Going for it...finally!!! - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 8 Old 01-15-2011, 10:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have been held back for so long to really downsize to my ultimate comfort of simplicity, mainly because I am married and hubby is just not onboard with a lifestyle of simplicity. I can understand and I am really not trying to force it onto him but at the same time, for the past few years, it's been all on my shoulders. I am done...simple as that. I can't do it anymore, I need to be happy too and I feel like I am just being used and ignored. After pleading, crying, asking ,throwing a fit and downright begging ,I decided to just move  forward and lead by example. I am super frustrated and frustration lead to just going in circles. I do feel I am entitled to some freedom, of time and wasting my energy. It is so difficult but I have to do something or else I am going to go crazy. Does anyone else relate? Please don't bash me, but be kind. Thanks.

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#2 of 8 Old 01-15-2011, 12:14 PM
 
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Yes I relate very much.  I feel exactly how you do, I've tried every tactic as well.  My partner wasn't about to help anytime soon with cleaning or decluttering, so I just starting getting rid of stuff like crazy.  It was getting out of control, and the constant messes were so stressful.  I haven't touched anything that's a personal item of his.  He actually seems to like what's going on though! So you never know, maybe it will turn out for the best.  Now that he sees how nice the extra/open space is, he even agreed to go through his t-shirts and get rid of the ones with holes finally... lol.

 

I think you're doing the right thing.  Well it's what I would do at least :P Hang in there :)

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#3 of 8 Old 01-17-2011, 02:10 PM
 
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you know i have asked my dh to go through things a lot but he never does. But one day i came home and he had finally started going through cabinets and shelves and organizing the electronic cords, etc, i think maybe just not forcing the idea and leading by example is the way to go.


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#4 of 8 Old 01-17-2011, 02:43 PM
 
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I have finally started doing this too. DH would previously not let me touch anything in his office, or throw any of his precious rags t-shirts. Also he has always made out that all the mess in this place is my fault!  But since I have got so much into decluttering, I have realised that he is just as much of a hoarder if not worse! 

 

I finally ignored his "don't touch any of that" while he was actually standing next to me in his office, just started picking up piles of stuff and saying well I am sure you don't need this, or that, for example and he had to admit that he didn't need any of these things, mostly old magazines and catalogues from years ago....so I just dumped all of it in the recycling! 

 

I also went through all his t-shirts and chucked about 15 of them...and he actually liked his shelf being tidy afterwards!


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#5 of 8 Old 01-17-2011, 05:46 PM
 
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I can also relate! My dh is a mess. Not sure that I would call him a hoarder (both of us grew up with parents that were) he is just disorganized, messy and bit of a slob - God bless him - and involved in tons of activities.

 

We have a small home and just don't have the space to live like that. He works out of the house and is very handy which means he has tons of tools etc.. He also does triathalons, bowls, skis, & hunts. All this equals tons of stuff. They way I handle it is if any stuff is left out in the shared part of the house I pick it up put it in the garage or in his office and then shut the door. We have a 1 car attached garage that is mainly his storage. I don't care if I can't park a car in there. The kids & I do put our bikes in there but the rest is all his. 

 

I have been trying to live by example, but would really like to take the simplicity further than I have. I just keep focusing on me and try to let the rest go. Even with my kids, sometimes I just close the door to their room and take a few nice breaths. Someday, I will get to the point where my energy isn't spent on stuff. I believe it will happen even if his office & the garage are both bursting at the seams with his stuff. 

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#6 of 8 Old 01-18-2011, 03:40 AM
 
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I would just like to report that leading by example is going well here.  I had bugged him for so long, I think over a year now, to clean up his desk and go through all his computer parts.  Since I started getting rid of so much of my and the kids stuff the last 2 weeks - he has now gone through all the computer parts and decided to sell about half (I didn't ask or anything!) Then after I went through all my CDs and computer games, and got rid of about 90%, we saw and went through his huge CD/comp game binder and put a bunch of those up for sale.  After I put my childhood baseball cards for sale, he decided to do the same a couple days later.  I'm not even going to say anything, I might ruin it! lol  I'm just glad it's happening.

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#7 of 8 Old 01-18-2011, 06:48 AM
 
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Leading by example seems to be working here too! I'd been after dh about decluttering for years and he always resisted it. Last year, I just started decluttering household stuff because I couldn't take all our stuff anymore. I still have lots to do, but the house is so much more organized and I'm doing a better job of keeping it clean. Recently I decided that I wasn't going to pressure dh anymore, that I was just going to be really positive about all the changes brought about by my simplifying. Since then, he has actually let a few things go (without my prompting) and has also told me that he wants to go through all his coats (he has at least 20 different winter coats and jackets!) and donate several. Nothing big, but it's a step in the right direction, and I think his being open to the idea of not keeping useless things around is progress in itself.

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#8 of 8 Old 01-22-2011, 05:22 AM
 
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Good luck, girls. You're leading the way for me. I can definitely get rid of a few things myself OK - MANY things- and then I'll worry about DH's stuff. 


Third generation WOHM. I work by choice.
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