WWYD? Housekeeper/cleaning question - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 6 Old 09-14-2005, 03:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We just found out I'm pg with #3! Oy! The boys are 3.5 and 16 months, so I have my hands full. Morning sickness is more or less got me couch bound right now, it's pretty bad.

My brother in law lived with us for 3 months this summer, and I just 'kicked' him out to our other house last week cause he was too much work for me (slob!). I was dying to get our house all cleaned back up and organized the way I like it. He was staying here while I decided to take summer school classes so he could help with the kids - which turned out badly, and destroyed my organized spotless house. I couldn't keep up with his crap everywhere.

So now my house is a cluttered, messy, dirty disaster and I have no energy to do anything about it. I get sick when I move and dizzy non stop, but the mess drives me crazy.

I talked to DH about it, and he thinks I should hire a part time nanny so I can have help with the boys and rest, and he'll take care of the mess when he gets home from work. I hate the idea of someone else with the boys while I more or less just lie there (feeling lazy & useless). Also, DH is a slow cleaner, and he doesn't do things so that they're decluttered, which I like clear horizontal surfaces. I'm a neat freak - yep.

I want to hire a housekeeper to come clean up the mess, and get DH to help me declutter crap. He thinks that's a waste of money to hire someone to clean when he can. I'd rather he spend time with me & the boys when he gets home. I'm very lonely right now. I can't leave the house, I can't do anything, so I look forward to him coming home.

What would you do? My morning sickness always seems to last until about 16 weeks, not just the usual 12, and I'm only 8.5 weeks now, so something has to change for the next few weeks.

I feel like the boys are watching too much tv (usually Austin's only allowed 30 mins of tv a couple times a week), and they're not getting enough stimulation or attention. We try to get everything set up in a zone by the couch in the am so we're good to go all day, but they're used to playing at the park, outside, all over the house, cooking with me, etc... and now I can't do anything. I feel like a crappy mama, and I need something to get better so I can feel less useless. I know morning sickness will end eventually, but in the meantime I just end up getting depressed about what a failure as a wife/mom/housekeeper I am.

I thought of asking some ladies from church for help, but honestly I'm humiliated at how pathetic me & my house are. Plus they have young kids of their own to take care of.

Any suggestions are welcome...
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#2 of 6 Old 09-14-2005, 04:01 PM
 
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NAK, but how about a mother's helper type nanny who could clean and entertain the kids for a bit?
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#3 of 6 Old 09-14-2005, 04:55 PM
 
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Easier said than done, but I'd look for someone who is willing to do both childcare and housework. Then, from your couch "command center" you can direct her as to organizing/cleaning tasks and, when the boys need a change of scenery, she can take them somewhere. It sounds like you and your husband have different cleaning "styles" and it seems like a recipe for marital discord for you to be stranded on the couch while he cleans in a way that bothers you.
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#4 of 6 Old 09-14-2005, 05:15 PM
 
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If he's willing to pay for a nanny, why not a cleaner instead? I'd just pick the one that you feel you need more, since he's ok with you hiring help.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
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#5 of 6 Old 09-14-2005, 06:41 PM
 
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I agree, hire someone to do both (although a housekeeper may not meet yuor standards for cleaning either. something to consider). That way she can clean for a while, then take a break and take the boys outside to play. since you have had some rest you may even be able to clean and organize a bit. and lay down and rest some more before they get back etc alternating responsibilities through out the day.

In the end if my dh was offering to hire help I would let him take the resonsibilities he wanted and be happy he was helping.

another thought would be hiring an organizer. there is a thread here somewhere about it. I htink she has priobably had her appointment by nw and can tell you how it went. that may be the boost you need with occaisional babysitting help for when you are too sick to take them anywhere.

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#6 of 6 Old 09-15-2005, 06:52 AM
 
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Quote:
I want to hire a housekeeper to come clean up the mess, and get DH to help me declutter crap. He thinks that's a waste of money to hire someone to clean when he can. I'd rather he spend time with me & the boys when he gets home. I'm very lonely right now. I can't leave the house, I can't do anything, so I look forward to him coming home.

What would you do?
I'd use the next conversation you have on this as "honey, i've been thinking" and then go to town stroking his ego on how you want to spend time with him other than cleaning since the baby will come and you REALLY won't be having time for him. He knows..hehe. I'd also tell him what you just wrote above. It makes complete sense why you wouldn't want a nanny. You want your time with them too and NEED it.


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but in the meantime I just end up getting depressed about what a failure as a wife/mom/housekeeper I am.
Honey, please don't be so hard on yourself. We women take on too much on our shoulders. I know it's easier said than done too..I've been there. You are a baby oven atm and your main job is not wife/housekeeper atm but to let that baby grow as healthy as it can. The wife/housekeeper thing needs to take a backseat since you can't do everything or be everything to everyone atm.


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I thought of asking some ladies from church for help, but honestly I'm humiliated at how pathetic me & my house are. Plus they have young kids of their own to take care of.
I dunno, if someone at my church asked for help, I would. I mean it's not like you are just doing it to be lazy. You are pregnant! Most people who have had kids understand. Plus it might make sense to get a housekeeper and then just have your kids go with the church women and their families to the park. This is a good solution that can be worked if you can make it work.

Good luck,


Sherra
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