I want a corner for myself. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 05-20-2011, 11:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I sit here typing- surrounded by DD's toys and other STUFF that always accumulates on my desk.   She has a whole ROOM for herself, but the stuff wanders out to my desk all. the. time. and it's driving me crazy. 

 

Has anyone successfully managed to carve out a space for themselves that doesn't get overrun by the  rest of the family?  I just want one small space... 

 

Taking them bac to her room only works for as long as it takes her to bring them back out. Making them disappear isn't an option, I don't want to deal with psychotic hysteria.  Having STUFF close to where she is and visible is important to her.  Since the younger kids get to the other surfaces, she seems to think my desk is the safe zone.  I wouldn't mind giving her a cubby within the desk, but that hasn't worked.

 

If I see one more Littlest Pet....  Aaaaargh!!!!!!!!!!!

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#2 of 11 Old 05-20-2011, 01:35 PM
 
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How old is your DD?  Is she old enough to understand that the desk is for Mommy's items only?  If so, you might consider holding unwanted "visitors" to your desk until she can ransom them.  The ransom may be an extra chore, or a nickel, or whatever you feel to be age/developmentally appropriate.  Yes, she may throw a fit initially, but I'm sure she'll figure it out pretty quick if you stick to your guns.  Also, make sure you provide her with an alternate space...  Maybe you can provide her with a table that's tall enough for the littlest ones not to grab things off of, but low enough for your DD to reach?


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#3 of 11 Old 05-20-2011, 01:51 PM
 
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I have a nook in the kitchen that's all mine. I put ONE comfy chair and ottoman in there and that's where I go when I need to get away. I never told anyone it's mine, but really only one person at a time can sit comfortably. winky.gif

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#4 of 11 Old 05-20-2011, 03:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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She's 9, but has Aspergers and one of her hangups is having to see her stuff.  I've reasoned with her, but she 'forgets' every time.   I am wary of ransoming things with her because it tends to push her further than she is emotionally able to handle (think true hysteria.) 

 

I really like the Idea of providing her with an alternative that is out of reach though, so I'm asking her Grandfather to help me build an elevated shelf for her to use that is above toddler reach.  That might just do it. Sadly, no table will ever be out of reach, the littles are both climbers to the extreme.  One of them is the child I found on the fridge before he was 18 months old. 

 

I've been really hung up on wanting them out of my space and didn't even think about it beyond, "but you have a whole ROOM for your stuff!!" It's funny how we get caught on one piece of a problem and don't look at better solutions. 

 

My desk had been sequestered in a quiet corner of my kitchen but I moved it out to the main living room a few months ago to better be able to multitask while watching the kids.  I miss my quiet corner, but I don't think I can carve one out again for another year or so.  :(

 

 

 

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#5 of 11 Old 05-20-2011, 07:39 PM
 
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Don't forget that your needs count too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by insidevoice View Post

She's 9, but has Aspergers and one of her hangups is having to see her stuff.  I've reasoned with her, but she 'forgets' every time.   I am wary of ransoming things with her because it tends to push her further than she is emotionally able to handle (think true hysteria.) 

 

I really like the Idea of providing her with an alternative that is out of reach though, so I'm asking her Grandfather to help me build an elevated shelf for her to use that is above toddler reach.  That might just do it. Sadly, no table will ever be out of reach, the littles are both climbers to the extreme.  One of them is the child I found on the fridge before he was 18 months old. 

 

I've been really hung up on wanting them out of my space and didn't even think about it beyond, "but you have a whole ROOM for your stuff!!" It's funny how we get caught on one piece of a problem and don't look at better solutions. 

 

My desk had been sequestered in a quiet corner of my kitchen but I moved it out to the main living room a few months ago to better be able to multitask while watching the kids.  I miss my quiet corner, but I don't think I can carve one out again for another year or so.  :(

 

 

 



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#6 of 11 Old 05-20-2011, 10:17 PM
 
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This is so true. Mums think they are doing their family a favour by putting their own needs last, but that is really not the case.

We need to be role models, to be a mirror for our children. So instead of feeling selfish for looking after our own needs, we need to remind ourselves that we are teaching our children the value of self respect and caring for our selves.

Although she has Aspergers, at the age of 9 she still needs to learn some boundaries. I do hope there is some way you can do this without too much hysteria! Good luck.

 


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Don't forget that your needs count too.

 

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#7 of 11 Old 05-21-2011, 06:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am very bad at putting my needs anywhere on the priority list.  I'm working on it, but I readily admit that it isn't a great strength for  me.  I need to really look at why that is.  I did manage to reclaim my desk for now, and we'll see what happens throughout the rest of the day. 

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#8 of 11 Old 05-21-2011, 07:52 AM
 
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Insidevoice, I thought about you this morning while I was reading the newspaper in my kitchen nook. I hope that you too can find some space for yourself. hug.gif

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#9 of 11 Old 05-21-2011, 07:53 AM
 
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I pulled the couch away from the wall a few feet and walled in some space behind it for myself, by narrowing my old sleeping loft, and closing it in.  There's just enough room inside for me to sit on the floor, and keep a few of my special things.  I really need it, for my own sanity, even if I don't actually get to spend much time in there.  But my computer is outside of this space. 

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#10 of 11 Old 05-21-2011, 01:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We are in the process of moving, and one of the things I have declared a 'must' is a nook or some space I can claim as just mine.   I talked with DH about it and he agreed that it sounded like  I really need to maintain some space for myself going forward. We have three kids now (+ 1 in December) so I have no illusions of privacy for a while yet.   

 

Very sweetly, he purchased a big chair and a half from a friend who is moving away and has set it aside to be part of my space after I move.  Now I just need a room to put it in!

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#11 of 11 Old 05-21-2011, 01:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by insidevoice View Post

We are in the process of moving, and one of the things I have declared a 'must' is a nook or some space I can claim as just mine.   I talked with DH about it and he agreed that it sounded like  I really need to maintain some space for myself going forward. We have three kids now (+ 1 in December) so I have no illusions of privacy for a while yet.   

 

Very sweetly, he purchased a big chair and a half from a friend who is moving away and has set it aside to be part of my space after I move.  Now I just need a room to put it in!


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