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#31 of 52 Old 12-02-2008, 10:23 PM
 
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[QUOTE=UUMom;12721871

Make room, I say. Don't be the person with the plastic on the sofa!
[/QUOTE]


I love this! I think it should go on a bumper sticker!
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#32 of 52 Old 12-02-2008, 11:07 PM
 
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I love this! I think it should go on a bumper sticker!
lol

But seriously.

Can you imagine the spoofs kids in the future will be able to wite about their parents strict rules about wood and wool toys?

I am waiting for the first article on Salon about how someone's parents forbade plastic toys and how the kid tried to get certain toy fixes in the basement, shed, or garage.

Or how they free-based Lego at friends' homes.
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#33 of 52 Old 12-02-2008, 11:20 PM
 
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UUMom, you would probably like a little booklet called "Confessions of a Waldorf Parent."

But seriously, as fun as it is to create a caricature of an over-controlling mother who thinks plastic is the devil and screams "No plastic dolls EVER" a la Joan Crawford while chucking the offending toy at the gift giver, the truth of the matter is, different parents have differing philosophies on these things. I don't think the OP is being terribly unreasonable saying she's uncomfortable being given a gift that was knowingly given as a duplicate of something she herself was buying her child.

Learning to accept a gift graciously-- OK, I can get behind that. My older kids (the 9 and 7 and even 5 year old) know that even if they don't like or want a gift, or if it's a duplicate, they're to smile and say "Thank you" nicely and we'll straighten things out later. But the OPs kid is 2. My almost-two plays with the paper and doesn't even know there is a gift. And people exchange gifts all the time. It's really not unheard of. Unless it's done in a completely obnoxious manner, I don't see it as a relationship breaker. Maybe I'm just blessed with a family that's not easily offended, though.

And I don't think a plastic-hating mama would cover her couch with plastic. Maybe long strips of 100% wool felt?

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#34 of 52 Old 12-02-2008, 11:22 PM
 
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I was on the giving side of the equation once, giving a gift to a friends' child. I didn't know about their toy preferences (because they never told me) and gave a cute little stuffed duckie that giggles. In retrospect I could see it being an annoying toy, but the expressions on their faces that said "yeah, that's getting returned" was extremely hurtful. But, Given the OP's situation I think that the gift was inappropriate. I would talk with the giver before returning it though. At least that way they would be semi-clear on the situation and maybe even be able to pick out something new themselves.
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#35 of 52 Old 12-02-2008, 11:35 PM
 
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UUMom

And I don't think a plastic-hating mama would cover her couch with plastic. Maybe long strips of 100% wool felt?

This is cracking me up.

I can only make these comments because I have personally gone to the mat with my family over a Baby Alive, which as some of you might know, is NOT a waldorf doll. I get it. I am a recent convert to loosening up, which had to happen to preserve and respect family relationships. I am happier for it, but I know that's not for everyone. When my dd was two years old I certainly was in the op's place, so I get it.
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#36 of 52 Old 12-02-2008, 11:37 PM
 
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[

And I don't think a plastic-hating mama would cover her couch with plastic. Maybe long strips of 100% wool felt?
hey! lol! I love my Waldorf sutff (which I've never forced on the kids) , so no article needed, but this is exactly what I am saying! lol Anything your parents whole -heartedly embraced can be fodder for a funny book or article.

Yesterday, plastic on the sofa, tomorrow, the wool fetish.

It's never a safe thing to think your kids will think your stuff is cooler that your parents thought their stuff was.

Many of our parents through they were way-cool with their rust-colored appliances, clay ashtrays, macrame, one-handed gloves, mall bangs etc etc.

Now, of course I'd like to think that woolen toys with natural dyes would stand the test of time...but I would not put it past someone who resented his/her parents control over their playthings to write quite the expose if he/she felt marginalized.

I am hoping people are keeping their kids' emotional needs in mind as they choose their particular parenting hills to die on. I'm totally with you, in spirit, AM. Just in practice, it's not always so tidy.
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#37 of 52 Old 12-02-2008, 11:46 PM
 
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Did maybe your mom buy the doll stuff before she knew you were buying a doll for your daughter? Is it possible she forgot that your were also buying one? Things slip my mind so, so often.

