Please Help Me Refocus... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 7 Old 09-30-2009, 10:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'll try to sum it all up quickly. DH and I had and are returning to a simplistic mindset; however, we had a decent sized bump in the road in the last year. We live in an affluent and pseudo-affluent area, but we definitely struggle to get by in a small house, much older vehicles, and without living on credit cards.

Our group of friends are incredible. Absolutely great. The biggest difference is lifestyle. Literally everyone in our group of friends at least doubles what we make, and live a lifestyle like they do. They go out to eat a lot, shop often, and don't think twice about paying $15 to let their children go to an indoor playhouse like you would find at McD's. We cannot do these things, and it has put a strain on the friendships, because people have stopped asking us to hang out and we're done giving excuses. It's truly heartbreaking.

DH and I found ourselves suddenly wanting things that literally everyone in the group has (new cars, iPhones, very trendy clothes, etc), and somewhere along the line I realized I lost what I truly value. I treasure my family, a husband who doesn't have to work 80+ hours/week to give me a bigger house, simplicity, stopping and admiring the beauty that is around us... you get the point. My heart begins to change, and then I get around these friends. It's so strange.

If you have overcome this, or are currently struggling, please give me some input - or rebuke.

We are a family of Jesus loving urban-nesters living the granola life in a not-so-crunchy city.  Our kids (DS 8, DS 7, DD 4) are home birthed and educated, and we just found out that a new Little will be added to our roost mid-April '14!

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#2 of 7 Old 09-30-2009, 10:43 PM
 
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It is so hard, isn't it, when you begin to make lifestyle changes and seem to have such different goals and priorities than the culture that surrounds you.

My advice would be do search out new friends. Don't dump the old ones, but broaden your prospects and try meeting people who might enjoy the social activities you like. As for socializing with the friends you have now, I suggest having them at your house. Potluck dinners, a book club, craft nights, etc are great ways to entertain on a budget. That way your social activities with these friends are focused on something else besides the differences between your families.

I'm a morning person.  We actually do exist.
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#3 of 7 Old 09-30-2009, 11:20 PM
 
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I am in the same boat.

Maggie, wife and mom to three
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#4 of 7 Old 09-30-2009, 11:36 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by truelife View Post
The biggest difference is lifestyle. Literally everyone in our group of friends at least doubles what we make, and live a lifestyle like they do. They go out to eat a lot, shop often, and don't think twice about paying $15 to let their children go to an indoor playhouse like you would find at McD's.
DH and I found ourselves suddenly wanting things that literally everyone in the group has (new cars, iPhones, very trendy clothes, etc), and somewhere along the line I realized I lost what I truly value. I treasure my family, a husband who doesn't have to work 80+ hours/week to give me a bigger house, simplicity, stopping and admiring the beauty that is around us... you get the point. My heart begins to change, and then I get around these friends. It's so strange.

If you have overcome this, or are currently struggling, please give me some input - or rebuke.
You know that your friends are digging a huge grave for themselves don't you? If not for them, then for their children who will struggle as financially independant adults. it's all about choices and yours are different to theirs, but you can meet in the middle if you suggest activities that are cost free or involve less money. You don't have to suggest alternatives, but you can arrange something for another date. Pot luck family friendly suppers are one of my favorite activities.
Feel good about the way you want to lead your life!!
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#5 of 7 Old 10-02-2009, 01:31 AM
 
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DH and I are currently struggling with this as well... seems like a constant battle to try to define what it is we actually want, and how much of it is just influenced by what we are surrounded by.

SAM, momma to 3 beautiful babies: Tristan (5), Gabriel (4) , & Brighton (2)

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#6 of 7 Old 10-02-2009, 02:51 PM
 
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I fall into the same trap. We moved a few years ago to a much more affluent part of time and I completely noticed our way of thinking change from frugal to wanting what all of the Joneses had. I was so happy when we moved. I still struggle to get our of the mindset, I think it is just a daily battle.

Jessica, Single Mama to Lailah(4) and Christopher(2)
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#7 of 7 Old 10-02-2009, 02:52 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by organic-momma View Post
DH and I are currently struggling with this as well... seems like a constant battle to try to define what it is we actually want, and how much of it is just influenced by what we are surrounded by.
I completely agree that what you are surrounded by has a huge effect on you. I often just would like to move to a smaller town where I don't have to constant pressures for name brands and the like.

Jessica, Single Mama to Lailah(4) and Christopher(2)
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