does your house get TRASHED at playdates? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 25 Old 11-17-2010, 07:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
UrbanSimplicity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 942
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

am i the only one?  we live in 500sq feet - kitchen, living room, and bedroom which is basically 2 beds on the floor behind a wall.  so its the whole space that gets trashed, the kids can't just go to the non-existent playroom.  It gets so bad you can't walk anywhere without nearly stepping on a "piece" from some game or puzzle . . . . .even if we play outside it only takes a minute for a kid or 2 to run in and start pulling stuff out.  my MAJOR pet peeve, and I see our boy-friends doing this mostly, is when they take a puzzle, dump it, move on to the next thing, dump it . . . . or when boxes get stepped on and then the corners break and it no longer can stay closed . . . .

 

i'm starting to put things with little pieces out of reach, but then i get requests for the item, and i oblige.  i feel like i am running around cringing lately when we have guests, and i do not want to be so uptight about it.  but the kids we have over are much rougher with our things then my dds are.

 

one issue, particularly on our friday playdate, is that my friend and i want to visit with each other as opposed to facilitate kids activities (which we pretty much do all week long, ya know?)  we want to chat in the kitchen, while the kids (2 2yo's and 2 4yo's) play in the next room.  we have a nice time, but the chaos and destruction - AGH!  it takes me a good hour to pick it up, and dh usually helps too.

 

i also usually tell my guests who offer to help that it is ok i will do it, after all, they are the ones who have to travel - walk or subway ride 20 minutes at least - to get to me.  besides, they don't know where everything goes :)

 

i feel like we should at least go through the motions of asking the older kids to help clean one thing before we part ways.

 

btw - the friends we visit most often have homes that are less organized than mine and there seems to be lots of stuff strewn everywhere as the norm.  trust me, mine is no palace, but all our things have a home and at the end of the day i more or less put everything in its spot.  but i feel that is necessary in such a small space, and on days we do not have friends over i can do it in 20 minutes while dh does bathtime.

 

 


mama to : my spirited star 2/06, my sweet love 5/08, and a little lovey 5/12

UrbanSimplicity is offline  
#2 of 25 Old 11-17-2010, 07:54 PM
 
*clementine*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,420
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yeah, no matter how small/large our home is, having company almost always trashes the house. Even if I'm walking around tidying up a bit while they're here. I dread having company for this reason. Then I feel uptight. It's a vicious circle.

*clementine* is offline  
#3 of 25 Old 11-18-2010, 05:28 AM
 
homemademom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 1,277
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by *clementine* View Post

Yeah, no matter how small/large our home is, having company almost always trashes the house. Even if I'm walking around tidying up a bit while they're here. I dread having company for this reason. Then I feel uptight. It's a vicious circle.



Me, too. I totally understand.

 

I had six 2.5-3 yr olds at my house for a preschool co-op a couple weeks ago and they did the "dump and move on" thing. It was so annoying.  I decided next time that I'm hiding my dd's doll house toys and putting the puzzles up. One thing I found that they loved and didn't make for much chaos were lots of pillows (to hide in, stomp on, etc.) and a collapsible play tent.  They also seemed to like the play kitchen. Those things are bigger and easier to clean up.  


I love homemade: cute skirts, apricot jam, and family! 
homemademom is offline  
#4 of 25 Old 11-18-2010, 06:58 AM
 
smallmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 224
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yes, it does, but it's totally worth it to me for some time with my girlfriends and my son having fun. We do always make the kids do some cleaning up - I have all of the toy baskets/spots on the shelves labelled with word and picture labels to show what toys go there (mostly for my DS, but it helps the other moms too). Stuff still gets put back in the wrong spot, but the other moms and I all feel its important to model cleaning up, even if it's not perfect.

smallmama is offline  
#5 of 25 Old 11-18-2010, 07:18 AM
 
*clementine*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,420
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Another thing- It's not just the smaller people who trash the house lol. I have 6 kids, and let's say my sister stops over with hers. That now means I have EIGHT kids running around. The teenagers try on each other clothing and do their hair and makeup upstairs. That creates pure hell for me to clean up after they've left. And yeah.......my teenagers should be doing that job, but generally, they take off for the mall and then go to my sister's house for the weekend and they've left before I even realize how bad the upstairs is. I can either clean it myself or live around it (not happening because I'm anal.)

 The smaller kids are playing, and often times I'm feeding everyone, the mess is gigantic.

I feel like all I do is get our house clean everyday and then turn around and pick up aftermath when people do stop over. Which is often.

