kids sharing room or not? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 07-10-2005, 02:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just found this forum and you all are so inspiring! I am quickly becoming a declutter junkie. any chance I get I am scooting things right out to a box in the garage to give away. Almost obsessed with it, but trying to stay in balance b/c dd1 and dh REALLY like to hang onto things. I am trying to lead by example and hope they learn to release.

anyway, I am debating the shared room vs. own room topic for my kids. This is in relation to how clutter free it can keep the rooms. we have a small house with 3 bedrooms but not much playspace in the living room. so I have made one room a play room and the other 2 are for sleeping and our office. my kids are 4 years apart, both girls. developmentally, they play with much different things. i wonder if they each have their own room, if it would be neater b/c age-appropriate things would have their place in that particular room. or if it's best to just keep all the toy craziness in one location.
we would still all sleep together, but the dd2 could have the office as part of her "room" until she gets big enough that it bums her out, having a file cabinet in her space.

has anyone explored this? what do you do?

thanks
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#2 of 12 Old 07-10-2005, 10:25 AM
 
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Maybe...do they NEVER play together? I read an article by a mom of a boy and a girl who would play in his room, trash that, and then move to her room and mess up THAT room.

I think having each person have a daily clean up routine, however simple, is also key.

For kids releasing stuff...have you tried the no-new-things until you release the same number of old things? Works for my kids.

I'll be watching to see what people say too!

Take the time to heal from your marriage before you move on with someone else. Make a list of all the qualities you would like in a new partner and then work on growing that way yourself. ~mandib50
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#3 of 12 Old 07-11-2005, 12:59 AM
 
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Well, my girls are sharing a room but that's out of necessity- 2 bedroom apt with 4 people means nobody gets their own room!!!

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
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#4 of 12 Old 07-11-2005, 01:06 AM
 
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I say share a room and have places for each of their personal things that they want in that room. Maybe divide the 'playroom' so each child has a space to call her own?

If we ever plan on having another we will have a shared bedroom. I hate the idea of going alone to one's room. But, I feel the same with having a TV or computer in the bedroom, it just takes away from the 'family experience'.
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#5 of 12 Old 07-12-2005, 10:56 PM
 
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I *love* having my boys share a room. It's still working really well, even thought my older son is 12 and his little bro is 9. Every night I tuck them in, then lie with them for 1/2 hour, 45 minutes or so; and what wonderful laughing fits and conversations we have! (After school, if I ask them how their day was, it's just "fine." in a monotone). All of a sudden, at bedtime, with all three of us in the dark room, the floodgates open! I hear all their funny ideas, concerns, worries, etc; and I'm able to talk to them about any issues that they're worried about.

And when I say goodnight, they lie there giggling and making jokes (usually about butts and farts, even at this age!) until I call to them to go to sleep.

I know my 12 yr. old is going to want his own space soon. But I am firmly dedicated to the idea of keeping them together as long as possible. It makes for a more intimate and fun bedtime for them. And that's about all the time they spend it their room! If they didn't sleep in the same room, I don't think they'd be as close.

If we ever can move into a place with enough bedrooms, I guess I'll have my oldest ds in his own room as a teen, and put my second ds in with his little baby brother, who's 7 years younger. I really think it helps them developmentally, to have this intimacy with their siblings. Heck, most of the world's population sleeps together in one room with the entire family! Look on the Simple Living forum for more on simplifying in ways that make your life more meaningful!

Oh, about their stuff. We keep big stuff in the garage, little stuff in baskets in the living room (which is also the playroom and looks like one), and their school things and clothes and books in their room.

Kathleen E.
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#6 of 12 Old 07-12-2005, 11:06 PM
 
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Dd and ds (age 3) share a room. But it has two twin beds, 1 bureau, a bedside table, and THAT'S IT! No toys in the bedrooms at all. Not only does this help keep things very neat and tidy in their small bedroom, but I truly believe this is what has kept them napping past their third birthday, i.e., no distractions plus they don't associate being in their bedroom with playing.
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#7 of 12 Old 07-12-2005, 11:10 PM
 
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Well, growing up my sister and I had one room for all the toy craziness and we shared our bedroom our whole lives until I left for college.

From my perspective:

I liked that out sleeping space was just for that...no real distractions, just a mirror, a hamper, a few stuffed animals on out beds, and a book or two. We didn't hang out in there because there wasn't room and there was no furniture besides the beds.

