Your partner's perspective on the "stuff" - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 11-21-2010, 10:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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What is your partner's perspective on the "stuff" in your house?  DH tends to think of all the "stuff" as mine.  I am talking about stuff like the children's winter gear, pool stuff, Christmas decorations, homeschooling books, sleeping bags, extra blankets, etc.  Things that I look at as the "family's stuff".  Things that we need to store, but don't use every day.  He gets annoyed at this stuff because we don't have very much storage space (old house).  But why is this "my" stuff?

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#2 of 11 Old 11-22-2010, 01:38 AM
 
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OMG..yes!  This is exactly what my DH always says to me, and it really gets under my skin.  Most of the stuff in this house is due to us having three children, yet when he has a rant about the cupboards and garage being so full, he always says "you have so much stuff". OK yes I do have so much stuff, but but so does he....and so do the children, and the vast majority of 'stuff' is just family stuff.

 

I wonder if that is a male thing or something? nut.gif

 

Perhaps because in most cases it is us (women) who have to do the shopping for most of the 'stuff', that they think it is all our stuff?


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#3 of 11 Old 11-22-2010, 09:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for the reply!  Yes, that is what my DH says too.  LOL.  I think it's because even though I work part-time now, he has mostly seen the kids and the house as my job.  I am the one home most of the time with the kids, and so it is somehow my stuff. 

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#4 of 11 Old 11-22-2010, 02:24 PM
 
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My Dh seems to think that, too.  He's not so overt about it, though, but when I say something like "ugh, we need to get rid of a lot of this stuff." sometimes he'll say something like "well, it's not my stuff that's taking up all that space..."  or act like he doesn't have any business helping me sort through stuff.  It's weird because he's the kind of husband that does a lot of helping out around the house (dishes, etc), but apparently it's all on me to sort through stuff. 

 

Funny this thread came up, I was just thinking about this the other day.  LOL


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#5 of 11 Old 11-23-2010, 03:06 AM
 
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We tend to have territories as well as assigning "stuff" to people. Not a lot of stuff is really acknowledged as "Family stuff". There's DD's stuff, there's my stuff, there's DH's stuff, and DW#2's stuff. Everything in the front room is arbitrarily designated as mine/DD's, as that's my craft room and DD's school room. DD's stuff tends to be my responsibility in some unspoken way, though as she's getting bigger there is concerted effort to get her to take her own possession of it.

 

DH, if you asked, would claim the DVD's were all his stuff (except for some that are DD's and a handful that are mine), and the electronics. The bedroom is his territory to keep tidy. DW#2 has a back corner of the main living room, where her desk is. Overall it's the most neutral/shared room in the house aside from the kitchen, though.

 

In the garage, my stuff dominates, because of the SCA camping gear. SCA is my hobby; DH hasn't had time to do it like, ever, and DW#2 has zero interest in it. DD participates, but really if I wasn't involved she wouldn't be, so aside from the bin with her armor, pretty much anything labeled SCA is my "stuff".

 

OTOH, there are assorted electronics leftovers, etc. out there, and the kegerator, etc. that are NOT my stuff.

 

It's really not terribly one sided if you look at the big picture. 


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#6 of 11 Old 11-24-2010, 01:52 PM
 
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Yes, DS's stuff, most family stuff and my stuff are all my responsibility.  We are in the midst of a house move / downsizing / decluttering and DH seems to have stalled.  I think he doesn't realise that what is left to declutter and organise is pretty much his stuff.  I can't really do anything else until he sorts out the rest of his stuff, but as I've kind of stopped the manic push he has too!  AS I've stated elsewhere on this forum, he really has no idea that he has more than his fair share of the space in this house.  He clearly sees the family stuff as my stuff (tools, linens, baby equipment, etc.)  so I guess he thinks the space is split about evenly?  Ugh, I'm just trying to work on it slowly and am deliberately not sorting out problem clutter areas - i.e. pulling books to edge of bookshelf so stuff doesn't get set on the shelves, not offering to hang more shelves for his CDs, taking shelves down and replacing with smaller bookcase.  I have stored the stuff I think is important and letting him come to the conclusion that all the stuff we still have isn't going to fit in the space left to put stuff.  Tedious, but I organised and built storage into every possible space in our last house and he just keeps crap if he doesn't have to think about it! 

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#7 of 11 Old 11-25-2010, 03:12 PM
 
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My husband doesn't seem to have much opinion about it.  He wants his own space to put his own things, but otherwise, doesn't care about the "stuff".


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#8 of 11 Old 11-27-2010, 06:09 AM
 
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Oh yes!It's my stuff until I get rid of it and then I got rid of his stuff.UHG!


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#9 of 11 Old 12-01-2010, 10:34 AM
 
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Well, it's OUR stuff.....but my DH has clutter blindness (seriously) so he doesn't see "stuff" the same way I do. I see things to get rid of and he just sees spaces with things in them.


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#10 of 11 Old 12-01-2010, 02:29 PM
 
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Boy, I don't know if we ever thought about this way?  I think whoever got the stuff out we end up calling it their stuff.  So if someone made a meal but didn't clean up after that then invariably someone else will come into the kitchen and say, "hey so-and-so, you left your stuff all over the kitchen" or if I get all the winter stuff down, even though none of it is mine (I keep my gloves and coat separately), if I haven't put it back or where it belongs my dh will say, "you left all your stuff out here", but on the other hand the same stuff will be called someone else's stuff if they get it out and leave a mess.  I think we all think it's all our stuff, we are very good with sharing things that have a home... but NO one wants to lay claim on a mess, no matter who actually might have purchased or gets the most use out of the items.  Even the cars, now that I think about it... we have two cars and one of them is the one my dh usually takes to work so we end up referring to it as his car and the other one is usually referred to as my car, however if we need to clean one or the other out for a trip it suddenly becomes 'our car' or 'the car' or family items in it become someone specific's item. 

 

Having written that I guess ultimately it sounds the same... if someone opens a cupboard and there is stuff falling out, it's bound to be someone else's stuff!  I think we are all just hoping somebody else can figure out what to do with it and maybe they will be more motivated if we tell them it belongs to them.  Although that never ever works....

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#11 of 11 Old 12-01-2010, 02:31 PM
 
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Yeah, I think DH thinks of a lot of it as mine- even though it's baby stuff. But, he has a lot of stuff in our storage room. He used to have an office (out of home) for his books and stuff but hasn't had one since we moved here. So, I can bug him about his stuff too!


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