I want to play too and be relaxed and fun, but all I can think about while company is here, is how many hours of work I'm going to end up investing in the aftermath cleanup.

And you know what? My Mom stopped over yesterday and even that trashed my house. I'd just run to the grocery store to pick up some stuff for dinner. Instead of stopping in the kitchen and putting away the groceries and starting food, I dumped everything on the counter and went into the living room to talk to her. It interrupts my routine of walking around picking up each room  when I have to sit and talk to people. I can't exactly say, "hey, can you follow me from room to room for 30 min while I pick up the crap that got drug out while I was at the store? Then I'll be in the kitchen starting dinner,  we'll be confined there for 40 minutes - you won't have a place to sit unless you want to hop up on the deep freeze lol."

Sigh.

I love socializing, but really, it's also an interruption of the flow around here and sets me back. Secretly I worry all day long that someone will stop over and my house will go to hell all over again- but if they don't come to play, I'm lonely.
:(

*clementine* is offline  
#6 of 25 Old 11-18-2010, 07:27 AM
 
*clementine*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,420
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

P.S.

I have newborn twins. I might be more mellow if not for that? I dunno.

*clementine* is offline  
#7 of 25 Old 11-18-2010, 07:32 AM
 
SilverFish's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Montreal
Posts: 877
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

this is why we don't have playdates at our houses. granted our kids are all only babies, but we have thus far found it much more relaxing to convene on a local baby friendly cafe. we buy coffee and snacks, and in return we don't have a destroyed house to clean up when we go home. there are far fewer toys too, but no one seems to mind... the more stuff that is out, the more mess that is made. i think we will probably continue this tradition in one way or another once our kids get bigger. our house is too small and not child-proofed enough for me to want a bunch of toddlers cruising through it!

SilverFish is offline  
#8 of 25 Old 11-18-2010, 07:38 AM
 
just_lily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 2,187
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I run a home daycare so it is like perpetual play date over here.... and my house is always trashed.  I am going to be closing, and this is one of the major reasons.  It drives me insane that my house could be ready to be on the cover of Home and Garden at 7am, and completely trashed by 8. 

 

And it isn't just mess... it is the actual breaking of toys as well.  I no longer buy new toys for the daycare kids because they get destroyed so fast - only second hand and garage sale finds.  My furniture is showing a tonne of wear, I've had dining room chairs broken and I need a new screen door.  If I somehow forget and leave out a piece of paper or something, someone will be ripping it to shreads within minutes.  I have found puzzle pieces stuffed into our bunny's cage (which the bunny will then happily chew on.) 

 

So yeah... seems to be totally normal. 


Wife to DH (06/10) and Mummy to DD (07/08).

just_lily is offline  
#9 of 25 Old 11-18-2010, 07:47 AM
 
*clementine*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,420
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by just_lily View Post

 " It drives me insane that my house could be ready to be on the cover of Home and Garden at 7am, and completely trashed by 8. "

 

I hear you.hola.gif

*clementine* is offline  
#10 of 25 Old 11-18-2010, 08:07 AM
 
Harper's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 966
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Oh definitely. My house gets trashed! I've had some pretty big playgroups too. Toys strewn from one end of the house to the other. But I don't mind. I really don't. Let's say there are people and kids here for 4 hours. And the kids have an awesome time. And I have a great time. And everyone that comes has a great time. The hour or so it takes me to put things away, vacuum and clean up the kitchen is really worth it to me. But, I don't really mind cleaning up in general. We have a place for everything so I find that even if the house looks like a tornado went through it, it really isn't that hard to clean up. I could definitely do more to have all the kids help clean up but sometimes I'm just too lazy to expend the energy it would take to cajole them into doing it and I'd rather just do it myself. I always put away toys (usually art supplies) away that I don't want the kids to get into or break. But games and stuff like that I don't mind. But yes, there is a lot of dumping, moving on, dumping, moving on, etc.

 

I guess I have been lucky though with breakage and loss. Although things have definitely gotten broken, it hasn't been anything that I was upset about. I kind of try to go with the flow: if I open my house to a group of families, chances are something is going to get lost or broken or ruined. It's funny because my dh and I are really particular about our "stuff" and don't want it ruined but I haven't found any real lasting damage from even large playgroups. We all just have a good time and keep our expectations high about fun and low about mess.

 

(Oh and we usually serve mimosas or beer at our playgroups! Maybe that's why I can just "go with the flow.")