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#38 of 52 Old 12-02-2008, 11:50 PM
 
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This is cracking me up.

I can only make these comments because I have personally gone to the mat with my family over a Baby Alive, which as some of you might know, is NOT a waldorf doll. I get it. I am a recent convert to loosening up, which had to happen to preserve and respect family relationships. I am happier for it, but I know that's not for everyone. When my dd was two years old I certainly was in the op's place, so I get it.

I remember worrying about a bathing suit my oldest had that had lycra in it. My mother was like, "Sweetie, if it's 100% cotton, it will take forever to dry". I was furious with her for pointing that out, even though she was super-gentle about it.
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#39 of 52 Old 12-03-2008, 12:28 AM
 
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I'm guessing, since this is the decluttering forum, that it's not just a matter of the toys not suiting the parents' philosophies, but also the fact that their daughter would end up with a double set of something she was getting for Christmas, instead of something different she could actually use. I'd be frustrated if I told my parents I was getting my kid something and they got basically the same thing too.

That said, I gave up fighting the battle two or three kids ago. I smile, nod, let them open it if the grandparents are here, and then just quietly get rid of it a few weeks down the road. If they don't open it, I return it, which is probably what I would do in this case.
same here. i'm not as a control freak as before. when I get a crappy gift I let DS play with it for a while then pass it on to a friend or relative. dh's family loves cheap MIC toys. they just don't get that I prefer a few well-made toys

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#40 of 52 Old 12-03-2008, 12:44 AM
 
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same here. i'm not as a control freak as before. when I get a crappy gift I let DS play with it for a while then pass it on to a friend or relative. dh's family loves cheap MIC toys. they just don't get that I prefer a few well-made toys
Well I do too...prefer the well made over the crapola, I mean. But we have to let our kids in on it as well. Our connections and relationships with our kids will be affected if we try to control all gift-giving, or take toys away from our children that they might enjoy. The may grow to resent our interference. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow...but it is a game we ought not to play. IMo. Of course. :
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#41 of 52 Old 12-03-2008, 12:44 AM
 
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The child in question is TWO. She has NOT seen the box, and she won't know that the stuff has been exchanged. It's not like the doll was opened in front of Grandma and then taken away- the baby has no idea what's in that box or where it comes from, and won't be hurt in any way by not getting the contents.

Frankly, I wouldn't let my 2yo play with a talking doll (do I need that in my ear at 2:00 AM when the child sleeps in my bed with the toys?) and, with my current knowledge of toy safety, I wouldn't want a child who still mouths toys to have all that plastic junk. It's entirely possible that the doll and accessories Grandma picked out for this 2yo isn't even safe for kids under 3. If that's the case, then you have a very good excuse for exchanging everything- safety trumps grownups' feelings.

I'd also be concerned that my child might prefer the flashy plastic toys and not appreciate the simple toys I'd selected and spent a lot of money on. It's different if the flashy plastic junk comes AFTER the child has her first doll set made from natural wood (say, for her 3rd birthday, 11 months after getting the Waldorf doll stuff).

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#42 of 52 Old 12-03-2008, 03:27 PM
 
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[QUOTE=Ruthla;12723160]
Frankly, I wouldn't let my 2yo play with a talking doll (do I need that in my ear at 2:00 AM when the child sleeps in my bed with the toys?)
QUOTE]

Which reminded me of Chucky.

