When the gift-givers find out you decluttered things they gave you? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 44 Old 12-17-2009, 04:36 PM
 
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Ive been really clear with relatives about my stand on stuff and they still give me stuff so I don't really feel bad about getting rid of it. I already know I will pass along much of what my mil is giving my daughter this year, she keeps buying whatever is on clearance instead of things that my daughter can actually use/keep--there is no use arguing with her about it, every year she does this.
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#32 of 44 Old 12-17-2009, 08:06 PM
 
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My MIL just informed my DH that a HUGE package is coming for us in the mail.
ugh... i casually mentioned that i need to get a new pot and pan set, i wanted triclad stainless steel ones because of the toxicity issue with teflon.
i know she cant afford the pots and pans i want, i am really really really hoping she didnt get us a cheapo teflon coated pot and pan set. i dont know if i can explain those away next time she's down. i'm mostly relieved its not a giant plastic kitchen for DD though since i casually mentioned i want to get her a really nice wood one.
does anyone elses relatives give close but no cigar gifts? its really frustrating and causes way more issues for me than the weird odd ball gifts that i can just hide away or donate and be done with.
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#33 of 44 Old 12-17-2009, 08:12 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Jackies Ladybug View Post
My MIL just informed my DH that a HUGE package is coming for us in the mail.
ugh... i casually mentioned that i need to get a new pot and pan set, i wanted triclad stainless steel ones because of the toxicity issue with teflon.
i know she cant afford the pots and pans i want, i am really really really hoping she didnt get us a cheapo teflon coated pot and pan set. i dont know if i can explain those away next time she's down. i'm mostly relieved its not a giant plastic kitchen for DD though since i casually mentioned i want to get her a really nice wood one.
does anyone elses relatives give close but no cigar gifts? its really frustrating and causes way more issues for me than the weird odd ball gifts that i can just hide away or donate and be done with.
Yes. My dad and his wife do this - and they CAN afford better (she's a lawyer and he makes nearly what she does), but they just buy cheap crap from walmart and pretend it's just as good. Ok, honestly, in their heads it *is* just as good - or better, because it was cheap. They're big on searching out the "deal", they just have a different definition of "deal" than I do, I guess. I'd rather do without than buy cheap junk, they'd rather have a house full of cheap junk than do without... even though they don't use most of it. to each his own, I guess, but it sucks when it's passed off to you when it's not your thing.

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#34 of 44 Old 12-17-2009, 08:20 PM
 
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i like throwing the away crap my mil gives us. it's like a silent jab. ahhhhh satisfying.
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#35 of 44 Old 12-17-2009, 08:42 PM
 
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i'm mostly relieved its not a giant plastic kitchen for DD though since i casually mentioned i want to get her a really nice wood one.
does anyone elses relatives give close but no cigar gifts? its really frustrating and causes way more issues for me than the weird odd ball gifts that i can just hide away or donate and be done with.
Yup. we are quite familiar with this. It hasn't happened as much recently, and it happened more to DH when he was a kid than it has happened to DD. DH has many a childhood wound associated with Christmas and it often stems from something akin to this kind of gift-giving. Now, they just don't ask what my daughter wants and it's usually something that just needs donatin'. Usually something cheap and plastic, that there are much better versions of. Fortunately, they don't seem to notice or care that it's gone pretty quickly.
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#36 of 44 Old 12-17-2009, 08:59 PM
 
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I found some things I gave my mom in her re-gifting box. I mean, really! She didn't even open them! It's not the first time. I caught her throwing away a gift I gave her *on* Christmas afternoon when I was about 12. Now I stick to things like massages that I know she enjoys.

We've gotten over being concerned. MIL had a tendency to buy us bunches of stuff from dollar stores, and DH finally told her to stop. It hurt her feelings, but she's stopped doing it.

It's us: DH , DS ; DD ; and me . Also there's the . And the 3 . I . Oh, and .
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#37 of 44 Old 12-19-2009, 03:52 PM
 
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A gift is yours once received, and you have the right to do whatever you please with it. I would have probably said the same thing in your situation. But the next time if this happened, I would say something like "Your gift was really thoughtful, and since we aren't able to use it (or don't really have space for it, etc.) I'm passing it on who someone who can use it. If you'd like it, you can take it."

MIL shouldn't make you feel guilty for getting rid of items that you don't love or don't suit a purpose in your home. If you kept everything you'd be drowing in clutter! And not everyone wants a million candle holders. I would pack the stuff back up and either throw it out or put it out for a freecycler to come pick up...hopefully she won't be the freecycler.

Oh and if she is nervy enough to ask about those items again, I would tell her that they're being put to good use and leave it at that. If she needs more explaination, she didn't really give you a gift.

belly.gifMama to a Little Scientist (09/08) and our Ray of Sunshine (05/11).
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#38 of 44 Old 12-20-2009, 12:49 AM
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Originally Posted by itsrtimedownhere View Post
i like throwing the away crap my mil gives us. it's like a silent jab. ahhhhh satisfying.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#39 of 44 Old 12-20-2009, 05:38 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mommaof3boz View Post
Seriously overstepping boundaries.