Mama to two wonderful daughers: 02/03/03 and 10/19/05
Harper is offline  
#11 of 25 Old 11-18-2010, 08:28 AM
 
*clementine*'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Posts: 4,420
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Ohhhh......beer. I bet if I added beer I'd have fun too.  I don't drink. Wish I did though. I'd be wayyyy more fun.Sheepish.gif

I saw this wine at the grocery store the other day called Cup Cake wine. It was calling me. Maybe I should just buy some and take sips off it when company comes.

I can just see my 16 year old niece saying to my daughter "Ari.....is your mom buzzed?"ROTFLMAO.gif

I'm getting some today. I do enjoy life more with a little wine while I'm cooking dinner.

*clementine* is offline  
#12 of 25 Old 11-18-2010, 08:49 AM
 
Pepper44's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Central Kentucky
Posts: 2,110
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

My house is a badly laid out 1,000 sq. feet.  It used to get horrifically trashed. Now it only gets a little trashed...I took all of our toys and made "fun boxes" out of them.  We have about 8 big totes with lids.  Each tote has some dolls and/or stuffed animals, a play set, random little toys, a puzzle or two, a game, a handful of books, maybe dress-up items, and an art thing of some kind. Basically each one contains a full day of play.

 

I labeled the totes with numbers, and we have a sheet with an index listing of the big things in each tote in case we want to get out something specific one day.  All of the totes are stacked in our water heater closet outside, and we only get out one at a time.  It has been the best thing I've ever done.  We own way too many toys, but this way they are all appreciated and enjoyed because it's so exciting to get them out.  And we find all of the game pieces or puzzle pieces before we put the tote away to get out another one, so nothing gets lost.

 

We still keep out big things at all times, like the kitchen and wooden food for example.  DD has an art drawer she can get into whenever she wants, and we have the huge doll house and wooden castle sitting out also.  The pieces to the doll house and castle are in smaller boxes with lids so we can put those away on the closet shelf.  We also have a tote thingy with learning toys and homeschooling stuff in the closet inside for easy access.

 

As for things getting broken with lots of kids playing, yeah that still happens...lol.


Momma to Sweet Rosie 7/06, Lost Baby J 1/09 at 12 weeks pregnant, Spitfire Ada born 4/21/10, and Baby Boy due July/August 2013!
Aspiring urban homesteader, photographer, homeschooling momma! Blog link in my profile. 

Pepper44 is offline  
#13 of 25 Old 11-18-2010, 08:55 AM
 
4evermom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: PA
Posts: 8,834
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)

I think boys especially have a tendency to take out everything.  They do an "inventorying" thing...  Our place only seemed to have things strewn everywhere with some kids.  Most playdates result in a pretty tidy place but everyone is older than 2 and 4.  I have been known to pack away a ton of things, especially small part toys, before playdates with young kids.  I do have an attic and will tell the kids I cleaned up and put away things we don't use often.  I will tell them I can't get them out now because they are all the way in the attic if really don't think they'll use it and don't want to deal with it.  If they don't see the toys, they don't usually ask me to get them out, with the exception of a few memorable favorite things.  If there was someplace to stash things (preferably without your own dc noticing, either) so they were out of sight instead of just up high, maybe that would help.  I know my own ds would have escorted his guests to where I stashed the toys if he noticed me putting them in a new spot!


Mom to unschooling 4everboy since 8/01
4evermom is offline  
#14 of 25 Old 11-18-2010, 12:47 PM
 
cyclamen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,294
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)

My house is about the same as yours, OP.  When we have playdates, the place gets pretty messy; however, we do not have more toys than it takes 10 minutes to pick up, and everyone in our group tries to help pick up a little before we leave.  So that really helps.  I still have  cleaning to do when people go.  What I do is try to limit the number of kids that are over, and also, I will shut the bedroom off if it seems necessary. 

 

Mimosas sound like an AWESOME playgroup idea, lol....


DD1 6/2009 DD2 5/1/2013-5/5/2013 (HIE) DS 3/2014
cyclamen is offline  
#15 of 25 Old 11-18-2010, 12:53 PM
 
cyclamen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,294
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanSimplicity View Post
i'm starting to put things with little pieces out of reach, but then i get requests for the item, and i oblige.  i feel like i am running around cringing lately when we have guests, and i do not want to be so uptight about it.  but the kids we have over are much rougher with our things then my dds are.