You Might Be A Hated DIL If Your MIL Buys This:

http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=64vd5zNpfEs

(Maybe don't watch if you have a little kid on your lap)
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#43 of 52 Old 12-03-2008, 09:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Why would you only want your DD to have one doll? : I wish my girls would have played with dolls; I had many and remember playing with them until I was 11 or 12 years old. One of my DDs loves Disney Princess Barbies, though, and my mom and I are actually splitting them up for Christmas- she'll get them from both of us, it's cheaper for each person that way. I don't understand the proprietary feeling towards the gift you picked; unless you're worried that your DD will like the plastic one from grandma more?
I have no problem with her having more than one doll. She already has a variety of them, plastic and natural material. My problem is her birthday is less than a month from Christmas and my mother bought the same type of toys I was getting for her. We have a small house, I really don't want two of everything. We buy each of the kids three gifts. DD's were going to be a stroller, a cradle, and a doll. My mother knew this but bought a doll (not really the problem), a stroller, and a playpen.
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#44 of 52 Old 12-03-2008, 10:01 PM
 
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are you sure your mom gets it? Mine doesn't really. She understands its what we prefer for our kids but she wouldn't go out of her way to buy non-plastic toys for my kids.

I think you should just thank your mom for the gift and be polite. It sounds like you already bought your dd a doll and accessories. Would your mom take major offense if you explained to her that you already bought her a doll and accessories and said you would like to exchange the gift for something else? Keep in mind that its pretty common for kids to have more than one doll so she may not understand why this is a big deal to you.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#45 of 52 Old 12-03-2008, 10:09 PM
 
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Or could you compromise and keep the doll but exchange the rest, saying you just don't have the room for 2 doll sets?
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#46 of 52 Old 12-03-2008, 10:31 PM
 
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[QUOTE=Berty;12729150 My mother knew this but bought a doll (not really the problem), a stroller, and a playpen.[/QUOTE]

This might not be a toy-buying issse.

Is your mother toxic?
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#47 of 52 Old 12-04-2008, 02:44 AM
 
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I totally understand where the OP is coming from. In fact, I may have the exact same talking doll waiting for Christmas in my garage right now. (I haven't opened the box my mom sent through QVC...).

I have a problem with it because:

(1) I'm concerned about phthalates and other chemicals in plastic and prefer to have less of them in our home. Dolls seem especially important because they are carried around, slept with, kissed, etc. I had multiple conversations about this with my mom last year, but I guess she doesn't remember (?) or thinks that I don't care anymore.

(2) I spent quite a bit of money on safe plastic dolls and a lot of time on making cloth dolls. My girl has plenty of dolls. And I have noticed that when my kids have more toys, they have a harder time playing with them. Like they can't decide or they are used to getting new things and forgetting about the old. Poor dd was trying to cram all 5 dolls in her doll bed today - stacked on top of each other! She might enjoy playing with one or two dolls so she can focus.

(3) We also don't have room for multiples of everything. Besides that, I think it makes it more difficult to play. I wish we could store all the toys in a big storage room and take one out at a time. I think the kids would get more play value out of each one. It is like when we are out at a restaurant or something and the kids play for an hour with a penny.

That said, I probably won't say anything to my mom. I know she loves dolls and loves buying them. But she doesn't want any suggestions on what kind of doll to buy!

I take comfort in the fact that in the past, the plastic & loud & flashy toys are exciting for awhile but die off quickly. The kids seem really interested in them that first day or so, but afterwards not so much.

OP, I know it seems super close to you, but at least for a 2 year old - one month is a long time. She might have played and forgotten the plastic stuff by the time Christmas comes around. Is the plastic stuff foldable? That might help as well (easier to store for a bit if needed).
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#48 of 52 Old 12-04-2008, 11:18 AM
 
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We have a smaller house as well. I would *totally* exchange the gifts and not feel bad for a single second.

Frankly, it's not your fault that your mom is either passive aggressive or completely ignored what you told her. I don't think an explanation to her is in order. Thank her for the gifts and exchange them. It's OK for you to want to give your daughter the special gifts you picked out without having them foreshadowed or possibly overshadowed by the stuff your mom purchased.

A happy woman
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#49 of 52 Old 12-04-2008, 11:25 AM
 
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I get this a lot too.

This especially. When I used to tell my mom I found the BEST xyz at the thrift store. Or off Craigslist, etc. I used to tell her that either because I was happy with my find, or because I wanted to make sure she didn't get the same thing. Then she would go out and find some really expensive new version of it because DS is "too good for secondhand." When I was really pleased with finding what I did, or I went through a lot of trouble to find it secondhand. I don't tell her much anymore and now she gets all offended with me because "I shut her out of our lives."

