Flylady failure Roll Call - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 03-28-2005, 01:55 AM - Thread Starter
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I really wanted to be a successful flylady. I have timers all over my house. I wear my shoes. Unfortunately, the only thing clean in my house is the @#!!!!%*** sink!!!

I have, a puppy, a toddler, a messy and creative husband, an extremely muddy backyard, and a back entrance that leads right into my kitchen from my muddy backyard. My husband and I both work full time at emotionally and physically demanding jobs that pay very little.

I read all those testimonials about women whose lives are exceedingly more difficult than mine whose houses are "Five star hotel quality" and I just feel defeated.

I can't get past the sink. I am officially whining.

We get home from work at about 6:30. The dog is frantic with excitement and desperately needs to be played with. My son is tired and cranky and needs to nurse. We are all starving. My husband rushes off to pay attention to the dog. I have to pee when we get in the door. My son is crying and clinging to my leg. He settles himself by unraveling a roll of toilet paper. The dog comes bounding over, knocking over my son, who is now crying again. She settles herself by shredding the roll of unwound toilet paper all over the house.My husband is yelling that the dog peed on the floor right after he brought her in from the outside. I am trying to help my son up, but I haven't even pulled up my pants yet.

When dinner is finally made, and eaten, it is a minor miracle. Ideally, one of us gives my son a bath while the other cleans up. This is where I try to implement my flylady routines. Ha!! It takes one of us almost a whole evening to clean the kitchen, oh and of course, 'polish the sink till it shines'. That is, the kitchen might get cleaned, as long as my son demands no personal attention whatsover, the dog doesn't chew up a dirty diaper all over our freshly made bed, or some other disgusting thing. So, most nights I go to be feeling exhausted, frustrated and defeated. All I do is clean! I would Love to spend less time feeling overwhelmed with housework, but the truth is I feel like I can't keep up most of the time. I feel bitterness reading the flylady testimonials. For months I haven't been able to get beyond the sink cleaning. Something has to give. I do have high standards for housecleaning, but out of necessity I have had to let it all slide. I am not looking for advice really, just others in the same boat, so we can cope together.

I know I should be cleaning the muddy kitchen floor right now, my son is sleeping, but I don't want to, I'm tired!!!!

Good night everyone! Thanks for listening!

: Natalie
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#2 of 12 Old 03-28-2005, 09:47 AM
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mama. I hear you. I've never done Flylady - I read it, chuckled heartily, and went about my business. But, I know the frustration of being expected to keep a spotless house among the chaos of daily life - and I'm a SAHM. I can't even begin to imagine it if I WOH. Not too long ago, I had a new baby, a toddler... and I took in a puppy. It was much like you describe, but all day every day. Now we are puppyless, but I still find it very frustrating to keep up. My Mom visited two days last week so I could clean. I had the house nice and clean... and now, four days later, it's pretty well trashed again. And, I know I'll be able to do a little something today, but it feels so fruitless looking around and seeing everything that needs doing and trying to pick the one or two things that I can actually accomplish. I should be straightening up this office/playroom right now, I guess, since my tea water is still boiling and Anika is letting me have my hands free for a few minutes... *sigh* off to do that, I suppose.
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#3 of 12 Old 03-28-2005, 09:58 AM
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hi mamas.. i'm a multiple flylady flunkie. some of her ideas have really helped. i have a chart on my cabinet with very detailed daily lists - it helps me to not forget what i want to do and not get overwhelmed. i usually don't do it all, but i can see what i've done and what's been neglected a while.

the best thing flylady ever said was "right away is the easy way" and i try to remember that if something takes 30 seconds or less to put away, put it away! my problem is clutter and that helps. of course, 30 seconds is an eternity when the dog and baby are loud and demanding.

my mom took our dog, lucky for us. it was a very very big help to be relieved of the pet. we love him, but he wasn't getting the life he deserved.

there are several nice alternative flylady groups - like "flying without shoes" or ap flylady or alt-flylady. these mamas want to make the flylady ideas work but not at the expense of their family's emotional needs. maybe they can give you suggetsions.

amy in YS
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#4 of 12 Old 03-28-2005, 10:34 AM
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But I do great with the "Messies".

Sandra Felton - I love her books.

I read her first book years ago. I love her "Mount Vernon" cleaning method. You see she once found out how they clean George Washington's home - Mount Vernon. They clean for a specified amount of time - UNTIL they open. So it goes, day after day. So, if you started at the front door and cleaned until you reached the kitchen or wherever your goal was, then you stop. Then the next day, you start where you stopped and go until you have reached your time period for that day, and so it goes, etc.

There is more to it, but it works better than anything. Fly Lady overwhelms me... Although I think she is great.