 

one issue, particularly on our friday playdate, is that my friend and i want to visit with each other as opposed to facilitate kids activities (which we pretty much do all week long, ya know?)  we want to chat in the kitchen, while the kids (2 2yo's and 2 4yo's) play in the next room.  we have a nice time, but the chaos and destruction - AGH!  it takes me a good hour to pick it up, and dh usually helps too.

 

i also usually tell my guests who offer to help that it is ok i will do it, after all, they are the ones who have to travel - walk or subway ride 20 minutes at least - to get to me.  besides, they don't know where everything goes :)

 

 

I think you are on the right track with putting little piece stuff out of the way.  Then just hold your ground... the stuff is put away today, what about x, y, or z?

 

My DD is under 2, so not as messy as a 2 year old, but this week I had my two friends and their two kids, a 2 yo and a 3-almost 4-yo, and we gave the three of them a box of duplos, and let them build a couch fort and roam around while we sat in the kitchen and ate.  So it was not too difficult to clean up since it all goes into the one box, and the blankets just get folded.  I think limiting the amount of stuff that is out, and just throwing them at the mercy of their own creative juices is a good thing to do.

 

Also, I would take someone up on the offer to help pick up; and then if I went to their house I would try to help out too.  It's nice, people like to help each other.


DD1 6/2009 DD2 5/1/2013-5/5/2013 (HIE) DS 3/2014
cyclamen is offline  
#16 of 25 Old 11-19-2010, 10:42 AM
 
MrsH's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: MA
Posts: 164
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

It does get messy but I definitely agree with some of the points of previous posters.  We don't have many toys, put away special toys or ones with a million parts, only allow access to one part of the house (sounds like you don't have that option), and everyone helps clean before we leave.  About 15minutes before the end I'll start cleaning up and putting stuff away.  The other parents will usually join in.  If it's a drop-off playdate I give the girls a 10 minute warning, and then a "ok it's time to clean up."  By the time their parents get there they're usually pretty well done (this is the 8 year olds).  Though I'm not above saying "they started a little late on their clean-up, do you mind if we work on that for five more minutes?"  Usually the parent is glad that their kid is helping, and on the rare occasion that they don't have time to wait I help my dd clean up. 

 

I've also said, mostly to the 4 year olds "ok kids, I think there are enough toys out now.  Let's clean some up before we move on to the next thing."  Or if they want to play outside I say "ok, let's first put these toys away and then we'll head outside."  We also clean up before having a snack or meal.  They don't always do it, and I can't make them, but I just model it and most of the time they join in.  

 

If we've managed to get the place mostly cleaned up due to such a transition or something, I pull out a toy that's less mess but captures their attention: play-dough, legos/duplo, the car set, or blankets, pillows, and books for a fort. 

 

Not to sound like we have it all together, at all.  On the days that these strategies don't work I try to look at it as a pp suggested: we all had a great time so it's worth the time spent cleaning up. 


Married to DH since 2006.  Adoptive mom to DD1 (June 2002), DS (Jan 2006), and bio mom to DD2 (May 2009).

MrsH is offline  
#17 of 25 Old 11-19-2010, 01:38 PM
 
Kuba'sMama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 403
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:

I love socializing, but really, it's also an interruption of the flow around here and sets me back. Secretly I worry all day long that someone will stop over and my house will go to hell all over again- but if they don't come to play, I'm lonely.
:(


This is me exactly. As I type this my two kids and their two friends are audibly trashing the living room. I hate nagging, because I do have a bit of mess-induced ocd (i guess everyone does to some degree). But my kids love to host playdates and they do get invited to others' houses in return. I love having friends over as well, and it does "set me back" as well. LOL. Saturdays are usually "tidy up the kids' rooms days anyway". Deep breath... aaahhh.


SAHM to one moody son J hat.gif(06-27-03), one super-girly daughter M hearts.gif (02-23-06) and welcome Sophie! energy.gif(05-23-10) expecting fourth in July baby.gif

Kuba'sMama is offline  
#18 of 25 Old 11-19-2010, 02:43 PM
 
clutterwarrior's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,612
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by UrbanSimplicity View Post
the kids we have over are much rougher with our things then my dds are.

 


 

 



This is what I have experienced also. I am not sure why, but my kids have always been gentle on their toys. Even DS who plays typical boy games, does not break his things. When he has had friends over after school, we have invariably had something broken.  I even found one boy opening some new toys that my son still hadn't opened from his birthday.....my son would not do that at someone's house, so I was very taken aback. And the last time he had a friend over, the boy threw a small tantrum about wanting to take one of my son's toys home...and this kid is 8 years old, a bit too old for that behaviour!