Or like the time I asked her to please get DS ONE big present and maybe a couple of little stocking stuffer type items for his birthday. She shows up with DOZENS of presents and gets offended when I got mad at her. Even though I stressed it millions of times to her before the big day. It's not even about the presents, it's about her not respecting my decisions about my son. They were really cute wooden toys, too, stuff I would have loved to get him, but I actually turned them away because I had to set my foot down.

Maybe it seems petty and mean-spirited, but we already had baggage about that. For example for the first 9-10 months of his life she "re-named" him and called him by the name SHE wanted for a son. Because she didn't like that I named him after my husband. So she went by another name completely. Or when I caught her trying to baptize the baby into her religion, when she knows darn well that that's not our religion. Stuff like that. She's better about stuff like that now, but not perfect. This year it's my MIL I have to put up with crap toys from. This may be her last Christmas so I feel too guilty to give anything away, but the presents are like plastic read-aloud books and plastic this and that and ugh.
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#50 of 52 Old 12-04-2008, 01:33 PM
 
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I get this a lot too.

This especially. When I used to tell my mom I found the BEST xyz at the thrift store. Or off Craigslist, etc. I used to tell her that either because I was happy with my find, or because I wanted to make sure she didn't get the same thing. Then she would go out and find some really expensive new version of it because DS is "too good for secondhand." When I was really pleased with finding what I did, or I went through a lot of trouble to find it secondhand. I don't tell her much anymore and now she gets all offended with me because "I shut her out of our lives."

Or like the time I asked her to please get DS ONE big present and maybe a couple of little stocking stuffer type items for his birthday. She shows up with DOZENS of presents and gets offended when I got mad at her. Even though I stressed it millions of times to her before the big day. It's not even about the presents, it's about her not respecting my decisions about my son. They were really cute wooden toys, too, stuff I would have loved to get him, but I actually turned them away because I had to set my foot down.

Maybe it seems petty and mean-spirited, but we already had baggage about that. For example for the first 9-10 months of his life she "re-named" him and called him by the name SHE wanted for a son. Because she didn't like that I named him after my husband. So she went by another name completely. Or when I caught her trying to baptize the baby into her religion, when she knows darn well that that's not our religion. Stuff like that. She's better about stuff like that now, but not perfect. This year it's my MIL I have to put up with crap toys from. This may be her last Christmas so I feel too guilty to give anything away, but the presents are like plastic read-aloud books and plastic this and that and ugh.

Oh. Wow. This woman has some serious problems.

(I keep typing stuff and deleting it because I just can't seem to express what I want to say right now)
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#51 of 52 Old 12-04-2008, 03:38 PM
 
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here's what i do: (it's sneaky, but it seems to be working)
mil & co love getting my kids mountains of crappy plastic toys. they're the only grandkids, i get that, but i'm not interested in having my floor carpeted with garbage, thanks.

i check out gifts before giftgiving occasions whenever possible and quietly remove the boatload of inappropriate crap. i return what i can and exchange it for good stuff, or give it away. we thank them profusely for whatever it was they gave, then about a week after the b'day/ xmas i email and say that little mr. jaws-'o-doom (my youngest, who does chew things, but doesn't deserve the reputation i've built up for him with the il's) bit down on that plastic car, and would you believe it, the whole thing exploded into sharp plastic shards!! and i tell them that i replaced the broken toy with a wooden or cloth version. then when they come visit (they live far away) they see all these well-chewed wooden toys still holding up and nary a plastic toy in sight.

after a couple of years of this they've learned. mil emailed me the other day, all excited that she'd found a wooden music set and some wooden blocks for the boys for xmas. :
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#52 of 52 Old 12-04-2008, 09:45 PM
 
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gak!
Now you all are making me worried about Christmas! DD and I are moving soon to join DH down in Texas, and I don't want to haul more stuff down! When I asked MIL if she needed a Christmas list for DD (this was when she asked for my and DH's birthday/christmas lists), she said she'd already bought something. I was a little nervous before, but now....!

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