let the girls pick an item or two for the food bank each time we visit the store. Things like that.

Don't get me wrong. There are people who abuse the system. I work at WIC so I deal with them personally. However, the majority of people are doing the best they can & trying to improve themselves. It's a very classist stereotype in American society that everyone who uses any form of public assistance is a leech.
:

Big, big yeah that.

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I feel like we should have a system in place that allows EVERYONE to be able to have one SAH parent for at least the first year. The priorities in this country are a little screwy at times.
:

Big, big yeah that!

I would love to see a universal maternity leave (breastfeeding leave?) that allows a mother to take one year of paid stay-at-home parenthood.



(Personally, I think it should be 2 or 3 years of at least job protected maternity leave.)

Just think what opportunities families would have if this country had universal health care and one, two, or three years of paid family leave.

:
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Old 09-26-2008, 04:09 PM
 
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Damona, There is a christian group that helps pay for vesectomy reversals. I do not know if they help with tubals but it might be worth an internet search.

homebirthing,,homeschooling intactalactivist mom to 3dd jumpers.gifand 2dsbouncy.gif.babyf.gifAlways busy
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Old 09-26-2008, 04:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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These aren't parallels, though. It's not the same thing. No, people should not judge. Society/taxpayers aren't "subsidizing" the lifestyle of government workers/government officials.
What do you mean? Their salaries aren't paid by the taxpayers?

But I don't actually feel my lifestyle is "subsidized" by taxpayers, even though I get some taxpayer-supported services (I wouldn't feel that way even if I got TANF) -- so maybe I shouldn't have said that government workers'/officials' lifestyles were being "subsidized" by taxpayers, either. I was using that word as it was the word used by the poster I was responding to.

Instead of using the word "subsidized" this time, I'll just say that I don't see it as my business to critique how anyone else spends their money -- whether that person receives taxpayer money or not. That is, as long as the money is to assist with support of the recipient's family (as is my WIC/Medicaid, and the salaries of government employees).

That's a different thing from the funds government officials receive in order to administrate their jobs. That is the public's business. If they're getting money for the schools and using it to fuel their own private jet, that's a problem. But with their salaries, I honestly don't care if they use that money for a jet or cable or cheese or whatever. That's their business, and my business is my business.

Quote:
I would love to see a universal maternity leave (breastfeeding leave?) that allows a mother to take one year of paid stay-at-home parenthood.



(Personally, I think it should be 2 or 3 years of at least job protected maternity leave.)

Just think what opportunities families would have if this country had universal health care and one, two, or three years of paid family leave.

:
I agree!

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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Old 09-26-2008, 05:10 PM
 
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That is, as long as the money is to assist with support of the recipient's family (as is my WIC/Medicaid, and the salaries of government employees).
I don't like the word subsidize for the same reasons you spoke of, but I have to say again, the above isn't a parallel that you can compare.

I am not saying one is wrong or right, or placing any sort of value on one or the other. I am saying they are NOT the same.

Government employees drawing a salary derived from public funds are not staying at home with their children. They are most likely clocking 40 plus hours away from home.

So, it's really not the same thing and can't be compared.

And, right, how they spend their money, as long as they break no other rules, like you said, is their own business. ITA.
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Old 09-26-2008, 05:13 PM
 
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I agree!
I know! Seriously, wouldn't it be wonderful? I mean, I keep thinking over and over again how policies like universal health insurance and extended paid family leave are so supportive of children and families.

It makes everything - parenting, breastfeeding, etc - so much more doable. What a great public investment that would be.
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Old 09-26-2008, 06:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am not saying one is wrong or right, or placing any sort of value on one or the other. I am saying they are NOT the same.
Right, I guess there really is no parallel situation.

I guess it all boils down to whether our getting assistance gives people the right to scrutinize our lives, and make themselves the judge of what we do or don't have the right to provide for our children.

Some people truly believe (I'm not saying you believe this) that "If I'm working and paying taxes and not getting any public assistance -- then, by gum, the people who do get assistance better not have life any easier than me -- and they better not drive a nicer car, wear nicer clothes, or have any extras I can't afford."

If they feel this way, then of course that is their right -- and they certainly have a right to express themselves just as I do. They can keep expressing themselves and I'll keep expressing myself.

I guess my perspective is hard for many to understand, because I believe we should all be able to enjoy life, not because of having "earned" the right -- but "just because."

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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Old 09-26-2008, 06:35 PM
 
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Right, I guess there really is no parallel situation.
:

I think that, too. Or at least, I can't come up with any. I definitely don't think government employees are a parallel. I don't see a difference between government employees and private sector employees.
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Old 09-26-2008, 06:38 PM
 
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Some people truly believe (I'm not saying you believe this) that "If I'm working and paying taxes and not getting any public assistance -- then, by gum, the people who do get assistance better not have life any easier than me -- and they better not drive a nicer car, wear nicer clothes, or have any extras I can't afford."
Yeah, I definitely don't believe that personally, but I do see why some people might.

I don't think this is the case, by and large, though.