 

It has really put me off having kids over. I am not going to stop him having friends over, but next time I am going to designate an area they can play in and restrict which toys are there.


SAHM to three
clutterwarrior is offline  
#19 of 25 Old 11-19-2010, 02:59 PM
 
tallulahma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: detroit
Posts: 2,684
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
My place always gets trashed, but I enjoy every second if playtime the kids get, so I don't mind picking up. I can usually untrash the apartment in under an hour.

I love the sound of kids playing and don't like stopping that rush to have them pick up.... And I never let people help clean up, i feel it's just part of hosting...
But I'm like that with every kind of get together, I don't like my guests to clean. It actually bothers me... I'm OCD... So I do everything really methodically. But I don't mind an enjoy cleaning others' houses.

I'm weird.

~jen~ )O( mama to k 07/05 o 5/08 and c 12/09
tallulahma is offline  
#20 of 25 Old 11-19-2010, 06:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
UrbanSimplicity's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 942
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:

This is what I have experienced also. I am not sure why, but my kids have always been gentle on their toys. Even DS who plays typical boy games, does not break his things. When he has had friends over after school, we have invariably had something broken.  I even found one boy opening some new toys that my son still hadn't opened from his birthday.....my son would not do that at someone's house, so I was very taken aback. And the last time he had a friend over, the boy threw a small tantrum about wanting to take one of my son's toys home...and this kid is 8 years old, a bit too old for that behaviour!


thanks for the thoughtful replies.  i meant to add in my op - particularly in regards to the toys getting broken (of course accidents happen, but i mean as a result of unnecessary roughness) I wonder about teaching our dc to have respect for things, especially things belonging to other people. 
then again, i am dealing with 2 and 4 year olds, and while i know its never too early, and we do talk about this i know its still too young for them to empathize.

 

as far as requesting help cleaning up ( and the constant modeling), i seem to get a lot of laughter and running away, anyone have any advice for that? :)


mama to : my spirited star 2/06, my sweet love 5/08, and a little lovey 5/12

UrbanSimplicity is offline  
#21 of 25 Old 11-19-2010, 07:16 PM
 
aircantu1's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Texas
Posts: 561
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Yes, it totally does and it drives me crazy.  I've had very few playdates here over the years because of that.  But I feel guilty about bein so uptight.  But it's just easier to go to the park or whatever where I'm not left sorting 12 million and one tiny pieces back into seperate boxes.

 

I've actually started putting most of the toys away (read: hiding them in the closet) when we have people over.  Like puzzles, potato heads, things that have lots of pieces.  I leave out the dolls and balls and dress up stuff -- things that just get crammed into a bin and don't require hours of micro-sorting. :)


I don't like anyone helping me put it away either -- they don't know where it goes and it would drive me crazy.

aircantu1 is offline  
#22 of 25 Old 11-20-2010, 09:00 AM
 
425lisamarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: In the rain
Posts: 5,289
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I got so sick of this.  I'm kind of suprised because NO ONE ever offers to help me clean it up.  And seriously no one invites us over, I think because my kids have more toys here I always make good lunch and snacks fro everyone and they don't have to clean LOL!  I have ONE good friend and we swap. 

 

I have a play room downstairs.  It used to be the crafts room/toy storage, and my room upstairs was the play room but i just can't keep a handle on it them.  The kids each have their special things in their bedrooms, and a tall bookshelf they keep organized.  They really don't use their rooms for "play" though, more like storing/arranging because I really do think they value their things.  When friends come over, we DO NOT play in bedrooms.  I am incredibly strict about this.  Both my kids have been in tears over  broken things, etc.  DS has a huge collection of legos which he displays and the swipe of a hand one time and they are gone.  It happened with his lego agent command center and it was sad.  He literally cried half an hour in front of people and I don't blame him.  Someone broke my DD's special umbrella that was in her room....so we just don't go there. 

 

So, downstairs in our play room we have one wall of deep bookshelves floor to ceiling.  We keep all the toys, games, puzzles, joint craft supplies, etc.  there is a table in there, a wall of white boards.  In the living room we having the same wall floor to ceiling of bookshelves and each kid has one tall unit for their school stuff (we homeschool) and all the toys that can fit in them.  The rest go in the play room.  I just flat out stand right in the middle of it, and whip out my emergency bribe if it is getting out of hand.  I save the snack time to this.  "Ok, clean up, then we have the cookies," or whatever.  Kids love it here, and I love having them but I just will not be disrespected and some of them honestly have NO order at home.  I think they like it here because they have some structure.  I love them all, and teach them to play together and clean up their work.  I told one 5 year old I love you and I love that you play here but these are our nice things, and I would like you to use them wiht respect and leave them the same way and place you found them.  He actually pouted for a while, but he came back to our house to play and is much better. 