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#5 of 12 Old 03-28-2005, 12:55 PM
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Another Fly Lady dropout here. It's only me, DH, 6 month old DS and the cats but I still can't really keep up. The best thing I took away was setting a timer - I can set the stove timer for 15 minutes and clean a room until it goes off. It doesn't really take that long and I'm always amazed at what a difference it makes in the room. That is, until we actually use that room again.

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#6 of 12 Old 03-28-2005, 06:44 PM
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Count me in too - I just can't get it all done. I use the timer, and that helps get me going, and sometimes weeks can go by with the kitchen clean all the time, but at other times (like now) I fall off the wagon hard, and just can't keep up. Too much stuff, too many kids, too many obligations, too much running around. Even the days that I devote to all things domestic don't really seem to get me ahead. I'm just not good at juggling, even with baby steps, I can't seem to get the house to a general state of calm and order - if one room is good, another is so-so, another is horrific. And the speed of which the so-so rooms can become horrific is amazing.

I'm sure the Flylady would say that clutter has me down, but I've been seriously, determinedly decluttering for what feels like months now, and it's still a struggle.
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#7 of 12 Old 03-28-2005, 07:48 PM
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I don't have clutter either. I have four kids and our total toys fit into one blue recycling box. We don't have tons of stuff because I don't like stuff.

But I can't keep on top of house cleaning. And I guess if it was a priority for me, I'd figure it out. But it's obviously not. I just re-subscribed to flylady this past weekend and unsubscribed again this morning. I can't get myself to care enough. I guess I've just learned to live with low standards. Oh well.

There's a time and a season for everything. Before we had kids our house was in decent shape. But they can wreck a room so fast. I got up early this morning and cleaned the kitchen (dishes, counters, swept and mopped, etc.) and two hours later it looked like crap again, which breaks my heart. Why should I keep killing myself if it doesn't make any difference?

I guess it's just not my thing right now. And I'm ashamed of that, but I can't seem to change it. The guilt doesn't motivate me either. Ugghh.

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#8 of 12 Old 04-07-2005, 12:25 PM
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I gave up on flylady long ago.......
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#9 of 12 Old 04-07-2005, 01:07 PM
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She lost me with "now fill your sink with bleach...". Yuck! I am pretty good about cleaning my sink, but I use bs/borax and whatever lemon halves are getting all dried out in the fridge! :LOL

Also, keeping shoes OUT of the house is probably the number one thing that helps to keep the dirt at bay. We used to wear our shoes in our apt, but I institued a no shoes rule once we moved to our house. It really has made a big difference. I understand where she's coming from with the shoe thing, but then maybe have shoes that ONLY get worn in the house. No shoes is also one of the easiest and best things you can do to keep toxins out of your home.

One little trick that works for me is "don't leave the room empty handed". There is always something that needs to go to another room.

I'm a Virgo - I would really love a lot more order and cleanliness in my house. I think that if I lived alone, I might even be a bit of a clean freak. But I live with a pack rat, a 3 year old and a cat who misses the litter box.

Clean enough to be healthy, dirty enough to be happy. That's my motto. Sure, a clean organized house would probably make me feel great - but not at the expense of our family's sanity. What do you want people to remember when you're gone - the time you spent with them, or your clean "5 star hotel" house?
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#10 of 12 Old 04-07-2005, 04:52 PM
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Our home is very lived in. We keep it clean enough to not have bugs but I do have dust and cat hair dust bunnies under my kitchen counters right now.

I don't remember growing up if our house was clean or dirty. What I do remember, vividly, is my mom snapping/freaking out on the weekends to get us to help her clean. We laugh about it now but it was very stressful then. My mom writes most of it off to pain from a back injury but I also think part of it is she was trying to live up to some standard that was unreachable.

I won't let a cluttered, lived-in house get in the way of a happy, supportive and loving home. As our son grows up I know we'll have more time to clean but I try to keep it in perspective and look over it when I'm enjoying time with my son and dh.
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#11 of 12 Old 04-07-2005, 05:54 PM
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Cheshire, I think we may have had the same mom.

I'm with you, though, that the house being clean comes AFTER the people who live in the house are well connected and taken care of.

I have goals of getting the dishes washed daily, the floors vacuumed twice weekly (dog hair - uck), and the horizontal surfaces dusted one a week. The bathroom is DH's responsibility, but I will wipe down the sink and mirror when I get a chance and see it can use some spiffing up.

I tend to be prompt in putting things away - just a quirk of mine. So there isn't a whole lot of clutter. I like to have a place for everything and everything in its place. My rule is if the item doesn't have a place then it shouldn't be in our home.

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#12 of 12 Old 04-08-2005, 09:41 PM
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I had to end my affair with flylady. This is why...once i would read all of her emails, I would have no time left to clean. Mabey I will check back and see if I can cancel the emails

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