And I think if working and paying taxes, etc, doesn't provide a better life than living on public assistance, then we have real problems with our economy. Not because it should pay more or any value judgement, but just if working isn't a viable option then the government, private sector, citizenry better start looking at our economy and figuring some stuff out, you know?

It's a shame that minimum wage laws are what they are. It's a shame more people (all people, really) don't have access to health care. It's a shame that a living wage isn't part of every single job. We sure need to work on our economy, and not just in light of what's been in the news recently.
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Old 09-26-2008, 06:41 PM
 
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Right, I guess there really is no parallel situation.

I guess it all boils down to whether our getting assistance gives people the right to scrutinize our lives, and make themselves the judge of what we do or don't have the right to provide for our children.

Some people truly believe (I'm not saying you believe this) that "If I'm working and paying taxes and not getting any public assistance -- then, by gum, the people who do get assistance better not have life any easier than me -- and they better not drive a nicer car, wear nicer clothes, or have any extras I can't afford."

If they feel this way, then of course that is their right -- and they certainly have a right to express themselves just as I do. They can keep expressing themselves and I'll keep expressing myself.

I guess my perspective is hard for many to understand, because I believe we should all be able to enjoy life, not because of having "earned" the right -- but "just because."
The pursuit of happiness is in our Declaration of Independence. And woven into the fabric of American life. And I think all kids have a right to not go hungry, not be exposed to the elements, and not have access to medical care when needed. Unfortunately, we don't often talk about basic human rights. It's more pointing fingers and stuff.
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Old 09-27-2008, 01:40 AM
 
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When I first started public assistance I felt guilty you could say. I did feel as if I shouldn't have as many "frivolities" as other people because of my financial situation. But if I'm honest, I DON'T have the same frivolities. That's not to say I never spend my money on nonessentials, or that I don't feel like I have any fun in my life,etc. But the fact is I do have a lower income so I don't have the same "oppourtunities" as other people that have a higher income bracket, and that's going to be a fact whether or not I receive aid. In any income bracket different people share different views on standards of living, and what is a luxury to some can sometimes be a necessity for others.

I also totally believe in karma. I don't feel I just take from the world,I also give back in ways that I can. I feel "right" about the choices I'm making in my life right now...to have less money so my husband can focus on schooling to better himself and so that we can actively raise our upcoming daughter. I think that people know what is right and wrong for them, for the most part, and deep down they know if they are abusing the system. I'm not. Am I using it to my advantage? Yes, but that's not the same thing.
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Old 09-27-2008, 09:50 AM
 
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Originally Posted by happyhats View Post
When I first started public assistance I felt guilty you could say. I did feel as if I shouldn't have as many "frivolities" as other people because of my financial situation. But if I'm honest, I DON'T have the same frivolities. That's not to say I never spend my money on nonessentials, or that I don't feel like I have any fun in my life,etc. But the fact is I do have a lower income so I don't have the same "oppourtunities" as other people that have a higher income bracket, and that's going to be a fact whether or not I receive aid. In any income bracket different people share different views on standards of living, and what is a luxury to some can sometimes be a necessity for others.

I also totally believe in karma. I don't feel I just take from the world,I also give back in ways that I can. I feel "right" about the choices I'm making in my life right now...to have less money so my husband can focus on schooling to better himself and so that we can actively raise our upcoming daughter. I think that people know what is right and wrong for them, for the most part, and deep down they know if they are abusing the system. I'm not. Am I using it to my advantage? Yes, but that's not the same thing.
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Great post!



You are so right. It's not as black and white as many people see. I don't like people who judge others who receive public assistance. They have not walked in their shoes, you know? Public assistance is needed for exactly the reasons you said. And, also, because no child should go hungry. And because a compassionate society with saftey nets is a well operational society, in my belief. People are naiive if they think they may never need a safety net. And, yes, you are so right that there aren't many so called luxuries that are affordable when on public assistance. It boggles my mind that people think there are.

And you are so right. Using the system is not taking advantage of the system. People usually know right and wrong, and they know when it is right and they know when it is wrong. And there are rules in place. And I agree with you about karma. I'm a strong believer in that. Sometimes we need to receive and other times we need to give. That's what keeps our society going strong. People need a safety net for the worst of times so that they can contribute to that safety net for others in the best of times. It's actually a pretty great system of give and take. We humans really are symbiotic.
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Old 09-27-2008, 01:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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And we are symbiotic all the time -- meaning that we are still giving even while receiving. I think it's important to remember that, because I often hear people say things like, "It's okay for a person to receive for a while -- but then that person needs to start giving back." I say they already are giving!

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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Old 09-27-2008, 01:21 PM
 
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And we are symbiotic all the time -- meaning that we are still giving even while receiving. I think it's important to remember that, because I often hear people say things like, "It's okay for a person to receive for a while -- but then that person needs to start giving back." I say they already are giving!
I think both ways are good, and necessary.
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Old 09-27-2008, 03:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think both ways are good, and necessary.
You mean both giving and receiving -- which we're all doing all the time? If so, then I definitely agree.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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