And I agree with the pp's, my sister and I were much closer because of sharing a room. I missed her being there when I went off to college.

Our play room was a joyful place with all of our toys, music, mattress on the floor to jump on, etc. Usually messy, but not horribly so. Always fun

The only tough thing, and it really was an issue and I didn't realize it until years later, was that as a teenager I had NO personal space. All phone conversations, friend visiting, etc., took place in the public space of our house. It made me feel...displaced? stifled? vulnerable an on display? I don't know, but it wasn't a positive thing for me at that stage. Our room was decorated without our input, and we just slept and dressed there.

You could have them in the same room with a seperate play room until they outgrow toys...then they'll need some space and you can use the playroom as the second bedroom at that point. That would work, right?

Karin, mom to W (6.5) and wife to B.Babywearing Educator serving New England since 2005. NBPBWI-trained
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#8 of 12 Old 07-16-2005, 02:03 AM
 
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I would never ever ever ever ever do this again. My poor boys have to share because we had a third baby in a 3 bedroom house and they hate it and I hate it and it just doesnt work at all.

they dont have a lot of toys as I hate toys everywhere but they're 10 and 8 and they hate not having their own space. They have small stuff that takes up little room - like gameboys and a gamecube and not a lot of "stuff" but sharing one built in robe with 2 boys is a nightmare and when they do want something that needs to be kept away from their 2 year old sister they have nowhere to do so because they cant fit any furniture in their room apart from the bunk bed and a chest of drawers.

It will push us out of this house very soon and under NO circumustances would I buy a house that doesnt have 4 bedrooms and a study next time.
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#9 of 12 Old 07-16-2005, 09:52 AM
 
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I plan on ds and this baby to share a room. We are buying a house with 3 bedrooms-
We have 2 kids. I plan on transferring ds to a double bed soon- and then when baby is big enough and wants to can tranfer to there with him- same bed.
this is my dream. I am doing the room in animals( gn) and ds's favorite thing. I will have to find a way to incorporate new babys favorite things in there too.
Of course when baby #2 wants his/her own room- we will oblige!
I am not really doing this out of space concerns- but out of the hope that they- like above posters- can be close and not have to sleep alone( and not with me!!!)
How does gender play a factor in this situation?
Like how long can boy and girl bro sis share a bed- or room?
thanks
Emilie
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#10 of 12 Old 07-16-2005, 10:22 AM
 
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I've got two boys 7 and 10 in a double bedroom and it is chaos!!!
There is no where for their toys, they are on the back verandah atm, And although they share clothes they just don't all fit in one built in.
We did the toy room thing for a while before DH took over the room and it meant they had two rooms to trash.
BUT, they want to share a room so that's how it goes
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#11 of 12 Old 07-17-2005, 01:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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momtwice, your comment cracked me up...I can imagine the trashing of one room and thensystematically destroying the next...and on and on...they are relentless at times

I appreciate the feedback from you all. my dream is to have them share a sleeping room and also a playroom. I think that sharing sleep is so cozy and will keep them close (I know partly b/c my dh and I don't sleep in the same room now and it is having an impact) as they age. I have always liked the idea of a bedroom being only for bed (and maybe one dresser and of course some books)

I guess my frustration lies not so much with the messiness of the playroom (b/c I can deal with that by implementing clean up times, organization, etc..) but that at this point , it seems to have become a huge closet!!! stuff is stored in there and even though it is a beautiful fun room to be in, they (particularly my oldest-a 6 y.o.) drag everything out to play in the living room/dining room . so the room is not used and that seems like a waste of a cool room. for some reason they dont think it is a beautiful fun room!! maybe I need :LOL feng shui for kids!!! :LOL
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#12 of 12 Old 07-18-2005, 02:33 PM
 
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To the poster above who hates having her kids share a room: it certainly is much harder if the kids have to give up space that they've had before in order to make room for baby. Naturally that would cause resentment and ill feelings; and the kids aren't used to it. My kids, on the other hand, slept with us in our bed until the older one was 8 and the younger 5; they then had the great exciting good fortune to be offered the prospect of having their very own bedroom to share. Boy was that fun! And we still have fun in there, every night, laughing it up or talking. New baby has his own room now, as he turned out to be such a bad co-sleeper; but he'll share with his next-oldest bro when the time comes.

I repeat (or did I not already say it?), most of the world sleeps in one room with the entire family.

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