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Hoarding, OCD, and Decluttering

9K views 87 replies 45 participants last post by  lolar2 
#1 ·
OK, I could probably have put this in Mental Health or Personal Growth as well, but since the bottom line is decluttering, I am putting it here.

We're looking at having the attic converted into a bedroom so we don't have to move when the twins arrive. The thing is, I am facing up to the fact that I am a bit of a hoarder.
Mostly, the "livable space" in my house is OK-- cluttered, but OK. My attic and basement are another story. They look a lot like something you'd see on a Discovery Health special.

I have to get this cleaned out. The contractor can't get started until I get the attic and then the basement finished.

Here are my problems:

1. I am exhausted and pregnant with twins. I am still having bad tummy days and throwing up on a fairly regular basis.

2. My anxiety is at an all-time high. Last night, DH went down and "cleaned up" in the basement. This morning, I went down and pulled stuff out of the trash. I just can't stand this stuff being just thrown away. I don't have a problem with trash being tossed, and it's not even so much that I want to keep the stuff (OK, some of it I do). But I hate the idea of it just being thrown out.

3. I have this idea that I'm going to sell a bunch of it. I know this is really unrealistic seeing how it hasn't happened in 8 years, but I feel like if I can get some money for it, I should.

4. Since I can't do it just right, I feel like I can't do it all. And I don't trust my husband to do it, because he throws out the good stuff and keeps the dumb stuff.

I know I need therapy, but I am just not up to it right now.
I don't know how to let go of my control issues and get this done.

Ideas? Please?
 
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#52 ·
One other little thought... if you have anything large (or small...) that has sentimental value but you really don't want to keep, you might consider taking a photo and having a book of 'precious things' photos that you can browse through when you want to remember the sentiment of the items.
 
#53 ·
Thanks to all for posting- I definitely fall into the perfectionist camp as well as not wanting to "waste" stuff. I am not alone (and I will tell my husband)! Living in a teeny cottage, we got rid of a lot of clutter pre-homebirth, but in the 10 months since, what little we had has somehow metastasized.
I just read "Clutter Busting" and it has been amazing to find out why people REALLY clutter-totally emotional. Some of these stories were just amazing, before and after. Hinny is reading and then we are going to go at it full tilt!
 
#55 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by cappuccinosmom View Post
Just a thought off the top of my head...

Maybe when you're having a good day, take a pack of bright neon stickers (like the "dot" stickers) and put them on anything you really want to keep.
And then have dh move all the "keep" items to one corner of the basement/attic, glance through to reassure yourself that everything you want to be kept is in the keep pile and that you want to keep everything in the keep pile, and then go away for awhile and leave your dh to it.
 
#56 ·
I love all the good advice on this page.

We moved to Alaska 10 months ago from Portland, OR and were not able to drive, so we had to ship our belongings on a limited budget. We ended up moving (2 parents and our 2 year old son) with a total of 11 UPS boxes and whatever fit in the trunk of our sedan (which we also shipped). It was an INSANE de-cluttering experience.

As we build a new home here, this experience has made me think more about the problem of clutter starting in the first place. If I did not accumulate a bunch of crap in the first place, then I wouldn't have to struggle to get rid of it later. Now everything I purchase (used or new or craigslist or whatever), it must be the PERFECT thing. If I'm compromising on the purchase at all ("well, it's nice but if it were green..." or "I was hoping for something a little smaller but this will do") then I simply don't buy it and wait for the perfect thing.

It's not worth owning if it's not the right thing, right now.
 
#57 ·
Hi everyone -

I can totally relate to not wanting to throw good stuff away. I also hate holding garage/yard sales. There is a great internet organization called Freecycle - there are chapters all over the country. The deal is that you "Offer" stuff you don't want - or you can ask for what you need. No money is exchanged/allowed. People will come and pick up your stuff. They are always grateful to get what you can't use. I love reading about what people are giving away. I find it much easier to GIVE away than THROW away. Especially when someone else is so happy to get what I no longer need, love or want. Log on to Freecycle.org to find a chapter in your area.

Good luck!!
Solanamama
 
#58 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Solanamama View Post
Hi everyone -

I can totally relate to not wanting to throw good stuff away. I also hate holding garage/yard sales. There is a great internet organization called Freecycle - there are chapters all over the country. The deal is that you "Offer" stuff you don't want - or you can ask for what you need. No money is exchanged/allowed. People will come and pick up your stuff. They are always grateful to get what you can't use. I love reading about what people are giving away. I find it much easier to GIVE away than THROW away. Especially when someone else is so happy to get what I no longer need, love or want. Log on to Freecycle.org to find a chapter in your area.