Maybe you should do a prank bag of "goodwill" and buy a vibrator to put in the bag. It will cure the nosey.

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#40 of 44 Old 12-20-2009, 05:50 AM
 
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Originally Posted by nascarbebe View Post

I've done this too. One time DH's grandma made a hideous Christmas decoration. It's a tree made out empty baby food jars and involves putting a Christmas light inside each one or something. DH's family are all hoarders and I was almost sick when she told me she had kept all those jars from when DH was a baby...35 years ago!!!

Coincidenatlly, I went to put it in the garage, dropped it and broke some of the jars. It was irrepairable, right? . So I HAD to toss out the whole thing.

Is moving an option for you? My SIL lives in the same town as all of them and gets stuck with all their stuff and they take inventory of what they gave you!



ROFL
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#41 of 44 Old 12-21-2009, 04:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by mommaof3boz View Post
Seriously overstepping boundaries.

Maybe you should do a prank bag of "goodwill" and buy a vibrator to put in the bag. It will cure the nosey.
.... Oh I like the way you think!

My MIL rocks. She does occasionally give the boys cheapo toys that she finds for next to nothing, but she tells me upfront they'll enjoy them for a day then I can quietly ditch them after they lose interest For us grown ups, she buys very nice gifts so I have never experienced having to donate or otherwise get rid of things she has given us. She has very much come on board with the no plasticrap battery op toys though.. and she tries to not buy mic items either. Actually, 9/10 things she buys come from my favourite kids product store so I know they are quality as well as not made with toxic materials GO MIL!

OP, I'd have just given her that look right back.. along with the silly xmas candle holder & easter egg thing You would think after being married to their family members for a few years they would clue in a LITTLE to what kind of person you are and what you might like?

Pagan  lovin'  WOW playing mum to 5 boys in the wonderful land of Oz ... FOR THE HORDE! hehehe
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#42 of 44 Old 12-21-2009, 01:58 PM
 
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I'm nervous about this, but due to the fact that my daughter has 9 sets of aunts and uncles, I have a very open policy that I will goodwill/return/trash any gift that I deem to be junk. One of her aunts has a habit of buying, to quote her "crap from China," another is a fan of cheap plastic battery-requiring toys, etc. I have given out gift ideas, told people our preferences, and mentioned my policy. I feel bad about it, but otherwise I'll have a house full of junk I don't want in a few years.

Of course, this is her first Christmas, so we haven't had to institute this policy yet.

Ashley, Pagan treehugger.gif mama to E (6/09) and my beautiful hbac.gif baby T (4/3/12)
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#43 of 44 Old 12-23-2009, 12:49 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Rowansmama View Post
A couple of years ago DH told his mom to stop sending us things we don't need for Christmas. All that stuff just ends up in our yard sale, and it's a waste of money. We move a lot (military) and hate clutter. She was offended, but now only sends us consumables for gifts

I felt bad about offending her, but it was either be honest or have her send us useless items for the next 30 years or whatever. Ungrateful? Maybe. But we haven't had to have a yard sale in a couple of years!
I had to tell my grandmother the same thing. She collects all manner of freebies and junk off the shopping channels and then spends a small fortune shipping it to us. It's always junk. I told her to stop wasting her money (she's on a very limited income) that we had everything we needed and she stopped.
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#44 of 44 Old 12-23-2009, 12:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Caneel View Post
Why did you DH even mention the Goodwill boxes to her?
no clue. I think he was in there looking for an empty box to wrap something in and she just followed him, getting into everything.

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Originally Posted by greenmansions View Post
OP, LOL at your MIL.
I wish *I* could "LOL" at my MIL....more like or for me. She sent us a thank you card for her recent visit and her/FIL gifts and she addressed the inside of the card "Dear DH, DD, and me,"....what? Then she writes below it in parentheses, "the order does NOT mean anything". Whatever, lady. I can't stand her.

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Originally Posted by mommaof3boz View Post
Seriously overstepping boundaries.
This is her main mission in life, I think. She has no clue what boundaries even *are*, but that's a whole other post!

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Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
I wouldn't have lied. I'd have told MIL "Yes, we're giving that away. We don't need it and we don't want it taking up our precious storage space. You're welcome to it if you'd like." Then you wouldn't be "stuck with it" and MIL might have a better idea of what kinds of gifts you're likely to keep.
I should have done what you said and saved myself some future trouble! Really it's more a matter of personal taste versus storage space though. But same principle applies, I guess.

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Originally Posted by nascarbebe View Post
Is moving an option for you?
Yes, we're moving next year...CLOSER to MIL.

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