 

What drives me nuts is the kids who live in houses that are totally a disaster ( I know a few) actually come here and think it's fun to arrange, stay after to help tidy.  Two kids I know, one girl is 8 so totally knowing better here.....TRASHES mine and my mom's house within minutes, and her mom has the most emaculate house I know. 

 

425lisamarie is offline  
#23 of 25 Old 11-20-2010, 02:13 PM
 
clutterwarrior's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,612
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by 425lisamarie View Post


What drives me nuts is the kids who live in houses that are totally a disaster ( I know a few) actually come here and think it's fun to arrange, stay after to help tidy.  Two kids I know, one girl is 8 so totally knowing better here.....TRASHES mine and my mom's house within minutes, and her mom has the most emaculate house I know. 

 


It sounds as though in both cases, the children need a bit of the opposite of what they are used to.

 

The ones who live in messy houses crave order.

 

And on the other hand it is possible that the girl whose house is immaculate, feels very repressed at home and unable to make any mess at all....I know parents like that who are extremely controlling when it comes to letting kids make a bit of mess or express themselves, so she is using the opportunity to free up a bit somewhere that she feels safe from being told not to. It is most likely a compliment to you that she feels safe to make a mess at your house. Although I can understand your frustration if she is trashing your house! 


SAHM to three
clutterwarrior is offline  
#24 of 25 Old 11-21-2010, 03:37 AM
 
Crunchy*VT*Mom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Home of the Screaming Pennies
Posts: 2,964
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:

Originally Posted by UrbanSimplicity View Post

as far as requesting help cleaning up ( and the constant modeling), i seem to get a lot of laughter and running away, anyone have any advice for that? :)



Just keep asking and firmly let your own children know that they need to help.  They will get better as they get older.

 

I'm nutty about my house being clean, but I still have lots of playdates because I enjoy the company.  I have found that one or two other children is all I can tolerate.  Small playdates keep me sane.

 

I put all the small stuff waaaay up high and bring down dress-up clothes, stuffed animals, things that are easily thrown in a bin at the end of the playdate...because you are right, little children just love to dump things out.   I have three children so most of our toys are unbreakable at this stage of the game (the fragile ones were broken long ago).

 

When the weather is nice, we play outside.  Meet at parks and such.  Another option is to look around for a public gym -- the high school, or your local YMCA or elementary school, or even universities.  Often their basketball gyms or tennis courts are open to the public.  Take a bag of balls, meet your friends at that gym with coffee and let the kids run themselves silly.


 

 

Crunchy*VT*Mom is offline  
#25 of 25 Old 11-22-2010, 12:31 AM
 
minta's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 232
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 

Quote:
 

one issue, particularly on our friday playdate, is that my friend and i want to visit with each other as opposed to facilitate kids activities (which we pretty much do all week long, ya know?)  we want to chat in the kitchen, while the kids (2 2yo's and 2 4yo's) play in the next room.

 

Quote:
 

 

 

Sorry, I can't figure out how the quote function works! But I think this is a key part of your problem. And I totally get what you're saying as my preference would be the same but I find it's just not possible to expect kids that young to entertain themselves in an acceptable fashion without a lot of supervision and direction. I have 4 boys under 5 myself and when it's just us, I can cook or do laundry and so forth without them trashing the house but when we have a playdate, I need to be a lot more hands-on. And when we go to someone else's house, I wouldn't dream of being in the kitchen drinking coffee while my kids were left to their own devices in another room, even though everyone always tells me they're impeccably well behaved.

 

The way I see it, you really have to think of your friend's kids as your guests too and just as you wouldn't invite a friend over and then neglect to entertain her with something to eat and drink, a place to sit, some conversation etc..., you have to make an equal effort to host the children and that really does mean interacting with them and either directing their play or at least directly supervising it. Hanging out with your kids and their friends also means they get to see you and your friend interacting on your playdate IYKWIM? And that's a great way to model good host and good guest behavior.

 

And FWIW, I definitely set limits on activities and toys and I definitely get all children involved to help pick up. I often fix things up myself later, but I think it's important that they make an initial effort.

minta is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off