Good luck!!
Solanamama
My experience with Freecycle has not been that great. People do not come and pick up stuff. They say they will and don't show, or bombard you with demands or silly questions, or complain. I'm way over Freecycle. Also, if you see above, I need to not have extra steps in all this. It's frustrating when people keep making suggestions that I've already made clear will make this whole process more difficult, not easier.
 
#59 ·
Reading all this has been great for me. I'm a bit of a hoarder and a slob and hate both of hose things in my life.
Since becoming a military wife a few years back I have had to move a handful of times and moving has become a huge anxiety for me because of the sorting it involves. This time we are moving across the country and have a strict weight limit, everything g over that limit (which I'm sure we are over currently) is billed a 2$ per pound!

I know this is the kick in the pants I need, I'm just horrified of the process.
 
#60 ·
I had two negative experiences with Freecycle -- one on the receiving end, one on the giving end -- but also had several positive experiences. There is also the craigslist free section you can do.
What would make the process easier for you? Someone to go through things with you?
 
#61 ·
Hey all! DH and DS1 are on a dump run, so I'm updating. The attic is just awful. For one thing, there's a lot more to keep and store, and not enough places to have a "staging area". But we have managed to get rid of quite a bit so far. I let go of most of my Stephen King and Maeve Binchey and Patricia Cornwell books. DH brought up the library book sale again today, and I said if he could get them there today or tomorrow, I was fine with it, as long as I didn't have to do anything extra.

In a way, it's easier. The attic stairs are through my daughter's room, so I am camped out on a chair and they bring things to me. It makes life easier to see things in little chunk instead of ZOMGosh, HUGE ATTIC MESS!!!!

I've cried a lot though. I've found my Anne of Green Gables books from when I was little, my childhood journals, tons of baby and wedding pics. It's just hard. We haven't fought yet today though, which is a minor miracle. Even on a normal day that doesn't involve decluttering, we generally would have had several tiffs by now.


Anyway, I'll check back later. If you think of it, send warm thoughts or say a prayer for me. This is tough stuff.
 
#65 ·
it is harder to let go of the things from childhood, and it is also ok to hold onto them if you have the space to store some things. and a labelled tote is the best thing ever.


good job. it will be over soon, and you'll be onto the next phase--creating a workable space for you and your family!
 
#66 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by *bejeweled* View Post
I just took a bunch of really good kids stuff to Goodwill. It helps when I imagine little kids all over the city wearing DD's outgrown stuff.

It is a great feeling today, isn't it?

The hardest part of today was finding out our car needs a $700 repair.
We can't afford it right now. I mean, I guess we can, but it will wipe out our emergency fund. And letting stuff go when I could have had a killer yard sale or something is hard, knowing we could use the money. But I know this is best. We have to do this quickly and efficiently in order to get it done and move on.

We got about 1/3 of the attic done today. Maybe even just 1/4. Only 2 loads to the dump and 1 to the thrift store. I did save a box of books to list on paperback swap. We found 3 violins and a cello (don't ask) and are donating them to the school district's strings program. We got rid of a lot of old falling apart furniture we just couldn't throw in the trash-- an 11 year old glider rocker, a decrepit desk, some falling apart dressers.

I also managed to fill, label, and store 12 totes, 1 for each month, with seasonal and holiday decorations, books, unit studies, etc, as well as 5 more for Advent, Christmas, Lent, Easter, and Birthdays.
 
#67 ·
Congrats!! You are doing awesome
I had to do a MASSIVE declutter/purge on a very tight schedule a few years ago to accomodate a move across country so I have some idea of how hard it is. Major kudos to you!! And I am totally jealous of the label maker, I want one!
 
#68 ·
Just an update before bed:
2 trips to the dump by 11 AM when they closed for the holiday weekend
1 trip to the thrift store
1 trip to the library
1 trip to the recycling center

The only thing left up there are clothes. I meant to get a head start on those, but I'll admit I pooped out around 3. Everything hurts and the babies are squirming like crazy. I think they're happy I sat down!

And really, I feel stuck on dealing with the clothes until I know what we're having. If we're having two girls or two boys, then there's a lot I can get rid of and donate to the church clothing giveaway.
 
#69 ·
How long till you may be able to find out genders? Are there clothes that you would get rid of regardless or is it all things you would use if you had another baby of that gender?
 
#70 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by annettemarie View Post
The hardest part of today was finding out our car needs a $700 repair.
We can't afford it right now. I mean, I guess we can, but it will wipe out our emergency fund. And letting stuff go when I could have had a killer yard sale or something is hard, knowing we could use the money. But I know this is best. We have to do this quickly and efficiently in order to get it done and move on.
I've been lurking in here from time to time, checking on you, and I think you and your family are amazing. You saw the problem clearly, you got help, you're dealing! Now that's a decluttered process! (And I know that includes rough spots too, but you're obviously all keeping your eyes on the prize.)

Re the car repair - I like to think that by getting rid of stuff, you are making energetic space for more funds to come in to help you out.

Congratulations! These twins are already gifting your family in a special way.
 
#71 ·
You're very sweet. My husband is a pastor and actually has 2 funerals and a wedding this week. At the risk of sounding completely calloused, that's $300 there. Plus we have $150 coming from the scrap yard for DH's old car. So that's $450. And eating $250 really isn't all that bad, especially considering the fact that we haven't really had to put any money in the car since we bought it two years ago.

I've hit a wall on the clothes. I have 2 to 4 totes in each size (one or two for girls/boys) but I still have a whole bunch of clothes sitting on the attic floor, on a rocking chair, in the boys' room. I'm really tempted to say screw it and just get rid of anything that doesn't scream "Save me!" OTOH, I will admit that I am scared to death that my kids won't have enough. The boys are really hard on their clothes and I'm scared I won't have enough hand-me-downs and we won't have money to get new stuff. I'm going to think about this tonight and see if I can let a lot of these clothes that are floating around go.

Also my children are little saints. Seriously. Not only have they agreeed to homeschooling over the summer so we can take time off when the babies come, but they also brought totes down from the attic in between assignments today. It's hot as Hades up there! But they did it mostly without complaining and it was such a help. And then my son took the filled totes out to the garage as well!
 
#72 ·
Your kids sound amazing!! I hope my boys turn into awesome people like that as they grow up
I bet the help of your family is making this SO much easier. I have the same problem with getting rid of clothes, always worried my younger ones won't have enough. My most recent purge I made myself get rid of anything stained and anything that I couldn't remember putting either of my older 2 in.
 
#73 ·
I've already done that and I still have so much!
My OCD standards are:
no stains
no rips
no characters and name brands or commercial stuff
natural fibers
nothing too "dated"

If I still have 1 or 2 totes per gender per size after all that, it probably is time to let some of it go.
 
#74 ·
That honestly doesn't sound that bad to me... I have one BIG tote for 0-6 months, 6-12, 12-18, 18-24 and 24 mos/2T and that is only one gender. I think at this point, if you have the room to store for a few more months, you could take a small decluttering break and wait till you know the babies genders? I mean, you could do another sweep through and get rid of anything you don't want to keep but it seems like you have done really well...
 
#75 ·
I'm done sorting through the clothes.


We went to Target this morning, but the totes were too darned expensive there. I also managed to walk by all the great clearance stuff, including some super cute baby clothes, because I kept thinking "DH will flip his lid if I come home with more stuff with all that crap sitting in my living room."
Then when we went to K-mart, they only had 5 left. So my decision to cull was kind of made for me.


Anyway, the kids brought all the clothes down from the attic. I also went through the coats kept coats for the babies, snowsuits and snowpants, and what we needed for next year. The rest went to the church clothing giveaway.

I still have shoes to go through. OMGosh, the shoes! But I've decided that I'm only keeping boots and dress shoes and sandals, because those are all a little more expensive and a little harder to come by. But sneakers, flip flops, stuff like that-- I'm letting go. I can get brand new play shoes on clearance for $5-$10 or at the thrift store in a pinch.

One thing I've realized is that at the heart of all this keeping stuff is a real lack of faith/trust (if I can get spiritual in frugality for a moment). I pay lip service to trusting God, but then I grab everything I can just in case. I'm not going to donate all our clothes, but I'm also not going to feel like I have to keep grabbing and keeping. It's hard to find the balance, but I'm hoping I'll find it eventually. I'm also committing to not buying anything new unless I know for a fact I need it to fill out a kid's current wardrobe.

I'm no where near done. There's still all the baby stuff in the attic and then I need to start going through stuff that's in the house.
 
#76 ·
Go you!!!! That is awesome
This has thread has been a total inspiration... I agree with you that a lot of letting go is about trusting God to provide in the future and having faith that you don't need to hold onto everything right now just in case. I go by the 1 tote rule too... 1 tote per size, but I also only have boys so that might have to change if we ever have a girl.
 
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